Various

“ Anything for a jest and to pass the time of day. Between the French troops and the Italian crowd the matter was clear enough. Next-door neighbours, molested by the same gang of roughs in the same brutal manner, quite understand each other and the general situation when they climb over each other's garden fences to put the matter to rights. It was the presence of Thomas and myself which put such an odd complexion on the whole affair.
Between ourselves and the crowd it was "Long live Italy!" and "Long live England!" Between the poilus and the crowd it was "Long live Italy!" ”

“ MY DEAR CHARLES,—In the little village I'm thinking of it is a sight on no account to be missed to see the same old British Tommy shopping by telepathy. He doesn't speak their language and they don't speak his, and when the article required is not in the window or on the counter to be indicated by the thumb, a deadlock would appear to be inevitable. Our Master Thomas, however, never did realise what a deadlock is; he goes on till he gets what he wants. ”

“ I have heard people speak well of the editorials in our chief London rival, but they are not thought much of in Ballybun; they haven't the flavour. Our paper used to be strongly political, but the increase in the number of subscribers did not pay for the libel actions, and so of late we have been cultivating an open mind and advertisements. It is true that even so it was impossible for Casey, our editor, to steer wholly clear of vexed political questions, but his latest manner was admirably statesmanlike. ”

“ Hence, if there is anything in the suggestions that follow which may set the teeth of the reverent on edge, it must be attributed to honest zeal. All that I want is for the Kennedy-Jones of the movement to lift Art from her pedestal for a few days only—in the interests of the Allies and to the lasting detriment of Germany—and then replace her. ”

“ Men may learn strange lingoes to humour their fellow-men, but how can any dog be expected to understand "Viens ici"?
Three years and some odd months have not changed this point of view; and now for Thomas to find himself in Italy is only to discover another lot of unfortunate people who cannot understand or make themselves understood. ”

“ SUGAR CARDS AND WILLS. To the Manager of the Legal Department, "Punch."
Sir,—I am one of the executors and trustees of the will of a relation who cannot, I fear, live for many weeks. Included in his property will be a sugar card; and to you, Sir, I turn for advice and guidance in the responsibilities which I am shortly to assume.
1. Will the Government accept a sugar card (as they do War Stock) in payment of Estate Duty?
2. What is the correct method of valuation? Does one calculate the market price by so many years' purchase based on one's estimate of the duration? ”

“ Most admirable of all, perhaps, is a strange faculty she has shown for making one satisfied that her people should remain perennially rather poor and unambitious and dull, and should even grow old without occasioning us regret. ”

“ I said apologetically to Haynes as we neared the club-house, "I was pretty putrid before the War, so I shall be simply indescribable now."
"My dear chap, this isn't going to be a match. Keep your excuses till we play serious golf. To-day's just a gentle knock round. Here we are. I'll go and borrow some clubs; you get a couple of caddies." ”

“ With the deep under-drift of the writer's philosophy one may not be completely in accord, but certainly it will worry nobody, while the unity and beauty of her methods hold one in willing bondage from beginning to end. ”

“ Some such words as these would serve: "Why is she smiling that satisfied smile?" "Because she has bought a nice little packet of War Bonds and thus insured a comfortable old age." At the same time TITIAN could help to save his Venice by lending the "Venus" from the Uffizi. "Why is this lady so naked?" "Because she neglected to invest in War Bonds, and thus had nothing with which to buy clothes later on." Or, if a French or English picture were preferred, INGRES' "La Source," from the Louvre, or LEIGHTON'S "Bath of Psyche" from the National Gallery, could be used with the same touching legend. ”

“ Herr SCHÄFF, writing in the Tägliche Rundschau on the spiritual grandeur of Germany, declares that the degradation of her enemies will not prevent her doing honour to those dauntless men who in enemy and neutral countries have stood for truth and actualities. ”

“ No means to get people to invest in War Bonds can be seriously objected to; but I must confess that when, on a railway station hoarding, I caught sight of a poster representing WHISTLER'S famous portrait of his mother, with the words, "Old Age is Coming," printed across it, beneath an appeal to the public to be prudent about the future by buying Government stock now, I experienced a jolt. ”

