George Ellis

“ To thee her Princes, lo! where India sends!
All BENFIELD’s here—and there all HASTINGS’ friends;
MACPHERSON—WRAXALL—SULLIVAN—behold!
CALL—BARWELL—MIDDLETON—with heaps of gold!
Rajahs—Nabobs—from Oude—Tanjore—Arcot— 65
And see!— (nor oh! disdain him!) —MAJOR SCOTT.
Ah! give the Major but one gracious nod:
Ev’n PITT himself once deign’d to court the squad.
“Oh! be it theirs, with more than patriot heat,
To snatch their virtues from their lov’d retreat: 70
Drag thee reluctant to the haunts of men,
And make the minister—Oh! God!—but when!” ”

“ Not mighty HASTINGS, whose illustrious breath
Can bid a RAJAH live, or give him death, 20
Though back’d by SCOTT, by BARWELL, PALK, and all
The sable squadron scowling from BENGAL;
Not the bold Chieftain of the tribe of PHIPPS,
Whose head is scarce less handsome than his ship’s;
Not bare-breech’d GRAHAM, nor bare-witted ROSE, 25
Nor the GREAT LAWYER with the LITTLE NOSE;
Not even VILLIERS’ self shall welcome be,
To dine so oft, or dine so well as he. ”

“ Is this to be credited without a resort to some principle of a very paramount nature in the heart of man indeed? Is the original depravity, in the first instance, of publicly attempting to sully the fair honour of that interesting and sacred character, a youthful soldier, or the meanness in the second, of an equally public and unprecedentedly pusillanimous retraction of the whole of the calumny, to be believed in so high a personage as the Duke of Richmond, without a reference to a cause of a very peculiar kind, to an impulse of more than ordinary potency? ”

“ I too, my gracious Sov’reign’s worth to tell,
Will rouse my torpid genius to an Ode!
The toad a jewel in his head contains—
Prove we the rich production of my brains!
Nor will I court, with humble plea,
Th’ Aonian Maids to inspire my wit:
One mortal girl is worth the Nine to me;—
The prudes of Pindus I resign to Pitt.
His be the classic art, which I despise:—
THURLOW on Nature, and himself relies. ”

“ Spare-ribs! Sausages! Sous’d-lugs! and Face!
With piping-hot Pease-pudding—plenteous place!
Hands! Hocks! Hams! Haggis, with high seas’ning fill’d!
Gammons! Green Griskins! on gridirons grill’d!
Liver and Lights! from Plucks that moment drawn
Pigs’ Puddings! Black and White! with Canterbury Brawn!—
TRIO. Fall too,
Ye Royal crew!
Eat! Eat your bellies full! pray do!
At treats I never winces:—
The Queen shall say,
Once in a way,
Her maids have been well cramm’d—her young ones din’d like Princes!
FULL CHORUS—accompanied by the whole HOGGERY.
For this BIG MORN
GREAT GEORGE was born! ”

“ On India’s deleterious streams wou’d shed;
That Hastings, Munny Begum, Scott, must fall,
And Pitt, and Jenkinson, and Leadenhall;
Still, as with stammering tongue, he told his tale,
Unusual terrors Brunswick’s heart assail;
Wide starts his white wig from his royal ear,
And each particular hair stands stiff with fear,
We flatter ourselves that few of our readers are so void of taste, as not to feel the transcendant beauties of this description. ”

“ Thy employers who ranged on the Treasury Bench,
For prerogative fight, or behind it intrench,
Shall boldly stand forth in support of the act,
Which they mean to restrain by law after the fact.
With quibble and puzzle that reason disgrace.
Or with impudent paradox put in its place,
They shall hold, that an indigent party’s defence,
When at war with the Treasury, lies in expence;
[4] That the part of the vexed is to cherish vexation,
And strain it through DRIPSTONES of procrastination—
These positions you’ll say are indeed hypothetic—
At Court they’ll be Gospel—the muse is prophetic. ”

“ Great are thy foes in the sight of the many-tongued war.—Shake not they knees, like the leaves of the Aspen on the misty hill—the doors of the stairs in the postern are locked; the voice of thy foes is as the wind, which whistleth through the vale; it passeth away like the swift cloud of the night.
The breath of Gwelfo stilleth the stormy seas.——Whilst thou breathest the breath of his nostrils, thou shalt live for ever. Firm standeth thy heel in the Hall of thy Lord. ”

