McHenry

“ Green. "You're a real sport, my boy—true son of your father! And Gad! how I love a true sport!" But by this time McHenry was so sure of himself that he didn't need Miss Myrtle's hand under the table to tell him that the stage was being set for the grand climax. All that disturbed him was that he and Sewall had to stay over another day.
IV
They were to lunch at one. At half-past twelve McHenry, still coaxing his nonplussed friend, paid the hotel bill, had the suit-cases checked at the Grand Central, and bought tickets for Boston on the three o'clock. ”

“ Eventually the punch ran out, and the guests had to go home. To each of the Lampoon men present, McHenry addressed a vivid phrase or two at parting.
"Meet at the sanctum at one o'clock to-morrow afternoon without fail," he ended. "It's vital! You won't forget, will you? The whole meet depends on it!"
"B-but where were MacManus and Vose and Hopkins and Grant and Miller?" said Morse sleepily. "They aren't athletes—they C-could have come over, all right?"
McHenry smiled his inscrutable smile.
"You're right they're not athletes," he acknowledged. ”

“ McHenry squeezed the juice of the last lemon into a glass.
"It's been worth sixty-five hundred apiece," he said finally. "Besides, it's up to us to be strictly moral. In fact, moraler than that." He poured the vichy on the lemon juice. "You know what we are, don't you?"
"Promoters?" guessed his partner.
"Good Lord, no!" said McHenry. "Angels!" ”

“ McHenry sat down to meditate.
"You fellows never take into consideration," he said, "the fact that it's ridiculously easy to make money. Why, you can make it out of almost anything."
"Excuse me, Pepper, but you're raving," yawned Sewall.
"No, I'm not. Why—why, a man with any brains can make money selling collar buttons."
"You couldn't make thirty cents selling collar buttons," scoffed Spinden. "Let's eat."
"On the whole," mused Pepper, "that's rather clever. It certainly is. There's real money in it. I suppose I might as well make six hundred in collar buttons as in anything else." ”

“ When he remembered to lock the door, as in the present instance, the only solution to the problem of universal peace was for the man whose room was directly over his to draw a baseball bat quickly but firmly across the radiator coils, thus creating an accompaniment so immeasurably superior in tonal quality to the banjo that McHenry generally gave up in disgust, with the loud remark that the world was going to the dogs, and nobody appreciated good music. ”

“ Come closer, Pep, come closer!"
"Create it, if you have to," explained McHenry. As, for example, we all know perfectly well that little children don't moan in their trundle beds because papa doesn't wear some special brand of collar buttons, don't we? And nobody lies writhing on a bed of pain until the doctor writes a telegram for a new supply of the things—and a man doesn't go and buy a collar button the way he does a cigar, or a drink, either. So—when I got into this fool scheme with you people, I naturally had to go and create a demand. ”

“ McHenry cheered him. "We'll start in Thursday evening—because that's when my other little committees begin to work. You're sure you're with me?"
"Absolutely!" declared Phillips. "By gosh, to think of a man letting himself get worried off the baseball squad on account of a—"
"Hush!" said McHenry piously. "We ought to show some respect for old age, John. Why, I'll bet she's twenty-eight if she's a day!"
III
Monk Spinden, who had acted much more civilized since his confession to McHenry, suddenly found himself assailed from all directions by his closest friends. ”

“ McHenry pointed to the small box full of wax records which reposed on his window seat.
"There you are," he said. "Here's Ec 1—complete brief, résumé, seminar, synopsis—call it anything you want to—of the whole blamed course. I paid Roger two and a half for a set of this stuff for a week. I soak in so much Ec that I couldn't flunk that exam if I tried. And if I get drowsy, I simply stop the record, go out and take a walk, come back, and turn her on again. It's a cinch. Same ground the Widow would cover at half the price—and you can keep it a week."
"Murder and sudden death!" ”

“ That's it—percentage! Individuals win, individuals lose—the books always make a percentage. Is that honest? No. So I'll get back at 'em any way I can. It's as fair for one as it is for the other!"
"I see the point," said McHenry. "Only, you see, Ted and I have a date to-morrow—are you going over to see that lightning-jerker friend of yours?"
"You bet I am! I'm not too proud to pick up a spare thou or two on the side!"
To Sewall's horror and amazement, McHenry leisurely abstracted a genuine twenty-dollar bill from his small capital, and tossed it across the table. ”