“ I picked my ball out of a gorse-bush, and Haynes rescued his from a drain. Then we strolled amicably towards the third tee. Our caddies, unused to such methods, followed reluctantly.
"Was that 'ole 'alved, too, Sir?" piped Mabel with anxious interest.
"It's a nice point. I hardly know. Why?"
She hung her head and blushed. A sudden suspicion struck me.
"Mabel," I said sternly, "are you—can you be—betting on this game?"
"Yes, Sir," she answered with a touch of defiance. "Boys always does."
I told Haynes, who appeared profoundly shocked. ”

“ The only alternative form of conveyance available is a donkey and cart, the employment of which means that my offspring would have to start overnight."
I received a quite polite but rather chilly answer:—
"I am directed by the Methylated Spirit Controller to inform you that the class of necessary household affairs for which methylated spirit may be employed as a motor fuel comprises the conveyance from the nearest convenient source of supply of foodstuffs, fuel and medical requisites, provided that they cannot be obtained without undue delay by any means of conveyance other than a motor car." ”

“ Meanwhile I appeal to the Editor of The Westminster Gazette, who, in his Saturday edition, has done so much to maintain the practice of classical composition, to offer a prize in one of his periodical competitions for the best Latin version, of "to buck up," "to stick it out," "a bit thick," "talking through one's hat," "I don't think," "blighter," "rotter," and "not 'arf." ”

“ In less than half a minute, forty deserving men, including N.C.O.'s, were tied up into a series of terrifically complicated knots, in the midst of which the Company Sergeant-Major bobbed about, an angry cork on a stormy ocean of desperate men. ”

“ There is a tenancy for life of part of the residue. If the card is comprised in such part, and the tenant for life became bankrupt, would the card vest in his Trustee in Bankruptcy? If so, what becomes of the remaindermen's rights? Perhaps the best plan would be to put on a distringas with the deceased's grocer.
5. Have the Trustees power on their own initiative to lease the card for a term of years? Or should the approval of the transaction by the Court, under the Settled Estates Act, be first obtained?
6. With whom do the Executors register the Probate, so as to perfect their title? ”

“ Beginning with the postulate that War's sinews must be forthcoming, or HAIG and BYNG will batter at the Hun to insufficient purpose, we can do anything. Let then, I say, all the artists be conscripted, whether old masters or young. The façade of the National Gallery is to-day one vast hoarding advertising the progress of the Loan ”

“ Irish Nationalists worked themselves into seven different kinds of fury over the decision of the Government to apply the rules of arithmetic to the redistribution of seats in their beloved country. Mr. DILLON threatened the House with the possibility that at the next General Election he and his colleagues might be wiped out of existence. ”

“ Here we have the innocent public putting its money on our play, and we're treating the whole thing as a joke. This has got to be a match, after all. A woman's fortune hangs upon the issue—doesn't it, Lucy? ”

“ G.B. SHAW, for example, in which the eyes of the great seer are closed. "Why is this old gentleman not looking at you?" "Because he is afraid you may not have bought any War Bonds and he can't bear to see anything unpatriotic."
But enough has been said. The National War Bonds must be sold, and Art must help, and no one must wince. ”

“ The Italian crowd took him for something English, but not being able to judge whether he was greater or less than myself, contented themselves with an attitude of non-committal reverence all round. Thomas informed me that he was a French Staff Officer and displayed no further interest. Though I cannot tell you what in the name of goodness he was doing in those parts, he was in fact an American Naval Officer,
In short, Charles, alliances are [pg 395] things as wonderful to see as they are magnificent to read about. ”

“ Close by hangs, also on loan from the Tate, CECIL LAWSON'S "Harvest Moon." "Why on this most favourable of nights is there no raid?" "Because the success of the War Bonds brought about Germany's surrender." After the authorities' most admirable and desirable way with WHISTLER'S mother, you can do anything and should do anything. That is my point.
And not only the National Gallery, but the galleries of France and Italy, and even Germany herself. Perhaps Germany first of all, for there would be a piquancy in thus employing the cherished possessions of the foe. ”

