Various

“ The Comedy rattles along, and carries the audience who understand French—who in their turn carry the audience who pretend to do so, but who don't—with it. The acting is excellent; and the dialogue is as bright as the looks and toilettes of the dozen or more ladies who have parts. It is not quite clear what "fin de siècle" means. If it is Paris of to-day that is pictured, it certainly cannot be the Paris of five years hence, and the century has yet ten years to run. ”

“ But now the valiant youth of our public seminaries have advanced still one more step, and the afternoon of last Tuesday saw, in the leafy arcades of our Bois, a true "stick-balle" fight—in one word, a parti of "Le 'Ockey," played with vrais bâtons, clubs long and terrible, with cruel hooked finish, to the eye of the beholder, and the dangerous white ball, hard as iron, heavy as lead, between a 'ome team and a "side" of strangers, that would have done credit to an "Oxfor-Cambridge" battle or a fight royal, in which Les Roverres de Peckham were themselves engaged. ”

“ Biologists have lately been busy discussing the meaning of a certain organ, to which, in the present stage of its development, it appears impossible to assign any utilitarian value. The case I allude to is the electric organ in the tail of the skate, on which Professor Cossar Ewart read a paper before the Royal Society. ”

“ Nevertheless, there he was, pacing the mizzen-deck, every now and then bringing his telescope to his weather eye, on the look out for Irish Members or Sage of Queen Anne's Gate lurking in underwood. We ran up at our foretopmost peak, all taut by a couple of bowlines, the signal, "England expects that W. H. Smith this day will do his duty." There was a soft gleam in Old Morality's starboard eye when he recognised the signal, and he brought the telescope to the salute. ”

“ Great difficulty among audience as to whether Fernand is Montariol or Ybos. Having seen Montariol as David in the Meistersingers, I do not recognise him as Fernand; but having seen Ybos as Raoul, in the Huguenots, Fernand's legs seem familiar to me. If the voice is the voice of Montariol, the legs are the legs of Ybos. Druriolanus Iboss says it is not Ybos but Montariol; while a distinguished Operatic Committeeman tells a despairing critic that it is Ybos, and not Montariol. Anyhow, Mons. Ybos-aux-jambes-montarioliennes is a good, though not great, Fernand. ”

“ You know, nothing is nearer to my heart than the desire to do my duty—duty to my Queen and Country; at the same time, of course as far as is compatible with the supreme incentive, desiring to meet the convenience of Hon. Gentlemen in all parts of the House."
Haven't seen Old Morality since, till he turned up to-night, Been seedy, everybody sorry to hear; judiciously added a week to his regular holiday. When he entered House this afternoon, good rattling cheer went up, testifying to his popularity.
"Yes," said Wilfrid Lawson, dropping into poetry—
"Ex-First-Lord from over the sea! ”

“ They feel impelled to do so, by what I may perhaps distantly allude to as a sense of duty to their Queen and Country. But the electric organ of the skate, though a most complicated mechanism, a structure as elaborate as any in the animal kingdom, appears to be of no benefit whatever to its possessor. ”

“ Amongst the Spectators in the Area are—a Saturnine Stableman from the country; a Cockney Groom; a Morbid Man; a Man who is apparently under the impression that he is the only person gifted with sight; a Critic who is extremely severe upon other people's seats; a Judge of Horseflesh; and Two Women who can't see as well as they could wish.
The Descriptive Man. They've got both the fences up now, d'ye see? There's the judges going to start the jumping; each rider's got a ticket with his number on his back. ”

“ There's one thing about being so close to the jump as this—if the 'orse jumps sideways—as 'osses will do every now and then—he'll be right in among us before we know where we are, and then there'll be a pretty how-de-do! ”

“ Each of 'em's had a turn at the in-and-out jump now. What's coming next? Oh, the five-barred gate—they're going over that now, and the stone wall—see them putting the bricks on top? That's to raise it.
The Morbid Man. None of 'em been off yet; but (hopefully) there'll be a nasty fall or two over this business—there's been many a neck broke over a lower gate than that.
A Competitor clears the gate easily, holding the reins casually in his right hand.
The J. of H. That man can ride.
The Severe Critic. Pretty well—not what I call business, though—going over a gate with one hand, like that. ”

