Tallyho

“ TALKING over, at the breakfast-table, the occurrences of the preceding day—“On my conscience!” exclaimed Tallyho, “were the antediluvian age restored, and we daily perambulated the streets of this immense Metropolis during a hundred years to come, I firmly believe that every hour would bring a fresh accession of incident.”
“Ad infinitum,” answered Dashall; “where happiness is the goal in view, and fifteen hundred thousand competitors start for the prize, the manouvres of all in pursuit of the grand ultimatum must ever exhibit an interesting and boundless variety. ”

“ A run of ill luck has at last sent him here, but not before he had honoured almost all the horse-dealers, coach-makers, and saddlers, gunsmiths and tavern-keepers in Town, with his custom, or rather with his name on their books. His father is a man of considerable property, which must eventually come to him, and he may yet form a conspicuous figure in High Life.”
“What have we here?” said Tallyho, stopping to read a paper displayed in the window of a barber's shop. ”

“ Enter Tallyho.
Tall. I'm an excellent whipper-in for the bottle—Oh, ho! [Looking at Henry, then takes him under the Arm.] Come along.
Henry. Where?
Tall. To get drunk, to be sure—You wear his Majesty's cloth, and go to bed sober, when my English Whirligig has beat the mounseers!—Such a pack of jolly dogs! such burgundy!—won't you come and get drunk with us?
Henry. Certainly, my boy—but, pray, Tallyho, can you tell me—you saw the young lady that parted from me now—admirably handsome!——
Tall. Handsome! Yes, every body says she's like me.
Henry. I shall soon call her mine. ”

“ The servants now took charge of the curricle, with orders to wait at the corner of the Strand, while our heroes, having each deposited his penny at the toll-house, strolled forward.
Tallyho appeared delighted with the views around him: In the front, a fine prospect of one of the finest cities in the world, and behind an equally pleasing sight over the Surrey Hills. The day being fine, and the sun darting his refulgent beams on the bosom of the Thames, contributed to form, altogether, one of the most enraptured sights he had ever beheld. The passing and repassing of boats and barges below ”

“ Suffice it to say they returned refreshed from the excursion, and parted with a promise to meet again at nine o'clock, in Grosvenor Square.
“Egad!” said Dashall, as they entered the diningroom, “there is something very mysterious in all this. Sparkle has hitherto been the life and soul of society: he seems to be deeply smitten with this young Lady, Miss Mortimer, and promises fairly, by his manner, to prove a deserter from our standard, and to inlist under the banners of Hymen.”
“Not unlikely,” replied Tallyho, “if what we are told be true—that it is what we must all come to.” ”

“ Dashall and Bob, of the many hundreds of individuals present, were perhaps the only two led to the place by curiosity alone.
Tallyho, who, on every occasion of “doubtful dilemma,” looked to his cousin Dashall for extrication, expressed his surprise at the appearance of a squalid figure, whose lank form, patched habiliments, and unshorn beard, indicated [325] extreme penury; in familiar converse with a gentleman fashionably attired, and of demeanour to infer unquestionable respectability. ”

“ By this time they were walking leisurely along Piccadilly,
“And marching without any cumbersome load, They mark'd every singular sight on the road.”
“Who is that meagre looking man and waddling woman, who just passed us?” inquired Tallyho.
“An old Bencher,” was the reply; “there you see all that is left of a man of haut ton, one who has moved in the highest circles; but alas! bad company and bad play have reduced him to what he now is. He has cut up and turn'd down very well among the usurers and attornies ”

“ His death occurred in 1819, in the 80th or 81st year of his age.”
“Such characters,” observed Tallyho, “notwithstanding their eccentricity, afford useful lessons to those who, in this giddy and dissipated age, devote a part of their time to thinking.”
“No doubt of it,” replied Dashall; “they furnish examples of what may be done by perseverance and determination, and almost seem to verify the assertion, that every one may become rich if he pleases. But come, we must move towards Tom's Coffee House, in our way to which we will pass through the Royal Exchange, which lies directly before us. ”

“ There too is the lash which, all statutes controlling, Still governs the slaves that are made by the Fair, For Man is the pupil who, while her eye's rolling, Is lifted to rapture, or sunk in despair.”
[131] Tallyho eagerly listened to his friend's recitation of lines so consonant with his own enraptured feelings; while his Cousin Dashall was holding a conversation in dumb-show with some person at a distance, who was presently recognized by Sparkle to be Mrs. G——den,{1} a well-known frequenter of the House. ”

