Timothy Shay Arthur

“ But, if she believe herself to be sincerely loved for herself alone, by one who possesses intelligence, manly virtue, and tastes that harmonize with her own, and she truly and sincerely love him in return, let her accept the offer of his hand, even if he have not a tithe of the wealth that has fallen to her lot.
In marriage there should always exist a harmonizing equality in intellect, education, taste, and habits of thinking. No woman should ever accept the hand of a man of weaker intellect and grosser tastes than herself; for a union with him would be an unnatural one. ”

“ Where there is a regard for religion, it forms the central idea in the mind; and a difference on a matter of so much importance cannot fail, at some time or other, to producer a jar of discord. It may not come until the interests of children are to be regarded, when one or the other will have to yield in a matter involving principles felt to be of the most vital importance. Who shall yield? Can the mother, in conscience, consent to have her children instructed in doctrines that she believes will lead them far away into the mazes of error, and endanger their best and highest interests? ”

“ Viewed in this light, the importance of not admitting any but men of known excellence of character as visiting friends will be clearly seen; for it may happen, that, if this rule be not followed, the most unsuitable, because the most unprincipled of all, may be the one who makes the offer of marriage; and the young woman thus addressed may be led, from being flattered by the preference and dazzled by a specious exterior, to forget or disbelieve the common estimation in which he is every where held, and accept an offer that may entail upon her a lifetime of regrets, perhaps of misery. ”

“ But if reading be confined to these alone, there is danger of becoming cold and unsympathizing—of living in an intellectual world, more than in a real world of people, with like thoughts and like affections with ourselves. It is here that well-wrought fiction comes in with a humanizing tendency; giving to man a love for his fellow-man, and inspiring him with a wish to do good. In history, travels, and biography, we see man on the outside, as it were, and regard him at a distance, as a thinking and effective being ”

“ To be religious is not to be an ascetic, nor is it necessary to give up any of the pleasures or orderly enjoyments of life. The world, not the cloister, is the place where religion can alone find a permanent abiding-place—a real growth. What is called the religion of the cloister is no religion at all, but mere selfishness—a retiring from actual duty in the world, into an imaginary state of sanctimoniousness. It is only in life’s actualities, in the real every-day business and social contact of man with man, that there can be any genuine religious growth; for religion is love to the neighbor ”

“ We cannot believe that any woman truly loves her husband, who leaves all these matters to the cook or the housekeeper. What do they know of his peculiar tastes, or, knowing, care? They do their part for hire; but she should do her part for love, and love is ever seeking some new mode of blessing its object.
How there is any thing more degrading in making up and baking a loaf of bread, for instance, or in thinking about and giving directions for a dinner, than in selling goods over the counter, is something inconceivable to us. ”

“ At school, we merely acquire the means to be used in that true and higher order of education which every one must gain for himself. It matters not how many studies a young lady may have pursued at school, nor how thoroughly she may have mastered all she attempted to learn: if, after leaving school, she do not read, observe, and think, she will never make an intelligent woman.
In every company a young lady will find two classes of persons, distinctly separated from each other. ”

“ If, when this time come, through her youthful folly and indiscretion, her health be gone, her lot will be a sad one indeed. Pain and disability will attend the performance of even the most trifling duty, and she will be a burden to herself, and the source of anxiety and grief to her nearest and best friends; and, it may be, just as the tenderest ties that can bind a woman to earth are formed, death will rudely break them asunder. ”

“ There is scarcely a single action that is not felt, with the good or evil that appertains to it, by others. If, from any cause, we perform our allotted offices in the world defectively, we do others a wrong; and defect must attend every effort, which is not made and continued in an orderly way. If the mother have no habits of order, will not her children suffer in consequence? If the wife have similar defects, will they not be felt by her husband? Such must be the inevitable result, not only in these instances, but in every thing that pertains to a woman’s domestic and social relations. ”

“ Let every young wife remember, that, to be truly happy, both herself and her husband must be governed by religious principles in all their conduct towards each other and society. If they give themselves up to a mere life of pleasure, they will commit a great mistake; for pleasure, sought as an end, always defeats itself. To do this is to act from mere selfishness—a motive entirely unworthy of the human mind. The majority of young persons who marry do not seem to have any idea of the true importance of the relation they have assumed. ”

“ If, on the contrary, she approve and they object, let her seriously consider the ground of their objections, and if they stand against his moral character, and are undoubtedly true, let her, as she values their happiness, respect their objections. But if they are merely extrinsic, and do not touch his character and personal fitness to make her happy, and she is calmly and deeply conscious of loving him with a pure, fervent, and undying love, that has its origin in a knowledge and regard for his moral excellences, let her not reject his offer. ”

“ Now, let any sensible woman reflect upon the nature of this difference, and she will at once see that the claim of equality which is set up is altogether an erroneous one, and that the attempt to make woman equal in the way some contend that she should be, would be to do the greatest possible wrong, both to herself and society. That she has not the strong intellectual power that man possesses, no woman, but one blinded by her own pride and self-love, will for a moment attempt to maintain. There are men of weak intellect, and women of strong intellect ”

“ All his neglect, outrage, and passion, she bears with meek endurance, loving on with a deeper and more fervent love; and she is, in most cases, at last rewarded by a union with one from whom such a woman as she is said to be, would shrink in disgust and horror. This union is represented as the high reward of her devotion, and the writer generally has the unblushing effrontery to tell us that she is supremely happy. As well could an angel be happy in the arms of a spirit from the bottomless pit! ”

“ The true spirit of religion, we have said, is the love of being useful to others. This love no one has naturally. We are all lovers of ourselves more than lovers of God, and lovers of the world more than lovers of our neighbor; and it is hard for us to conceive how there is any real pleasure to be found in denying our own selfish desires in order to seek the good of another. A very little experience, however, will make us plainly see that the inward delight arising from the consciousness of having done good to another is the sweetest of all delights we have ever known. ”

“ She will become, more and more, a true woman; will grow wiser, and better, and happier. Her path through the world will be as a shining light, and all who know her will call her blessed. Who would not wish to lead such a life? Who does not desire to return from disorder and misery, to order and happiness? ”

“ Music is an accomplishment usually valuable as a home enjoyment, as rallying round the piano the various members of a family, and harmonizing their hearts, as well as their voices, particularly in devotional strains. I know no more agreeable and interesting spectacle than that of brothers and sisters playing and singing together those elevated compositions in music and poetry which gratify the taste and purify the heart, while their parents sit delighted by. ”

“ If we let it lie inactive in our minds, it will do us no good. How quickly does a young lady lose her power over the piano, if she neglect the instrument! How soon is a language forgotten, if we do not attempt to speak or write it! And this is true of nearly every thing that is acquired at school. It lies merely in the outer court of the memory, and does not enter and make any permanent impression upon the mind, until it is practised and made useful in every-day life.
We often hear it said of a woman, in society, that she is a well-educated woman ”

“ It is impossible for us to act in society without in some way affecting others, and according to the ends which govern us will be the quality of our acts. If we have a generous regard for others in what we do, we shall be sure to make others happy; but if only a regard for ourselves, we shall as certainly, in something, trespass upon the rights or feelings of others. In the society of her light-hearted friends, a young lady will often find herself tempted to say, or respond affirmatively to, a disparaging word of an absent one ”

“ Whenever we compel ourselves to do right, we come into new and better states, and are then enabled to persevere in well-doing from the warmth of a genuine affection, rather than from a coercive sense of duty. This truth should be laid up in the memory of every young lady; it will encourage her to well-doing even under the disheartening sense of a want of high and generous motives, which we all sometimes feel. ”