Burt L. Standish

“ FRANK MERRIWELL’S NEW COMEDIAN
CHAPTER I.—“NEVER SAY DIE!”
It is not a pleasant experience to wake up on a beautiful morning to the realization that one has failed. There seems a relentless irony in nature herself that the day that dawns on a night when our glittering hopes have become dead, dull ashes of despair and ruin should be bright and warm with the sun’s genial rays.
So Frank Merriwell felt this fine morning in Puelbo, Colorado. The night before, with high hopes, he had produced his new play, “For Old Eli.” ”

“ It was after supper that Merry and Hodge were sitting alone on the veranda in front of the house, when Bart suddenly said, in a low tone:
“Merriwell, I have a fancy that there is something mysterious about this place.”
“Is that so?” said Frank. “What is it?”
“I think there is some one in one of those upper rooms who is never seen by the rest of the people about the place.”
“What makes you think so?”
“There is a room up there that I’ve never seen anyone enter or leave. The door is always closed. Twice while passing the door I have heard strange sounds coming from that room.” ”

“ You’ll never be rich in the world, for you have too much conscience. Do you suppose the Wall Street magnates could have become millionaires if they had permitted their conscience to worry them over little points?”
“I fancy not,” acknowledged Merry, shaking his head. “I am certain I shall never become wealthy in just the same manner that certain millionaires acquired their wealth. I’d rather remain poor. Such an argument does not touch me, Hodge.” ”

“ Frank understood in a twinkling that it was a false alarm, given for the purpose of producing a stampede and raising the performance.
After that cry for a moment everybody sat as if turned to stone. It was the calm before the panic.
Then Frank’s voice rang out clear as a bell:
“There is no fire! Keep your seats!”
Some had sprung up, but his clear voice reached every part of the house, and it checked the movement.
“Fire! fire!”
Shrill and piercing was the cry, in the voice of a woman.
“Arrest that woman!” cried Frank. “She is trying to ruin this performance! ”

“ Parker Folansbee, his backer, had acted queerly, and Frank knew that, after the company had reached Denver, the relations between him and his backer would cease. “For Old Eli” had been well-nigh ruinous, and when they got back to Denver, Merry and his friends would be without funds.
Then the thought came to him of the prejudice expressed against a poor black cat he had allowed to travel with the company. He could not restrain a smile as he perceived that the superstitious members of the company would feel that the cat had hoodooed them. As if a cat could affect the fortunes of men! ”

“ Hodge stared at Frank as if he thought Merry had lost his senses.
“You always were a practical joker,” he growled; “but don’t you think it’s about time to let up? I don’t see that this is a joking matter. You should have some sympathy for our feelings, if you don’t care for yourself.” ”

“ Ephraim was adding to the comedy of the affair, and Frank bit his lips to keep from laughing outright, despite his annoyance over being thus detained.
The big man with the crooked eye flourished his fists in the air in a most belligerent fashion, and instantly Merriwell gazed at him sternly, saying:
“Be careful, sir! You are imperiling the lives of everyone near you, and you may strain yourself.” ”

“ When Frank declined, the man promptly made it five thousand, but even that sum was not accepted.
Then came the fourth act, in which Burns again appeared as the burlesque tragedian. In this he was to repeat a parody on Hamlet’s soliloquy, but, apparently, before he was aware of it, he began to give the soliloquy itself.
In a moment the man had flung off the air of the clown. He straightened to his full height, his eyes gleamed with a strange fire, his chest heaved, and his voice sounded clear as the ring of steel. He electrified every person who heard him. ”

“ The first surprise was Burns. He literally convulsed the audience by the manner in which he burlesqued the Shakespearian tragedian. He astonished Frank, for Merry had not dreamed the old actor could be so intensely funny. Even Hodge was seen to smile once!
When Burns came off after doing an exceptionally clever piece of work, which caused the audience to applaud most heartily, Frank met him and grasped his hand, saying:
“My dear Mr. Burns, you have made the comedy hit of the piece! Your salary shall be fifty dollars a week, instead of forty.” ”

“ Then he tried to fling Merry from the swiftly moving train.
Frank instantly realized that it was to be a struggle for life, and he met the assault as quickly and stiffly as he could; but the disguised man seemed, of a truth, to have the strength of an insane person. ”

“ It was a strange place for a woman to be, out there on the rear platform, and Merry’s first thought had been that it must be the woman he sought, for had she not come out there to escape him? She had fancied he would look through the car, fail to find her, and decide that she was not on the train. It must be that she had seen Hodge come in, and had realized at once why he had entered the car. When he departed to carry the information to Frank, the desperate woman had fled to the rear platform. ”

