Various

“ His short but sufficient representation of the effects of too much lunch on Uncle Gregory is masterly. So realistic, in the best sense of the word, is the impersonation of these two characters, that one is inclined to resent the brutality of Uncle Gregory, when one sees the change suddenly effected in the sweet and sympathetic nature of Benjamin Goldfinch, and when we see him suspicious of everybody, and even of his young wife, whom he loves so dearly, we murmur, "Oh, what a noble mind is here o'erthrown!" ”

“ Got into Committee of Supply to-night on Vote for Houses of Parliament. Tony Lumpkin turned up again. Last Session, in moment of inspiration, Tony spluttered forth a joke; likened new staircase in Westminster Hall to Spurgeon's Pulpit. It is just as like the River Thames or Finsbury Park; but that's where the fun lies. Incongruity is the soul of wit. ”

“ Charles Russell, not given to exaggerated views, somewhat reputable as a legal authority, with law-books in hand stated his opinion that, apart from incidents of the foray, magistrates and police were acting illegally.
"Well," said Long Lawrance, turning his back on House of Commons, "I'm glad they've made me a Judge. Have ever been what is called a good Party-man; believe in Balfour; always ready to back him up with my vote; but, dash my wig (now that I'm going to wear a full-bottomed one) if I like voting to render possible the repetition of a business like this at Clongorey. ”

“ There is an old gentleman, in plain clothes it is true, but still otherwise every inch a Bishop or a Butler, or perhaps both in one,—say Bishop Butler. I have just finished a careful study of him, when he turns round and whispers, "Please, Sir, can you tell me which is the Bishop of Lincoln?" ”

“ Take a rickety boy, and provide him with a wealthy father, slightly flavoured with a good social position and political tastes. Send him to a public school, having first eliminated as much youthfulness as is compatible with continued existence. Add some flattering masters, and a distaste for games. Season with the idea that he is born for a great career. Let him be, if possible, verbose and argumentative, and inclined to contradict his elders. Eliminate more youth and transfer hot to a University. Add more verbosity, and a strong extract of priggishness. ”

“ And, indeed, but that it is impossible to help laughing from first to last, the final scenes of this charming piece, replete with touches of real human nature, would send an audience away crying with joy, to think of the possible goodness existent in the world, of which one occasionally hears, but so seldom sees, except on the stage. ”

“ Only looked at him inquiringly, as Attorney-General for Ireland, trudging stolidly through the mire, attempted to answer Charles Russell. "If I am Irish Secretary, as Trevelyan once said, I'm an English gentleman, and if you suppose I have any sympathy with the sort of thing that goes on at Clongorey, you're mistaken. But I am answerable for law and order, and law and order I maintain."
Thus Arthur, quite querulous. Have noticed sometimes, when a man hopelessly in the wrong, he is inclined to turn on his best friend and rend him. This Clongorey business, truly, a bad one. ”

“ Set him to simmer for two years in a popular constituency, and serve him up, a chattering pedant of twenty-four, at Westminster.
In the course of the contest which resulted in his return to the House of Commons, the young M.P. will have tasted the sweets of advertisement by seeing his name constantly placarded in huge letters on coloured posters. He will have been constantly referred to as "Our popular young Candidate," and he will thus have become convinced that the welfare of his country imperatively demands his immediate presence and permanent continuance in Parliament. ”

“ Mr. Fussler. Unfortunately, Shakspeare is not before us—and you are. You admit that you have produced a play containing lines such as I have just read? That is enough for Us.
Mr. Medlam. Unless I am mistaken, the hero in Othello is not only a murderer but a suicide?
Mr. Irving. Undoubtedly. (Sensation.)
Mr. Medlam. We have heard something of a piece called The Bells. I seldom attend theatres myself, except in the exercise of my public functions, but I do happen to have seen that particular play on one occasion. ”

“ Irving urged that the Nemesis was worked out by the murderer's own conscience.
Mr. Medlam said that was all nonsense; a person's conscience could not be made visible on the stage, and here a murderer was represented as dying several years after his crime, in his own bedroom, respected by all who knew him. Did Mr. Irving intend to tell them that such a spectacle was calculated to deter an intending murderer, or did he not? ”

“ Whenever it may be the lot of any distinguished Member of the Upper House to be sent to the Tower of London, or a Member of the Lower to be shut up in the Clock Tower, the Provisional Government for the time being will know what to charge for its provisions. ”

“ Down came the police on workmen engaged in this act of charity. A hundred police, paid for by tax-payer, swooped down with fixed bayonets on Clongorey, arrested labourers, handcuffed them, marched them off to police barracks.
This is the simple Story of Clongorey, reduced to facts not denied by Balfour or Attorney-General, divested of all incidental matters alleged, such as the parading of the handcuffed prisoners through the crowded streets of the town, the police making raids among the crowd, naturally gathered to see the sight. "One man had his eyeball burst, another his skull broken." ”

“ Am I wrong in saying that in each of these pieces you fight a duel?
Mr. Irving. No. I fight a duel in each of them, except Macbeth, in which there is no duel, only a hand-to-hand combat. I do commit a murder in Macbeth.
A Member. Mr. Irving's tastes seem rather to run in the direction of murders. (Laughter.)
After the report of the Official Censor upon the general tone of the Lyceum plays during the last fifteen years had been read a second time and adopted, the Chairman, without more than a formal consultation with his colleagues, proceeded to announce the decision of the Committee. ”

“ Such marvellous aspects of scenery, such wealth of colour, such novelty do we behold, that we long to start off at once to Yokohama, to Nikkô, to Hakone, to Tôkiyo, or any one of these delightful places—singing. ”