“ McHenry himself didn't remain in Cambridge for Class Day. He had never been a ladies' man, and he knew that if he prowled about the yard in search of amusement, he was sure to come upon some of the men who had borrowed money to entertain their "sisters," and that the meetings would be embarrassing for all concerned.
Even so, he managed to keep his covenant to three or four of his immediate circle, and left them fully convinced that James Pepper McHenry could make a fortune in toothpicks or birdseed if he gave his mind to the problem for a sufficient length of time. ”

“ She wasn't at all like the magazine pictures of New York society girls, she was obviously of the other side of life, but as she stood there holding McHenry's hand, and meeting his gaze squarely, there was something in her expression which convinced, and sobered him. He said to himself that she couldn't be more than eighteen or nineteen years old, and a couple of seasons ago she must have been very pretty ... and here she was telling him, as plainly as her eyes could convey the information, that he was a very nice young man, and that she liked him, and didn't want him to make any mistakes. ”

“ The telegram was from the reformer-uncle, and it read, in substance:
Congratulations. Shall arrive Thursday morning and spend several days with you. Anti-Cigarette League heartily indorses your project. Stand ready to furnish money for propaganda among the students. Will be pleased to address your club at your next meeting.
"And this," said McHenry bitterly, forgetting all about the Dining Association, and the president, and A. B. See, and the dean, "this is your long-legged, slab-sided, red-headed, pigeon-toed idea of a joke! Spinden, I'll remember this!" ”

“ McHenry removed tie and collar and began to unfasten his shirt.
"Here," said Spinden. "Don't change your clothes. We're going right out to eat."
"I'm with you, old top," promised McHenry. "I won't keep you three minutes—I just want to see how they go to work to make these collar buttons."
II
As a matter of fact, he couldn't have borrowed money if he had tried. Parents are notably suspicious near the end of senior year; and, as Pepper had remarked, those men who weren't in financial straits were already hoarding against Class Day. ”

“ I can not allow him to do so. Take Pearson away—take him away and do what you please with him. I have heard enough from his own lips—‘I plead guilty.’”
“Come, McHenry, I have had nothing to say, and now I do not want to say anything. I have heard enough.”
“This is awful. My son to marry this man’s daughter! The engagement was announced last night. The marriage shall never take place.”
“Come along, Mr. McHenry. We can talk that over after we leave here.”
“Good morning, sir.”
“Good morning, gentlemen.”
“Well, Pat, you may place the prisoner in cell 77.”
“Come along. You are a fine bird, you are. ”

“ McHenry put his hand on the table with such vigor that the glasses rocked.
"James," he suggested, "I guess perhaps we'd better go back to Chicago together. I can use a few brains right in the office. Do you think you could get along in brokerage?"
"Sure I could!" said Pepper. "No different from college, is it? All you have to do is think a little faster than the next man. How much do I get?"
"We generally start beginners at ten dollars a week," said his father jocosely. "What do you imagine you could earn?"
"Well," dreamed Pepper, "how much money is there in Chicago?" ”

“ The Manuscript—Comprising "The Fratricide" and Miscellaneous Poems. Boston, 1827. 12mo, pp. 70.
McHENRY, JAMES
Dr. James McHenry, born in Larne, County Antrim, Ireland, December 20, 1785, died there July 20, 1845. He was graduated in medicine at Dublin University and Glasgow, and first located in practice [57] at Larne, whence he removed to Belfast. He came to the United States in 1817 and followed his profession in Baltimore, Md., and Pittsburgh, Pa. In 1824 he settled in Philadelphia, where he practiced medicine and carried on a mercantile business. ”

“ I mean, what's the guarantee that it's the right dope?"
"Look here, boy," reproached McHenry, "if people would be willing to fork out five dollars an hour to Roger Ward to sit down at the same desk with him and get tutored by word of mouth, they ought to see that there isn't such a whale of a lot of difference between that and listening to Roger Ward through a phonograph! And Roger's price for straight man-to-man tutoring is five an hour. It's high, but he's worth it. ”

