Keith Laumer

“ Georges said. "That's the damnedest piece of bare-faced aggression—"
"Ah, ah!" The Aga Kaga held up a hand. "Watch your vocabulary, my dear sir. I'm sure that 'justifiable yearnings for territorial self-realization' would be more appropriate to the situation. Or possibly 'legitimate aspirations, for self-determination of formerly exploited peoples' might fit the case. Aggression is, by definition, an activity carried on only by those who have inherited the mantle of Colonial Imperialism." ”

“ We wouldn't want any quibbling about the legality of the treaty, after conducting the negotiation with such scrupulous regard for the niceties."
"Niceties! Never in history has such an abomination been perpetrated!"
"Oh, treaties are always worked out this way, when it comes right down to it. We've just accelerated the process a little. Now, if you'll just sign like a good fellow, we'll be on our way. Georges will have his work cut out for him, planning how to use all this reparations money."
The Aga Kaga gnashed his teeth: Georges prodded. The Aga Kaga seized the pen and scrawled his name. ”

“ It has been the fate of your spiritual forebears to carve civilization from the wilderness and then, amid tearing of garments and the heaping of ashes of self-accusation on your own confused heads, to withdraw, leaving the spoils for local political opportunists and mob leaders, clothed in the mystical virtue of native birth. ”

“ Retief said, "I have the honor to present M. Georges Duror, Chef d'Regime of the Planetary government."
"Planetary government?" The Aga Kaga spat grape seeds on the rug. "My men have observed a few squatters along the shore. If they're in distress, I'll see about a distribution of goat-meat."
"It is the punishment of the envious to grieve at anothers' plenty," Retief said. "No goat-meat will be required." ”

“ The Aga Kaga eyed them in silence.
"We have come to bear tidings from the Corps Diplomatique Terrestrienne," Retief said solemnly. A perfumed slave girl offered grapes.
"Modest ignorance is better than boastful knowledge," the Aga Kaga said. "What brings the CDT into the picture?"
"The essay of the drunkard will be read in the tavern," Retief said. "Whereas the words of kings...."
"Very well, I concede the point." The Aga Kaga waved a hand at the serving maids. "Depart, my dears. Attend me later. You too, Ralph. These are mere diplomats. They are men of words, not deeds." ”

“ And they don't like strangers," Georges said. "Maybe I should have boned up on their habits before I joined this expedition."
"Just stick to the plan," Retief said. "And remember: a handful of luck is better than a camel-load of learning."
The air car followed the escort down a long slope to a dry river bed and across it, through a barren stretch of shifting sand to a green oasis set with canopies.
The armed escort motioned the car to a halt before an immense tent of glistening black. Before the tent armed men lounged under a pennant bearing a lion couchant in crimson on a field verte. ”

“ Georges glowered as his glass was filled. The Aga Kaga held the glass up to the light.
"Excellent color, don't you agree?" He turned his eyes on Georges.
"It's pointless to resist," he said. "We have you outgunned and outmanned. Your small nation has no chance against us. But we're prepared to be generous. You may continue to occupy such areas as we do not immediately require until such time as you're able to make other arrangements." ”

“ No one ever takes them seriously."
"You and the Aga Kaga ought to get together," said Retief. "He's a great one for citing historical parallels. He's not a bad fellow, as a matter of fact. I have an invitation from him to visit Kaga and go mud-pig hunting. He was so impressed by Corps methods that he wants to be sure we're on his side next time. Why don't you come along?"
"Hmmm. Perhaps I should cultivate him. A few high-level contacts never do any harm. On the other hand, I understand he lives in a very loose way, feasting and merrymaking. Frivolous in the extreme. ”

“ The leader of the three, a hawk-faced man with a heavy beard, unlimbered his rifle. He fingered it, frowning ferociously.
"Have no fear," Retief said, smiling graciously. "He who comes as a guest enjoys perfect safety."
A smooth-faced member of the threesome barked an oath and leveled his rifle at Retief.
"Youth is the steed of folly," Retief said. "Take care that the beardless one does not disgrace his house." ”

“ The goats of the Aga Kaga graze on the lands of the Aga Kaga." The leader edged his horse close, eyed Retief fiercely. "We welcome no intruders on our lands."
"To praise a man for what he does not possess is to make him appear foolish," Retief said. "These are the lands of the Boyars. ”

“ Retief dribbled the ash from his cigar over the side of the car.
"Now I think we'd better be getting on," he said briskly. "I've enjoyed our chat, but we do have business to attend to."
The bearded leader laughed shortly. "Does the condemned man beg for the axe?" he enquired rhetorically. "You shall visit the Aga Kaga, then. Move on! And make no attempt to escape, else my gun will speak you a brief farewell."
The horsemen glowered, then, at a word from the leader, took positions around the car. Georges started the vehicle forward, following the leading rider. ”

“ The days of my years are numbered, praise be to God. While they last, I hope to eat well, hunt well, fight well and take my share of pleasure. I leave to others the arid satisfactions of self-denial and other perversions. ”

“ But now that the world is tamed, they're moving in."
"The exigencies of diplomacy require a flexible policy—"
"I want a firm assurance of Corps support to take back to Flamme," Retief said. "The Boyars are a little naive. They don't understand diplomatic triple-speak. They just want to hold onto the homes they've made out of a wasteland."
"I'm warning you, Retief!" the Under-Secretary snapped, leaning forward, wattles quivering. "Corps policy with regard to Flamme includes no inflammatory actions based on outmoded concepts. The Boyars will have to accommodate themselves to the situation!" ”