Richard von Krafft-Ebing

“ Innumerable times I have puzzled my brain to know whether science, or any of her free and unprejudiced devotees, could think of any way in which to give us step-children of Nature a more endurable position before the law and mankind. But I have always reached the same sad conclusion, that when one enters the lists in behalf of anything, he must first know thoroughly, and be able to explain, that for which he contends. And who is to-day able to perfectly explain and define contrary sexual instinct? ”

“ For, to the sensual charm, on closer association, a mental interest is added. With this begins the mental pain. I am seized with such a passionate longing that I am willing to sacrifice myself, in a way. I excite confidence in myself; and from this mutual feeling a heart-felt friendship might be engendered, if deep down in my soul were not sleeping the demon which impels me to the closest of relationships, which is allowed only between human beings of opposite sex. My whole being, every fibre of my body, longs for it, and I am consumed by a hot, atone passion. ”

“ When the time is past when we men are permitted to carry sun-umbrellas, I have to endure great sensitiveness of the skin of my face, until sun-umbrellas can again be used. On awaking in the morning, I am confused for a few moments, as if I were seeking for myself; then the imperative feeling of being a woman awakens. ”

“ I believe that onanism has changed the inborn feeling into a burning passion. I might long ago have put an end to my misery, since I have no fear of death, and since in religion—which, strange to say, has not departed from my impure heart—I find no warning against suicide. But the consciousness that I am not alone responsible, and that a worm has nipped my whole life in the bud,—a certain comfort that has sprung up of late out of indescribable suffering,—leads me to see whether comparative happiness in life cannot be obtained on an entirely new basis: something which fills the whole heart. ”

“ Convinced that the enigma of our existence can be solved, or, at least, illuminated, only by the unprejudiced thought of scientific men, I describe my life only with the aim of perhaps clearing up this cruel error of Nature, and possibly doing a kindness to people like me to come in later generations; for there will be urnings as long as men are born, just as it is a fact that they have existed in every age. ”

“ As long as I have control of myself, I use all my strength to combat my nature. It is terrible when one can have no pleasure in associating with friends, and every erect soldier or butcher-boy makes one tremble and throb. It is frightful when night comes, and I watch at the window for some one to urinate against a wall across the way, and give me an opportunity to see his genitals. These thoughts are terrible; and besides, there is the consciousness of the immorality and criminality of my state of mind and my longing. I have a repugnance for myself that I cannot describe. ”

“ I live in the hope that later I shall have a lover; I must have one; without one, the future deems dark and barren, and all the ambitions usually cherished—honor, position, etc.—seem empty and unattractive. If I should not have this hope fulfilled, I know I shall be unable to long devote myself to my business with pleasure, and I shall soon be in a condition to sacrifice everything to obtain male love. I no longer have any moral scruples on account of my anomalous inclination; I have, in fact, never been troubled because I felt attracted to boys. ”

“ It is the sad province of Medicine, and especially of Psychiatry, to constantly regard the reverse side of life,—human weakness and misery.
Perhaps in this difficult calling some consolation may be gained, and extended to the moralist, if it be possible to refer to morbid conditions much that offends ethical and æsthetic feeling. Thus Medicine undertakes to save the honor of mankind before the Court of Morality, and individuals from judges and their fellow-men. The duty and right of medical science in these studies belong to it by reason of the high aim of all human inquiry after truth. ”

“ Even in his changed form, even when he can no longer recall the masculine sexual feeling, he would not wish to be forced to feel like a woman. He still knows very well that, before, he did not constantly feel sexually; that he was merely a human being uninfluenced by sex. Now, suddenly, he has to regard his former individuality as a mask, and constantly feel like a woman, only having a change when, every four weeks, he has his periodical sickness, and in the intervals his insatiable female desire. If he could but awake without immediately being forced to feel like a woman! ”

“ Love as an unbridled passion is like a fire that burns and consumes everything; like an abyss that swallows all,—honor, fortune, well-being.
It seems of high psychological interest to trace the developmental phases through which, in the course of the evolution of human culture to the morality and civilization of to-day, the sexual life has passed. [1] On primitive ground the satisfaction of the sexual appetite of man seems like that of the animal. Openness in the sexual act is not shunned; man and woman are not ashamed to go naked. ”

“ Oftentimes, of course, when I am away alone, it is possible to live for a time more like a woman; for example, to wear female attire, especially at night, to keep gloves on, or to wear a veil or a mask in my room, so that thus there is rest from excessive libido. But when the feminine feeling has once gained an entrance, it imperatively demands recognition. It is often satisfied with a moderate concession, such as the wearing of a bracelet above the cuff; but it imperatively demands some concession. My only happiness is to see myself dressed as a woman without a feeling of shame ”

“ I have already thought of having my anomaly cured by hypnotism. If it were to be of any use, which I doubt, yet I should certainly desire to be assured of a lasting love for women. For even though I cannot satisfy myself with men, yet I prefer to feel this capability of inordinate lust and love, even ungratified, to being absolutely without feeling. Thus I still have the hope that I shall find opportunity to satisfy the love I desire, the love that would make me happy ”

“ At first she regarded this inclination as friendship; but in the depth of her attachment to female friends, and in the longing she constantly felt for them, she recognized that the feeling was something more than friendship.
The patient cannot understand how a girl can love a man, but she can easily see how a man might love a girl. She always has a lively interest in beautiful women and girls, and is powerfully excited at sight of them. Her longing had always been to kiss and embrace such dear creatures. She had never dreamed of a man, but only of girls. ”

