Anonymous

“ Do you aspire to better things? If you consider yourself a nobody, do you care to be somebody? Do you care to be considered an intelligent, interesting capable person? Then analyze yourself; take yourself to pieces, and see what there is really of you. We take it for granted, of course, that you are a person of ordinary common sense. Has your school education been neglected? then you must rectify this by a selected course of reading; for the first and most important step towards removing a feeling of bashfulness and inferiority, is to become well informed on general topics. ”

“ It is certainly very embarrassing and conducive of bashfulness to be thrust into a glittering room filled with people superior to one’s self in position, and equally cultured in the knowledge of what is due to the place and occasion. A sensitive, uncultured man or maiden, with rustic garb and rustic speech, [Pg 32] and little knowledge respecting correct manners, introduced at once to the presence of cultured ladies and gentlemen, does not know what to do with hands nor feet; whether to sit or to stand, or to hide. Is it to be wondered at that such a person acts and feels cheap and diminutive? ”

“ It is a glory for a woman to be able to be proud of her lover or husband—of his superior intellect, his dignity and strong manhood and loving care and tenderness, and it is proverbial how a true woman overlooks and endeavors to conceal the faults and weaknesses of her husband. ”

“ In reading, cultivate the purely conversational tone. It is as easy to read as it is to talk, yet there are few good readers. The tone of voice, modulation, accent, etc., should be precisely as if you were in conversation, not as if you were preaching in a drawling, monotonous way. Read well and you will converse well, and both are superior accomplishments, acquired with facility; though the orator who pours forth his thoughts with such apparent ease, achieves his wonderful power only by means of patient labor, after much repetition, and, like Disraeli, often after bitter disappointments. ”

“ He does not attain that position in society nor that success in professional or business life that he would were he not shackled by his foolish timidity—his deference to others.
A bold, self-confident man, with a mere fraction of a bashful man’s ability and attainments, will invariably distance him in the affairs of life. “Brass” always tells. The world don’t stop to analyze a man for his real merit. It takes him at his own valuation, and if a man puts a low estimate upon himself and goes through life with a hanging head [Pg 10] and blushing face, he has small success, and less pity. ”

“ Now speaking grammatically is a mere matter of education. If lacking in this respect, the use of any good grammar, and particularly “Composition and Rhetoric,” already mentioned, with “Live and Learn;” or “1000 Mistakes Corrected,” will be all you require in this direction. “One Thousand Mistakes Corrected,” is better than half-a-dozen living teachers.
To express one’s self with fluency in conversation is an art that can be acquired by a little practice, in adopting the method of the great orator Clay, in gaining quick readiness in speech. ”

“ Judicious flattery is incomparable as a means of pleasing. No person is proof against it, and one of its most delicate and effective forms is in showing a seeming deference to us—our conversation—opinions and advice. The ladies are particularly sus [Pg 35] ceptible to polite and urbane manners. The act of a gentleman raising his hat and bowing gracefully to a lady, is really, or seemingly, a mark of esteem and respect, and the lady is pleased, as she should be. Little attentions thoughtfully shown are certain to please, and to secure that regard the person showing them is entitled to receive. ”

“ Quiet self-possession will enable a person quite unacquainted with the usages of society to conduct himself very acceptably even in the most superior company. It is the foolish feeling of timidity that [Pg 33] causes the trepidation and bashfulness, and consequent uneasy manners when in company, with the class of persons for whose benefit this book was written. Why should you be timid and backward, and show by your hesitating ways that you do not feel at ease? You surely can notice how those about you conduct themselves, and conduct yourself accordingly. ”

“ He isn’t afraid of the women much—not much. He does not class them with the angel species, to converse with whom requires great courage and moral force. He has learned by considerable unpleasant experience that a great many of the gentler sex have brisk little tempers, and some spiteful, harassing ways, and tongues that can say sharp things:—in fact, who are very much mortal, and so, not considering them either doves or angels, he experiences no trepidation in their society whatever. ”

“ So take courage, young men, and if you have a difficulty to overcome, grapple with it at once; facility will come with practice, and strength and success with repeated effort. And always recollect, that the mind and character may be trained to almost perfect discipline, enabling it to move with a grace, spirit and freedom almost incomprehensible to those who have not subjected themselves to a similar training. ”

“ Bashfulness from Ill-Dress.
A person may have the education of a College President, and possess the wealth of an Astor, yet let him with soiled or slouchy clothes be suddenly brought into the society of ladies and gentlemen, and he will feel and act constrained and bashful in spite of his best endeavors.
Let a well-bred, well-dressed person make a call and discover, when it is too late, that his boots are muddy, or his finger-nails not cleaned, and he will inevitably act ill at ease, and be glad when he is safe in the street again. ”

“ No emotion is more painful than bashfulness. Without feeling guilty, its subject feels crushed. Says one, “I am troubled with a painful sense of timidity and bashfulness in the presence of company on being spoken to, especially at the table; and no matter whether the person be my equal or my in [Pg 6] ferior, I blush from the cravat to the hair, and the very consciousness that I am blushing, and that my embarrassment is discovered, tends to deepen the blush and heighten the embarrassment. Now, I have a good personal appearance; I have a good education; I occupy a good position in society ”

“ They won’t hurt you. Walk boldly up and make yourself agreeable. They will meet you half way. If at any time you feel a little fluttering of the heart, don’t subside into a corner with the say-nothings and do-nothings, but “circulate around,” and you will be surprised how easily you will find yourself at home and at ease, chatting with some nice people.
For removing Bashfulness, awkwardness, and all manner of similar disagreeable things, there could not possibly be a better place than the dancing-school. ”

