Various

“ The Bowling Green—late a nuisance and a pandemonium, now an oasis of verdure—has not as yet reported its owl, but the public eye is upon it, and the nocturnal marauder may yet be detected in the forks of the great willow-trees, which still retain their verdure. The sparrows are almost disproportionately numerous in this small park, but this may be accounted for. ”

“ Would New York care if Tuckahoo was reduced to the level of its original swamp? Moreover, there were lots of cities away off in China, yearning to have the rays of modern civilization let into them. Would it be anything out of his way to travel in that direction with a few big KRUPP guns, and give civilization a fair opening to get in at? Wasn't it cowardly to be punching all the time at one poor, miserable little town like Paris, that ain't big enough to help itself, and wouldn't have done the same by him no matter if it got ever so many high old chances? ”

“ SCENE III.—The vaults below O'Malley's castle. Enter Dutch General,
O'Hara, Ulick, and the "Doctor," a rebel prisoner.
DOCTOR.—"I brought you here to show you O'MALLEY'S hiding-place. Now I've got you. The tide rose the moment we entered, and cut off your retreat; we'll all be drowned like rats in a hole. Hurroo." [O'Malley descends into the vaults by an iron door.]
O'MALLEY.—"Come up-stairs out of the wet. We'll have some whiskey." [They come up.] ”

“ It does not own so many mules, or forward so much corn and flour, as the New York concern, but is more airy and picturesque. It is surrounded by palaces; but what is a palace without a mother?
These swan-like men-of-war are gondolas. Our skipper is called a gondolier. Every other skipper is called something worse than that if he gets in our skipper's way. I respect a man's calling; that is, if he follows it up energetically. ”

“ Within a few days past several owls have been captured in the solemn pines with which these delightful retreats have lately been made green, if not shady. The owl, as is well known, was regarded by the ancients as the Bird of Wisdom. ”

“ There is a drunken leer in this beast's eye, an inebriate roll in all his movements, that lead one mechanically to peer into the darkness of his den with the view of seeing what the Bar fixings are like. It would be a rare freak to treat the huge fellow to a cask of rum and sugar, and then stand by with a comic artist, and take down for PUNCHINELLO the traits of BRUIN the Grizzly on a "bender," and with all his repressed nature brought out by the strong drink.
"Carnivorium" is the word now properly applied by the Park authorities to the establishment in which the wild beasts are kept. ”

“ You see these people with rough beards and red shirts, looking like New York firemen? You take one to be MOSE? You are right—they are Esquimaux. They are a tough, and hardy race. Though not precisely students, they yet consume the midnight oil—chiefly as a beverage. ”

“ SCENE III.—The castle moat. O'Malley in the ditch standing in a picturesque attitude.
The Dutch General stands on the summit of a wall three feet high, and leaning over
the battlements—which tower to the height of three inches—hands
O'Malley a pardon. Enter Tragic Heroine and everybody else.
TRAGIC HEROINE.—"O'MALLEY. I have saved you. Now save me. I have just married ULICK. Kill him for me."
ULICK and O'MALLEY accordingly slash each other across the legs with their rapiers. O'MALLEY kills ULICK and embraces the TRAGIC HEROINE. Everybody shouts "Hurroo!" and the curtain falls. ”

“ The only muss now common to them is the mus tribe, comprising the mus ratus, or ordinary rat (so called from its haunting ordinaries, we suppose) , and the timid mouse, with which the Bird of Wisdom is contented to put up when the sparrows decline to come to his claw.
Central Park offers numerous attractions now to all who love to keep up their animal spirits by studying animal life. There is a fat little Asiatic pig there, who is the very picture of content. A red pig he is, and exceedingly well behaved. ”

“ The well-earned reputation acquired by Boston for leading the world in new ideas is so thoroughly established as to need no recapitulation here. We merely speak of it for the purpose of mentioning that city's last contribution to mankind, of this kind. ”

“ In the case of the elephant, though, it might be as well also to caution persons against making jokes about his trunk—a low kind of ribaldry in which every carpet-bagger, who never had one, seems to think himself bound to indulge.
There is a cinnamon bear in one of the outside cages, whose claws remind one sharply that cinnamon and cloves go together, and that clove is a tense of the verb "to cleave." But we do not want such a fellow as that to cleave to us, since it is evident that a grocer kind of brute than a cinnamon bear cannot be found in all the ursine family. ”

