Various

“ The Gospeler hurriedly related the material points of FLORA'S history to his recovered friend, who moaned with all the more cheerful parts, and seemed to think that the serious ones might be worked-up in comic miss-spelling for his paper.—"For there is nothing more humorous in human life," said he, gloomily, "than the defective orthography of a fashionable young girl's education for the solemnity of matrimony." ”

“ LIONEL. "Farewell, beloved whiskey shop. Tell MAY I am going to leave her, and give her my sketches. If she once looks at them, she can love me no longer." (Goes out to slow music. Re-enter MAY.)
MAY. "The wretch has left me without a word. I will bury his infamous sketches under the floor. They may frighten away the rats." (Pulls up the floor and finds an immense nugget. Her father rushes in to see it. Two miners also see it and try to raise it. They are promptly seen and called by MAY, who shoots one and holds the pistol pointed at the other, while the curtain slowly falls.) ”

“ It's DRAWINGS-ROOM and SLEEPING COACHES on all Express Trains, running through to Cincinnati without chance, are the most elegant and spacious used upon any Road in this country, being fitted up in the most elaborate manner, and having every modern improvement introduced for the comfort of its patrons; running upon the BROAD GUAGE; revealing scenery along the Line unequalled upon this Continent, and rendering a trip over the ERIE, one of the delights and pleasures of this life not to be forgotten. ”

“ Mix a little sunshine with that gloomy lookin' countenance of yours. Don't let people of the world think they must draw down their faces and colaps, because a man joaks about a lot of wacks figgers dressed up in 6 penny caliker. Them's the kind of sentiment which ales me every time." Sayin' which I storked contemptously out of the wacks figger department.
I shall remain a few days in the big city, friend PUNCHINELLO, and if the citizens of New York insist on givin' me a reception at the City Hall, I will submit to the sacrifice, especially if the vitels are well cookt. ”

“ Heart's Ease—in which she is now playing at NIBLO'S Garden, is plainly born of the banjo, and lives for that melodious instrument alone. The author said to himself, "A California mining-camp would be a nice place for a banjo solo." Wherefore he conceived the camp, with a chorus of red-shirted miners. Wherefore too, he created a comic Yankee who should be eccentric enough to bring a banjo to the camp, and a lover who should be charmed by its touching strains. ”

“ The assistant-editor of the Comic Paper stealing softly from the office to call the other young lady down, Mr. JEREMY BENTHAM made a sign that FLORA should follow him to the supplementary room indicated; his low-spirited manner being as though he had said: "If you wish to look at the body, miss, I will now show you the way."
Leaving the Gospeler lost in dark abstraction near the black mantel, the Flowerpot allowed the sexton of the establishment to conduct her funereally into the place assigned for her interview, and stopped aghast before a huge black object standing therein. ”

“ How full of forethought is a true woman's love!"
CHORUS of MINERS. "She gives it to him, but not to us. Beware, young woman, or we will go back on you."
MAY. "No you won't. My father earns a laborious living by making me keep a whiskey shop. We have a monopoly of the business, and you will have to buy of us, whether you like it or not. Get out of my sight, or I'll lick the whole boiling of you." (They fly, and she returns to the parental whiskey shop.)
LIONEL. "Night is coming on. I will go among the rocks; why, I don't know, but still I will go." (Goes. Three miners follow and attack him.) ”

“ The Proprietors and publishers of THE AMERICAN CHEMIST, having purchased the subscription list and stock of the American reprint of THE CHEMICAL NEWS, have decided to advance the interests of American Chemical Science by the publication of a Journal which shall be a medium of communication for all practical, thinking experimenting, and manufacturing scientific men throughout the country. ”

“ For a man to get out of bed in the middle of the night and call for an auger, was indeed a trifle peculiar. When he brought it, I increased his astonishment by proceeding to bore a hole through the top of my trunk. ”

“ No such extravagant folly can be laid at the door of the Republican Party. "Let bygones be bygones" is their motto. They allowed their "sham ABRAHAM," in heroic bronze, to be hoisted on to his pedestal in Union Square in solitude and silence. That was commendable. A live ass is better than a dead lion; and so the Republican Party, who consider themselves very much alive, went to look after their daily thistles and left their dead lion in charge of a policeman.
THE PLAYS AND SHOWS.
OTTA is lithe; (which is alliterative,) pretty, piquant, and addicted to the banjo. ”

