Minna Sophie Marie Baumann Downes

“ But when, at the beginning of the concert, I stepped on the platform, there he was as close to me as he could get, among the elegantly dressed women of the first row. The applause was enthusiastic; my driver’s knew no bounds. Several times he had to be severely reproved for disturbing the rest of the audience. I never had a more appreciative listener.
“Early the next morning he came to my rooms. ‘Sir,’ he said, in the most respectful tone, ‘you can do me a great favor. I have a family, am poor, and your countryman; you are wealthy and famous. ”

“ When he descended from his carriage, the Duke received him, dressed as a hotelkeeper, [182] while members of the highest nobility played the parts of servants. The most beautiful ladies, in cap and apron acted as chambermaids, some noblemen as waiters. The Emperor entered into the joke heartily, and it was carried on through the day in the most charming manner. His going was as remarkable as his coming. When the coach drove up, a postilion mounted the horse. His shabby coat and dirty boots drew the Emperor’s attention. ”

“ Beethoven’s parents had him instructed in music at a very early age. When he was only eight years old he played the violin so well as to astonish all his hearers. In the little room under the roof, where he practiced, he noticed one day a very large spider, leaving her web and coming close to him to listen. By and by she grew so tame, that she came and sat first on his desk, then on the artist, and finally made herself at home on the arm which held the bow. Her interest spurred on the boy to do his best, and helped not a little in his progress. ”

“ Thursday:—As “Selika” (in l’Africaine) died from the poisonous odor of the Manzanillen tree.
Friday:—Sang the “Jewess,” and as a finale was thrown into a kettle of boiling oil.
Saturday:—As “Sulamithe” in the “Queen of Saba” was suffocated in the Simoom of the desert.
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Sunday:—“Hamlet” and I as “Ophelia” drowned—under a storm of applause—in the brook. How beautiful it is, to be able to devote one’s art and one’s life to give pleasure to one’s fellow-men! ”

“ Augusta:—“Well, Ricke, I tell you it is dreadful to be a servant in a Doctor’s family? Just think, every morning his bones are scattered all over the room!”
Ricke:—“Good gracious! Does the man take himself apart every evening?”
Patience
Minister (at a sick bed) :—“Just have patience, my good woman; all will be well.”
Old country woman:—“It’s easy to talk, sir, but I should just like to know what I have done. Lots of people die so easy, and it’s killing me!” ”

“ The king, on opening his eyes, perceived that Ziethen had slipped off his seat and that a grenadier was placing a fagot under his head for a pillow. In a loud voice Frederick said:
“Bravo! the old gentleman is very tired!” Soon after, a grenadier got up, half asleep, in order to light his pipe by the fire, and carelessly touched the General’s foot. The king, who was glad to see Ziethen take a little much needed rest, held up his hand and said whisperingly:
“Take care, grenadier, not to waken the General; he is very sleepy.” ”

“ While living at Paris, Heine’s apartments were on the fifth floor. One day on returning home, his wife met him at the door and told him reproachfully that an old gentleman had been there to see him; she was very sorry that the poor old man had climbed all those stairs for nothing. Heine looked at the visiting card. “You may comfort yourself, dear child; that man has climbed way above us.” It was the card of Alexander von Humboldt. ”

“ Several of his friends called on him to invite him to a hunt. “Gentlemen,” he said, languidly, “I am now so used to hunting tigers, that a hunt without danger to life, has no attractions for me.”
“Well,” said one of the hunters, drily, “don’t let that worry you; I shot at my brother-in-law yesterday, while we were out gunning!”
Logic
(Two farmers going through a field.) A:—“What are you running all at once for? You are not afraid of a rabbit?”
B:—“Rabbit! Who cares for a rabbit! But where there is a rabbit, there is a gunner not far off. I don’t care to have him blaze away at me.” ”

