Mr. Pecksniff

“ It will not do, sir," repeated Mr. Pecksniff, shaking his head. "You may think it will do, but it won't. You must provide for that young man; you shall provide for him; you will provide for him. I believe," said Mr. Pecksniff, glancing at the pen-and-ink, "that in secret you have already done so. Bless you for doing so. Bless you for doing right, sir. Bless you for hating me. And good night!"
So saying, Mr. Pecksniff waved his right hand with much solemnity; and once more inserting it in his waistcoat, departed. There was emotion in his manner, but his step was firm. ”

“ Pecksniff, after a short silence, "is a high one. Forgive me, my dear Mr. Jonas," he added, greatly moved, "if I say that you have spoiled me, and made it a fanciful one; an imaginative one; a prismaticaily tinged one, if I may be permitted to call it so."
"What do you mean by that?" growled Jonas, looking at him with increased disfavour.
"Indeed, my dear friend," said Mr. Pecksniff, "you may well inquire. The heart is not always a royal mint, with patent machinery, to work its metal into current coin. Sometimes it throws it out in strange forms, not easily recognised as coin at all. ”

“ Well. Here’s father in the next room. Hallo father, here’s Pecksniff! He gets more addle-pated every day he lives, I do believe,’ muttered Jonas, shaking his honoured parent roundly. ‘Don’t I tell you Pecksniff’s here, stupid-head?’
The combined effects of the shaking and this loving remonstrance soon awoke the old man, who gave Mr Pecksniff a chuckling welcome which was attributable in part to his being glad to see that gentleman, and in part to his unfading delight in the recollection of having called him a hypocrite. ”

“ And your conscience does not acquit you. No, Sir, no!"
Pronouncing these last words in a loud and solemn voice, Mr. Pecksniff was not so absolutely lost in his own fervour as to be unmindful of the expediency of getting a little nearer to the door.
"I have been struck this day," said Mr. Pecksniff, "with a walking-stick, which I have every reason to believe has knobs upon it: on that delicate and exquisite portion of the human anatomy, the brain. Several blows have been inflicted, Sir, without a walking-stick, upon that tenderer portion of my frame: my heart. ”

“ Pecksniff, looking over the banisters, "let us improve our minds by mutual inquiry and discussion. Let us be moral. Let us contemplate existence. Where is Jinkins?"
"Here," cried that gentleman. "Go to bed again!"
"To bed!" said Mr. Pecksniff. "Bed! 'Tis the voice of the sluggard; I hear him complain; you have woke me too soon; I must slumber again. If any young orphan will repeat the remainder of that simple piece from Doctor Watts's collection, an eligible opportunity now offers." ”

“ Pecksniff: "and I will tell you why. There are two Martin Chuzzlewits, my dear; and your carrying your anger to one might have a serious effect, who knows, upon the other. You wouldn't wish to hurt him, would you!"
She trembled violently, and looked at him with such a proud disdain that he turned his eyes away. No doubt lest he should be offended with her in spite of his better self.
"A passive quarrel, my love," said Mr. Pecksniff, "may be changed into an active one, remember. It would be sad to blight even a disinherited young man in his already blighted prospects: but how easy to do it. ”

“ Pecksniff," cried Mrs. Todgers. "Welcome to London! Who would have thought of such a visit as this, after so—dear, dear!—so many years! How do you do, Mr. Pecksniff?"
"As well as ever; and as glad to see you, as ever;" Mr. Pecksniff made response. "Why, you are younger than you used to be!"
"You are, I am sure!" said Mrs. Todgers. "You're not a bit changed."
"What do you say to this?" cried Mr. Pecksniff, stretching out his hand towards the young ladies. "Does this make me no older?"
"Not your daughters!" exclaimed the lady, raising her hands and clasping them. "Oh, no, Mr. Pecksniff! ”

“ When Mr Pecksniff, rising from his seat at the table’s head, with a daughter on either hand, received his guests in the best parlour and motioned them to chairs, with eyes so overflowing and countenance so damp with gracious perspiration, that he may be said to have been in a kind of moist meekness! And the company; the jealous stony-hearted distrustful company, who were all shut up in themselves, and had no faith in anybody, and wouldn’t believe anything, and would no more allow themselves to be softened or lulled asleep by the Pecksniffs than if they had been so many hedgehogs or porcupines! ”