“ VERSAILLES, EIGHTH WEEK OF THE REPUBLIC, 1870.
"I don't believe a word of it," said the King, with an impatient stamp of the foot and a deprecatory wave of the hand—"not a word of it."
You see, dear PUNCHINELLO, the situation was thus: I had undertaken, not indeed without grave misgivings, to propitiate his Majesty, after the failure of the THIERS-BISMARCK negotiations, and, if possible, procure such terms as would save Parisians from the galling necessity of immolating the monkeys of the Jardin des Plantes to the popular demand for something to eat. ”

“ Consekently I hired 1/2 dozen of my nabors, whom I supposed wouldent make turnal fools of their selves, to call at the Old Green manshon with a crowd of peeple, at the hour when I was supposed to be to bed, for the purpuss of presentin me with a silver tea sarvice, which our Joowiler had lent me for the occasion. I writ up an impromptu speech, and practiced it for over a week, out in my barn, so as to be reddy for the cerprise. ”

“ By and by the Park will have a new and sensational attraction. The antediluvian monsters of that great FRANKENSTEIN of the period, Mr. WATERHOUSE HAWKINS, will soon be advanced enough to "give fits" to the nursery-maids and their tender charges. Accipitrine in features as in name, Mr. HAWKINS is a living illustration of the Darwinian theory. Certainly his remote ancestors must have been of the falcon family. He revels in birds; though, when he cannot obtain those, he can put up with lizards, which he usually prefers manufactured, and of a length not less than from sixty to one hundred feet. ”

“ To "put a head on" an owl, which is already provided with one so large and so comical, appears to be a work both superfluous and inhuman. The only apology for it in this instance is, that these night-birds of prey were supposed by the police to have been attracted to the parks by the prospect of succulent suppers on the very well-fed sparrows by which these resorts are now thickly tenanted. ”

“ Fattest of all the beasts in the Central Park collection is the larger of the two grizzly bears. From the easy way in which he takes life, he reminds one of a successful politician, who had worked his way up from being a slim and impecunious "repeater" to the position of Alderman, or Custom House official, and President of the Fat Men's Club. ”

“ They were quite as watchful, it is true, as the genuine feathered owl that has just commenced to give its very extraordinary countenance to the parks, but then it was with other people's watches, not their own. It is with much concern that we hear reports of the slaughter of some of these solemn but beautiful owls that have come to ventilate their wisdom among us. ”

“ The young elephant has increased immensely, since last year, in stature and girth. He is remarkably neat in his person, wisping himself all over with hay for hours at a time. Whether he does this for cleanliness or to obtain a flavor of elephant for the hay is doubtful, however, for he always eats it after having made use of it as a flesh-brush for a good while. ”

“ I continnered;
"You see before you, Faith, Hope & Charity, otherwise called the 3 graces," said I, pintin to my darters, who looked as sheepish as if they was jest let loose from a femail convenshun, or some other loonatick asylum.
"Yer cant cram that stuff down our gullets, no more'n I can stand on this sugar bole without mashin it" said a vile youth, ceasin the sugar bole from the silver tea sarvice and settin his foot onto it. "Them gals haint no more faith in hoops and charity, than I have that the french peeple can live under a Republican form of government." ”

“ They are not so frequent here as in New York or Chicago, where business men inform me they occur about as often as—once in two years.
"Ice cream for sale," on this sign, has a flavor of civilization in it.
Woman does not go to the poles here, although one of them is only a few miles distant in a northerly direction, with excellent sleighing. ”

“ The Proprietors and Publishers of THE AMERICAN CHEMIST, having purchased the subscription list and stock of the American reprint of the CHEMICAL NEWS, have decided to advance the interests of the American Chemical Science by the publication of a Journal which shall be a medium of communication for all practical, thinking, experimenting, and manufacturing scientific men throughout the country. ”