“ Lord Sydney a Cabinet Minister!—What a golden æra!—From this auspicious moment, Peers, Bishops, Baronets, Methodists, Members of Parliament, Chaplains, all genuine Beaux Esprits, all legitimate heirs of Parnassus, rush forward, with unfeigned ardour, to delight the world by the united efforts of liberal genius and constitutional loyalty.—The illustrious candidates assemble—the wisest of Earls sits as Judge—the archest of Buffos becomes his assessor—the Odes are read—the election is determined—how justly is not for us to decide. ”

“ But as Sir Gregory Page Turner finely says, “infallibility is not given to human nature.” Our prodigious Marquis, therefore, diffident of his talents, and not yet satisfied with his plan, rakes into that vast heap of knowledge, which he has collected from reading, and forms into one compost, all the naval inventions of every age and country, in order to meliorate and fertilize the colder genius of Great Britain. “In future,” says the drummer,
All ages, and all countries, shall combine,
To form our navy’s variegated line. ”

“ The fact of a desperate and degraded faction having actually broken into the dwelling-house of the Lord High Chancellor, and carried off the great seal of England, is of equal notoriety and authenticity with that of their having treacherously attempted, when in power, to transfer the crown of Great-Britain from the head of our most gracious sovereign to that of their ambitious leader, so justly denominated the Cromwell of modern times. ”

“ Surely it is not too much to say, that the business of Laureat to his Majesty is, under such provision, to the full as ingenious, reputable, and regular a trade, as that of Almanack Maker to the Stationer’s Company. The contest therefore for so excellent an office, having been warmer in the late instance than at any preceding period, is perfectly to be accounted for; especially too at a time, when, from nobler causes, the Soul of Genius may reasonably be supposed to kindle into uncommon enthusiasm, at a train of new and unexampled prodigies. ”

“ What singular propriety, what striking beauty must the reader of taste immediately perceive in this choice of a painter to execute the author’s design! It cannot be doubted but Mrs. Hastings would exert all her own private and all Major Scott’s public influence with every branch of the Legislature, to obtain so illustrious a job for the man to whose affection, or to whose want of affection, she owes her present fortunes. ”

“ HIGH BAILIFF.—I cannot see that this here fellow is a just vote.
CURATE.—“In thy sight shall no man living be justified.”
Mr. FOX.—I despise the pitiful machinations of my opponents, knowing
the just cause of my electors must in the end prevail.
CURATE.—“And with thy favourable kindness shalt thou defend him as
with a shield.”
WITNESS.—He swore d—n him if he did not give Fox a plumper!
CLERK—“Good Lord! deliver us.”
Mr. MORGAN.—I stand here as Counsel for Sir CECIL WRAY.
CURATE.—“A general pestilence visited the land, serpents and FROGS defiled the holy temple.” ”

“ How accurately, and learnedly, has the poet enumerated all the organs of speech, which separately and jointly refuse to execute their respective offices! How superior is this to the simply cleaving of the tongue to the palate, the Vox faucibus hæsit of Virgil. For as Quintilian observes, a detail of particulars is infinitely better than any general expression, however strong. Then the poor Prophet obtains a little remission of his paroxysm; he begins to breathe convulsively—he gasped; he opens his mouth to its utmost extent—he gaped; our expectations are raised, and, alas! ”

“ Proud to partake the triumphs of his lord:
So you, with zeal, support through each debate,
The conqu’ring WILLIAM of a latter date:
Whene’er he speaks, attentive still to chear
The lofty nothing with a friendly “hear,”
And proud your leader’s glory to promote,
Partake his triumph in a faithful vote.
Ah! sure while Coronets like hailstones fly,
When Peers are made, the Gods alone know why,
Thy hero’s gratitude, O ROLLE, to thee,
A ducal diadem might well decree ”

“ BASTARD; a gentleman who, in his political oscillations, has of late vibrated much more frequently to the opposition than to the treasury bench. This most unaccountable preference we are certain must be matter of deep regret to all our readers of sensibility;—to the drummer it is matter of exultation. ”

