condesa de Emilia Pardo Bazán

“ What do I care for your ideas, or your spiritualism, or your pumpkins! Why, where will you find another treasure like Belén? For you, Belén is the first prize. The trouble is that they have bewitched you at that cursed house of your uncle’s. The atmosphere of dullness and hypocrisy which surrounds you there is wasting away your spirit little by little. Why don’t you come to live at my boarding-house, I’d like to know? You would be like a fish in deep water there. We would drive the blues out of you in short order. Trinito is more amusing than ever, this year. ”

“ As she said this, Señorita Aldao seemed to me very handsome. Her eyes flashed, and her nostrils dilated with enthusiasm and indignation. Her bosom rose and fell convulsively. The friar looked at her in amazement.
“You are more than right!” he exclaimed at last. “How much better it would be to die than to wallow in disgusting sins! Death is nature’s law; we all have to pay that tribute sooner or later; but, my child, at least let us refrain from paying another to the devil so that he may laugh at the way he cheats us. ”

“ Nature was an accomplice in his dream, however, for, besides the gigantic yew-tree which she had created, she spread around it all the charms which she is accustomed to display in that corner of paradise which is called Rías Bajas. The sun, the ocean, the sky, the climate, the beach, the vegetation of a district so luxuriant, formed an oasis of Tejo, though it could not compete with Naranjal in what depended on the work of man. Art may make a great show in the country, but the highest charm of a country seat depends on Nature. ”

“ Without transition, we passed from the heated, vibrating, and echoing air of the orchestra circle, out to the chilly lobby, which was all the colder for being deserted, since only two ushers were walking up and down there. A current of air, sharp as a stiletto, entered my half-opened mouth, while I was laughing, and my dilated nostrils, and went as by instinct to my chest, where I felt a singular compression.
“Cover your mouths, gentlemen,” said the practical Luis, “or we shall catch the greatest pneumonia of the Christian era. Cover your mouth, Salustio; don’t be childish.” ”

“ There are moments in which the curtain is drawn back, and you surprise the soul in all its nakedness and perceive its mysterious shapes, however quickly the surprised one may try to cover them up. That cry fully revealed my uncle’s soul, hard, dry, and vilely mercenary—like a great many others which roam around the world inclosed in bodies less Jewish in appearance.
“It is a great joke—your taking it so coolly,” he continued, excited and beside himself. “According to that you don’t care if your father is crazy! Because that is what it is—senile imbecility, dotage! ”

“ My life at Ullosa had been a parenthesis, a pleasant rest, a sort of agreeable sleepiness, and that rude summons to the outside world, to its agitations and changes, just as I was about to take up my studies again, and when I needed all my power of mind and will for my difficult tasks, fairly{309} bewildered me. Nevertheless, youth is so fond of peril, the surf, and the tempest, that I felt a thrill of pleasure when my uncle rang the electric bell, and the door opened behind which was Carmen Aldao. ”

“ Well, I would not draw any inference, yet I kept on watching the signs of that antipathy with intense joy. Just as, when we begin to surmise that the woman we love will return our affection, we eagerly watch for a glance, a smile, a furtive blush, the trace of a passing emotion, that, tearing asunder the delicate veil which infolds a woman’s heart, betrays and lays bare the hidden flame, so I used to study the inflections of her voice, the ill-concealed flashing of her eyes, the scarcely perceptible tremor of her lips which revealed to me the wife’s moral state. ”

“ It is that the first glance a man gives a woman, when he is young and prone to love, as I was, is almost always an inquiring look, somewhat loving also,—a look which asks, “Could that woman love me? What would happen if she did?” This is not an affectation of cynicism, nor do I make out human nature worse than God created it; but it only indicates that the sexual instinct, like all other instincts, never rests, although reason may repress it. If I had felt affection and respect for my uncle, I would have silenced that confused murmur of instinct at once. ”

