Various

“ Many of the audience were legal too, and that there is no better audience the reports of the farces played here day after day abundantly prove. They are out for fun, and therefore in an appreciative and complaisant mood.
To prove a comedian's genius to the mere reader is a difficult matter, and one can never hope to re-embody him in all his humorous idiosyncracies; but quotation comes to one's aid, and in the case of such a wit as Charles Darling it is invaluable. ”

“ All ranks stood to continuously, up to their waists in mud, frozen stiff and half drowned, while my brave little rogues of poilus, mark you, slept warm in their dug-outs, and the only man on duty was the lad who was touching the fireworks off. O friend of mine, there is much innocent fun to be got out of the Boche if you'll only give him a chance! ”

“ Jeanne thought the twins were really in a plight and that she would have to help them out with a gift, but, quick as thought, Castor seized Pollux, saying, "J'y mets mon compagnon!" and Pollux, divining his intention, grasped Castor, declaring excitedly, "Et moi aussi, j'y mets mon compagnon" And into the basket they leapt together. "Ils s'entêtent à rester inséparables," sighed Jeanne; "c'est bien." ”

“ The peeling complete, Albert Edward sat in the draughts of the inner chamber and waited for the bath. The outer chamber was filled with smoke, and the flames were leaping six feet above the cauldrons; but every time Albert Edward holloaed for his bath Sandy implored another minute's grace. ”

“ Had not George Robey invented for application to himself the descriptive phrase, "The Prime Minister of Mirth," it should be at once affixed to the Law Courts' fun-maker; but, since it is too late to use that, let us think of him as "The Chancellor of the Exchequer of Mirth."
Charles Darling's success is the more remarkable because he keeps so still. He sits in his chair as steadily as another of his outdistanced rivals, Sam Mayo ("The Immobile Comedian," as he is called) , remains standing. He has few gestures; he rarely, if ever, sings, and I have never seen him dance ”

“ And stretcher-squads besiege the doctors' doors.
Then belches Hell anew. And all day long
The afflicted place drifts heavenward in dust;
All day the shells shriek out their devils' song;
All day men cling close to the earth's charred crust ”

“ Well, first and foremost it is of course to be sought in the genius of the actor himself; but contributory causes are the acceptivity of the audience, which is more noticeable in the Law Courts than in any other London theatre, and the willingness of his fellow-performers to "feed" him, as stage-folk have it; that is to say, provide him with materials upon which (again resorting to stage language) he may "crack his wheezes." ”

“ He stood by for half an hour, and then, as nothing happened, turned in. Ten minutes later the Infantry rang up again. More funny business; three rockets had gone up.
He stood by for an hour with no result, then sought his bunk once more, cursing all men. Confound the Infantry getting the jumps over a rocket or two! Confound them two times! Then a spark of inspiration glowed within him, glowed and flamed brightly. If his exalted poilus got the wind up over a handful of rockets, how much more also would the deteriorating Boche? ”

“ I came away with reluctance, filled with wonder at the want of enterprise shown by our revue-managers in not having, long ere now, secured Charles Darling's services. If only he continues to take his art seriously he has a great future. ”

“ Possibly he under-estimates our appreciation of Italy's share in the War's burden, but his account of the conditions prevailing upon the Italian front, and of the courage and skill with which they have been overcome, deserves our undiluted approval. It is difficult to believe that anyone who is not at least a member of the Alpine Club can dimly realise the engineering feats which the Italian soldiers have performed. ”

“ Ruth is a fine girl, with character and candour, those too rare assets, and having pursued, and found wanting, Bert, the swanker, who hasn't the courage for matrimony; the polite and fatuously prudent Archie, and Joe, the vegetarian, who had such exalted faith in malt, she wins a deserved happiness with someone that she had never even thought of pursuing. ”

“ It's got something to do with drills."
"Like the Volunteers?"
"No, not a bit like the Volunteers."
"Well, then, like potatoes."
"Yes, more like potatoes, except that they're peas in this case."
"How true," I said.
"Yes. And don't forget that while you were away we formed a League of Honour in the village and bound ourselves to observe the Food Controller's rations."
"Am I a member?"
"Yes, we thought you'd like to be one, so I gave your name in."
"I think a man must pledge his own honour. He can't have it done for him." ”

“ It is the record of a singularly beautiful and beneficent life, lived to the very utmost in the service of God and man, and ruled by a simple and direct religion which constantly forced practice up to the exalted level of precept. ”

