Harry Graham

“ Life is hollow to the golfer, of however high his rank,
If the dock-leaf and the nettle grow too free,
If a bramble bar his progress, if he's bunkered by a bank,
If his golf-ball jerks and wobbles off the tee. ”

“ Skrine's admirable novel is one of those unfortunately rare books which, without extenuating the hard facts of life, maintain and raise one's belief in human nature. The story is simple, but the manner of its telling is admirably uncommon. ”

“ That the risk of being kidnapped, to which their great riches exposes multi-millionaires, is a very real one, is constantly being reaffirmed in the reports that are published of the elaborate precautions many of them take to preserve their personal liberty. In its present phase, where there is the great wealth on one side and a powerful gang—or rather syndicate—of clever rascals on the other, it possesses many characteristics appealing to those who enjoy a good thrilling romance. ”

“ Good Fortune dogs their steps all day,
They fatten while the Good grow thin.
The Righteous Man has much to bear;
The Bad becomes a Bullionaire!
[Pg 81]
For, though he be the greatest sham,
Luck favours him, his whole life through;
At 'Bridge' he always makes a Slam
After declaring 'Sans atout';
With ev'ry deal his fate has planned
A hundred Aces in his hand.
Yes, it is always just the same;
He somehow manages to win,
By mere good fortune, any game
That he may be competing in.
At Golf no bunker breaks his club,
For him the green provides no 'rub.' ”

“ There are a few men in every generation, such as A. F. Mummery and L. Norman Neruda, who possess a natural genius for mountaineering. The ordinary lover of the mountains reads the story of their climbs with admiration and perhaps a tinge of envy, but with no thought of following in their footsteps—such feats are not for him. ”

“ Mr. Graham is a fluent and ingenious rhymester, with an alert mind and a well-controlled sense of humour.'—The Times (New York) .
'"Misrepresentative Men" shows so high-spirited a mastery of words and metre (the result, we take it, of laborious days) that it will be read with pleasure by the most fastidious lover of what is amusing.'—The Nation (New York) .
'Mr. Graham's verses are exceedingly clever, and Mr. Strothman's illustrations add to their cleverness.'—The Bookman (New York) . ”

“ For boys as a rule, Are what nurses call 'crool,'
'Tis their natural instinct, which nobody blames,
Any more than the habits Peculiar to rabbits,
To label a duffer 'old woman' or 'muff,' or
Some name calculated to cause him to suffer.
[Pg 115] They failed in their treatment this time, on the whole,
Since our Anthony thoroughly pitied the rôle
Of the oaf who is muddied, (For Kipling he'd studied) ,
However strong-hearted, broad-limbed, and warm-blooded,
Who sits in a goal, Quite deficient of soul,
And as blind to the beauties of Life as a mole. ”

“ SPORT AND NATURE IN SPAIN. By Abel Chapman and Walter J. Buck, British Vice-Consul at Jerez.
With 200 Illustrations by the Authors, E. Caldwell, and others, Sketch Maps, and Photographs.
In Europe Spain is certainly far and away the wildest of wild lands—due as much to her physical formation as to any historic or racial causes. Naturally the Spanish fauna remains one of the richest and most varied in Europe. It is of these wild regions and of their wild inhabitants that the authors write, backed by lifelong experience. ”

“ And your style is so good, Be it well understood,
We'd be happy to publish your work if we could;
But alas! All the people who know are agreed
This is not what the Public demands, or would read.
'It is over the head Of the people,' they said.
'If you'd only write down to the popular level!'
(Once more, he replied, they could go to the devil!)
The result to our author was not unexpected,
And, as on his failures he sadly reflected,
He took out his pen and a nib he selected,
Then wrote (and his verses Were studded with curses)
This poem, the Lay of the Author (Rejected) . ”

“ Delights to herd the caribou, and where the chipmunk grows,
The 'habitant' he sits amid a grove of maple trees,
He decorates his shanty and he polishes his 'skis.'
And see! Through ranch or lumber-camp, where'er the news shall go,
The daughters cease to gather fruit, the sons to shovel snow!
[Pg 179]
They love the dear old Mother-land that they have never seen,
The Empire that they advertise as 'vaster than has been'! ”

