Jonathan Swift

“ I have often imagined to myself, that if ever all of us meet again, after so many varieties and changes; after so much of the old world and of the old man in each of us has been altered, that scarce a single thought of the one, any more than a single atom of the other, remains just the same; I have fancied, I say, that we should meet like the righteous in the millennium, quite in peace, divested of all our former passions, smiling at our past follies, and content to enjoy the kingdom of the just in tranquillity. ”

“ I HAVE every day wished to write to you, to say a thousand things; and yet I think I should not have writ to you now, if I was not sick of writing any thing, sick of myself, and (what is worse) sick of my friends too. The world is become too busy for me; every body is so concerned for the publick, that all private enjoyments are lost, or disrelished, I write more to show you I am tired of this life, than to tell you any thing relating to it. I live as I did, I think as I did, I love you as I did: but all these are to no purpose: the world will not live, think, or love, as I do. ”

“ And 'twas perhaps Parnassus, if in height
⁠It be as great as 'tis in fame,
⁠And nigh to Heaven as is its name:
So, after th' inundation of a war,
When Learning's little houshold did embark,
With her world's fruitful system, in her sacred ark,
⁠At the first ebb of noise and fears,
Philosophy's exalted head appears;
And the Dove-Muse will now no longer stay,
But plumes her silver wings, and flies away;
⁠And now a laurel wreath she brings from far,
⁠To crown the happy conqueror,
⁠To show the flood begins to cease,
And brings the dear reward of victory and peace. ”

“ I think Mr. secretary St. John the greatest young man I ever knew: wit, capacity, beauty, quickness of apprehension, good learning, and an excellent taste; the best orator in the house of commons, admirable conversation, good nature, and good manners; generous, and a despiser of money. His only fault is, talking to his friends in way of complaint of too great load of business, which looks a little like affectation; and he endeavours too much to mix the fine gentleman, and the man of pleasure, with the man of business. What truth and sincerity he may have, I know not. ”

“ To say the truth, my lord, you began to be too happy for a mortal; much more happy than is usual with the dispensations of Providence long to continue. You had been the great instrument of preserving your country from foreign and domestick ruin: you have had the felicity of establishing your family in the greatest lustre, without any obligation to the bounty of your prince, or any industry of your own: you have triumphed over the violence and treachery of your enemies, by your courage and abilities: and by the steadiness of your temper, over the inconstancy and caprice of your friends. ”

“ A sign God's dart is shot, and wrath o'erblown;
Such to unhallowed sight the Muse divine
Might seem, when first she rais'd her eyes to mine.
⁠What mortal change does in thy face appear,
Lost youth, she cried, since first I met thee here!
With how undecent clouds are overcast
Thy looks, when every cause of grief is past!
Unworthy the glad tidings which I bring,
Listn while the muse thus teaches thee to sing:
⁠As parent earth, burst by imprison'd winds,
Scatters strange agues o'er men's sickly minds,
And shakes the atheist's knees; such ghastly fear
Late I beheld on every face appear ”

“ Long wandering through the deep, as we are told
⁠⁠⁠Fam'd Delos did of old;
⁠And the transported Muse imagin'd it
To be a fitter birth-place for the God of wit,
⁠⁠⁠Or the much-talk'd oracular grove;
⁠When, with amazing joy, she hears
An unknown musick all around,
⁠⁠⁠Charming her greedy ears,
⁠⁠⁠With many a heavenly song
Of nature and of art, of deep philosophy and love;
While angels tune the voice, and God inspires the tongue.
⁠In vain she catches at the empty sound,
In vain pursues the musick with her longing eye,
⁠And courts the wanton echoes as they fly. ”

“ Wretched Tom Pun-Sibi! Wretched indeed! Are all thy nocturnal lucubrations come to this? Must another, for being a hundred years before thee in the world, run away with the glory of thy own invention? It is true, he must. Happy Alstedius! who, I thought, would have stood me in all-stead, upon consulting thy method of joking! All's tedious to me now, since thou hast robbed me of that honour which would have set me above all writers of the present age. And why not happy Tom Pun-sibi? did we not jump together like true wits? But, alas! thou art on the safest side of the bush ”