“ The younger Pixis was to play at Hanover a concert of Mozart’s. His father kept him hard at practicing, but he seemed listless and paid very little attention to his playing. The elder Pixis, very anxious that all his sons should succeed, chided him and said: “There is still time for you to learn something else. If you do not care to make a virtuoso of yourself, you might make a cobbler.” ”

“ Invited Himself to Dinner
Superintendent Lohmann once visited his friend, the song writer, Pastor Hülsemann, of Elsey, Westphalia. Lohmann finding the door open entered the house. The parson was not in his study, but down-stairs in the kitchen he heard the parson’s wife. Lohmann, full of fun, as usual, called down-stairs in his friend’s voice, imitated to perfection: “Riekchen!”
“What is it?”
“Lohmann, from Wesel, is here; see that we have a good dinner.”
“What, is that slow old fellow here again? I wish the idiot would stay at home!” ”

“ A Chapter for Composers and Music Lovers Music is a greater revelation than all science and philosophy!—L. van Beethoven.
Mozart’s Affection
Mozart loved his parents tenderly. When quite a little fellow, he composed a song, which he sang with his father every night before going to bed, while standing on a chair where his father had to put him. This ceremony over, he would kiss them and retire in peace and contentment. This nightly performance he kept up until he reached his tenth year. ”

“ The Prussian Ambassador at the Court of England, wrote to Frederick the Great that his salary being insufficient, he would be compelled to sell his carriage and go to Court on foot. The King answered laconically: “You can just walk; it won’t hurt you. If anybody makes a remark about it, you can tell them you are my ambassador, and 300,000 men are walking behind you.” ”

“ Murder Will Out
Having just recovered from a severe illness, the amiable author of fairy tales, Musäus, was invited out to a dinner. Everybody there was pleased to see him looking so well, and congratulated him on his recovery; but at last his wife could keep silent no longer and confessed that he only looked so well, because he had used her rouge when dressing.
“Well, the murder is out,” said Musäus; “do you feel better now? Yes, I did paint myself red, because I dislike being pitied on account of my illness, and would rather be envied for [144] my healthy looks. ”

“ He didn’t put a boiled shirt in the wash every day. He milked the cows and fed the chickens. He never brought half a dozen friends to dinner, when one was not in the least prepared for them. He did not stay out late at night playing cards; it was not necessary for Eve to sit up and worry. He didn’t lounge around saloons, while Eve sat at home rocking little Cain. He never scolded and looked for his slippers in the corner where ‘he knew’ he had put them. When he took off his boots, he put them in their place under the fig-tree. ”

“ Haydn played.
The Englishman put the thirty guineas on the piano, and without saying another word took up his march and walked to the door. Haydn followed him saying: “I composed two more, which I think are better. Let me play them for you and take your choice.”
“The first march pleases me, so that ends it!”
“But listen to the others, perhaps——”
“No, that is impossible!”
The captain hurried down the stairs, Haydn ran after him saying: “Sir, I’ll make you a present of them. You paid me very generously. Do take them!”
The captain hurried still more saying: “It is impossible. I don’t want them!” ”

“ The farmer, whose hand the badger was biting hard, screamed: “No, but he has caught me!”
Thoroughly Reformed
Warden:—“Now, Killian, you are free once more. I hope you will let this term in prison be a warning to you, to curb your passion for poaching. You are a family man, and you ought to have more consideration for your poor wife and young children.”
Killian (moved to tears) :—“Oh yes, sir, I see you mean well by me. You just wait and see if I don’t bring to you the first deer I can shoot!”
He Remembered
Gunner:—“Say, sonny, did you see a rabbit running this way?”
Boy:—“I did, sir!” ”

“ Guest (to his host) :—“Look here, Herr Ochsenwirth, my bill cannot possibly be so much. There must be a mistake.”
Host:—“Not possible, sir, since I counted everything twice.”
She Struck It
Tourist (to a farmer’s wife) :—“Well, my good woman, where is your husband to-day? Isn’t he at home?”
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“No, he’s up on the Alps.”
“Aren’t you afraid to be all alone?”
“Goodness no! I am always glad when he is gone, then I have some peace!”
“But, my dear woman, you ought not to say that! Man and wife belong together. I am always glad when my wife is at home.” ”