“ Here Mr Pecksniff, accidentally dropping the tear in question on a bald part of Mr Chuzzlewit’s head, wiped the place with his pocket-handkerchief, and begged pardon.
‘It is shed for him, sir, whom you seek to make the victim of your arts,’ said Mr Pecksniff; ‘whom you seek to plunder, to deceive, and to mislead. It is shed in sympathy with him, and admiration of him; not in pity for him, for happily he knows what you are. You shall not wrong him further, sir, in any way,’ said Mr Pecksniff, quite transported with enthusiasm, ‘while I have life. You may bestride my senseless corse, sir. ”

“ Pecksniff, "entire and pure forgiveness is not incompatible with a wounded heart; perchance when the heart is wounded, it becomes a greater virtue. With my breast still wrung and grieved to its inmost core by the ingratitude of that person, I am proud and glad to say, that I forgive him. Nay! I beg," cried Mr. Pecksniff, raising his voice, as Pinch appeared about to speak, "I beg that individual not to offer a remark: he will truly oblige me by not uttering one word: just now. ”

“ Here Mr Pecksniff wiped his eyes again, and gave himself two or three little knocks upon the breast, as if he were answering two or three other little knocks from within, given by the tinkling hammer of his conscience, to express ‘Cheer up, my boy!’
‘I know the human mind, although I trust it. That is my weakness. Do I not know, sir’—here he became exceedingly plaintive and was observed to glance towards Tom Pinch—‘that my misfortunes bring this treatment on me? Do I not know, sir, that but for them I never should have heard what I have heard to-day? ”

“ Mr Pecksniff cast him off, as Saint George might have repudiated the Dragon in that animal’s last moments, and said:
‘Where is Mrs Lupin, I wonder! can the good woman possibly be aware that there is a person here who—’
‘Stay!’ said the gentleman. ‘Wait a bit. She does know. What then?’
‘What then, sir?’ cried Mr Pecksniff. ‘What then? Do you know, sir, that I am the friend and relative of that sick gentleman? ”

“ Pecksniff returned with a breathless rapidity, strange to observe in him, at other times so calm; and, seeking immediate speech with his daughters, shut himself up with them in private conference, for two whole hours. Of all that passed in this period, only the following words of Mr. Pecksniff's utterance are known:
"How he has come to change so very much (if it should turn out as I expect, that he has) , we needn't stop to inquire. My dears, I have my thoughts upon the subject, but I will not impart them. It is enough that we will not be proud, resentful, or unforgiving. ”

“ Jonas is sweet upon your daughter.’
‘I know that too,’ thought Mr Pecksniff, ‘for you have said it often enough.’
‘He might get more money than with her,’ said the old man, ‘but she will help him to take care of what they have. She is not too young or heedless, and comes of a good hard griping stock. But don’t you play too fine a game. She only holds him by a thread; and if you draw it too tight (I know his temper) it’ll snap. Bind him when he’s in the mood, Pecksniff; bind him. You’re too deep. In your way of leading him on, you’ll leave him miles behind. ”

“ Pecksniff to Anthony: "now that we are alone, pray tell me what I can do for you. I say alone, because I believe that our dear friend Mr. Chuffey is, metaphysically speaking, a—shall I say a dummy?" asked Mr. Pecksniff with his sweetest smile, and his head very much on one side.
"He neither hears us," replied Anthony, "nor sees us,"
"Why then," said Mr. Pecksniff, "I will be bold to say, with the utmost sympathy for his afflictions, and the greatest admiration of those excellent qualities which do equal honour to his head and to his heart, that he is what is playfully termed a dummy. ”

“ The good man pricked up his ears; his interest was awakened. A position near the top of the tree was greatness, virtue, goodness, sense, genius; or, it should rather be said, a dispensation from all, and in itself something immeasurably better than all; with Mr Pecksniff. A man who was able to look down upon Mr Pecksniff could not be looked up at, by that gentleman, with too great an amount of deference, or from a position of too much humility. So it always is with great spirits.
‘I’ll tell you what you may do, if you like,’ said Jonas; ‘you may come and dine with us at the Dragon. ”