“ How often in the society of normal men, when the conversation turns to contrary sexual instinct, must one agree with the words of abuse and contempt, while every one of them wounds the heart. On the other hand, there are always the tiresome and indecent jokes and talk about women, etc., that must be heard; and which to-day, in so-called ‘good society,’ are popular—and to show interest and give attention to them! Daily and hourly to see so many handsome men to whom one cannot reveal himself; to be compelled to go without a friend, intercourse with whom we desire so much ”

“ I have an interest in everything that concerns the well-being of humanity, and in science, art, and industry. With my energy it is comparatively easy to postpone for a time the satisfaction of my desires, which will be described hereafter. Intentionally and consciously, I curse the morality of to-day, which forces those who are abnormal sexually to break laws that are voluntarily established, and regards sexual congress of two persons of the same sex as a matter depending on the choice of the individual, and a matter in which law-makers have a right to interfere. ”

“ While a man loves a woman first as wife and then as mother of his children, a woman is primarily conscious of a man as the father of her children and then as husband. In the choice of a life-companion a woman is influenced much more by the mental than the physical qualities of a man. When she has become a mother she divides her love between child and husband. Sensuality disappears in the mother’s love. Thereafter, in marital intercourse, the wife finds less sensual satisfaction than proof of the love of her husband. ”

“ Yet there must be some correct explanation of it; there must be some way in which the mass of mankind can be brought to a milder and more reasonable judgment of it; and, first of all, there must be some way to show that contrary sexual instinct should not be regarded as meaning the same as pederasty, as the majority of men—I may say all—regard it. By such an act a man might erect for himself an immortal monument in the gratitude of thousands of men of present and future generations; for there have been, are, and will ever be, urnings, and in greater number than perhaps has been suspected. ”

“ I have never had intercourse with a man in any way that would not bear the light of day; never has any one shown even extraordinary interest in me, though one of my friends discovered my secret longing; and yet I have had a burning desire for masculine love. In this longing my feelings seem to me to be entirely those of a loving woman; and I notice, with horror, that my sensual ideas grow more and more like those of a woman. During the periods when I am free from any particular love, my longing degenerates so that, in my onanistic manipulations, I conjure up only coarse, Sensual ideas. ”

“ Now he knows that he is not the only one in the world that has such abnormal feelings; he opens his eyes and wonders that he meets so many of his kind in all social circles and in all callings; he also learns that, in the world of urnings, as in the other, there is prostitution, and that men as well as women can be bought. Thus there is no longer any want of opportunity for sexual satisfaction. But here how differently the experience is gained from that obtained in the normal manner of sexual indulgence! ”

“ During the last three years I have never lost for an instant the feeling of being a woman, and now, owing to habit, this is no longer annoying to me, though during this period I have felt debased; for a man could endure to feel like a woman without a desire for enjoyment; but when desires come! The happiness ceases; then come the burning, the heat, the feeling of turgor of the genitals (when the penis is not in a state of erection the genitals do not play any part) . ”

“ In spite of all the aids which religion, law, education, and morality give civilized man in the bridling of his passions, he is always in danger of sinking from the clear height of pure, chaste love into the mire of common sensuality.
In order to maintain one’s self on such a height, a constant struggle between natural impulses and morals, between sensuality and morality, is required. Only characters endowed with strong wills are able to completely emancipate themselves from sensuality and share in that pure love from which spring the noblest joys of human life. ”

“ A judge who considers only the crime, and not its perpetrator, is always in danger of injuring not only important interests of society (general morality and safety) , but also those of the individual (honor) .
In no domain of criminal law is co-operation of judge and medical expert so much to be desired as in that of sexual delinquencies; and here only anthropological and clinical investigation can afford light and knowledge. The nature of the act can never, in itself, determine a decision as to whether it lies within the limits of mental pathology, or within the bounds of mental physiology. ”

“ Nevertheless, in spite of everything, it will happen that I betray myself by some expression of feminine feeling, either in sexualibus, when I say that I feel so and so, expressing what a man without the female feeling cannot know; or when I accidentally betray that female attire is my talent. Before women, of course, this does not amount to anything; for a woman is greatly flattered when a man understands something of her matters; but this must not be displayed to my own wife. How frightened I once was when my wife said to a friend that I had great taste in ladies’ dress! ”

“ Great as my desire may be to approach certain persons, my struggle is as great not to allow this to be noticed. Moustaches, abundance of hair, and even dirt, seem to be especially enticing. It is hardly necessary to say that, to me, my condition, with reference to society, is absolutely desperate; and, if I had not the hope of finding a being that would understand me, life would be scarcely endurable. I feel that sexual commerce with a man is the only means of successfully combating my impulse to onanism. ”

“ Here belong, also, men of any age, who, seized by hot passion for a woman, meet coldness and calculation, and have to capitulate on hard conditions; men of loving natures who allow themselves to be persuaded to marriage by notorious prostitutes; men who, to run after adventuresses, leave everything and jeopardise their future; husbands and fathers who leave wife and child, to lay the income of a family at the feet of a harlot. ”

“ When the patient was gently told of the congenital and deep constitutional significance of his sexual anomaly, and shown that, therefore, the creation of a normal sexual condition was doubtful, he thought that he would be satisfied to remain in his condition. But he wished to know whether it were not possible to eradicate his inclination for men, without attempting to create an equivalent for women; and if, in hypnosis, it could not be suggested to him that, in the future, men be a matter of indifference to him, and that, in intercourse with his friends, he no longer be excited sexually. ”

“ If one regards the ultimate aim of masochism without prejudice, it must be acknowledged that its ideal is the position of a dog or horse. Both are owned by masters, and punished by them; and the masters are responsible to no one. Just this unlimited power of life and death, as exercised over slaves and domestic animals, is the end and aim of all masochistic ideas. ”