Bride broker

“ Technically, at least, the bride and sometimes the bridegroom have nothing to do with the transaction. We have seen incidentally that the purchase-contract tends to become a ceremonial conveyance, and the bride-price to disappear in the dower. This transition is a fact of great social and legal import, and must therefore receive further attention. But, first, another question of interest arises: What is the place of wife-purchase in the evolution of human sexual relations? If it was not preceded by wife-capture as a general phase, is it the primitive method of contracting marriage? ”

“ A bridegroom knows nothing of the character or person of his intended wife, except what he gathers from the report of some female relative, or confidant, who undertakes to arrange the marriage, and determine the sum that shall be paid for the bride. Very severe laws are made to prevent deception and fraud in these transactions. On the day appointed for the wedding, the damsel is placed in a close palanquin, the key of which is sent to the bridegroom, by the hands of some trusty domestic. ”

“ Hence it seems "almost probable that marriage by services is a more archaic form than marriage by purchase; but generally they occur simultaneously." [591]
By far the most common way of purchasing a wife is by giving property in exchange. [592] Usually the amount of the price is arranged, like any other bargain, by agreement between the interested parties; but sometimes it is established by custom. [593] Always where the contract is merely a commercial transaction the price is in theory an equivalent for the economic loss sustained by the family or gens of the bride. ”

“ In our own civil-marriage ceremonies, where the dualism does not usually appear, the responses of the parties, the "Yes," "I do," or "I will," are nothing more than the survival of the ancient private betrothal, now recognized by law as the only essential parts of the nuptial ceremony; while the wedding ring is merely a duplicate of the betrothal or engagement ring, both being the survival of the arrha and, therefore, of the ancient purchase price of the bride. ”

“ Whence it may be inferred that a contract of marriage cannot be proved by a ring alone, since mere donations, bestowed through liberality, do not produce any obligation.” [354]
The connection between the wedding ring and the bestowal of earnest-money is clearly indicated in the marriage service as given in the Prayer-Book of Edward VI. Here, after the words “with this ring I thee wed,” there is added: “This gold and silver I give thee”; and at these words the bridegroom usually placed in the bride’s hands a purse containing a sum of money. ”

“ A man who insists on divorcing his wife not only has to give her half his effects, but to repay the sum paid as the marriage portion. It appears that polygamy is rare, except among the chiefs.
Marriage is attended with elaborate arrangements among these people, and the female friends of both parties usually make the "engagement," after which the bridegroom's friends go to the bride's father, talk over the dowry, make presents, and pay the marriage expenses. Commonly, especially among the higher classes, the bridegroom does not see the lady's face until the marriage day. ”

“ The Kafir maiden who brings a good price from her suitor is not therefore necessarily a "chattel" any more than is the daughter whose labor the civilized parent lets out for hire. [705] A high price may be looked upon also as a proper recognition of the rank or of the mental and physical attractions of the bride. [706] Furthermore, it is significant that actual bride-purchase may [217] coexist with advanced ethical and religious conceptions of the marriage state. ”

“ Already in the tenth century the beweddung had become a merely "formal contract," the wed, wette, Treugelöbniss, wadium, or fides facta of the early laws. [870] In this case there was not even one-sided fulfilment through payment of the arrha, which in the form of wine-money was merely promised to the guardian; [871] but instead the agreement or convention was accompanied by sureties to pay the weotuma to the bride, and by a solemn act which created the obligation, and was therefore essential to the contract. ”

“ The first thing is to fix the amount of the dowry of the bride, and they spend a good deal of time haggling over it, just as they do in every transaction where money is concerned. The wekeel demands more than he expects to receive, and the bridegroom offers less than he expects to give. ”

“ A reminiscence of the ancient custom of marriage by purchase survived in the price paid by the bridegroom to the relatives of the bride; all clandestine alliances were considered invalid; a woman could sue, and be sued, without joining with her husband ”

“ With other peoples a part or the whole of the purchase price comes to the bride herself. Either the father turns it over as a marriage portion, or it is paid to her directly by the bridegroom. In the latter case, as Westermarck observes, it is often difficult "to make out whether the presents obtained from the bridegroom formed originally a part of the bride-price or were only a means of gaining her own consent." ”

“ And even if the bargain be ostensibly agreed to, either party is at liberty to at once break the match, on hearing of something better. The prospective bride and bridegroom have nothing to say in the negotiations, and may never have seen each other in their lives. ”

“ In the village of Davshina, in the Yaroslav government, the bridegroom's best man presents himself at the bride's house on the wedding-day, and finding a man, called the bride-seller, sitting by the bride, asks him to surrender the bride and vacate his place. "Fair and softly," answers the seller; "you will not get the bride for nothing; make us a bid, if you will. And how will you trade? will you pay in riddles or in gold?" If the best man is prepared for the emergency, as we must suppose he always would be, he answers, I will pay in riddles. ”

“ There was a kind of purchase of the wife, as the man in the presence of her parents offered a dowry to the bride, which if accepted sealed the match. The par [Pg 280] ties to the contract both had to be mature people, the bridegroom having to be old enough to be invested with arms and to become a member of the state. Before the woman could marry she had to have the consent of her father or nearest relative, and if a widow, having been purchased, she had to have the approval of the relatives of her deceased husband. ”

“ Suppose, as was the case twice last winter, that an engagement of marriage is broken after the cards are out. Who is to repay the bridegroom if he has paid for the cards? Should the father of the bride send him a check? That would be very insulting, yet a family would feel nervous about being under pecuniary indebtedness to a discarded son-in-law. The lady can return her ring and the gifts her lover has made her; they have suffered no contact that will injure them. But she could not return shoes or gowns or bonnets. ”

