Abbé Faria

“ It seemed to me so impossible that Manon could have been unfaithful to me, that I feared to wrong her even by a suspicion. I adored her—that was certain; I had given her no greater proofs of my love than I had received of hers; why, then, should I accuse her of being less sincere and constant than myself? What reason could she have had for deceiving me? But three hours ago she had lavished her tenderest caresses upon me, and had welcomed mine with rapturous delight. I knew my own heart no better than I knew hers. "No! No!" I said again; "Manon cannot be false; it is impossible! ”

“ What claims did man ever have upon a heart that I have not upon hers? What more is there that I can do for her, after all that I have sacrificed for her sake? Yet she abandons me, and thinks, ungrateful girl, to shield herself from my reproaches by declaring that she has not ceased to love me! ”

“ I will devote myself to study and to religion, which will leave me no time to think of love and its dangerous pleasures. I will hold in contempt all that is admired by the common herd of mankind; and, since I feel an inward assurance that my heart will desire nothing but what is worthy of its esteem, I shall have but few wishes, and as few cares. ”

“ Pah! Are you not a woman, one of a sex which I abhor, the very sight of which is more than I can bear? The sweetness of your face is in itself a menace of some new treachery. Go! and leave me here alone! ”

“ Thenceforth America was, in my eyes, an abode of perfect bliss.
"Whoever would taste the true delights of love," I would often say to Manon, "should come to New Orleans. Here it is that the tender passion holds its sway, unruffled by self-interest, by jealousy, or by inconstancy. Our fellow-countrymen come to these shores in quest of gold: little do they dream of the far more precious treasures which we have discovered here!" ”

“ It is true that I am in love; I have not deceived you on that score; but, as to my running away, that is not an affair to be undertaken at haphazard. Come for me at nine o'clock to-morrow morning, and I will, if possible, let you see the fair object of my passion. ”

“ I strove to throw myself once more upon the barbarian who had dealt me this cruel blow, but they held me fast. My despair, my groans, my tears, transcended all conception. I raved so wildly that all present, ignorant as they were of the cause, looked at one another with as much alarm as surprise. ”

“ Religion brought its aid to my own reflections, and I conceived for this world a deep and unspeakable contempt. Can you divine," he added, "what it is that still keeps me in it, and prevents my seeking a life of solitude? It is solely my warm attachment to you. I know your excellent qualities of heart and mind. There is no goodness of which you might not make yourself capable. ”

“ I cried, "you are weeping, dearest Manon—yes, weeping! and yet you have not confided to me one word of the grief which thus moves you to tears!"
Her only answer was a sigh, which added to my distress. I arose from my seat, trembling with emotion, and besought her, with all the vehemence of love, to tell me why she wept. Tears coursed each other down my own cheeks as I wiped away those that fell from her eyes. I was more dead than alive, and in an agony of grief and anxiety which it would have touched the heart of a barbarian to behold. ”

“ She was extremely pretty; and I could have wished that she were beautiful enough to make me forswear honor and constancy in my turn. But hers were not those bright and melting eyes, that divinely moulded form, that complexion of love's own coloring—in a word, that inexhaustible wealth of charms which Nature had lavished upon the faithless Manon. ”

“ I assured her that, whatever my fate might be, I would never complain so long as she continued to love me.
"It is not I who am to be pitied," I continued; "a few months' imprisonment has no terrors for me, and, in any case, the Châtelet is preferable to Saint Lazare. It is for you, sweet soul, that my heart is bleeding. What a prospect is this to confront a lovely being like yourself! How, oh! how can Providence wreak such cruelty upon the most perfect of its creations? Why is it that we were not born, you and I, with qualities in keeping with the misery before us? ”

“ Do you suppose that weak mortals can indulge in tenderness while they lack bread to eat? Hunger, I fear, would lead me into some fatal mistake; some fine day I should breathe my last when I thought to heave only a love-sigh. I adore you; rest assured of that; but leave the management of our fortunes to me for awhile. Woe be to him who gets entangled in my meshes! for I seek only to bring wealth and happiness to my Chevalier.
"My brother will give you tidings of your Manon, and will tell you how she wept at the necessity of leaving you." ”