“ Come, my lord, against you are disposed: here's to all that love and honour you.
Ld. Sparkish. Ay, that was always Dick Nimble's health. I'm sure you know he's dead.
Col. Dead! well, my lord, you love to be a messenger of ill news: I'm heartily sorry; but, my lord, we must all die.
Neverout. I knew him very well: but, pray, how came he to die?
Miss. There's a question? you talk like a poticary: why, because he could live no longer.
Neverout. Well; rest his soul: we must live by the living, and not by the dead. ”

“ In threadbare gown, would scarce a louse hold,
Looks like the chaplain of his household;
Beholds her, from the chaplain's place,
In French brocades, and Flanders lace;
He wonders what employ her brain,
But never asks, or asks in vain;
His mind is full of other cares,
And, in the sneaking parson's airs,
Computes, that half a parish dues
Will hardly find his wife in shoes.
⁠Canst thou imagine, dull divine,
'Twill gain her love, to make her fine?
Hath she no other wants beside?
You raise desire, as well as pride,
Enticing coxcombs to adore,
And teach her to despise thee more. ”

“ Yet at the last the box sweeps all away.
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠VI.
⁠⁠Only the laurel got by peace
⁠⁠⁠No thunder e'er can blast:
⁠⁠Th' artillery of the skies
⁠⁠⁠Shoots to the earth, and dies:
And ever green and flourishing 'twill last,
Nor dipt in blood, nor widows' tears, nor orphans' cries.
⁠⁠About the head crown'd with these bays,
⁠⁠Like lambent fire the lightning plays;
Nor, its triumphal cavalcade to grace,
⁠Makes up its solemn train with death;
It melts the sword of war, yet keeps it in the sheath. ”

“ Here I discovered the roguery and ignorance of those who pretend to write anecdotes, or secret history; who send so many kings to their graves with a cup of poison; will repeat the discourse between a prince and chief minister, where no witness was by; unlock the thoughts and cabinets of ambassadors and secretaries of state; and have the perpetual misfortune to be mistaken. Here I discovered the true causes of many great events that have surprised the world; how a whore can govern the back-stairs, the back-stairs a council, and the council a senate. ”

“ Not one true Bounce will be a thief!
Not one without permission feed
(Though some of J—n's hungry breed:)
But, whatsoe'er the father's race,
From me they suck a little grace:
While your fine whelps learn all to steal,
Bred up by hand on chick and veal.
⁠My eldest born resides not far,
Where shines great Strafford's glittering star:
My second (child of fortune!) waits
At Burlington's Palladian gates:
A third majestically stalks
(Happiest of dogs!) in Cobham's walks:
One ushers friends to Bathurst's door;
One fawns, at Oxford's, on the poor. ”

“ If one Irishman, of any distinction, be found a blockhead, a knave, a traitor, or coward, there arises a certain mirth upon the discovery, among strangers of all kinds, especially the English; as if they were glad to light upon an example in that nation, of what is a pretty general rule in most countries, at this time of day. But, where they dare joke upon it, the single blot is imputed, with great gayety, to that whole people. Thus all Ireland is made answerable for the faults of every one of her children; and every one of these bears the whole weight of his country upon his shoulders. ”

“ I was glad you suffered your writings to be collected more completely than hitherto, in the volumes I daily expect from Ireland; I wish it had been in more pomp, but that will be done by others: yours are beauties, that can never be too finely dressed, for they will ever be young. I have only one piece of mercy to beg of you; do not laugh at my gravity, but permit me to wear the beard of a philosopher, till I pull it off, and make a jest of it myself. It is just what my lord Bolingbroke is doing with metaphysicks. ”

“ But give me the bard that can teach them to soar.
Whenever he claims, 'tis his right, I'll confess,
Who lately attempted my style with success;
Who writes like Apollo has most of his spirit,
And therefore 'tis just I distinguish his merit;
Who makes it appear, by all he has writ,
His judgment alone can set bounds to his wit;
Like Virgil correct, with his own native ease,
But excels even Virgil in elegant praise;
Who admires the ancients, and knows 'tis their due,
Yet writes in a manner entirely new ”

