Various

“ Every Gentleman take his feet out of the stirrups, and cross them on the saddle in front of him. Not your feet, Mr. SNIGGERS, we ain't Turks 'ere!
Mr. S. (sotto voce) . "There's one bloomin' Turk 'ere, anyway!"
R.M. Now then,—Walk!... Trot! Set back, Gentlemen, set back all—'old on by your knees, not the pommels. I see you, Mr. JELLY, kitchin' 'old o' the mane—I shall 'ave to give you a 'ogged 'orse next time you come. Quicken up a bit—this is a ride, not a funeral. Why, I could roll faster than you're trotting! Lor, you're like a row o' Guy Foxes on 'orseback, you are! ”

“ We unhesitatingly reply, "Why, Sugg'nly!"
"Are you asleep, BUCHANAN?" inquired ARCHER. This is the first sentence of a shilling novel, by BUTIFFE SKOTTOWE, with a very sensational picture on the cover. I "read no more that day," but closed the book, dreading lest, of the two figures on the thrilling frontispiece, one should be the BUCHANAN, and the other the only ARCHER in the world of Ibsenish proclivities.
THE BARON DE BOOK-WORMS & CO.
STRUCTURAL IMPROVEMENTS IN A THEATRE.—Mr. NORMAN FORBES opens the Globe. The seats are so constructed, that they can be taken outside the theatre. ”

“ No, Mr. TONGS, that ain't your 'orse to-day—you've got beyond 'im, Sir. We'll put you up on Lady Loo; she's a bit rough till you get on terms with her, but you'll be all right on her after a bit. Yes, Mr. JOGGLES, Sir, you take Kangaroo, please. Mr. BUMPAS, I've 'ad the Artful Dodger out for you; and mind he don't get rid of you so easy as he did Mr. GRIPPER last time. Got a nice 'orse for you, Mr. 'ARRY SNIGGERS, Sir—Frar Diavolo. You mustn't take no notice of his bucking a bit at starting—he'll soon leave it off.
Mr. Sniggers (who conceals his qualms under a forced facetiousness) . ”

“ Brer Rabbit, he sorter chuckle in his stummuck, he did, but he ain't sayin' nuthin'.
"I'm gwineter larn you howter talk ter 'spectubble fokes if hit's der las' ack," says Brer Fox, sezee. "Ef you don't take off dat hat, and tell me howdy, I'm gwineter to bus' you wide open, sezee, ef I busses myself at der same time," sezee.
Den Brer Rabbit he fotch up on his behime legs like he wuz 'stonished, but he stan' on his dignitude, and he ain't sayin' nuthin!
Den Brer Fox get mighty mad. Der never wuz a madder beas' dan he wuz des den. ”

“ Why should Tithes Bill be put down for first day?
Pretty to see OLD MORALITY's firm attitude, in face of this demonstration. Had capitulated to Irish at first sound of TIM's low voice; quite a different thing with inconsiderable people like the Scotch or Welsh. Almost haughtily protested against possibility of alteration. "Members," he said, vaguely remembering copy-book heading, "are made for business, not business for Members." That settled it. Motion for Adjournment carried; Young GOSSET, with his beaver up, advanced to remove Mace, and House went off for Christmas holidays. ”

“ BILBOW-KAY, when your 'orse changes his pace sudden, it don't look well for you to be found settin' 'arf way up his neck, and it gives him a bad opinion of yer, Sir. Uncross sterrups! Trot on! It ain't no mortal use your clucking to that mare, Mr. TONGS, Sir, because she don't understand the langwidge—touch her with your 'eel in the ribs. Mr. SNIGGERS, that 'orse is doin' jest what he likes with you. 'It 'im, Sir; he's no friends and few relations! ”

“ D'OYLY CARTE's new theatre, the Knightly and Daily Composer will rest his musical brain for a year, and will place his Savoy throne at the disposal of Prince Edward Solomon, direct descendant of the wisest monarch ever known save for one amiable weakness. The successor to King Arthur has plenty of "Savoy Faire," and a good choice has been made. The Carte will now be drawn along merrily enough, and, no doubt, it will be a brilliant time when Sol, in all his glory, comes out and shines at the Savoy.
NEW IRISH POLITICAL PARTY NAME.—For the followers of Mr. ”

