Various

“ My experiences are therefore unique, and it is in the hope that they may to some extent profit a younger generation, less inured, I fear, to hardship and danger than my own, that I now set pen to paper and recount some of the exploits that have made my name famous wherever sport is loved and true sportsmen are revered.
A less modest man might have said more, but one whose deeds speak for him in every quarter of the world may well be content to leave to punier men the ridiculous trumpeting braggadocio that too often makes so-called sportsmen the laughing stock of society. ”

“ For myself, I can never forget the lesson I learned at an early age from my dear father, himself a shikari of no common order, though to be sure, as he himself would be the first to admit if he were alive, the exploits of the son (I had no brothers) have now thrust the parental performances into the background. Still, it was my father who first inculcated upon my infant mind the daring, the ignorance of fear, the contempt of danger, and the iron endurance which have since made me a household word. Heaven rest the old man! ”

“ Nevertheless, we are not without suspicion that Sir William Harcourt shares the peculiarity of Carlyle, of whom you will remember his wife shrewdly remarked that "his love for silence is platonic." If you keep your ears open and your mouth shut, you may probably, before long, hear the familiar voice resounding from a public platform. ”

“ Not that I really occupy a cupboard; my room (I lay the emphasis on the word) is far more commodious than the largest specimen of those receptacles. Consequently, I was not altogether surprised to find collected together a banjo-case, some curtain rods, a number of framed pictures, and a damaged bicycle. In the centre of the room was an oblong parcel, to which was tied an envelope, doubtless containing an enclosure.
With some slight trepidation—I had no wish to accompany Pump-Handle Court to the skies—I opened the letter. ”

“ Portington was absolutely serious.
"You evidently do not know the value of some of these old frames. Of course I shall take the picture with me to my private residence."
I carried out my intention. The canvas presentment of the donkey and accessories was carefully conveyed in a four-wheeler to Justinian Gardens, where I have rented for some years a very pleasant house. The lady who has honoured me by taking my name, and whom in my more playful humour I sportively term my "better seven-eighths," received me. ”

“ He sleeps his last sleep far away in the Desert of Golden Sand, with no head-stone to mark his resting-place, and neither the roaring of his old enemies the tigers, nor the bellowing of the countless alligators who infest the spot can rouse him any more. ”

“ Circumstances have, unwillingly, dragged him into the front of politics, and he has done the duty that lies to his hand. When opportunity can be made he takes his leisure at his lodge in the New Forest, and meditates on the untimely fate of his pre-Plantagenet forbear William Rufus. ”

“ My dear George, a man's life revolves on curves of intellect. It is on the hard lines of the emotions that a woman's life progresses. Both revolve in cycles of masterpieces. They should revolve on bi-cycles ”

“ TRAVELS IN TAFFY-LAND; OR, WALES BLOWING.
[The Flint Town Council has censured the L. & N. W. Railway for dismissing some of its servants for ignorance of the English language.]
Would you tell me, Porter, if the next train is the one for Aberystwyth?
I am really very much obliged for your reply, but as I have not a Cymric dictionary at hand, I am totally unable even to guess at your meaning.
As the man points to the train which is now at the platform, and nods vigorously, I suppose he means me to get in. ”

“ Portington was right. On closer investigation the painting revealed itself to be the representation of a cottage in the snow, with some villagers drawing water from a half-frozen pond in the neighbourhood of a rather intelligent donkey, who was watching their proceedings with languid interest. ”

“ The fact that you have not lately heard or read speeches by Sir William Harcourt is no evidence that the treble disability under which you unhappily labour is increasing. There is a well known case, cited in Littleton upon Coke, where a man was not able to see the Spanish fleet "because it is not yet in sight." For analogous reason you have not lately heard anything of the Chancellor of the Exchequer. ”

“ The two peers conversed in a whisper, and Lord Granville, returning to his inquiring friend, said, "He does not know either." Mr. Lehmann incidentally mentions that his brother Henry's first success, at the Salon of 1835, was gained by a picture setting forth "Le Départ du Jeune Tobie." At that date Toby had not even arrived to take his place on the volumes in his master's study, and still less, was he M.P. for Barks. It only shows how prophetic is the soul of genius. ”

“ But the third time he left that parcel and that letter. You see, Sir, they are tied together, and as there was a bomb scare on at the time, we did not touch them. That's how it comes, Sir, that you have not had them earlier."
I must confess I was a little annoyed. I frequently absent myself from Pump-Handle Court for days and even weeks together, and then I expect my clerical (I use the adjective in its non-ecclesiastical sense) representative to forward my correspondence.
"It cannot be helped, Portington," I replied; "all I care for are the interests of my clients. ”

“ In very few neighbourhoods was any attempt made on Wednesday to remove the slush, and Nature having taking her course during the night, in the direction of a frost early yesterday morning, the streets in many places were absolutely impassable for wheeled traffic until a liberal layer of sand and gravel had been spread."—Daily Chronicle, January 4. ”

“ Volume 108, January 12, 1895.
edited by Sir Francis Burnand TALL TALES OF SPORT AND ADVENTURE. (By Mr. Punch's own Short Story-teller.)
Introduction.
Not many living men, and even fewer in the ages that are past, have—if I may use the word—sported with greater assiduity and success than I have during a life which is even now little past its middle period. At one time on horseback, at another on the bounding and impulsive elephant ”

“ Benevolent Person (recognising an old protégé) . "Rogers, I'm sorry to see you in this condition! I understood you had taken the Pledge!"
Rogers. "You're qui' ri', Sir. Only y' see the Water's frozen 't the Main down our Street!"
THAT PRECIOUS DONKEY! (An Episode in the Life of A. Briefless, Junior, Esq., Barrister-at-Law, in Three Parts.)
Part I.—The Coming into Possession of the Donkey.
"Yes, Sir," said my excellent and admirable clerk, Portington, "he came here three times, about a month ago. We thought he was mad, so would not let him in. ”

“ Black Bob is, as might be expected, much more plain and direct in his denunciation. He says, that if I stand for re-election—in April, 1896!—this ought to be enough to unseat me. A pleasant prospect. I can do nothing. My boats, like my coal, are burnt.
What happened at the Parish Council meeting last night I must leave—till my next.
SYMPATHY WANTED—
For the Man whose Collar comes undone every time he tries to do up his Tie. ”