“ In Europe it is the usage for Crowned Heads and their families, only, to eat sausages with their turkey; and, if ever the true story of the Man with the Iron Mask comes to be unveiled, it is more than likely that the mystery will be found to hinge upon that fact. ”

“ My daughter! Take her up-stairs before O'MALLEY returns." (They take her up.) [Re-enter O'Malley.]
O'MALLEY.—"Gentlemen, here is the whiskey. It is Gen. GRANT'S favorite brand, and you'll find it all right." [To his servant] "CONNER, these men mean to arrest me. Go and set fire to the castle." [Connor goes, and O'Malley, locking the door, throws the key out of the window.]
EVERYBODY.—"What do you mean by throwing away the key? Do you mean to surround us, and, making us prisoners, drink up the whiskey yourself?" ”

“ Haint you a saperb copy bound in calf, of ex-legal jewrisprudence?
"Presented you with a tea sarvice, did they? Oh! yool be the ruination of this family with your confounded efforts seekin arter fame. You—you—"
I dident wait to hear no more, but left the house with my feelins in a hily mixed up state. I have made up my mind to one thing, that if I ever get up another cerprise, I will hire good moral men, sich as editors, noosepaper men, and literary folks ginerally, whose conducts is above suspishon, to conduct the preceedins. ”

“ TRAGIC DARLING, I come to die with you." [Rushes up the chimney, while the Dutch General, blowing off the lock off the door with his pistol, escapes together with his friends. The Castle is carefully taken to pieces in sections by the stage carpenters, while torches are flashed at intervals. Finally a Roman candle is set off, and the O'Malley Castle falls a prey to a carefully managed conflagration.—Curtain.] ”

“ Their platform is broad enough for the entire sex to stand on, and why should a princess, from the unfortunate accident of her birth, be debarred her natural right to fall in love with the man of her choice, and to marry the man she loves. ”

“ I noticed that the 3 graces had left the room, while the assemblage was vainly endeavorin to git hold of the silver tea sarvice.
Suddenly the back parler door was busted open, and Mrs. GREEN and my 3 gals rushed in with pans of hot water and broomsticks, and if ever I enjoyed seein a lot of people baptized, it was that ere crowd, who was a yellin "bloody murder," as the hot water made their hides curl up. ”

“ The German metaphysicians who have been so long bothering the world with reports of their searches after the undiscoverable, should now exercise whatever skill they have gained in this pursuit, in looking for signs of republican protest in Germany against the growing tyranny of their Prussian masters. ”

“ Arrivin before my domisil, the leeder sung out and says:
"Now boys (hic!) let's rattle up bald head, (hic!) if old 2-and-ninepence don't (hic!) shell out with his 'freshments, we'll (hic!) smash this 'ere borrered tea sarvice over his (hic!) figger head." Sayin which he gives the door bell a yank, which was enuff to pull the roof off from over our heads.
Slippin on my red nite cap, I poked my head out of my winder, and in fained cerprise, Bays to 'em:
"My good peeple, what's the meanin of this demon-stration?"
"A lot of fellers, who you hired to come and pay you a visit, has got here. ”

“ While the prices may not be extravagant enough for Americans, still, those who have scaled these noble elevations may well account the prospect as one of the most striking features of a foreign climb. ”

“ O'MALLEY.—"I will fly to-morrow night, and you shall fly with me. I would go this minute, were it not that Mr. BOUCICAULT'S play would be spoiled if I did not stay long enough to get into difficulties. I will hide in the cellar of my ruined castle, and will give ULICK the worst 'hiding' he ever had if I have a convenient chance at him."
SCENE II—The front parlor in O'Hara's castle. Enter the Dutch General and O'Hara.
DUTCH GENERAL.—"O'HARA, I dinks you pe ein repel. ULICK is searging your bapers. If he finds something you shall be hanged." [Enter Ulick.] ”

“ It is no use; shee'l allers have the last word, if she sets up all nite for a week for it. You mite just as well try to make Bosting fokes think the hul United States don't resolve around Masserchussetts Bay and Bosting Common once every 24 times an hour, as to undertake to stop a womans clack when she gets on a talkin fit.
The appinted nite came, and I was standin behind the winder curten, peekin out the upper hall winder, anxiusly awaitin the arrival of the crowd. ”