“ Bill be read a Second Time on that day six months."
While someone went for glass of water and smelling salts for SEYMOUR KEAY, MAURICE HEALY moved rejection of Bill; Debate arose; TIM storming round the topic with undiminished vigour. But no one would rise to his tempestuous heights; Debate flittered out; Bill read Second Time; House up by Seven o'Clock. Business done.—A lot.
"Au Revoir!"
Tuesday.—Dreadful rumour when House met that TIM HEALY had ready for delivery speech two hours long, on Prince ARTHUR in general, and Irish Land Bill in particular. Turned out to be only TIM's fun. ”

“ A good many of the tin mines of Cornwall are said to be worked out, but I think not a few of our young artists have found a mine of tin in this picturesque country, which they are working both to their own advantage, and that of the Art-loving public. ”

“ The gas is lighted, but does not lend much cheerfulness to the interior, which is bare and bleak, and pervaded by a bluish haze. Members of the Class discovered standing about on the tan, waiting for their horses to be brought in. ”

“ As every confidence will be placed in the lender, no inquiries will be made or expected. Moreover, this being a purely unprofessional, but strictly business transaction, as between gentleman and gentleman, no amount of interest will be objected to, and no agents will be treated with. N.B.—If lender is unable at a moment's notice to raise so large a sum, a few shillings in advance per postal order, if merely as a guarantee of good faith, can be forwarded on account, and will be acknowledged with thanks. ”

“ Walk! I shall give the word to trot directly, so now's the time to improve your seats—that back a bit straighter, Mr. 'OOPER. No. 4, just fall out, and we'll let them stirrup-leathers down another 'ole or two for yer. (No. 4, who has just been congratulating himself that his stirrups were conveniently high, has to see them let down to a distance where he can just touch them by stretching.) Now you're all comfortable. ["Oh, are we?" from Mr. S.] Trot! Mr. TONGS, Sir, 'old that 'orse in—he's gettin' away with you already. ”

“ Also, any person who has purchased a numbered seat need not come to the theatre to occupy it. The seats are so made as to be equally comfortable for big and little persons—for the former, they can be let out.
A CRY FROM THE CINDER-PATH.
DEAR MR. PUNCH,
I must appeal to you, the unimpeachable Cæsar, in athletics as in all other matters, to secure me some small meed of public sympathy and consideration. During the, happily, almost past year, I have been the victim of gross ill-treatment at the hands, nay, worse, the feet, of athletes of various kinds. ”

“ Appointed Bills advanced through stipulated stages, and OLD MORALITY, modest in mien, even after the triumph of matchless management displayed in brief Session, moved Adjournment over Christmas holidays.
Conversation as to arrangement of business on reassembling; Truculent TIM, coming to the front at least urgent opportunity, demanded that Irish business should not be taken as first Order. OLD MORALITY promptly gave desired pledge. ”

“ But, as I tell you, Brer Rabbit wuz a monstus soon beas'; and, when Brer Fox look mighty biggity, atter cuttin' up mighty small, en loup roun' and make faces at all de beastesses, en sorter rustle roun' like he wuz gwinter bus' eberything, why den, honey, fokes is apt to look on him as kinder splummy-splummy, atter all, en his enfloons bimeby is boun' to be pow'ful lackin'. ”

“ DIAMONDS ARE TRUMPS!
[The ladies, who are learning Whist in New York, do not, says the Daily News, worry much about the rules, but rather use the old-fashioned game as an opportunity for exhibiting their diamond rings, &c.] ”

“ Now, Mr. SNIGGERS, make that 'orse learn 'oo's the master! [Mr. S. "He knows, the brute!"]
Mrs. B.-K. He's very rude to all the Class, except dear ROBERT—but then ROBERT has such a nice easy seat.
The R.M. Mr. BILBOW-KAY, Sir, try and set a bit closer. Why, you ain't no more 'old on that saddle than a stamp with the gum licked off! Can-ter! You're all right, Mr. JOGGLES—it's on'y his play; set down on your saddle, Sir!... ”