“ What's on your mind?"
"Only my cap," admitted McHenry, removing it thoughtfully. "Look here, Wilcox; who's the animated hatpin covering the Chinese situation out in your front parlor?"
"Chinese situation?" repeated Wilcox, in grave doubt.
"Yes. Good-looking chap with lots of legs under him."
"Oh, that's Phil Smith. He's scribe for a couple of New York newspapers. What's the matter with him?"
"You ought not to let those insects clutter up your factory," reproved McHenry, finding a chair, and taking possession of it. "He gives me the willies. ”

“ I've got the lunch all stowed away, and I deposited a check in the First National this morning."
"This man McHenry," said Spinden to Ward, "is going to be either the President of the United States or a jail-bird before our triennial—and I don't know which."
"Whichever I am," said Pepper generously, "I'll always count on you when I need help. The easiest way to make money I know of is to take it away from simple souls like you fellows on a bet. By the way, I've got only a week or two more to run. Want to double the stakes?" ”

“ Sewall opened his mouth and closed it again in the irritated fashion of the majority of people who tried to pin McHenry down to facts.
"Money doesn't bother me much," continued Pepper. "I'm rather impartial, too, because I never have any."
"That's your fault. Your dad certainly sends you enough."
"No one man could ever send me enough, my dear young friend! He sends me about twice as much as he says he will, and that's about half what I want. As I said, money doesn't bother me. It's so blamed easy to get, if you know how. ”

“ He alleged that there was three feet of snow on the ground, and a head wind would make progress all but impossible. Furthermore he was able to recite the various brands of tobacco carried by the Emporium. The three malefactors of McHenry's wealth groaned in unison. They dined in great ill-humor, and did not recover their spirits even when afterwards they continued to whipsaw McHenry for large sections of his ample allowance.
"But Pep can't stick it out," said Sewall to Spinden as they went to bed. "He can't last—he's too good-natured. ”

“ Dillingham waited until he heard the outer door close.
"Look here, Pep!" he said. "Why didn't you turn him down now? What's the use of waiting for three days? We don,'t want to get tangled up in a stock company in Middleburgh, or any other place!"
"Take your time, old top!" soothed McHenry. "Once in a hundred times there's money in the angel business. I thought I'd call up a real actor I know, and quiz him about the general scheme. If he says it's logical, then we'll get busy and get a report on this Westervelt man."
"You're not going out now, are you?"
"I am," said Pepper. ”

“ That's a pippin! But—but where does Roger get off if a couple of dozen fellows all use the same machine and the same records? Why couldn't you simply turn one loose in a room and let a whole crowd come in?"
McHenry shrugged his shoulders.
"Of course," he alleged, "that's up to the honesty of the fellows. The price is two-fifty a person, and if, say, six men listened to the stuff at the same time, each one of them ought to cough up to Roger, so he'd take eighteen dollars out of the crowd."
"It seems to me that some fellows might take advantage of him," said Murchison slowly. ”

“ McHenry trailed after his mates to the haven of the locker building, and listened with admiration to the vocabulary of his friend Whittemore. The sophomores, said Whittemore, were a disgrace to the Grand Army. They played like a Class B team in the Epworth League on an off day. They ran with the speed of frightened rhinoceri, and they tried to tackle opponents by casting piercing glances at the enemy's retreating feet. They deserved to be beaten, and to be beaten would mean a triple tie for the series, and no numerals for anybody ”

“ McHenry had returned from his tour of espionage. He was cast down at the poor chance for business.
“There’s nothing doin’,” he said. “Twenty years ago I was here with a schooner o’ booze to a Konito meetin’ like this. There was kegs o’ rum with bloody tops knocked in right in the road. An’ wimmin’! You’d a-gone nuts tryin’ to choose. This is what religi’n does to business. A couple o’ bleedin’ chinks sellin’ a few bottles o’ smell water, an’ a lot o’ Tahitians with fruit an’ picnic stuff. A thousand Kanakas in one bunch an’ not one drunk. ”