Thomas D'Urfey

“ The World, I Suppose, are not all agreed, that then is but One Sort of Poetry, and as far from allowing, that the Dramatick, is that One. They who write after those Divine, Patterns of Moses &c: will be no whit the less Poets, though there were not a Theatre left upon the Face of the Earth; Their Honours will be more deserved, Their Laurells more verdant and lasting, when blemished with none of those Reproaches from Others, or their own breasts, which are due to the Corrupters of Mankind, And such are all They, who soften | men's abhorrence of Vice, and cherish their dangerous Passions. ”

“ But when, instead of this, I find he strikes at the root of our Dramatick Labours, and the Town's diversion, for some sly and selfish ends; and instead of reproving us with a Pastorly Mildness, Charity and Good Nature, gives us the basest language, and with the most scurillous expression, sometimes raging and even foaming at mouth, taxing the little liberty has always been us'd, with horrid horrid Blasphemy, Prophaneness, and Damnable Impiety ”

“ Collier's own argument was either confused or deliberately disingenuous, since he shifts his ground several times. On occasion he argues merely in the role of a moderate man who is shocked by the extravagances of the playwrights, and on other occasions as an ascetic to whom all worldly diversion, however innocent of any obvious offence, is wicked. At one time, moreover, he accuses the playwrights of recommending the vices which they should satirize and at other times denies that even the most sincere satiric intention can justify the lively representation of wickedness. ”

“ Would a Christian be agreeably refresh'd, let him read the Scriptures, here the Entertainment will suit his Character, and be big enough for his quality. Ah, Beloved, how noble, how moving, how profitable a thing is it, to be thus employ'd, to have our expectations always in prospect, and be intent on the glories of Heaven! ”

“ How often have we this phrase in Poetry, Nature has made her Body charming; see her bright Eyes, the charming gifts of Nature, &c. making use still of the second cause instead of the first, which we yet know to be the original of all. And 'tis no more Blasphemy to say that Providence took more care of a perverse beautiful Womans Body than her Soul, than 'tis to say that the Sun made a gay Tulip flourish in a Garden 18 to delight the Eye, not caring three-pence tho it never smelt so sweet as a Province rose. ”

“ I should not have put him upon this warm Office, if I had not found him too hot and bold with our Famous Ancient Truth-telling Poet Juvenal, when in his Book he tells us, Collier, p. 70, 71. he teaches those vices he would correct, and writes more like a Pimp than a Poet—But upon just consideration, I believe if the Absolver taught the Art of Rebellion no more than Juvenal the Art of Pimping, the one would be respected in after Ages, as much as we know the other has in the former: But every one is Fool or Knave that is not of this Gentlemans kidney. ”

“ Here was a pretty Compliment to our Art now, a good Moral with good Manners into the bargain; and yet 'tis certain the times then were as Licentious as now, and the Poets took as little care of their Writings; but Mr Randolph always made his good Nature agree with his Wit, and put as favourable construction upon Scenes of Diversion, as reason would allow, tho he perhaps had as much occasion for 50 l. as the Absolver when he writ his Book. He knew that if there was so stupid a Temper, that the Moral of a Play could not reform, the looseness that was in it could not prejudice ”

“ Branch out from Stock, the rank Vices in vogue,
And make all Mankind one Gigantical Rogue.
And so on: Now tho I grant this might be look'd on as prophane in it self, without application, yet when spoken by one of his character, whom I design to expose, it is no more than natural Character, and has so little the quality of Prophaneness, that my impartial Reader will find a very good Moral in it, by the odious representation of such Atheistical impudence; yet our good natur'd Critick makes me the Prophaner. ”

“ And their Sophistry bears hard, methinks, upon Profaneness, which insinuates the Hymns dictated by the Holy Spirit, of God, to be so nearly related to the Modern Compositions for the Stage, that both must of necessity stand and fall together.
If Poetry have of late sunk in its credit, that misfortune is owing to the degenerate and Mercenary Pens, of some who have set up for the great Masters of it. No man I presume, is for exterminating that noble Art, no not even in the Dramatick part ”