“ They never pretended to be more than the gay and cynical banter of one who brought to the perils of life at the Front an incurable habit of humour. They are typical of that brave spirit, essentially English, that makes light of the worst that fate can send."
It must, I should think, be exceedingly difficult to find a new title in these days for a volume of reminiscences. Mr. Raymond Blathwayt seems to have solved the problem happily enough by calling his contribution to the rapidly-increasing library of recollections, Through Life and Round the World (Allen) . ”

“ A deputation to the Food Controller has demanded that the allowance of bread to farm labourers should be increased to two pounds per head per day. The amount is considered excessive in view of the national needs, and the alternative course of permitting them to eat all they can grow is being favourably considered. ”

“ Another perfect thing from this diverting piece, followed also by Homeric cachinnations, was the mock-serious apophthegm: "If a cloud is going to support a lady of substantial proportions, you must make it fairly solid." ”

“ Then, carrying the dolls in her petticoat, she solemnly undid the button, let it slip down with the dolls inside, and placed it resolutely in the basket, saying: "J'y mets mon jupon!"
What was Adélaïde saying? One must give cheerfully and not regret the gift? Surtout il ne faut pas verser une larme!
So, hugging her doll, Jeanne returned to the mirror and added, smiling, "Avec sa-tis-fac-ti-on!" ”

“ Following so closely upon the report that a Wallasey woman had discovered a German coin in a loaf of bread we were not surprised by a contemporary headline, "Seymour Hicks in a new Rôle."
Damage to the extent of twenty-five thousand pounds is said to have been caused to the crops in Australia by mice, and the Australian authorities contemplate the purchase of a mouse trap.
Economist (soliloquising) . "We must all deny ourselves something. And to think, despite the paper shortage, people are still smoking cigarettes."
An Irish Settlement. ”

“ Weeds are a source of great trouble to the amateur gardener, says a contemporary, because he is not always able to recognise them. A good plan is to pull them out of the ground. If they come up again they are weeds. ”

“ He crawled into the dark barn and, having [pg 332] no smaller change, contributed a two-franc bill to the forepaw and told Sandy about his awful stiffness. His eloquence and the double fee broke Sandy's heart. With great tears in his eyes he assured Albert Edward that the utmost resources of his experience and establishment should be mobilised on his (Albert Edward's) behalf, and ushered him tenderly into that hidden chamber, constructed of sacking screens, which was reserved for officers. Albert Edward peeled his clothes gingerly from him, and Sandy returned to his cauldrons. ”

“ In ordinary times the Financial Secretary of the Treasury is the most important Member of the Government outside the Cabinet. Under the present régime he is not a member of the House at all. It is true that Mr. Baldwin takes his place as Parliamentary whipping-boy to the Chancellor of the Exchequer with much grace and good humour ”

“ The weakness appears to be gradually extending to his arms.
"The starched collar must go," remarks a contemporary ruefully. Not, we hope, before a substitute has been found for some of those unwashable necks.
"Lady conductors," said the Underground Railway official last week, "must remember that the seats and straps are put there for the use of the passengers." We know all about straps, but we have often wondered what it feels like to use one of the seats on the Underground.
The police have raided a coining plant in Marylebone. It is becoming more and more difficult to make money. ”

“ Such extravagance in war-time ought to be checked.
"Shady German Trick.
"In the village of Boisleux-au-Mout the Germans utilised part of the cemetery to bury their own dead, but before doing so deliberately hewed down every tree growing on the side of the ground where the French graves lie."—Daily Paper.
Is "shady" quite the right word for this outrage?
[pg 342]
PEAS AND PLEDGES.
"Has anything special," I said, "been happening during my absence?"
"We are up to our chins in work," said Francesca. ”

“ The Executive Committee thinks it's going to do all the work, but it's got to report to the General Committee, and it it'll be a great piece of luck if the General Committee doesn't insist on asserting itself by upsetting all the decisions of the Executive Committee. ”

“ We cannot think that he has really tried. Much might have been done with kindness and a piece of cheese, while we have often seen quite large steam rollers being enticed along the road by a man with a red flag. ”

“ The thousands who already know and admire Lieut. Hankey's work will need no introduction to this, which exhibits all the qualities of courage and sympathy that have given the former book a world-wide popularity. ”

“ Five thousand people obtained 5 lbs. each."—Sunday Paper.
This result was obtained by the forethought of the distributors, who had the potatoes laid out on multiplication tables.
[pg 340]
Farmer. "What the blazes are you doing? And with them 'orses standin' hidle?"
Tommy. "Cleanin' me buttons. 'Aven't you never been a soldier?"
THE DOLLS THAT DID THEIR BIT.
"Je vous tends mon corbillon: qu'y met-on?" asked Jeanne, holding out her basket towards the first of her dolls seated in a semi-circle before her. ”