“ NORTHCOTE, who, after sacrificing his time, degrading his profession, and hazarding his ears twice or thrice every week, for these two or three years past, has at length confessed his patriotism weary of employing his talents for the good of his country, without receiving the reward of his labours. To confess the truth, we ourselves think the apparent singularity of the poet’s conduct on this occasion, may be readily ascribed to that independence of superior genius, which we noticed in our last number. ”

“ The Duke of Richmond—a gentleman by a thousand pretensions—a soldier—a legislator—a peer—in two countries a duke—in a third a prince—a man whose honour is not a mere point of speculative courtesy, but is his oath—impeaches the reputation of another individual of pure and unblemished character ”

“ At length the awful moment arrived, when the detur digniori was finally to be pronounced on the busy labours of the day—never did Lord Salisbury appear to greater advantage—never did his assessor more amusingly console the discomfitures of the failing candidates—every thing that was affable, every thing that was mollifying, was ably expressed by both the judges; but poetical ambition is not easily allayed. When the fatal fiat was announced in favour of the Rev. Thomas Warton, a general gloom overspread the whole society—a still and awful silence long prevailed. ”

“ HOW TO MAKE A SECRETARY OF THE TREASURY. Take a pleading Country Attorney, without passion, and without parts. Let him be one who will seize the first opportunity of renouncing his connection with the first man who draws him out of obscurity and serves him. If he has no affections or friendships, so much the better; he will be more ready to contribute to his own advantage. He should be of a temper so pliable, and a perseverance so ineffectual, as to lead his master into troubles, difficulties, and ruin, when he thinks he is labouring to overcome them. ”

“ DUNDAS,
Whose exalted soul
No bonds of vulgar prejudice controul.
Of shame unconscious in his bold career,
He spurns that honour, which the weak revere;
For, true to public Virtue’s patriot plan,
He loves the Minister, and not the Man ”

“ Thus [1] the Bacchanal tribes when they ORPHEUS assailed,
Drowned his notes with their yells ere their vengeance prevailed,
Well knowing the sound of his voice or his lyre,
Had charms to allay diabolical ire.
Our Bacchanals find a more difficult foe;
For what strains can inchant, though from ORPHEUS they flow,
Like the orator’s spell o’er the patriot mind,
When pleading to reason the cause of mankind?
Now for councils more secret that govern the plan—
A Calif is nothing without a DIVAN.
With invisible step let us steal on the quorum,
Where MAINWARING sits in the Chair of Decorum. ”

“ The Treasury-bench itself looks no better than a first form in one of our public schools:
No sattin covering decks the’ unsightly boards,
No velvet cushion holds the youthful Lords.
The above couplet states with much elegance the matter of complaint, and glances with equal dexterity at the proper remedy. The composition is then judiciously varied. The whole art of the poet is employed to interest our passions in favour of the necessary reform, by expostulatory interrogations and interjections the most affectingly pathetic. ”

“ Should any caviler here object, that for every five shillings thus generously bestowed on the dependant, a proportionate vacuum is made in the pocket of the manager, let him recollect, that it is a first and immutable principle of civil policy, that the convenience of the few must yield to the accommodation of the many; and, that the noble Marquis, as a peer and legislator of Great Britain, is too closely attached to our excellent constitution to swerve from so old and established a maxim. ”

“ We must confess, however, that from the despair and death of Shiptonia, to the battle of Hastings, in which ROLLO kills with his own hand the Saxon Drummer, and carries off his wife, the Poem abounds with beautiful details, cold-blooded matter of facts. Critics may perhaps object that it appears from the Genealogy of the Rollos, Duke ROLLO came to England more than 60 years before the battle of Hastings: though the Poet represents him as the principal hero in that memorable engagement. But such deviations from history are among the common licences of poetry. ”

“ Nothing can be more obvious—all judgment depends upon knowledge; and how can any other person be supposed to know a man so well as he does himself? We hope soon to see this evidently equitable principle of criminal jurisprudence fully established at the Old Baily; and we are very much inclined to think, that if every house-breaker, &c. was in like manner permitted to judge himself, the susceptible heart would not be altogether so often shocked with spectacles of human massacre before the gates of Newgate, as, to the great disgrace of our penal system, it now is. ”