“ As our respected Member of Parliament is hanging tenaciously on to life, and we could not very well invite him to create a vacancy, we were at a loss how to mark our esteem for our popular editor in a practical manner. Casey himself suggested a testimonial. ”

“ But now, I fear, the case is altered, and The Binnacle has been killed solely by its own popularity.
It doesn't do for an editor to be too popular. People used to drop in on Casey at all hours of the day and lend a hand and smoke his tobacco and try to borrow money. His sanctum became the fashionable lounge of the Ballybun élite. A great gap was caused in the front of the paper amongst the best paying advertisements by Kelly's trying to clean his pipe with part of the linotype machine. ”

“ British grit will win, declares Sir WILLIAM ROBERTSON. If some of our elderly statesmen will refrain from dropping theirs into the machinery.
The London Fire Brigade has been given permission to form a band. The lack of some method of keeping the crowd amused at the more protracted fires has often proved an embarrassment to the force. ”

“ That background in The Dwelling-Place of Light (MACMILLAN) is an American cottonmill district with a mixed alien population of operatives, and trouble brewing as the result of a headstrong wage-cutting manager, Claude Ditmar, in conflict with the I.W.W. The phases of this grim struggle are most forcibly described, the author holding no brief for either protagonist. And, if widower Ditmar, man of iron, for whom the Chippering Mill is his second and abiding mate, be no hero, Janet, his typist, has the makings of a notable heroine. ”

“ They rose at him as one man and clamoured for souvenirs. What was left of Casey shook the dust [pg 403] of Ballybun off his feet, while our impulsive patriots were smashing his office furniture.
This only proves what I have often maintained, that popularity always makes a man unpopular in the long run. Meanwhile The Ballybun Binnacle has ceased to appear, but I see from The Times there has been a movement in Berlin in favour of letting bygones be bygones.
BOOKS AND BOOKS.
["The last books of the Winter season are creeping out, and some are important and some are not."—Daily Chronicle.] ”

“ I likes a bit o' lavender the best.
An Infant Prodigy.
"Sir Frederick Smith, the Attorney-General, is 5, but does not look it for he keeps a full thatch and a fresh complexion, and has features so softly contoured that as a baby he must have been the pride of the family."—Yorkshire Evening Post.
Asia in Europe.
"Serbia has been crushed, and, with the exception of Salonika and the regions temporarily held by the British in Palestine and Mesopotamia, Germany holds command of Middle Europe.
"That becomes quite obvious when one looks at the map." ”

“ Nurses, like poets, are born, not made.
[pg 396]
THE PLAY'S THE THING.
Just outside Mrs. Ropes' drive gates there lies a famous and exclusive golf course, and when she turned her house into a Convalescent Home the secretary wrote offering the hospitality of the club to all officers who might come under her care.
Nevertheless, when Haynes and I first arrived, we were both too languid and feeble for any more exacting form of athletics than spillikins and jigsaws, and it was some time before the M.O. gave us permission to go on the links. ”

“ By his admission the British Pharmacopoeia (war edition) contains "Glycerins devoid of glycerin and syrups free from sugar." "But," he added, "it does not materially lessen their value as medicines."
Upon the House being asked to recommit the Representation of the People's Bill in respect of the provisions dealing with conscientious objectors and redistribution in Ireland, Mr. REDMOND, naturally anxious lest the House should imagine that Ireland's objection to military service was conscientious, requested the SPEAKER to divide the debate into water-tight compartments. ”

“ But the author is not to be prosecuted and the rumour that Lansdowne House has been raided by the police and its noble owner's type writer confiscated lacks confirmation.
A long and complicated answer by Mr. CLYNES, describing and defending the new sugar-cards, was not altogether satisfying. Sir F. BANBURY'S inquiry, "Does the hon. gentleman think that anybody will get any sugar after this?" was prompted, no doubt, by anxiety for the future of his famous cakes ”