“ It is not enough to prove a Man is a Moralist, only because he is noted for a Regular Life; that may be one good instance indeed; but it can never arrive to a proof of the whole, for his living Soberly, and by Rule, may as well be caus'd by the defect of his Constitution, as by the effect of his Inclination, but 'tis the Spirit and Will, by the fire of whose other Virtues, this of Morality is kindled and illustrated. Now I will not be so byass'd by other Peoples opinions that know him, to say, That our devout Critick owes him seeming Piety, and good life, to his ill habit of Body ”

“ Words adapted only to Sancho's Clownship, course Breeding, and Kitchin Profession, and with no more intent of Impiety in them, than if one should put on a Devils Vizard to play with a Child, does he note again as horrible Prophaneness, and says he does me no wrong in't; now if he insists that Hell is too serious a thing to ridicule, why, perhaps, I think so too, in its Intense quality ”

“ Collier, p.104. Tho they Itch to govern all,
Are silly, woful awkward Politicians,
They make lame mischiefs, tho they meant it well.
So much the better, says he, for tis a sign they are not beaten to the trade—Oh, that's a mistake, Doctor, they may be beaten to the Trade, and yet be bunglers—And proceeding:
Ibid. Their Interest is not finely drawn, and hid,
But Seams are coursely bungled up, and seen. ”

“ I date my good fortune from her prosperous influence, and says 'tis Astrological. I don't know whether it has that sort of Learning in't or no, but 'tis as good sense as when he says, like a Wag as he is, that the Ladies fancy is just Collier, p. 92. slip-stocking high, and she seems to want sense more than her Break-fast. Fancy slip-stocking high? no, no, the merry Grig must mean her pretty Leg was seen so high, for the Master of Art, I beg pardon of the rest that their Title is scandaliz'd, could never mean such Nonsence as t'other sure. ”

“ A man might as good break his Word as his Face, especially upon some Critical occasions. Now what he means by a mans breaking his Face there, unless he is to run his Nose against a Post, I can't imagine; and therefore will set it down for a Blunder—And so there's Tit for Tat, and the Dice in my hand still. But poor Sancho is horribly unfortunate agen, for by and by he catches him answering the Curate, who threatens him for calling him Finisher of Fornication, and Conjunction Copulative, with Excommunication, Collier, p. ”

“ Now this is a ridiculous mistake, for this Devil is only a Butler, and a Jest of his Giants, the witty Author of the History of Don Quixot, where one of the Duke's Servants acting a Devils Part to fright the Knight and Squire, blunders it out before he is aware, and Sancho hearing it, as foolishly replies. This would be humorously witty now with any one but our Critick; but he's resolv'd to see double, as he does presently again with my deep-mouth'd swearing which he says is frequent, tho he has quoted none on't, and therefore the Reader is not oblig'd to believe him. ”

“ So that I once more affirm, that if it were not done in respect to his Lady, who, no doubt, peruses him extreamly, it must naturally be the effect of Hypcrisie, for, to be squeamish in one place and not in another is Ridiculous, especially when one word is Innocent in its kind, and makes the sense, and the other when us'd makes it wretched Affectation, and almost Nonsence. ”

“ A Popular one perhaps it may be, but sure a wilder Suggestion, never was offered to men of Common sense, than, that if the Stage be damned, the Art used by Moses, and David, and Solomon, must be no more. ”

“ And here he has no other way to shew his malice, but by ridiculously quibbling upon the prettiest Character in it, Collier, p. 10. the innocent young Virgin Ophelia, who, because the Poet makes her run mad for the death of her Father, and loss of her Lover, and consequently makes her sing and speak some idle extravagant things, as on such an occasion is natural, and at last drown her self, he very masterly tells us, the Poet, since he was resolv'd to drown her like a Kitten, should have set her a swimming a little sooner; to keep her alive, only to sully her Reputation, is very cruel. ”

