Various

“ Lady Maisie. Well, I wish I could think there were many men capable of acting so nobly and generously as he did.
Lady Rhoda. As how?
Lady Maisie. You really don't see! Well, then, you shall. He arrives late, and finds that somebody else is here already in his character. He makes no fuss; manages to get a private interview with the person who is passing as himself; when, of course, he soon discovers that poor Mr. Spurrell is as much deceived as anybody else. What is he to do? Humiliate the unfortunate man by letting him know the truth? ”

“ Lady Rhoda (yawning) . If he saw all that, why didn't he do it?
Lady Maisie (indignantly) . Why? How provoking you can be, Rhoda! Why? Because that stupid Tredwell wouldn't let him! Because Archie delayed him by some idiotic practical joke! Because Mr. Spurrell went and blurted it all out!... Oh, don't try to run down a really fine act like that; because you can't—you simply can't!
Lady Rhoda (after a low whistle) . ”

“ What costumes! That has the air of an account of Boccaccio, of a picture of Botticelli. One sees there the figures of Angelico, the colours of Veronese. It is an Alma-Teddama of the middle age. And when Mistress Bernhardt and her following, all resplendent of costume, are assembled upon the scene, one can see realised a group from the Decameron. And the second picture, and the third, and the fourth? Can I say more of them? They are superb. In the fourth there is a cypress high of six yards, there, alone, at the middle of the scene. One says he is natural. ”

“ Stand horror-stricken in the roadway, and am nearly run over by a frantic bicyclist. Save myself by a great effort and cling for support to a gaslamp until I can recover from the shock. Resolve then to seek out the medieval loveliness. Start along the quay. Ha, there is a statue! Doubtless by Michael Angelo. Hardly; the face seems familiar. Of course, it is Garibaldi! Turn and fly up a narrow street. Here at last is something old, here at last are the buildings on which Dante may have looked, in which Fra Angelico may have painted, here at last——. ”

“ Strikes me, Maisie, that mop-headed Minstrel Boy is a decided change for the worse. Doesn't it you?
Lady Maisie (toying with the screen) . How do you mean, Rhoda?
Lady Rhoda. I meantersay I call Mr. Spurrell——Well, he's real, anyway—he's a man, don't you know. As for the other, so feeble of him missin' his train like he did, and turnin' up too late for everything! Now, wasn't it?
Lady Maisie. Poets are dreamy and unpractical and unpunctual—it's their nature.
Lady Rhoda. Then they should stay at home. Just see what a hopeless muddle he's got us all into! ”

“ We never offend against them in the theatres of Paris; they are always as it should be. But here, at the Renaissance, Mistress Bernhardt has done still more. Each scenery is a picture of the most admirables, a veritable blow of the eye. ”

“ Lady Maisie (to herself) . And no wonder! I feel horribly guilty! (Aloud.) You mustn't blame poor Mr. Spurrell, Phillipson; he couldn't help it!
Phill. (with studied indifference) . I'm not blaming him, my lady. If he prefers the society of his superiors to mine, he's very welcome to do so; there's others only too willing to take his place!
Lady Maisie. Surely none who would be as fond of you or make so good a husband, Phillipson! ”

“ But the fifth picture, it is sublime! One cannot more! It is the last word of the modern theatre! It wants me the words, it wants me the place for to speak of it. Shikspir alone would have could to render justice to this picture so ravishing. ”

“ Lady Maisie (to Phillipson, who is brushing her hair) . You are sure Mamma isn't expecting me? (Irresolutely.) Perhaps I had better just run in and say good night.
Phillipson. I wouldn't recommend it, really, my lady; her ladyship seems a little upset in her nerves this evening.
Lady Maisie (to herself) . Il-y-à de quoi! (Aloud, relieved.) It might only disturb her, certainly.... I hope they are making you comfortable here, Phillipson?
Phill. Very much so indeed, thank you, my lady. The tone of the Room downstairs is most superior.
Lady Maisie. That's satisfactory. ”

“ The world's great games are numbered six— Cricket, chess, and whist, Football, golf—but Billiards licks With three small balls and two long sticks, And subtle play of wrist.
In some, the mind plays chiefest part, In others, muscles rule; In Billiards muscle joins with art, Combining head and hand and heart, In pyramids and pool. ”

