Various

“ In this, again, there is a touch of nature that genius only can impart. For what is more conceivable than that the hinder parts of the heroic steed might have been cut away by an unlucky slash with the edge of the sabre? ”

“ So, in like manner, should you leave your umbrella where it would be likely to be discovered—say in a restaurant, or even in your own hall—the fortunate and enterprising explorer who should happen to discover it would have in his favor the nine points of the law that come with possession, and the remaining points by right of discovery—a good thing for dealers in umbrellas, but bad for that small portion of the general public not addicted to petty larceny. ”

“ There can be no greater tribute to the powers of the artist, or the worth of the heroic "horsenman," than the crowds which daily, in these heretofore silent and hallowed precincts, "wake the echoes with sounds of praise."
Yonder is "Death on the Pale Horse." As I gazed, Death smiled with approval at "SHERIDAN'S Ride," and the stony figure of GERMANICUS "leant upon his sword and wiped away a tear."... ”

“ Novelty and nakedness are the elements to which modern managers of plays and shows chiefly look for success. A new song, the name if which it is unnecessary to give, has brought fresh fame and renewed fortune to the proprietors of a celebrated minstrel theatre. Legs have contributed their might to fill the coffers of some of our leading theatrical managers—legs of the feminine gender, with much display about them, but no drapery. ”

“ Again, if you should happen to carry an umbrella of the vast blue style—to your own disgust and the amusement of the multitude—and, under such circumstances, you meet a particular lady friend, your best course will be to pass rapidly by, screening yourself from observation as much as possible. ”

“ But, PIEGAN friend, what can the Red Man do?
The Small-Pox and the Fever strike him down;
The White Man is his foe: he cannot live!
For the Great Spirit tells him, with a frown,
All men shall perish that will not forgive! ”

“ That's the beginning of wisdom, though twenty is pretty well on to begin at a good school. You will learn that frogs are not so large as elephants, and that a gas-bag is sure to end in a collapse. You will learn that the greatest fool is he who thinks he sees such in everybody else. ”

“ Instead of shedding all these tears over other people's husbands, they ought rather to rejoice that they have been spared such inflictions in the past, and give exceeding great thanks that they are beyond danger of such in the future. ”

“ I tell you, boys—but perhaps you know it already—that the oldest figure we ever reach in this world, the point at which we can look over the head of METHUSELAH as easy as you can squint at the pretty girls, is at eighteen and nineteen. Every body else around about that time amounts to little, and less, and nothing at all. What's the "old man"—your father, at forty-five—but an old fogy who doesn't understand things at all? ”

“ But the good Quakers hate to interfere with the rights of the blacks, whether they be men or women, and so many of the latter make this square their abiding place every summer, that it would seem like a violation of the spirit of the Fifteenth Amendment to disturb them. But there is no doubt that the good Philadelphians will have their new buildings some day, for they are very enterprising. ”

“ All will appreciate the delicate pathos of the simile. Speaking of similes reminds us that there is one on Broadway. An enterprising merchant has for his sign an American eagle carrying an umbrella.
Imagine the American eagle carrying an umbrella! As well imagine JULIUS CæSAR in shooting-jacket and NAPOLEON-boots. The sign was put up in war times, and was, of course, intended as a Sign of the times, squalls being prevalent and umbrellas needed. Now that the squalls are over, let us hope that the umbrella may speedily come down. ”

“ Well, all we can say is—go it! for under the circumstances, with no one to work for them, the best possible thing they can do is to work for themselves. But couldn't they do more, or at least as much, without so much noise? If they only had plenty to do, and not so much spare time to talk about what they are going to do, wouldn't they be better off, and poor frail man be the gainer thereby? ”

“ This practical suggestion is warmly reprobated by the ladies who overhear it, one of whom remarks with withering scorn—"Some people think it so smart to ridicule every thing. To my mind there is nothing more vulgar." ”

“ CLARKE is really a good actor in spite of his popularity with the ladies of the audience, Miss ETHEL, upon whom the whole play depends, is so obviously incompetent to personate a brilliant and spirituelle Parisienne that one wonders at the popularity of FROU-FROU. The majority of the audience are ladies. ”