“ I am sorry to tell you, that London is in my apprehension, as little likely as Dublin to be our place of rendezvous. The reasons for this apprehension I pass over; but I cannot agree to what you advance with the air of a maxim, that exile is the greatest punishment to men of virtue, because virtue consists in loving our country. Examine the nature of this love, from whence it arises, how it is nourished, what the bounds and measures of it are; and after that you will discover, how far it is virtue, and where it becomes simplicity, prejudice, folly, and even enthusiasm. ”

“ ALTHOUGH I had, for two years past, inured myself to expect the death of my lord your father, from the frequent accounts, of the bad condition of his health; yet the news of it struck me so sensibly, that I had not spirit enough to condole with your lordship, as I ought to have done, for so great a loss to the world and yourself. It is true, indeed, you no longer wanted his care and tenderness, nor his example to incite you to virtue: but his friendship and conversation you will ever want, because they are qualities so rare in the world, and in which he so much excelled all others. ”

“ RICHMOND LODGE.
⁠In my own Thames may I be drownded,
If e'er I stoop beneath a crown'd head:
Except her majesty prevails
To place me with the prince of Wales;
And then I shall be free from fears,
For he'll be prince these fifty years.
I then will turn a courtier too,
And serve the times, as others do.
Plain loyalty, not built on hope,
I leave to your contriver, Pope:
None loves his king and country better,
Yet none was ever less their debtor. ”

“ Is ev'n the nobler man, our learning and our wit!
⁠⁠⁠⁠I sigh whene'er I think of it:
⁠⁠⁠As at the closing of an unhappy scene
⁠⁠⁠Of some great king and conqueror's death,
⁠⁠When the sad melancholy Muse
Stays but to catch his utmost breath.
I grieve, this nobler work most happily begun,
So quickly and so wonderfully carry'd on,
May fall at last to interest, folly, and abuse. ”

“ I would take your giddiness, your headach, or any other complaint you have, to resemble you in one circumstance of life. So that I insist upon your thinking yourself a very happy man, at least whenever you make a comparison between yourself and me. I likewise insist upon your taking no resolution to leave England till I see you; which must be here, for the most disagreeable reason in the world, and the most shocking; I dare not go to you. Believe no body, that talks to you of the queen, without you are sure the person likes both the queen and you. ”

“ I RETURN your lordship my most humble thanks for the honour and favour of your letter; and desire your justice to believe, that, in writing to you a second time, I have no design of giving you a second trouble. My only end at present is, to beg your pardon for a fault of ignorance. I ought to have remembered, that the arts of courts are like those of play; where, if the most expert be absent for a few months, the whole system is so changed, that he has no more skill than a new beginner. ”

“ All or any one of those things are fully as probable as that the queen, lords, and commons, should agree to alter the present establishment; and much more so than that her present majesty should devest herself of her crown and dignity in favour of a popish successor. Let her live then; and let us still hope, that Providence, which has honoured her to be the instrument of great blessings as well to Europe as her own people, may continue to do so still. How short and obscure are the views of mankind, when they look into futurity! ”

“ If that same universal passion
With every vice has fill'd the nation:
If virtue dares not venture down
A single step beneath the crown:
If clergymen, to show their wit,
Praise classicks more than holy writ:
If bankrupts, when they are undone,
Into the senate house can run,
And sell their votes at such a rate,
As will retrieve a lost estate:
If law be such a partial whore,
To spare the rich, and plague the poor:
If these be of all crimes the worst,
What land was ever half so curst? ”

“ And, should a friend attempt to set him right,
His lordship would impute it all to spite;
Would love his favourite better than before,
And trust his honesty just so much more.
Thus families, like realms, with equal fate,
Are sunk by premier ministers of state.
⁠Some, when an heir succeeds, go boldly on,
And, as they robb'd the father, rob the son.
A knave, who deep embroils his lord's affairs,
Will soon grow necessary to his heirs. ”