“ Hunting men may have objections to raise; but then hunting men, though eminently respectable class, are not everybody, not even a majority; may even be spared to go hunting as usual. Walpole hunted like anything, yet in Walpole's day Parliament oftener met in November than at any other time of year, and with due provision for Christmas holidays, sat into early summer. The thing can be done, and ought to be done—will be done if Trevelyan sticks to it. ”

“ Will the limelight flash suddenly upon the chief actor, the Bishop of Lincoln, as he takes the stage and re-acts the part that has caused the trial? Archbishop Bancroft founded this library, so theatrical associations are natural. The only lights in the long and lofty library (excepting the clerical and legal) are a dozen or two wax candles and a few oil-lamps, but of daylight, gaslight, or electric, nothing. ”

“ He will bring in a Bill which an M.P. who was once young, has abandoned, and, finding his measure blocked, will discourse with extreme bitterness of the obstruction by which the efforts of rising political genius are oppressed. ”

“ If not vacancy to-morrow, sure to be within week, or month, or year. Why not make Jemmy Lowther a Judge? It is true he has no practice at the Bar; but he was "called," and, I believe, went. That is a detail; what we desire in our Judges are, a certain impressive air, a striking presence, and an art of rotund speech. James has played many parts in his time—Parliamentary Secretary to the Poor-Law Board, Under-Secretary for the Colonies, Chief Secretary for Ireland, and Steward of the Jockey Club. In this last capacity he, a year ago, temporarily assumed judicial functions. ”

“ He regards himself as a being of great importance and capacity, and endowed with the power of acting as he likes, whilst the local wirepullers look upon him as a convenient mask, behind which they may the more effectively carry on their own petty schemes of personal ambition. ”

“ Shortly afterwards he will select an unpopular fad, which certain members of his own party approve, and will take a vigorous stand against it on principle, thus earning the commendation of all parties as a man of independent views, and unswerving rectitude.
If, at a subsequent election, he should chance to be rejected at the poll, he will publicly profess that he is delighted to be relieved of an uncongenial burden, whilst assuring his friends in private that the country in which able and honest men are neglected must be in a very bad way. ”

“ Irving thought that intending murderers formed so inappreciable an element in his usual audiences, that they might safely be left out of the calculation.
Mr. Medlam. But you might have an intending murderer among your audience, I suppose? ”

“ They were now the constituted guardians of the public morals, and must fulfil their functions without fear or favour. (Applause.) They must look at the character of the performances at each theatre, considering only whether they were or were not beneficial to morality. ”

“ On those grounds alone the Committee dismissed the Appeal, and declared the Lyceum Theatre closed till further notice. He might say, however, that they might possibly be induced, after a certain interval, to reconsider the question, and allow the theatre to be reopened on Mr. Irving's undertaking to produce dramas of an entirely unobjectionable character in future. ”

“ Wednesday.—Several Colliery Owners, in despair, descend into their own mines for the purpose of trying to raise some coal themselves, but their employés, declining to assist in hauling them up again, they are left to their fate, and nothing more is heard of them. ”

“ In my neighbourhood happened to be one of the greatest advocates of our generation, and I heard this legal luminary whisper, "while that fellow is talking, the old servant will die of starvation," and the legal luminary was entirely and absolutely right. Adam would have died of starvation while his garrulous master was posturing. A country wench called Audrey was admirably impersonated by Miss Marion Lea, and the remainder of the cast was, on the whole, satisfactory. Stay, it is only just that I should single out for special commendation Mr. ”

“ The Stanley and African Exhibition.—One of the largest contributors will be Mr. Bonny. This sounds well; at all events, it's Bonny. The French, who are now welcoming their own private African hero, le Capitaine Trivier, back to his native land, may be induced to place their trophies under Mr. Bonny's care, as, if Imperialists, they can then say they have a Bonny-part in this Exhibition.
From an Indignant Correspondent.—"Sir,—I sent you a joke three months ago, which you have not used. Since then I have made arrangements for the joke to appear elsewhere." [What a chance we have lost!—Ed.] ”

“ The restaurateur addressed his little account, "À Sa Magesté (sic) Louis Philippe-Robert ('Robert' was in it) Duc d'Orléans." In styling Le Petit Duc "His Majesty" the artful restaurateur evidently had in view a future restauration. The restaurateur, who expected to provide the young Duke of Orleans with a second dinner, of course quoted Shakspeare, and exclaimed enthusiastically—
"I must go victual Orleans forthwith!" Henry V., Part I., Act I., Sc. 5. ”

“ On the following day he will speak during the dinner-hour to an audience of four, and, having escaped being counted out, will be greatly admired by his Constituents. He will assiduously attend all social functions, and will not object to seeing his name in the paragraphs of Society papers. It is not absolutely necessary that the young M.P. should be bald, but it is essential that he should wear a frock-coat. ”

“ Grundy's Gregory's Mixture, known to the public, and likely to be highly popular with the public too, as A Pair of Spectacles. Art more refined than Mr. Hare's, as Benjamin Goldfinch in this piece, has not been seen on the stage for many a long day ”

“ Irving. I have made it my business to acquaint myself with your dramatic career, and I find that you have played as hero at various times in Romeo and Juliet, Hamlet, The Corsican Brothers, and The Dead Heart, besides Macbeth. ”

“ Irving begged for some more definite leading as to the dramas alluded to.) The Chairman said that he had been informed that an illustrated periodical called Punch was publishing a series of Moral Dramas, in which the sentiments and incidents were alike irreproachable. Let Mr. Irving promise to confine himself to these, and the Council would see about it. (Mr. Irving then withdrew, without, however, having given any definite undertaking, and the Committee adjourned.)
[Pg 110]
"PUTTING HIS NOSE OUT OF JOINT."
Engineering (to Little Tour Eiffel) . "Where are You, Now, my Little Man?" ”