“ You will learn that all women are not angels, nor all people older than yourself "old fogies." You will see that humanity—or its best type—is not made of equal parts of assurance, twenty-five cent cigars, Otard punches, swallow-tail coats, and flash jewelry ”

“ Such hybrids as Philadelphia drunken women, "between hogs and policemen," must be extremely disagreeable objects, and we are glad to learn that they are nearly extinct. Here we are much worse off. Rowdy characters, that may well be compared to "hogs," but are not often to be seen "between policemen," are far too plentiful in New-York, and the sooner they are "exterminated" the better.
By a Broom. ”

“ A reform with regard to umbrellas has lately been attempted. A very expressive and ingenious stand has been patented, in which if an umbrella be once impaled there is no chance of its abduction except by the hands of its rightful owner. ”

“ They have an objection to crooked paths, preferring to take every thing "straight." Although fond of rum, they do not possess the Spirit of the old Rum-uns. They are deficient in all metals except brass. This they have in large quantities. The Indian is very benevolent; and believing that "uneasy lies the head that wears a crown," he often scalps his friends to allow them to sleep better. ”

“ This must then be placed in a tin-pan, and mixed with water, salt, and yeast, according to taste. If the mass is now placed by the fire, a singular phenomenon will be observed, to which it will be well to draw the attention of the whole family; old and young will witness it with equal surprise and delight. The whole body of the soft mixture will gradually rise and fill (and sometimes even overflow) the pan! When not in view by the household, it will be well to cover the pan with a cloth, on account of dust and roaches ”

“ STOWE, the object of which is to teach ingenious folks how to make ordinary articles of household furniture in their leisure hours. One article not mentioned by these ladies is recommended by PUNCHINELLO to the attention of all economical families. It having been observed that it is a highly useful practice to provide for the regular recurrence of meals, bedtime and other household epochs, an instrument which shall indicate the hour of the day will be of the greatest advantage. ”

“ This epistle is written out of kindly regard for thee, and because the Spirit moveth me to wish thee well and a long life; although thee may not live long enough to behold our new Public Buildings, the site of which no man living can foresee. ”

“ The Indian is generally red, but in time of war he becomes a "yeller." He lives in the forest, and is often "up a tree." Indians believe in ghosts, and when the Spirit moves them, they move the Spirits. ”

“ Now, as the nearest point of the park is two miles and a half from Sixth street, the vigor of the scheme and the foreseeing character of the projectors are worthy of a metropolis.
PUNCHINELLO is furthermore delighted to see that a son of PENN has decided the great question of the Pope's infallibility, which so vexes our OEcumenical fellow-creatures. POPE has been beheaded at Harrisburg, and of course there is no further need to discuss his infallibility. When a man loses his head, he is fallible. ”

“ I have been in Corsica, and of Corsican find a parallel of the latitude of this tariff in the leg ends of the robbers, by which I do not mean the ankles of the Forty Thieves, whom I had the pleasure of seeing in company with my "constituents of the Sixth Congressional District of the City of New-York. " ”

“ PELEG is now very much respected, and owns an iron and log rolling establishment. The other robbers were driven out of the business. That, Mr. COX said, was the origin of the Protective Tariff.
Mr. KELLEY wished to know how much British Gold Mr. COX had received for his infamous harangue. As for him, he was bound to protect his constituents (Mr. COX, "Parishioners;" and laughter on the Democratic, or other, side of Mr. KELLEY'S mouth.) As to the charge that he was behind the age, it was absurd. Every Philadelphian knew that nobody could be behind the Age. ”

“ The man who, has an umbrella that has grown old in his service is a curiosity—so is the umbrella. If a man borrow an umbrella, it is not expected that he will ever return it; he is a polite and refined mendicant. If a man lend an umbrella, it is understood that he has no further use for it ”

“ A BATTLE OF THE BOOKS. Edited and published by GAIL HAMILTON. New York: HURD & HOUGHTON.
A regular equinoctial Gail goes whirling and tearing through tin leaves of this smart book. Its aim is to riddle and rip up the system by which certain publishing houses crush authors, and defraud them of their proper dues. The book is written with spirit, and has been issued in a very attractive form by the Riverside Press. ”