“ I must be their executioner in my own defence; for, with all my spleen and vexation of spirit, I am the most inoffensive creature in the world in regard of religion. I would not shed one ounce of blood in anger or enmity, or wrong any man living of a cracked sixpence, to make all the world catholicks; yet I am as staunch a one myself as any pope in the universe. I am all for the primitive church, in which people made proof of their religion only at their own expense. But I laugh, with great contempt, at those who will force others to Heaven their way, in spite of charity. ”

“ Then tell us what is Fame, where shall we search for it?
Look where exalted Virtue and Religion sit,
⁠⁠⁠Enthron'd with heavenly Wit!
⁠⁠⁠Look where you see
⁠The greatest scorn of learned vanity!
⁠ (And then how much a nothing is mankind!
Whose reason is weigh'd down by popular air,
⁠Who, by that, vainly talks of baffling death;
⁠And hopes to lengthen life by a transfusion of breath,
⁠⁠Which yet whoe'er examines right will find
⁠To be an art as vain as bottling up of wind!) ”

“ What arts have been used to possess the people with a strong delusion, that Britain must infallibly be ruined, without the recovery of Spain to the house of Austria! making the safety of a great and powerful kingdom, as ours was then, to depend upon an event, which, after a war of miraculous successes, proves impracticable. As if princes and great ministers could find no way of settling the publick tranquillity, without changing the possessions of kingdoms, and forcing sovereigns upon a people against their inclinations. ”

“ But you, my lord, upon whom the crown has never cast any peculiar marks of favour or displeasure, ought better to consider the duty you owe your sovereign, not only as a subject in general, but as a member of the peerage, who have been always the strenuous asserters of just prerogative against popular encroachments, as well as of liberty against arbitrary power! So that it is something unnatural, as well as unjust, for one of your order to oppose the most mild and gracious prince that ever reigned, upon a party pique, and in points where prerogative was never disputed. ”

“ But what I gain on the side of philosophy, I lose on the side of poetry: the flowers are gone, when the fruits begin to ripen, and the fruits perhaps will never ripen perfectly. The climate (under our Heaven of a court) is but cold and uncertain; the winds rase, and the winter comes on. I find myself but little disposed to build a new house; I have nothing left but to gather up the relicks of a wreck, and look about me to see how few friends I have left. Pray whose esteem or admiration should I desire now to procure by my writing? ”

“ The other geniuses have a right to all my regard, by the merit of sharing the affection and esteem of Mentor, who will do me a great deal of honour, if he allow me any place in so learned and polite a society. Without any compliment, they are fitter for the Augustan age than for this. They are at home, and endeavour to give the world a sense of its follies with great humour and gayety. The cheerfulness of my temper is, in a great measure, sunk under a long and a hopeless exile, which has given it a serious, or, if you will, a supercilious turn. ”

“ Aw'd without sense, and without beauty charm'd:
But some odd graces and some flights she had,
Was just not ugly, and was just not mad:
Her tongue still ran on credit from her eyes,
More pert than witty, more a wit than wise:
Goodnature, she declar'd it, was her scorn,
Tho' 'twas by that alone she could be born:
Affronting all, yet fond of a good name ”

“ Will a man who hears midnight robbers at his door, get out of bed, and raise his family for a common defence; and shall a whole kingdom lie in a lethargy, while Mr. Wood comes, at the head of his confederates, to rob them of all they have, to ruin us and our posterity, for ever? If a highwayman meets you on the road, you give him your money to save your life; but God be thanked, Mr. Wood cannot touch a hair of your heads. You have all the laws of God and man on your side: when he or his accomplices offer you his dross, it is but saying no, and you are safe. ”

“ I have taken it as a woman and as a courtier ought, with great resentment, and a determined resolution of revenge. The number of letters that have been sent, and thought by many to be yours, (and thank God they were all silly ones) has been a fair field to execute it. Think of my joy to hear you suspected of folly; think of my pleasure when I entered the list for your justification! Indeed I was a little disconcerted to find Mr. Pope took the same side; for I would have had the man of wit, the dignified divine, the Irish drapier, have found no friend but the silly woman and the courtier. ”