“ The Himalaya is a world in itself, comprising many regions which differ widely from each other as regards their natural features, their fauna and flora, and the races and languages of their inhabitants. Major Bruce's relation to this world is absolutely unique—he has journeyed through it, now in one part, now in another, sometimes mountaineering, sometimes in pursuit of big game, sometimes in the performance of his professional duties, for more than twenty years ”

“ My verses to an upper shelf;
Where you may study them yourself.
[Pg xi]
FOREWORD
The Press may pass my Verses by
With sentiments of indignation,
And say, like Greeks of old, that I
Corrupt the Youthful Generation;
I am unmoved by taunts like these—
(And so, I think, was Socrates) .
Howe'er the Critics may revile,
I pick no journalistic quarrels,
Quite realising that my Style
Makes up for any lack of Morals ”

“ Be very badly mauled about;
By such a scene a weak inside
Is sometimes rather sorely tried.
And, if the bull is full of fun,
The horse is generally gored,
So then they fetch another one,
Or else the first one is encored;
The humour of the sport, of course,
Is not so patent to the horse.
MORAL
Be kind to ev'ry bull you meet,
Remember how the creature feels;
Don't wink at ladies in the street;
And don't make speeches after meals;
And lastly, I need not explain,
If you're a horse, don't go to Spain.
[Pg 39]
XVII SWITZERLAND
This atmosphere is pure ozone! ”

“ The pride of race, the pride of place, and bond of blood they feel,
The Indies indicate it and New Zealand shows new zeal.
The daughters in their Mother's house are mistress in their own;
They are her heirs, her flesh is theirs, and they would share her bone!
Lo! Greater Britain stretches out her hands across the sea;
Australia forgets her impecuniositee;
[Pg 180] On Afric's shore the wily Boer is ready now to fight,
For the Khaki and the rooinek, for the Empire and the Right! ”

“ The fun is as good as the argument.... Of this admirable little book we will only say, in conclusion, that it will amuse and delight even those who had imagined that nothing more worth reading could possibly be printed on the fiscal question. We would strongly urge such persons to invest a shilling in "Fiscal Ballads," for we are confident they will not be disappointed. ”

“ D. Streamer," whose Ruthless Rhymes for Heartless Homes has had such a deserved vogue.'—Town Topics (New York) .
'The most amusing biographical caricatures of celebrities that we have read for a long time. There is not a dull line in the entire collection.'—The Bookseller (New York) .
'These satirical verses have the same ingenious humour as the writer's previous rhymes. The book is altogether refreshing.'—Town and Country (New York) . ”

“ She sees her chance and cries 'Advance,' while others stand and gape,
Her oxengoads shall claim the roads from Cairo to the Cape.
Come out, you big black Fuzzy-Wuz,
You've got to take your share;
We'll make you sweat till you forget
You broke a British Square!
North and South and East and West, the message travels fast!
East and West and North and South, the bugles blare and blast!
Hear we but a whisper that the foe is at the walls,
And, by Gad, we'll show them something when the Mother Country calls!
[Pg 182]
AFTWORD
'Tis done! ”

“ So far as we are aware, only one balladist has found any genuine inspiration in it. That is Mr. Harry Graham, whose skill as a rhymer in other directions has already been abundantly proved. The ballads for the most part take a colloquial form, and while containing much humour, are full of sound doctrine.... Mr. Graham, it will be seen, has great facility in rhyme, and in all this rhyme there is reason. ”

“ Rememb'ring that, at golf, one touch
Of bunker makes the whole world Dutch!
[Pg 26]
XI ICELAND
The climate is intensely cold;
Wild curates would not drag me there;
Not tho' they brought great bags of gold,
And piled them underneath my chair.
If twenty bishops bade me go,
I should decidedly say, 'No!'
MORAL
If ev'ry man has got his price,
As generally is agreed,
You will, by taking my advice,
Let yours be very large indeed.
Corruption is not nice at all,
Unless the bribe be far from small.
[Pg 27]
XII ITALY
In Italy the sky is blue ”

“ The stormy wind-swept and fog-bound regions of the Kuril Islands, between Japan and Kamchatka, have rarely been visited save by the adventurous hunters of the sea-otter, and the animal is now becoming so scarce that the hazardous occupation of these bold voyagers is no longer profitable. ”