“ Where do you come from? What do you want?’
‘Matter!’ cried the voice of Mr Pecksniff, as Pecksniff in the flesh smiled amiably upon him. ‘The matter, Mr Jonas!’
‘What are you prying and peering about here for?’ said Jonas, angrily. ‘What do you mean by coming up to town in this way, and taking one unawares? It’s precious odd a man can’t read the—the newspaper—in his own office without being startled out of his wits by people coming in without notice. Why didn’t you knock at the door?’
‘So I did, Mr Jonas,’ answered Pecksniff, ‘but no one heard me. ”

“ Martin looked at him, and made no answer; but a curious observer might have detected an ominous twitching at his mouth, and perhaps an involuntary attraction of his right hand in the direction of Mr Pecksniff’s cravat.
‘I lament to be obliged to say, sir,’ resumed Mr Pecksniff, ‘that it would be quite in keeping with your character if you did threaten me. You have deceived me. You have imposed upon a nature which you knew to be confiding and unsuspicious. ”

“ As he ceased, the grey head of the old man drooped again; and he concealed his face behind his outspread fingers.
‘My dear sir,’ cried Mr Pecksniff, bending over him, ‘you must not give way to this. It is very natural, and very amiable, but you must not allow the shameless conduct of one whom you long ago cast off, to move you so far. Rouse yourself. Think,’ said Pecksniff, ‘think of Me, my friend.’
‘I will,’ returned old Martin, looking up into his face. ‘You recall me to myself. ”

“ The result of these labours appeared to be satisfactory, for when he did break silence, it was as one who had arrived at some specific result, and freed himself from a state of distressing uncertainty.
"Come, old Pecksniff!"—such was his jocose address, as he slapped that gentleman on the back, at the end of the stage—"let's have something!"
"With all my heart," said Mr. Pecksniff.
"Let's treat the driver," cried Jonas.
"If you think it won't hurt the man, or render him discontented with his station—certainly," faultered Mr. Pecksniff. ”

“ Pecksniff's usual form of advertisement when he wanted a pupil; and seemed to have no particular reference, at present, to anything. But Mr. Pecksniff held up his finger as a caution to her not to interrupt him.
"Do you know any parent or guardian, Mrs. Todgers," said Mr. Pecksniff, "who desires to avail himself of such an opportunity for a young gentleman? An orphan would be preferred. Do you know of any orphan with three or four hundred pound?" ”

“ My dears, you remember?"
Oh vividly! A thousand times!
"We uttered no complaint," said Mr. Pecksniff. "Occasionally we had the presumption to console ourselves with the remark that Truth would in the end prevail, and Virtue be triumphant; but not often. My loves, you recollect?"
Recollect? Could he doubt it? Dearest pa, what strange, unnecessary questions!
"And when I saw you," resumed Mr. Pecksniff, with still greater deference, "in the little, unassuming village where we take the liberty of dwelling, I said you were mistaken in me, my dear sir: that was all, I think?" ”

“ There is a gentleman in company whom two accomplished and delightful females regard with veneration, as the fountain of their existence. Yes, when yet the two Miss Pecksniffs lisped in language scarce intelligible, they called that individual ‘Father!’ There is great applause. He gives them ‘Mr Pecksniff, and God bless him!’ They all shake hands with Mr Pecksniff, as they drink the toast. The youngest gentleman in company does so with a thrill; for he feels that a mysterious influence pervades the man who claims that being in the pink scarf for his daughter. ”

“ Pecksniff, the carpet-bag, and the portmanteau, could be likened to a clap of thunder. But Mr. Jonas giving his assent to this proposal, they stole round into the back yard, and softly advanced towards the kitchen window, through which the mingled light of fire and candle shone upon the darkening night.
Truly Mr. Pecksniff is blessed in his children—in one of them, at any rate. The prudent Cherry—staff, and scrip, and treasure of her doting father—there she sits, at a little table white as driven snow, before the kitchen fire, making up accounts! ”

“ But never did that dog live, in kennel, stable-yard, or house, whose life was half as hard as Mr. Pecksniff's with his gentle child.
The father and daughter were sitting at their breakfast. Tom had retired, and they were alone. Mr. Pecksniff frowned at first; but having cleared his brow, looked stealthily at his child. Her nose was very red indeed, and screwed up tight, with hostile preparation.
"Cherry," cried Mr. Pecksniff, "what is amiss between us? My child, why are we disunited?" ”