“ The woman was no woman at all! It was a man in disguise!
Merry literally gasped for a single instant, but he recovered at once.
Through his head flashed a thought:
“This must be some criminal who is seeking to escape justice!”
Immediately Frank resolved to remain on the platform at any hazard. He would talk to the disguised unknown.
“The motion of the train is rather trying to one who is not accustomed to it,” he said. “Some people feel it quite as much as if they were on a vessel. Car sickness and seasickness are practically the same thing.” ”

“ Burns,” said Frank, “from your words, and your manner, I am led to believe that you are an actor.”
“Nay, nay. Once I trod the boards and interpreted the characters of the immortal bard, for whom I was named. That time is past. I am an actor no longer; I am a ‘has been.’ My day is past, my sun hath set, and night draweth on apace.”
“I thought I could not be mistaken,” said Frank. “We, too, are actors, although not Shakespearian ones.”
“Is this true?” exclaimed the old tragedian. “And I have been befriended by those who wouldst follow the noble art! ”

“ It is remarkable that men should be so soft. It is not gallantry; it is softness. The very man who would cry the loudest if he had been hit by an adventuress is the most eager to acquit the woman in case he happens to be on the jury to pronounce the verdict in her case.”
“Well,” said Hodge, “you are sound and level in that statement, Frank. It’s plain you do not think true chivalry consists of acquitting female blackmailers and assassins.”
“Don’t let this little attempt to injure us frighten you, Hodge,” advised Frank, rising. ”

“ Bart shook his head, flushing somewhat.
“Do you think I would take that man for a woman with a perfect figure, such as you described? What in the world do you fancy is the matter with my eyes?”
“By gum!” drawled Gallup. “This air business is gittin’ too thick fer me. I don’t like so much mystery a bit.”
“If that man was not the one you meant, Hodge,” said Merry, “then the mysterious woman is still on this train.”
“That’s so,” nodded Bart.
“Find her,” urged Frank. “I want to get my eyes on her more than ever. Surely you should be able to find her.” ”

“ You do not seem to possess the good sense you had once.”
“Is that so?” laughed Merry.
“Just so!” snapped Hodge.
“Oh, I don’t know! I rather think Burns will turn out all right.”
“After making such a fizzle to-day? Well, you’re daffy!”
“You do not seem to understand the man at all. I can appreciate his feelings.”
“I can’t!”
“I thought not. It must be rather hard for him, who has always considered himself a tragedian and a Shakespeare scholar, to burlesque the parts he has studied and loved.”
“Bah! That’s nonsense! Why, the man’s a pitiful old drunkard! ”

“ The actor shook his head.
“I do not know,” he declared. “I have not seen them. If there is not something nasty in the play of to-day, then it must of a certainty have its ‘effect’ in the way of some mechanical contrivance—a horse race, a steamboat explosion, a naval battle, or something of the sort. It seems that a piece cannot survive on its merits as a play, but must, perforce, be bolstered up by some wretched device called an ‘effect.’”
“Truer words were never spoken,” admitted Frank. “And still there are a few plays written to-day that do not depend on such devices. ”

“ As the actor retired, the audience awoke, realized it had seen and heard a man who was no clown, but a real tragedian, and the applause was long and loud.
“William Shakespeare Burns did not appear again on the stage of that theater; he will not appear again on any stage. He is dead! But few particulars have been learned about him, but it seems that this was his first attempt to play comedy—and his last. He regarded himself as the equal of any interpreter of Shakespeare, living or dead, but misfortune and his own weakness had never permitted him to rise to the heights to which he aspired. ”

“ Havener was a man who said very little, but he showed excitement and enthusiasm as this scene was being worked out.
When the boats had disappeared, the stage grew dark, and there was a quick “shift” to the interior of the Yale boathouse. The entire front of the house, toward the river, had been flung wide open. Behind the scenes the actors who were not on the stage at the moment and the supers hurrahed much like the cheering of a vast multitude. Whistles shrieked, and then the three boats shot into view, with Yale still in the lead. ”

“ The thoughtless young ruffians shouted with laughter.
“Looker the old duffer!” cried one. “Ain’t that a picture fer yer!”
“Look!” exclaimed the actor. “Behold me with thy eyes! Even lower than I have fallen may thou descend; but I have aspired to heights of which thy sordid soul may never dream. Out upon you, dog!”
With these words he reached the walk and turned down the street.
“Let’s foller him!” cried one of the gang. “We can have heaps of fun with him.” ”

“ One Broadway theater was given over to burlesque of the very lowest order, while another was but little better in character. A leading theater close to Broadway was packed every night by well-dressed people who went there to behold a vile French farce, in which the leading lady disrobed upon the stage. Ah, me! In truth, the world hath gone wrong! The ways of men are evil, and all their thoughts are vile. ”