“ THE REMINISCENCES OF ADMIRAL MONTAGU. With Illustrations. One volume, demy 8vo., cloth, 15s. net.
The Author of this entertaining book, Admiral the Hon. Victor Montagu, has passed a long life divided between the amusements of aristocratic society in this country and the duties of naval service afloat in many parts of the world. His memory recalls many anecdotes of well-known men, and he was honoured with the personal friendship of the late King Edward VII. and of the German Emperor, by whom his seamanship, as well as his social qualities, were highly esteemed. ”

“ Tigers, spotted deer, wild buffaloes, mountain goats, sambhar, bears, and panthers, are the subject of endless yarns, in the relation of which innumerable useful hints, often the result of failure and even disasters, are given. ”

“ The amount that he earns From his roy'lty returns.
(N.B.—I omit the last 'a' here in Royalty,
For reasons of scansion and not from disloyalty.)
The moral of this is quite easy to see;
If a popular author you're anxious to be,
You won't care a digamma For truth or for grammar,
Be far from straitlaced Upon questions of taste,
And don't trouble to polish your style or to bevel,
But always write down to the popular level ”

“ With Photogravure Illustrations.
Large crown 8vo., cloth, 7s. 6d. net.
In this charming and romantic book we follow the gamekeeper in his secret paths, stand by him while with deft fingers he arranges his traps and snares, watch with what infinite care he tends his young game through all the long days of spring and summer—and in autumn and winter garners with equal eagerness the fruits of his labour. He takes us into the coverts at night, and with him we keep the long vigil—while poachers come, or come not. ”

“ If the Free-Trade organisations are wise, they will seek leave to reprint selections from them in leaflets which can be circulated by the million.'—Spectator.
LONDON: EDWARD ARNOLD, 41 & 43 Maddox St., W.
Ruthless Rhymes for Heartless Homes. Illustrated by 'G. H.'
Oblong 4to. 3s. 6d.
'It is impossible not to be amused by some of the "Ruthless Rhymes for Heartless Homes," by Colonel D. Streamer, nor can any one with a sense of humour fail to appreciate the many amusing points in the illustrations.'—Westminster. ”

“ With Photogravure Illustrations. Crown 8vo., 5s. net.
This is a very charming little book containing the reflections on things piscatorial of a 'dry-fly' fisherman on a south country stream. Although the Author disclaims any right to pose as an expert, it is clear that he knows well his trout, and how to catch them. He is an enthusiast, who thinks nothing of cycling fifteen miles out for an evening's fishing, and home again when the 'rise' is over. ”

“ Ballads of the Boer War. Fcap. 8vo, buckram. 3s. 6d. net.
(Second Edition.)
'There is unquestionably a good deal of human nature in the book, and as an expression of sentiments which have remained hitherto inarticulate, as a revelation not always edifying, but often illuminating, of the heart of the man in the ranks, this little volume is a distinct addition to the literature of the war.'—Spectator.
'Racy expressions of Tommy Atkins' feelings in Tommy Atkins' language.... "Coldstreamer's" verses in their kind are as good as any we have seen.'—Academy. ”

“ Is Latin, as ev'ry one owns;
If your domicile be
Near a Mortuaree,
[Pg 106] You should always avoid throwing bones.
(I would further remark, if I could,—but I couldn't—
That People Residing in Glasshouses shouldn't.) ”

“ At the same time, 'The Gray Man' contains both realism and romance in full measure, in the truer sense of both words.
BY THE SAME AUTHOR.
MARGERY PIGEON. 6s. THE PASQUE FLOWER. 6s. THE PURSUIT. By FRANK SAVILE.
6s. ”

“ He tried ev'ry style, from the fashion of Ouida's
(His characters being Society Leaders;
The Heroine, suited to middle-class readers,—
A governess she, who might well have been humbler;
The Hero a Duke, an inveterate grumbler;
[Pg 126] And a Guardsman who drank crême-de-menthe from a tumbler)
To that of another more popular lady,
And wrote about aristocrats who were shady,
And showed that the persons you happen to meet
In the Very Best Houses are always effete ”