“ Ye dramatists, who strew daggers and poison throughout your terrifying creations; ye poets, who sing of horrible tragedies; ye novelists, who have as many murders as chapters,—tell me if there is any struggle more tremendous than that which goes on in a woman’s heart when she is united, subjected, fastened to the man whose presence is enough to make every fiber of her being quiver with aversion! And let those who believe that psychology is merely a science of facts like the positive and exact physical and natural sciences, tell us why that husband should so greatly disgust his wife. ”

“ We took our coffee in the Tejo and I gazed attentively at that respectable patriarch of the vegetable world which was destined to play a certain part in my life. The enormous, rugged trunk fantastically covered with moss, with its bark alive and sound in spite of age, easily supported the majestic branches of the giant of the Ria, as it was styled in poetic parlance by the writers and correspondents of the Madrid journals when they came to pass the summer there. The manner in which it grew and spread its foliage of an intensely dark green had something of biblical impressiveness. ”

“ Auntie Carmen is like all women, and only possesses one innocency. She will lose it to-day. To-day another man will pluck the lily. To-day, what you respect more than anything else in the world, is given over to profanation. No matter how many years may pass, or how many favors you may obtain from that woman, you will never be able to bring her to this beach in the moonlight, through{281} paths overgrown by honeysuckle, to taste emotions never felt before, to enter into life through the gateway of illusion. ”

“ Or do you believe that the destined progress of society depends upon the wife being a Christian and the husband a rationalist?
“Salustio, wake up, for you are dreaming. Are you really going to fall in love with a woman, because her ideas are contrary to yours in almost every respect? Well, suppose she were single, and you should marry her, and that she should keep burning the torch of faith,—and—well—I would not give a fig for it all. Leave her to your uncle, she is just the thing for him. They’ll make a fine couple. But for you! My boy, cure yourself of romanticism and Christianity. ”

“ Love me, girl of Seville, beauteous maid, spotless flower,
For with the sound of my guitar my heart beats for thee,
Here he would break off his song to look toward the window of a young washerwoman, ugly enough in appearance, but lively and sociable. She would stand at the window laughing and making eyes at him. The Portuguese{9} would sigh, and exclaim in broken Spanish: “Moy bunita!” and then, attacking his guitar with renewed zest, would finish his song:
Oh, what grief, if she is false—no, fatal doubt flee far from me. ”

“ The rough branches of the yew tree cut into my flesh and the hand with which I was clinging to the tree began to get numb.
At length Carmen spoke in a changed tone:
“Dislike him? I do not know. What I do know is that I do not feel any great affection toward him, nor any of that enthusiastic—don’t get frightened, Father. I do not mean enthusiastic love. Let’s see if I can make my meaning clearer. I should like, when I get married, to be able to look on the husband whom I am to take, in the sight of God, as a person worthy of the respect of all the world. ”

“ Or, on the contrary, was a piquant unlikeness of souls a greater attraction, and the having in one’s own soul hidden chambers, like Blue Beard’s, where a wife would never be able to enter? Why did I exalt that woman, seeing in her a perfect type of womanhood? Why did her self-sacrifice, which would have appeared so absurd in me, seem so sublime in her?
“Luis is right on one subject,” I definitely decided; “we must devote our minds to our books; a drama in one’s own life is an enemy of study.” ”

“ I have traveled a great deal, and have studied the inner constitution of many different forms of society, and I assure you that nothing charms me more than a family consisting of one man and one woman, who have vowed to love each other and to protect the fruit of their love. Neither the heart of man, nor the quiet and security of the family, nor the dignity of woman, can be exalted and strengthened by polygamy.{184} Not even sensual passions are satisfied, for, as you know, sensuality is a sort of moral dropsy, which finally engenders tedium and disgust.’”
“Bravo, Father Moreno!” ”

“ If the man who gave me being does not lose his soul, I shall feel resigned to all the rest. You know the trouble I had on Doña Andrea’s account. While she and my father lived—in that way—all I wanted was that they should get married. I should have my mother’s maid for a stepmother, but on the other hand papa would be living at peace with God. Doña Andrea is an unhappy being—believe me, she has a good heart. She has never shown the least disrespect for me, and has taken care of me with a real affection that I cannot describe to you. ”