“ We can’t sit here all night, we are all three dog-tired.”
“Oh, I know what we can do,” answered the barber. “One of us must watch while the others sleep. We will draw lots who shall be first, second, and third watch.”
The monk and the farmer agreed to this. [16] Lots were drawn, and the barber was to watch first, the farmer second, and the monk last. The barber kept watch faithfully, and after he had done everything to keep awake he took from his bundle his scissors and other tools and soaped the farmer’s head and then shaved it as bald as the monk’s. ”

“ One day Lessing entered an inn and sat down to write. The host came and asked him who he was. Lessing, intent on his writing, did not answer. Then the landlord came close to his side, looked over his paper and asked again harshly: “Who are you, sir; I wish to know!” Lessing turned around and said very seriously: “I am Lucas the Evangelist.” The saint, be it remembered, is always painted with an ox at his side. ”

“ One morning while out riding near Potsdam, Frederick met a post-chaise in which sat one of his generals, who had numerous debts.
“Why my dear W.,” said the king to him, “you are off early; where are you going?”
[195]
“To Potsdam, your Majesty, to have an understanding with my creditors.”
“Oh,” smiled Frederick, “you would have done that better at Berlin; there are certainly not chairs enough at Potsdam.”
He Turned the Tables
Frederick the Great was passionately fond of playing the flute. ”

“ The painter asked if the General had some pictures to copy from.
“That isn’t necessary,” said Wrangel; “just make them look somewhat like me, and dress them correctly. Nobody knew them personally anyhow.”
Poor Shots
Wrangel generally rode a white horse, a fact which the enemy soon noticed. When the officers of his suite drew his attention to it and asked him to ride another horse, to be less exposed to danger, he answered with his customary calmness:
“Why shouldn’t I ride a white horse, gentlemen? They shoot at me, but they hit you.” ”

“ Förster:—“Well, Doctor, what did you shoot?”
Doctor:—“Oh, ah—I—killed one rabbit—and—wounded three.”
Age Limit
City Swell:—“What a magnificent animal a fully grown deer is! How old do they get?”
Gamekeeper:—“Well, you see, that depends on—when they are shot!”
Contradiction
Förster (to gunner) :—“What did you shoot at?”
“At a doe, sir,—but I missed her!”
“What, you shot at a doe? Haven’t you any eyes in your head? You ought to be ashamed of yourself (furiously) to shoot at a doe—and then to miss her besides!” ”

“ Be your husband’s friend, if he is clever; if he is not, try to elevate him to be yours; never descend to his level.
10. Respect your husband’s relatives, particularly his mother; she has loved him longer than you have!
Tempi Passati
“I count on your taking part in our charity-concert, Doctor. I have often had occasion to admire your beautiful voice.”
“I regret exceedingly, sir, but since I have been married I have no longer a voice.” ”

“ After Emperor William had recovered from a severe illness in the spring of 1885, his physicians [218] would not give their consent to his attending the coming manœuvres on horseback. They feared the great exertion would be too much for the aged monarch, who was then eighty-eight years old, and proposed that he should review them in a carriage.
“Impossible,” said the Emperor; “there is nothing more unsoldierly!”
“But your Majesty,” a General ventured to say, “even Frederick the Great attended manœuvres in a carriage.” ”

“ He turned and left the roof, while the crowd separated, some laughing, some swearing, but all agreeing, that though he was a fool, he had told them the truth.
The Wisdom of a Fool
“A fool may sometimes be a better judge than a wise man,” writes Johannes Andrea of a fool. Once a beggar entered the kitchen of a tavern. A large piece of meat was roasting on the spit, and the poor man took his bread from his pocket and held it over the roast, so the odor would penetrate it, then he ate it. When all his bread was gone he turned to leave, but the host went after him and demanded his pay. ”