“ Surely, it cannot be that your blood, from which my own is drawn, has never flowed with a like fire! Love, and love alone, must answer for having made me too tender, too impassioned, too constant, and, perhaps, too compliant, where the wishes of my all-fascinating mistress were concerned. ”

“ The fair stranger was well aware that men are not deceivers at the age I had then reached. She frankly admitted that if I could think of any way of rescuing her from her impending fate, she would consider herself indebted to me for what was more precious than life itself—her liberty. ”

“ May your guilty pleasures vanish like shadows; may your good fortune and your money be lost to you irretrievably; and, as for yourself, may you be left, destitute and alone, to realize the vanity of those joys which have so madly infatuated you! Then, and only then, will you find me ready to love and to aid you. For the time being, I break off all intercourse with you, in detestation of the life you are leading!"
This apostolic tirade he delivered to me in my own room, in Manon's presence, and then rose to depart. ”

“ She covered my hands with kisses, but did not change her attitude.
"Inconstant Manon!" continued I, "faithless and ungrateful girl! What of your promises and of your vows? What of the love you swore to me this very day, thrice fickle and cruel one? Just Heaven! Is a perfidious woman to call you thus solemnly to witness, and then to mock at you like this? Is perjury then, to be rewarded, while faith and constancy are left in despair?" ”

“ Can you pretend that what you call the happiness of virtue is exempt from sufferings, from disappointments, and from cares? In what category, then, do you place the dungeon and the cross, all the horrors of torture and persecution at the hands of tyrants? Do you think, with the Mystics, that whatever torments the body is bliss for the soul? ”

“ I, who so willingly expose myself to its terrors for love of her, by renouncing my fortune and the comforts of my home! I, who have foregone all but the very necessaries of life, that I might indulge her slightest whims and caprices! ”

“ Thanks to the scandal occasioned by your debaucheries and rascalities, I have discovered your place of abode. Talents such as yours have at least one advantage—they cannot long remain hidden under a bushel. ”

“ His malice has led him to paint her to you in the darkest of colors, and you have formed the most odious conception of her character. Yet never was there a sweeter, a more lovable being! Oh, why did it never please Heaven to inspire you with a wish to see her—if only for one moment? ”

“ Look where I would, I saw no hope of safety for either of us.
"Manon, what is to be done?" I asked her, as soon as her strength had somewhat revived. "Alas! what is to become of us? For me there is nothing left but flight. You, if you will, can remain at New Orleans. Yes, it is better so! Remain here, where happiness may yet await you; while I go far away from you to court death amid savage tribes or in the jaws of some ferocious beast!" ”

“ I cannot give you an idea of my despair. 'Alas!' cried I, 'even amongst the unfortunate, I am to be ever the most wretched!'
"Manon replied: 'Alas! does a life so thoroughly miserable deserve the care we bestow on ours? Let us die at Havre, dearest chevalier! Let death at once put an end to our afflictions! Shall we persevere, and go to drag on this hopeless existence in an unknown land, where we shall, no doubt, have to encounter the most horrible pains, since it has been their object to punish me by exile? ”

“ But, to recognize, as you do, that the object of your affections can only lead you into guilt and misery—and to persist in voluntarily plunging into an abyss of crime and sorrow, is a contradiction of thought and conduct which does small honor to your powers of reason. ”

“ I implored, as I clung to his knees, "do not harden your heart against the son who lies weeping before you now! Your son—yes, think of that! Think of my mother, alas! whom you loved so tenderly! Would you have suffered her to be torn from your arms? Nay! you would have defended her to the very death! And do you suppose that others have not hearts of their own, as you have? Surely that breast cannot be utterly inhuman which has once known the sweetness of love and the bitterness of grief!" ”

“ But on my protesting to her that no power on earth could tear me from her side, and that I was resolved to follow her to the very end of the world, that I might watch over her, tend her, love her, and link my miserable destiny forever with her own, the poor girl gave way to such transports of grief and affection that I trembled lest the violence of her emotions might endanger her life itself. ”