“ As a general rule, parents bequeath a larger proportion to sons than daughters; but where there is no will, property is equally divided. Among the rich, who settle marriage contracts with all possible formality, the bridegroom often binds himself to pay a certain annual sum to his wife, for her own peculiar use, which is called pin-money. This phrase probably originated in ancient times, when ornamental pins constituted an important and expensive part of a lady’s dress. It is deemed the husband’s business to purchase furniture, and put the house in readiness for his bride. ”

“ At the end of six months, the lover himself comes to repeat the same ceremony; the price is stipulated, and the wedding appointed. Sometimes several months elapse, before a day deemed sufficiently lucky arrives; but however long the probation may be, the young people must not indulge in any thing like courtship. A girl would be disgraced, if she were to give her intended husband the slightest reason to suppose she preferred him to any other man.
When a young man is too poor to purchase a bride, he often agrees to serve her father four or five [Pg 172] years. ”

“ It is the only declaration of will, the only ground of legitimate marriage, which is not created, but merely consummated at the gifta. [893] Those who are bound by contract are in respect to third parties practically husband and wife. [894] The ground of the husband's title is the betrothal and not the nuptials. Either party can bring action in the courts for breach of the contract. The bridegroom cannot compel the delivery of the bride, but he may sue for the recovery of the weotuma and an additional fine. ”

“ Having now considered its relation to capture, let us next notice the significance of wife-purchase as a social institution.
The custom of giving a compensation for a bride, though not universal, exists or has existed among a vast number of peoples in various stages of progress; and it often survives [185] as a mere symbol in the marriage ceremony. Kulischer, indeed, declares that actual wife-purchase can now be discovered only among a few savage races. ”

“ The pages of authentic history remind us, that too many marriage-contracts in every rank of life, and in every age of the world, have been the result, not of mutual affection between the affianced bride and bridegroom, but of pecuniary and political considerations. Perhaps when kings negociate and princes approve, their exalted station renders the transaction more notorious, and the stipulated conditions may be more unreservedly confessed. But it may well be doubted whether the same motives do not equally operate in every grade of life ”

“ The father and mother of the young lady who is about to be married assume all responsibility for the preparation for and the celebration of the wedding. The groom is not expected to pay for anything except the ring and flowers for the bride and, if he wishes, the flowers for the bridesmaids and trifling gifts for the ushers and other attendants. The clergyman's fee also devolves upon him, but all other expenses are paid by the bride's parents or guardians. ”

“ But we think this latter practice, which in some quarters has been regarded as a survival from a matriarchal organisation of society, is a recently introduced custom, which has come rapidly into favour as a means by which the bridegroom and his friends avoid a part of the expense involved in the older form of marriage. For the residence for a period of years of the young couple in the house and room of the wife's parents is made a part of the marriage contract. If the bride is the only child of a chief, her husband may remain permanently in her home and succeed her father as chief. ”

“ The father or other legal protector might contract his daughter or ward against her will. If she disregards such a contract and marries another man, both bride and bridegroom are "handed over to the power" of him to whom she was betrothed by her father or guardian, "and any relatives abetting the marriage shall pay a penalty of gold." [858] The provisions of the other two codes last mentioned are conceived in a similar spirit. [859] Moreover, even in the customs of the Scandinavian North forms and phrases have survived which seem to point unmistakably to the former existence of wife-purchase. ”

“ The marriage contract stipulates the settlement on the bride, of such jointure as may be agreed upon. It consists of a sum of money, proportionate to the fortune of the bridegroom, and other presents. If he is in middling circumstances, he presents her with two complete dresses, a ring, and a mirror. This jointure, called mihir or kavin, is destined for the support of the wife in case of divorce. The husband also supplies the requisite furniture, carpets, mats, culinary utensils, and other necessaries. ”

“ The old marriage broker, delighted at having secured such a desirable client, to whom dollars seemed of little count, assured the eager lover that the matter was quite an easy one to arrange; and not only did he undertake to draw up the marriage contract (which, however, could be annulled monthly!) ”

“ Court ladies of high distinction, who drive with six horses, do not bestow presents on their bridegroom, unless it be from overflowing liberality; but others present a night-dress to their beloved, their portrait in a small casket, and on the marriage day linen; six shirts, six collars, six pocket handkerchiefs, six pairs of ruffles, and to every servant a shirt. The bride pays the expenses of the eating and drinking at the marriage, and the bridegroom the cost of the music. ”

“ Here’s $100; do not bid on the tug.’ I took the money and departed. I had not the slightest intention of bidding.”
A bride and groom had been much troubled by the stares of people at hotels wherever they went. So [Pg 69] when they arrived at the next hotel the groom called the colored head-waiter.
“Now, George,” he said, “we have been bothered to death by people staring at us because we are just married. We want to be free from that sort of thing here. Now, here’s two dollars, and remember I trust you not to tell people that we are just married, if they ask you. Understand?” ”

“ Where the bridegroom is in a condition to pay for his bride, the preliminary negotiations are managed by his friends and her parents; they are very quietly arranged, but the spirit of bargaining is strong on both sides. The stipulated amount must be paid before the marriage is completed; and if a man steals away his bride before he has paid the full cost, the father watches an opportunity and recaptures her, retaining her in pledge until the balance is forthcoming. ”