“ Still, you will be all the better for an occasional hint from your more sophisticated friend. Your brief engagement to the serious young stamp-collector was—whatever may be said against it—at least, an experience, and I don't at all disapprove of Cissy, and Baby Beaumont, and the other clever boys, but—why call Captain Mashington "Jack"? That wonderful tennis-player, Mrs. Lorne Hopper has merely, tacitly, lent him to you, she will soon be in London again, and then, shooting and theatricals over, "Jack" will also go back to the city of mist and fog. ”

“ Havitt as a leading light of the Women's Liberal Federation, and Mrs. March as a Lady Crusader (is that right?) of the Primrose League. A moment later, and those ladies were ushered into my room.
"We've come," said Mrs. Havitt, cutting the cackle, and coming at once to the 'osses, "we've come to see you about that meeting."
"Oh, indeed!" I murmured. "Yes, the meeting."
"We notice," said Mrs. Arble March, taking up the running, "that you only say 'persons' may attend the meeting. Now we're very much afraid that women won't understand that they may come." ”

“ Senex (modestly) . Very pretty! But I fear the ever-youthful Muses may disdain an Old Man's belated wooing.
Juvenis (slily) . Even a Grand Old Man's?
Senex (shuddering) . Nay, no more of that, an' you love me. By the way, I wanted to consult you on a little musical matter.
Juvenis (dubiously) . Ah! Concerning yon Hibernian Harp, I presume?
Senex (impatiently) . Dear me, no! The Hibernian Harp be—jangled. As, indeed, it is, and unstrung into the bargain.
Juvenis (relieved) . Why, have you then, like the other Minstrel Boy, "torn its chords asunder"? ”

“ Punch, Sir,—Magistrates are beginning, not a moment too soon, to protest against the ridiculous pockets in ladies' dresses, which afford such a temptation to the felonious classes! I should like to draw attention to an invention of my own which, I think, quite meets the difficulty. ”

“ Lady Rhoda (outside) . Maisie, may I come in? if you've done your hair, and sent away your maid. (She enters.) Ah, I see you haven't.
Lady Maisie. Don't run away, Rhoda; my maid has just done. You can go now, Phillipson.
Lady Rhoda (to herself, as she sits down) . Phillipson! So that's the young woman that funny vet man prefers to Us! H'm, can't say I feel flattered!
Phill. (to herself, as she leaves the room) . This must be the Lady Rhoda, who was making up to my Jem! ”

“ No sooner is the thief's hand in contact with the purse than a powerful voltaic circuit is at once formed, and by the principle of capillary attraction, coupled with that of molecular magnetisation, the hand is firmly imprisoned. ”

“ Senex (eagerly) . My dear Primula! So glad you have come! The very man I wished to see. Be seated.
Juvenis (depositing scrolls) . A thousand thanks. Delighted to see you looking so well, my dear Gladstonius. ”

“ I say, let's buy one of these straw fans for Aunt Mary; they're awfully cheap, only half a franc, and look worth half-a-crown; ah voilà le café; wollen sie ein Glas Bier trinken; ja, ja, ja!" Resolve to abandon search for medieval loveliness, and go down sadly in the tramcar. ”

“ Rejected because, although an extremely able and interesting paper in itself, it is found by experience that this sort of high-science essay requires high people to write it if it is to have a chance of being read. Nobody under the rank of a Duke should dabble in magazine science. ”

“ Misther Punch, Sorr,—Frinchmen are that consaited they think no one can invint anything but thimselves. It's as well known as the story of Mulligan's leather breeches that the first Earl of Mayo inwinted Mayernase sauce (ah! bother the spellin' now) , and called it after himself and his eldest son, Lord Naas ”

“ Punch's pages, and highly recommended by
The Judicious Baron de Book-Worms."
Rus in Urbe.—Fancy there being a "Rural Dean of St. George's, Hanover Square"! His name was mentioned one day last week in the Times' "Ecclesiastical Intelligence." It is the Rev. J. Storrs. Not "Army and Navy Storrs," nor "General Storrs," but "Ecclesiastical Storrs."
Happy Application.—Our Squire has a shooting party every Saturday to stay till Monday, and longer if they can. He calls it "The Saturday and Monday Pops."
GISMONDA. (To Mr. Punch.) ”

“ She goes; a pause.
Lady Rhoda (crossing her feet on the fender) . Well, we can't complain of havin' had a dull evenin', can we?
Lady Maisie (taking a hand-screen from the mantelshelf) . Not altogether. Has—anything fresh happened since I left?
Lady Rhoda. Nothing particular. Archie apologised to this New Man in the Billiard Room. For the Booby Trap. We all told him he'd got to. And Mr. ”