“ We hope none of our readers will labor under the impression that we look upon the above effusion as a poetical one, but, in this day of many isms, it may happen that the above style may become prevalent, and we think it our duty to present everything that is new. ”

“ Instances like the above are quite common among Americans in Paris. It was only the other day at the dépôt of the Chemin de fer du Nord that I saw a sick Bostonian sitting on his trunk outside the gates, waiting for a chance to get into the train, with a Skye-terrier between his legs wrapped in the American flag. You easily get accustomed to such sights, and don't think anything about them.
Yesterday I called at the office of the American Minister. ”

“ The columns of THE AMERICAN CHEMIST are open for the reception of original articles from any part of the country, subject to approval of the editor. Letters of inquiry on any points of interest within the scope of the Journal will receive prompt attention. ”

“ Whether this constant cramming of the mind and purging of the body be the true secret of longevity as well as of scholarship, we know not; we should judge, however, from the appearance and conversation of students in general, that a system directly the reverse of the above mentioned process would be more certain of turning out the real article. ”

“ P. believed,—and events proved him to be correct,—that when his friends and the sporting fraternity saw his horse, they would bet heavily against him. Mr. P., however, in all the pride of amateur ownership, bet quite as heavily upon his noble steed. His friends and the above-mentioned fraternity chuckled and winked behind his back, but although Mr. P. heard them chuckle and knew that they were winking, his belief in his final success never wavered. Any ordinary observer might be expected to remark that Creeping Peter was not entirely without blemish. ”

“ A lady well stricken in years, and of adequate protraction of nose and rectilinear undeviation of figure, can travel alone from Maine to Florida with as perfect immunity from offensive masculine intrusion as though she were guarded by a regiment ”

“ You can't support your wife. The Doctor says she needs nice parties and other necessaries of life. Give her to us, and go to California."
REASONING ANIMAL. "I will. Bring her here till I embrace her. (She is brought.) Farewell, my dear. I will go and make my fortune."
WIFE. "Take our little girl with you."
REASONING ANIMAL. "I will, for she needs a mother's care. Good-bye! Leave me to weep and wash the baby's face and hands alone."
ACT I.—Scene, a California mining-camp. Various miners of assorted nationalities—one of each—hard at work lying on the ground.
1ST MINER. "I want more whiskey." ”

“ Just as I approched the gate which leads into the Park, a fansy lookin' feller with short hair and plad briches stopt me and says: "Unkle, you'r fair."
"You're a man of excellent judgment," I replide; "I think I am pooty good lookin' for a man of my years."
"You don't undertand me, sir," he agin said. "Come down with your stamps."
"My which?" said I, turnin' a little red in the face.
"Your gate money," he replied, tryin' to shove me back. "We charge $1.00 for goin' in here."
"You do, do you?" said I, wavin' my umbreller over his head threatenin' manner. ”

“ And here we have an example of that difference between novels and real life which has been illustrated more than once before in this conscientious American Adaptation of what all our profoundly critical native journals pronounce the "most elaborately artistic work" of the grandest of English novelists. In an equivalent situation of real life, Mr. ”

“ AND
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“ They have been picking away so vigorously, since they were brought over here, that some of them are now able to pick their way across Broadway, in the muddiest weather. In course of time, we suppose the worms will disappear, and then, when these poor birds have nothing else to pick, they will go out to pic-nics. ”

“ She has followed the business ever since she was a girl, and twenty-four (24) years of steady application have made her no longer a Timid Young Thing. She is not afraid of audiences any more.
It is a favorite recreation of the moral boot-blacks and pious newsboys of New York to gather in the evening on the steps of Mr. ”

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“ Gittin' onto my feet, I pulled off my cote and vest, and if I didn't make the fur fly, and give that 'ere tavern-keeper the nisest little polishin' off mortal man ever become acquainted with, then I don't understand the roodiments of the English prize ring. ”

“ The venerable "Lait Gustise" sees the Sights, under Perplexing Difficulties.
The native borned Gothamite mite have notissed, a short time since, a venerable lookin' ex-Statesman, dressed in a becomin' soot of clothes and a slick lookin' white hat.
The a-four-said honest old man carried a bloo cotton umbreller in one hand, and an acksminister carpet bag in t'other. He had jest arroven to the meetropolis on a North River steambote. The reader has probly gessed by this time, that the man in question was the subscriber. ”

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