“ Indians are independent, and can "paddle their own canoes." It is very picturesque to see an Indian, who is a little elevated, in a Tight canoe when the water is High. (No allusion to LONGFELLOW'S "Higherwater" is intended.) Indians are pretty good shots, often shooting rapids. ”

“ There may be other young women (if I may so speak) who are so heart-broken because of the oppression of their sex, as wives, so disgusted with the state matrimonial under the present constitution of society, that they would not marry—oh! ”

“ He kneels at her feet. "You must not die. I am alone at fault. Forgive me sweet angel, and live." With the only gleam of good sense which she has yet shown, FROU-FROU refuses to live, and dropping her head heavily on the arm of the sofa, with a blind confidence that the thickness of her chignon will save her from a fractured skull, she peremptorily dies.
Subdued sobs from the audience, with the single exception of the Jocular Man, who says—"Well, if that's moral, I don't know what's immoral ”

“ It would also be awkward should the day be windy, and, as you advance with a winning smile to offer an asylum to the stricken dear, the umbrella should blow inside out.
The poet has raised the umbrella still higher by making it the symbol of the marriage tie. He says,
"Just as to a big umbrella
Is the handle when 'tis raining.
So unto a man is woman. ”

“ They are not the kind that men devour. And yet we can not help feeling pity for them; their experience has been trying, but in vain; they know what it is "to suffer and be strong"-minded; they have learned "to labor and to wait," and it is well ”

“ It may have been frequently noticed that all families require food at certain intervals, generally three times a day, and in the case of children even oftener. The cost of providing this food at the butcher, baker, and provision shops is necessarily very great, and it is well, then, to understand how a very good substitute for store-food may be prepared at home. ”

“ Now, we all remember the cogent reason why John refused to partake of his evening repast, and we assure these young persons that they have nothing whatever to fear. The danger is past, and they are safe beyond the possibility of a peradventure. ”

“ Precisely on a line with this, in the next column, appears the following.
"What between hogs and policemen, drunken women are being rapidly exterminated in Philadelphia."
The World's cross-reading is a capital one, bringing the pigs together nicely, and suggesting the following remarks:
"Protected foreign pig in New-York, $32," very aptly applies to the gangs of imported burglars and ruffians of all sorts who run riot in our midst, and who can generally insure the "protection" of the police by a douceur so paltry even as $32. ”

“ It may be that the poor creatures are afflicted by the thought that perhaps they may be called upon to make warning examples of themselves, and marry; and that perhaps the man they marry may be a tyrant, and—but the contingency is too remote. ”

“ A convention of milk dealers met this week at Croton Falls to prevent the adulteration of milk by City dealers.
LATEST FROM WASHINGTON.
Commissioner Piegan, of Montana, submits the outline of a treaty with the Indians, which embraces the following provisions, (the embracing of provisions being strictly in character:)
1. No infant under three months of age, and no old man over one hundred and ten, to be killed by either party in battle.
All women to be killed on sight.
Where the small-pox is raging, the field to be left to the Small-Pox. ”

“ BICKFORD'S CROCHET AND FANCY WORK MACHINES.
These beautiful little machines are very fascinating, as well as useful; and every lady should have one, as they can make every conceivable kind of crochet or fancy work upon them. ”

“ They curb streets by resolution, but they have not resolution enough to keep the streets from curbing them. They gutter highways, but oftenest let Low Ways gutter them. They wear fine shirt-fronts, but resort to sorry and disreputable shifts in order to procure them. ”

“ As to the rest—those weak creatures who will be satisfied with good husbands and broad home-missions—they know no better; they will continue to move in their limited spheres, benighted but happy, and every thing will be satisfactory. ”

“ Any thing more convenient cannot be imagined, and the cost of the brass, by the pound, will not be more than fifteen cents, while the wood, the tin, and the iron may be had for about ten cents. In the shops the completed article would be very much more costly. ”