“ Don’t let the wrong become complete. Free yourself from that fearful thing. In your innocency, you cannot imagine, unhappy girl, what it is to be my uncle’s wife. It is a horrible thing, I assure you. I hope I may never live to see it. First, let me become blind! Father Moreno is an honorable man, and his advice to you is the same as mine. Come, now, be brave, break the chain—I will help you, and the Father and all of us will help you. Courage!’”
“What I can swear to,” said the friar, “is that you are crazy, or are in the straight road to become so. ”

“ That day, when we climbed up in the supper-room to take our coffee, where they had already placed a number of chairs, benches, and rustic tables, the yew was more attractive than ever. A fresh breeze coming up from the estuary made the branches gently sway; the sun, striking full on the tree’s top, gilded it, and drew out that penetrating, somewhat resinous odor, which increases in our hearts the rapture of life. The height at which we found ourselves suspended might indeed make us fancy that we were birds ”

“ Carmen Aldao was pale and feverish, with deep circles under her eyes. Her eyelids had a heavy, purplish look, as though she had passed a sleepless night. She wore the white dress with the net-work of imitation pearls, a black lace mantilla, fastened with jeweled pins, a spray of natural orange blossoms on her breast, long gloves, and carried a lace handkerchief and a prayer-book and rosary inlaid with pearl. ”

“ Hardly would he have finished lighting the first one, when a young man, twenty-four years old,—one of Pepa’s boarders also, whom I looked upon for a long time as the personification of an artist,—would burst into the room. His surname was Botello, but I never thought to inquire his Christian name. He was fine looking, of good height, wore his hair rumpled, not too long, but thick and curly, and he looked something like a mulatto—like Alexandre Dumas, with his great thick lips, mustache like Van Dyke’s, bright black eyes, and a fine, dark complexion. ”

“ It is not true that he is in his dotage, and the respect we owe him ought to prohibit us from opposing his will. Let us be patient. It would be worse if he were to live in a scandalous manner.”
“You are a fool!” exclaimed her husband, losing all restraint for the first time, and determined to free his mind. “At your father’s age there is no scandal possible, or any such nonsense; all that there is, is folly and imbecility and ridiculousness—that most absurd of all things, marrying a young girl of low birth, a servant! Within a month’s time he will find that his head is too big for his hat. ”

“ But we have taken a vow of obedience, and suddenly I received the disagreeable order to leave for Spain, to go to Madrid itself, and it was not possible for me to wear my habit; fine times for habits those were! ‘Listen, Moreno,’ said I to myself, ‘it is time to cast off your friar’s garb and become a fine little gentleman.’ You know that they allow us to let our beards grow while we are in Africa, and that is a great aid in disguising a friar, because one of the things which betrays a priest dressed as a layman is his smooth face. ”

“ Those words, prompted by a sublime impulse of faith, would have moved a stone; but my uncle was harder than a stone, and, throwing away his napkin, he arose from the table, muttering between his teeth:
“As if that was not enough to come upon one, I must listen to stupidities and twaddle. He must have nerve. Just think of that scarecrow getting married now; and then to hear him defended here,—here in my own house!”
He rushed out of the dining-room. I followed him, for I wanted to know where he was going, and I had an object in leaving Carmen alone. ”

“ Nevertheless, I kept on listening:
“Well, my child,” said the friar, resolutely, “if you feel such an antipathy or dislike toward him as you really seem to, you should not marry him. At least, consider whether you are able to go through with it. Reflect well on what a married woman’s condition is. Remember that the husband you take, whether he pleases you or not, is your life-long companion; the only man whom it is lawful for you to love, who will be with you one flesh,—that is what the Church says,—one flesh. He will be the father of your children, and you owe him not only fidelity but love ”