“ I have before me the task of depicting a headstrong youth who rejects happiness, to plunge of his own accord into the deepest misery; who, possessed of every quality necessary for the attainment of brilliant distinction, yet, of his own choice, prefers an obscure and roving lift to all the advantages which nature and fortune have placed at his command ”

“ This happiness, then, which you extol so highly, is mingled with innumerable ills; or, to speak more accurately, is but a tangled web of miseries, through which men struggle toward felicity. Now, granting that the force of imagination can transmute into joys these very evils themselves, from the fact that through them may be attained the coveted goal of happiness—why should you regard as contradictory and irrational an entirely similar spirit in the course that I pursue? I love Manon: I struggle onward, through countless sufferings, toward a life of happiness and peace at her side. ”

“ Her mind, her heart, her gentleness, and her beauty, were all links in a chain by which it was so sweet to be bound, that I should have asked for no other happiness than to be held captive by it forever. Yet, by a terrible caprice of fate, the very thing which might have given me complete felicity is that which has brought me to the verge of despair! I am at this moment the most miserable of men, in consequence of that self-same constancy from which I might justly have expected a life of supreme contentment and the most perfect rewards of love! ”

“ Deeply enamored as I was of Manon, she succeeded in persuading me that she felt no less tenderly toward me. So little restraint did we place upon our caresses, that we had not even patience to wait until we were alone to indulge in them. Our postilions and the inn-keepers along the road stole wondering glances at us; and their surprise at seeing such passionate love-making between two children of our age was very apparent. ”

“ My feelings may be summed up as a perpetual alternation between love and hatred, between hope and despair, according to the aspect under which Manon presented herself to my mind. At one moment I thought of her only as the loveliest of women, and pined to see her once more; at another I saw in her nothing but a heartless and unfaithful mistress, and registered vow upon vow that I would seek her out only to punish her. ”

“ This diversion kept us pleasantly engaged until dinner-time. Her delight in it seemed so unaffected, and her gayety so free from simulation, that, unable to reconcile such appearances of constancy with the project of a base betrayal on her part, I was more than once tempted to unbosom myself to her, and relieve my mind of a burden which was beginning to weigh very heavily upon it. ”

“ Manon, concern for Manon's welfare, her imminent peril, and the prospect of being separated from her forever, agitated me so unspeakably that a film overspread my eyes and shut out all surrounding objects, until I scarcely knew where I was standing. I envied Synnelet his fate; for a speedy death seemed the only refuge I could hope to find from my woes. ”

“ Not even the memory of Manon could add anything to the intensity of my grief: at least, it mingled with it only as a feeling which lay back of this new anguish; and the dominant emotions in my breast were shame and mortification. The full force of these sentiments is not known to every one. The ordinary run of men are susceptible to the influence of only five or six passions, in the round of which they pass their lives, and to which all their mental agitations may be reduced. Deprive them of love and hate, pleasure and pain, hope and fear, and they virtually cease to feel at all. ”

“ He can boast of all that a man need have in order to win the favor of the fair. He can lavish upon them gifts of houses, and carriages, and whole retinues of servants. As for me, who have only love and constancy to offer, women scorn my poverty and make sport of my simplicity!"
Thus did I run on, now in a strain of sadness, now of indignation, as each of the various passions that were contending in my breast in turn subsided or gained the upper hand. ”

“ I assured her that if she would but rely on my honor and on the deep affection with which she had already inspired me, I would lay down my very life to deliver her from the tyranny of her parents, and to secure her happiness.
Many a time have I wondered, in reflecting over this incident, how I succeeded in mustering up such boldness and facility of expression; but Love would not rank among the gods did he not often work miracles. ”

“ I have reached the climax of my sorrows, and all that remains for me is to resign myself to them and to close my eyes, as I now do, to every gleam of hope. May Heaven reward you for your kindness to me! Farewell! I am going to help my evil destiny to consummate my ruin, by hurrying to meet it of my own free-will!"
He endeavored in vain to persuade me to return to Paris. I entreated him to allow me to carry out my resolve, and to leave me at once, lest the Archers might still imagine that we intended to attack them. ”