“ Tallyho was unable to reply: he looked down over the banister—he looked up at the risible features of Tom Dashall, who was almost bursting at the ludicrous situation in which he found his friend and his servants. “Come,” said Tom, “there are no thieves—all's right”—to the servants, “you may quiet your minds and go to business. Bob, I'll be down with you presently.” Upon this, the stair-case was cleared in an instant of all but the unfortunate Tallyho ”

“ This call was instantly obeyed by Tallyho, who never doubted but his Cousin had some object in view, though he frequently started from Piccadilly without being previously acquainted with it.
Passing out at Hyde Park Corner, Bon remarked that he thought the City lay the other way.
“Never mind,” replied Dashall, “we shall come to the point without doubt. ”

“ Zeno, the balloon clown, eating "redhots," i.e. peanuts, led the procession, bouncing up and down on a rubber globe in the advance chariot. The bands began to play. The prancing horses, rumbling wagons, screaming calliope, frolicking tumblers, tramp bicyclists weaving in and out in grotesque costumes, often on one wheel, the Tallyho stage filled with smiling ladies, old Sultan, the majestic lion, gazing in calm dignity down from his high extension cage—all this passed, a fantastic panorama, before Andy's engrossed gaze. ”

“ Truth and virtue pass away,
Ere I for another my true love betray.
[Exeunt.
ACT THE SECOND. SCENE I. The Course.—A Shouting within.
Enter Tallyho and Jockey.
Tall. Huzza! Ecod, Dick, my boy, you did the thing nicely!
Jockey. Didn't I, your honour? I said I'd win for you—Huzza!
Tall. Huzza! we've banged the monsieurs. Hey for Yorkshire! d'ye hear—See Whirligig well rubbed down, and give her a horn of egg, milk, oil, and saffron; and while you lead her down the course in triumph, let the French horns play, Britons strike home. [Sings.] ”

“ When, behold! the clue was unravelled, the whole turn'd out an hoax, and the Author still remains in nubibus!!!
[8] “And who could have been the artist?” enquired Tallyho.
“Nay,” answered his friend, “that is impossible to say; some one in the crowd, but the secret must remain with himself; neither do I think it would have been altogether prudent his revealing it to his alarmed and credulous auditory.”
“A Ventriloquist,” observed the 'Squire, “is so little known in the country, that I had lost all reminiscence of his surprising powers ”

“ Tall. You will catch them, as your coat is a kind of tinder, ha! ha! ha!
Lack. Sir, I desire you will find some other subject for your jokes.
Tall. True, your coat is rather a thread-bare subject, ha! ha! ha!—touching the cash makes a body so comical, ha! ha! ha!
Lack. Cash; ay, your wit is sterling to-day, Tallyho, and as you carry your brains in your pocket, I wish you'd change me a twenty pound joke. ”

“ Henry. What! to be a scoundrel?
Tall. Oh, very well; if you're so nice—ay, now, you're a very delicate chicken! But, harkye, the next time you see sister Celia, don't look at her.
[Going
Henry. Stop, Tallyho—I think I'll punish my knowing one. [Aside.] On second thoughts, I will join with you in this roguery.
Tall. Then you're a cursed honest fellow—my sister's yours.
Henry. Ay, with her consent——
Tall. Her consent! if we make the match, what has her consent to do with it?—but I'll settle that—come, you shall have it from her own mouth, this instant.
Henry. But what shall I do with Rosa? ”

“ The first instrument of attack that comes to hand is an Irishman's weapon.—Thady brandished in terrorem a red hot poker, and his son with the agility of a cat took sanctuary under the bed, but at the intercession of the Squire was allowed to emerge with impunity, and admitted to a participation of the salt-herrings and apple-dumplings. The two friends declining an invitation to taste of these dainties, now departed, Tallyho not forgetting the “outlay, and the ill-wind that blows nobody good.” ”

“ The neutrals now proceeded to their respective homes, and our two associates reached their domicile, without the occurrence of further incident.
Next morning the indicative double rit-tat of the postman induced the Squire from the breakfast-parlor to the hall. The servant had opened the door, and received the letters; when an itinerant dealer in genuine articles obtruded himself on the threshold, and doffing his castor after the manner of a knowing one, enquired whether his honor was pleased to be spoke with. Tallyho desired him to step in, and required to know his business. ”