“ For a Child to suck the Mother till the Blood follows, I think is not unreasonable, but for a Litter of Epithetes to suck the sense of a Poem to the Skin and Bone, is such Fustian stuff that nothing but a Creature, only fit for a Sucking-bottle, could be Author of—And now I think if he has given me any Crocus Metallorum, I am even with him with a Dose of Jollop, and can whisk too from one Play to another indifferently well, tho not so fast as he ”

“ I assure 'em my design is only to turn, like the Worm that is trod upon, complain being hurt, vindicate my self from abusive malice, and at the same time am heartily sorry that ever I had the occasion.
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'Tis a pleasure to me however to know that I have for many years, as well as now, the honour of the Conversation of several eminent men of the Church; and I dare say, upon occasion, I could easily gain their good words to prove my good behaviour. I do declare I never abus'd the sacred order in my life, but have always had, and still have, all the veneration for 'em that's possible ”

“ A little while after, at the usual rate of his own accustom'd civility, he falls upon the Renown'd Shakespear, and says, Collier, p. 50. he is so guilty, that he is not fit to make an Evidence. Why now it 'twere possible for his Complexion to blush, there's ne're a Robe of any Friend Cardinal the Absolver has at Rome, that can be redder than his would be for such a Position: Nor does it end here, but is mixt with some more foolish and insolent Remarks in another place, upon the admirable Tragedy of Hamlet. ”

“ But, Vanbrugh is casual, Dennis is slow witted, and it is only by comparison with the triviality of D'Urfey or the contemptuous disingenuity of Congreve's "Amendments of Mr. Collier's False and Imperfect Citations" (1698) that they seem effective. ”

“ Cyprian, or the Author de Spectaculis, argues thus against those who thought the Play-House no unlawful diversion; 'tis too tedious to recite all, but enough of St. Cyprian for my purpose runs thus: What business has a Christian at such Places as these? A Christian who has not the liberty so much as to think of an ill thing, why does he entertain himself with lewd Representations? Has he a mind to discharge his Modesty, and be flesh'd for the Practice? ”

“ Prejudice and Passion, Vainglory and Profit, not Reason, and Virtue, and the Common Good, seem but too plainly, to support this Practice, and the Defence of it, as the matter is at present managed among us. ”

“ The natural Reflection, arising upon the present State of the Controversy, is, that, when Persons so nearly concerned and so well qualified, to say all that the case will bear, have yet been able to say so little to the main points of the Accusation brought against them, the only effectual Reply would be either to write no more for the Stage, or to write for it after quite another manner, than of late hath been done. ”

“ Why see now how an honest man may be cheated; do but turn to the one hundred seventy second page of his Book, and you will find this horrible, this hellish, syllable, in its Pontificallibus, at length, sitting almost a straddle upon the top of the Page, and Collier, p. 172. us'd familiarly and friendly, without so much as once kacking at it, or one invective near it, tho the sense of the Curse is as broad as t'other, and has rather the worse signification. ”

“ But the Air clears, and 'tis time for us now to take the right end of the perspective, tho he would give us 9 b the Wrong, and then try if we cannot discern, in the midst of his Garden of Divinity, a neat friend of his call'd Immorality, tho he would subtly insinuate him into the world as a stranger, leading his darling daughter dear Hypocrisie into an Arbor; where, after they had been some time alone, our Critick knowing how to be civil to his own creature, and to give 'em time enough to beget a right understanding, he is very glad at last to be a third in the company. ”

“ Now that such a Person should set up for a Protestant Example, and a Teacher of Morality, is somewhat new, for upon my veracity, this Gentleman may insinuate as he pleases, that our Church, and its Doctrines govern his heart ”

“ Congreve and Captain Vanbrooke, who have written several excellent Plays, and who are only scandalous to our Critick, by being good Poets, yet these he can give no other Names or Characters, but what are Abusive and Ridiculous. Collier, p. 74. The first, for only making Jeremy, in Love for Love, call the Natural inclinations to eating and drinking, Whorson Appetites, he tells, That the Manicheans, who made Creation the Work of the Devil, scarcely spoke any thing so course. ”