“ Miss Harker took service as a day governess in a family at Stockton, at a salary of 25s. a month, coupled with the privilege of dining in the house. She found herself under the necessity of taking a lodging, the rent for which more than absorbed her modest stipend. She taught three children English and music. Afterwards a couple of infants were placed in her charge. Nor was this all, for when the servants left, the new governess had "to cook the dinner, wash the dishes, and clean the knives." After this she asked for a holiday, the result being that "she was shown the door." ”

“ The Boy takes the horse back, and eventually clears the gate amidst immense and well-deserved applause.
The Morbid Man (disappointed) . Well, I fully expected to see 'im took off on a shutter.
The Descriptive Man. It's the water-jump next—see; that's it in the middle; there's the water, underneath the hedge; they'll have to clear the 'ole of that—or else fall in and get a wetting. They've taken all the horses round to the other entrance—they'll come in from that side directly. ”

“ The Small Boy, precariously perched on an immense animal, follows; his horse, becoming unmanageable, declines the gate, and leaps the hurdle at the side.
The S. S. Ah, you're a artful lad, you are—thought you'd take it where it was easiest, eh?—you'll 'ev to goo back and try agen, you will.
Chorus of Sympathetic Bystanders. Take him at it again, boy; you're all right!... Hold him in tighter, my lad.... Let out your reins a bit! Lor, they didn't ought to let a boy like that ride.... He ain't no more 'old on that big 'orse than if he was a fly on him!... ”

“ Oh, I can tell when a fellow has a good seat. I used to ride a good deal at one time. Don't get the chance much now—worse luck!
The J. of H. Well, I can give you a chance, as it happens. (Severe Critic accepts with enthusiasm, and the inward reflection that the chance is much less likely to come off than he is himself.) You wait till the show is over, and they let the horses in for exercise. I know a man who's got a cob here—regular little devil to go—bucks a bit at times—but you won't mind that. ”

“ And so it turns out; the horses take the jump with more or less success, but without a single saddle being vacated. The Judges award a red and blue rosette to the riders of the best and second horses respectively, and the proceedings terminate for the afternoon amidst demonstrations of hearty satisfaction from all but The Morbid Man, who had expected there would have been "more to see." ”

“ The wonderful tameness and docility of the three African lions now going through their daily performance at the French Exhibition at Earl's Court, have astonished no less than pleased all who have witnessed them, but it is not generally known, that their obedient condition is due to their diet. ”

“ The prevalence of wet weather has had a painful effect on the aspect of the metropolitan streets. We do not refer so much to their having been universally inundated with rain, but rather to the absence from them of those pretty dresses in which it is customary for ladies to disport themselves during sunny weather. ”

“ Some trees are greener than others, whilst others scarcely come up to the standard of leafy verdure displayed by their fellows. Taking the trees in the Park and arranging them in the inverse ratio of their distances at rectangular intervals from the common centre of their growth, it will be found that the surface area of a Plane-tree is equal to exactly five hundred times the cubic capacity of a gooseberry bush, measured from a point on its inner circumference."
Miss Robinson, Mrs. Touche-Arming, and Lady Cordelia Crossbit, were photographed yesterday. ”

“ Belcesco, a Roumanian lady, took her degree to-day as Docteur en Droit. Like Miss Fawcett, she obtained the highest place at the examination for the Licentiate's Degree, and her success was not less brilliant at the examination for the Doctor's Degree.—"Daily News" Paris Correspondent. ”

“ Whorr-oosh!" from within, as a Competitor dashes out and clears hedge and ditch by a foot or two. Deafening applause. A second horseman rides at it, and lands—if the word is allowable—neatly in the water. ”

“ Business done.—As to electric organ in the tail of the skate.
Thursday.—A pretty kettle-of-fish. Electric organ of skate seems to have touched up Government; confusion at Carlton to-day. The Markiss met his merry men; proposed that Bills not completed by Prorogation should be carried over to next Session and taken up at stage reached this year. Loud outcry in Conservative ranks; proposal denounced as revolutionary ”

“ You'll 'ev to set back a bit next journey, Guv'nor!
The Cockney Groom. 'Orses 'ud jump better if the fences was a bit 'igher.
The S. S. They'll be plenty 'oigh enough fur some on 'em.
The Severe Critic. Ugly seat that fellow has—all anyhow when the horse jumps. ”