“ Eye nature's walks, shoot folly as it flies, And catch the manners living as they rise.”
[24] IT was half past five when the Hon. Tom Dashall, and his enraptured cousin, reached the habitation of the former, who had taken care to dispatch a groom, apprizing Mrs. Watson, the house-keeper, of his intention to be at home by half past six to dinner; consequently all was prepared for their reception. The style of elegance in which Tom appeared to move, struck Tallyho at once with delight and astonishment, as they entered the drawing-room ”

“ The mysterious circumstances were at once explained, and harmony was restored to the previously agitated family.
“I am truly glad of this information,” said Tom, “and as we are at present likely to be politically engaged, we cannot do less than take a bumper or two after dinner, to the health and happiness of the Candidate who so emphatically observes, he has gained his election, and, in the true language of every Patriot, declares he is the happiest man alive, notwithstanding the rivets by which he is bound.”
“You are inclined to be severe,” said Tallyho.
“By no means,” replied Dashall ”

“ On entering which a good fire presented itself, and Tallyho placed himself in front of it, in order to dry his clothes, while Bob Martlet was busy in inquiring of the landlord for a brush to give the gemman a wipe down, as, he observed, he had a sort of a trip up in these wild parts—though to be sure that there was no great wonder, for a gentleman who was near sighted, and didn't wear spectacles; “however,” continued he, “there an't no harm done ”

“ With 36 Coloured Plates by I. R. and G. Cruikshank. With numerous Designs on Wood. 4s. 6d. net.
Real Life in London: or, the Rambles and Adventures of Bob Tallyho, Esq., and his Cousin, The Hon. Tom Dashall. By an Amateur (Pierce Egan) . With 31 Coloured Plates by Alken and Rowlandson, etc. Two Volumes, 9s. net.
Life in Paris: Comprising the Rambles, Sprees and Amours of Dick Wildfire, etc. By David Carey. With 21 Coloured Plates by George Cruikshank, and 22 Wood Engravings by the same Artist. 4s. 6d. net. ”

“ And Thalis, I'd take it kindly if you'd furnish us with a bit of food and drink."
For answer Thalis leaned herself against him, slipping one white arm about his bronzed shoulders. Her sleek naked flank pressed against his thigh and the perfume of her foamy hair was in his nostrils.
"Why dare the desert?" she whispered urgently. "Stay here! I will teach you the ways of Xuthal. I will protect you. I will love you! You are a real man: I am sick of these moon-calves who sigh and dream and wake, and dream again. I am hungry for the hard, clean passion of a man from the earth. ”

“ The ten-foot general had shrunken to six feet in height, Lulea having generously refrained from reducing old Tollydob to his former short stature. Ruffles, to the grief of the lord high steward, could no longer talk; but Tallydab comforted himself with the knowledge that his dog could at least understand every word addressed to him. The lord high executioner found he could no longer reach farther than other men; but the royal purse of old Tillydib remained ever filled, which assured the future prosperity of the kingdom of Noland. ”

“ Wasn't it Oscar Wilde who said that we men are all in the gutter; but some of us are looking at the stars. You're looking at the stars, Beresford, that's all."
"I suppose you're right," said Beresford a little doubtfully.
"With you it's the spirit of romance," continued Tallis quietly. "If you had lived a few centuries earlier, you would have gone about the country on a horse with a ten-foot pole asking for trouble. You would have been a disciple of Peter the Hermit, and every other uncomfortable person who preached the high-falutin'. The only trouble is that you won't face facts." ”

“ With a look that Talleyrand never forgot, he retreated to the door of the next chamber,—his eyes looking still from beneath his darkened brow. He spoke as he retreated backward,—his voice was full of meaning. "I am the only man born in the New World, who can raise his hand to God and say, I have not a friend, not one, in all America!" ”

“ Returning to his chair he reached for the tobacco-jar.
"I don't want her to think——" he began as he proceeded mechanically to fill his pipe, then he stopped.
"That you're after the money," suggested Tallis. "Couldn't you somehow manage to convey to her that she, and not her millions, is 'the goods'?"
"No, I can't, and what's more, I won't," snapped Beresford irritably.
"That ten-foot pole again, young fellow," smiled Tallis. "You're going to sacrifice your only chance of happiness for an abstract code of honour. Well, it's your funeral; but I'm sorry. What's it to be?" ”