“ If you read carefully Kame’s Elements of Criticism you would be richly repaid in the pleasure derived, and in the gain of a rich store of valuable information. Any person who would be pre-eminently quick-witted must not fail to read Shakespeare—at least the principal plays. Shakespeare’s knowledge of the world—of the secret springs of human action—of human nature—was something wonderful. No human being has yet equalled him in this respect. ”

“ Now here are enumerated less than a dozen books, within the reach of any one capable of earning his clothes, and which, if read at least twice, [Pg 25] carefully, will make a person feel that he really knows something—had really entered the great temple of knowledge.
Of course, one should not be confined to the above. The extent of one’s intelligence and information will depend upon the extent of his reading and thinking; but the above-mentioned books, thoroughly read, will educate and elevate more than the perusal of an entire library read hastily and thoughtlessly. ”

“ Reading aloud from some book, enunciating every word clearly and distinctly, with a dictionary at hand to settle instantly in your own mind any question as to the proper pronunciation of particular words, is a practice so abundantly fruitful of good results, that those who will practise it even for a short time, will scarcely be induced to relinquish it. ”

“ Now a timid, bashful fellow does not possess those qualities that women most admire, and to possess them should be a bashful person’s foremost ambition.
The boy who hangs his head and sucks his thumb when spoken to by a stranger, and who is generally to be found moping behind the kitchen fire, looking at a picture book, is not the mother’s favorite. The saucy little chap who sticks his fists into his breeches pocket, and don’t see anything in strangers to fear; who rides the colts bare-back; who don’t like the girls because they can’t climb after bird’s eggs ”

“ Since that time when Eve cast her first loving glances towards robust Adam, women’s love and admiration have gone out to bold and gallant men. As she is timid and weak, so the more does she admire the qualities of strength and courage. Man is her natural protector, and she looks up to him and clings to him in love and confidence. ”

“ Whispering in company is an act of unmistakable ill-breeding. It seems to imply that neither the persons whom we do not wish should hear are unworthy our confidence, or that we are speaking improperly of them.
Incessant talkers are very disagreeable companions. Nothing can be more rude than to engross the conversation to yourself, or to take the words, as it were, out of another person’s mouth. ”

“ Tricks and Diversions with Cards.—A new book, containing the latest tricks of the most celebrated conjurors, magicians, and prestigiators, popularly explained, simplified and adapted for home amusement and social entertainments. For lovers of the marvellous and ingenious, this book will be a perpetual source of enjoyment. The whole is so elucidated, that any one can, with a little practice, perform the most difficult feats to his own satisfaction, and the wonder and admiration of his friends. ”

“ Why should you not enter a room filled with company like any other well-bred person, in an easy, unconcerned manner, and addressing those about you, even those with whom you are not acquainted, without restraint, and without embarrassment? If you cannot muster sufficient spirit to do this, you had better turn travelling agent and call from house to house till you are not afraid of associating and conversing with strangers. ”

“ The Bible perhaps excepted, no book has yet been printed that contains so great an amount of profound worldly wisdom as the works of Shakespeare. Nothing will so quickly sharpen and polish a dull and untrained intellect. ”

“ Bashful young ladies, to the rightly constituted masculine mind, are rather attractive than otherwise. The timid, retiring manner; the modest, downcast look; the soft blushes—all are particularly engaging, especially to those who have been long in society, and accustomed to the cool self-possession and calm assurance of fashionable ladies. ”

“ Act the gentleman or lady, and you will be one. Nothing so indicates ill-breeding as a nervous, fidgetty, restless manner. The real lady or gentleman will be composed and undisturbed under every trying circumstance. They have taught themselves self-control, and this is readily learned by those with inclination and determination to learn.
2. Go into Society.—To learn to swim you must go into the water. To overcome the feeling of [Pg 27] bashfulness, and to be at ease in company, you must go into company. On no account should you neglect this duty which you owe to yourself. ”

“ When in company they easily lose their self-possession and do blundering things generally. There are certain habits known to young men that cause a person to become bashful and sheep-faced to a surprising degree.
We have no particular suggestions to offer where diffidence and bashfulness are the result of prolonged illness or disease. Every means should be taken to restore the health; and with the restoration will come the old manly and courageous spirit. ”

“ The good things of this world—the successes in love, in business, in politics, &c., are invariably won by those who have a good opinion of themselves; who have faith in their special talents and abilities, and who push ahead in accordance with this faith. ”

“ There is nothing so grossly rude, nor so little forgiven, as inattention from a person whom you are addressing. Many persons are so thoughtlessly or ignorantly rude, that while you are speaking to them, instead of looking at you with attention, they will look out of the window, into the fire, or up at the ceiling, and, it may be, speak to, or answer some other person, thus seeming to imply implicitly that the most trifling object deserves [Pg 36] their attention more than anything you may be saying. ”

“ If you give yourself a loose tongue in company, you may almost depend on being pulled to pieces as soon as your back is turned, however they may seem entertained with your conversation.
It is ill manners to trouble people with talking too much either of yourself or your affairs. If you are full of yourself, consider that you, and your affairs, are not so interesting to other people as to you. ”

“ We maintain that it is absurd for any intelligent person to feel awkward and bashful who is well-informed and neatly dressed.
To make up for deficiencies of education, any person determined can go through a special course of reading in a comparatively short time, that will make him or her a well informed person. ”

“ Rather than be a bashful, blushing, stuttering booby, it would be much better for a young man to be over-confident and bold. With the latter qualities his chances of success in any direction in life, [Pg 15] would be infinitely better. And it is the stout, true heart that finds favor with the ladies. Women love to be sought, and have attention paid them. It is their nature to be timid, trustful and confiding. They love to rely upon and feel the support of manly strength. ”