Various

“ Why should the stewards stand? They are presumably men of a certain age, some of them must be of a certain corpulence, and it seems to me a refinement of cruelty that these faithful officials, of whom, I believe, the respected Mayor of Henley is one, should be compelled to refrain from seats during the whole of the Regatta. It may be necessary for them to set an example of true British endurance to the crowds who attend the Regatta, but in that case surely they ought to be paid for the performance of their duties. ”

“ Other Peers prepared, once in while, to buckle down to hard night's work, fighting over Clauses of Bill in Committee. That sort of obscure labour might suit them, but not the thing to attract the MCCULLUM MORE. Had already enjoyed himself on Second Reading, delivering one of those orations which, as COLCHESTER says, may be magnificent but are not debate. That should have satisfied vanity of ordinary man; but the MCCULLUM MORE not an ordinary man. There were several things he forgot to say in the speech. ”

“ My position demands that I should be omniscient, and omniscient, to all outward appearance, I shall remain.
In the first place what is a "lightship?" As I travelled down to Henley I read in one of the newspapers that "practice for the Royal Regatta was now in full swing, and that the river was dotted with lightships of every description." I remember some years ago passing a very pleasant half hour on board of a lightship moored in the neighbourhood of Broadstairs. The rum was excellent. I looked forward with a lively pleasure to repeating the experience at Henley. ”

“ Clerks have suffered acutely from your stings, and actresses have spent many a sleepless night under your malign influence. You have tortured Dukes on the peaks of gracious splendour where they sit enthroned as far above common mortals as they ought to be above the common feeling of envy ”

“ To-night, on Committee on Education Bill, MUNDELLA moved Amendment extending beyond fourteen years limit of age at which fee grants would be made. DYKE obdurate. JOKIM wrung his hands, and protested thing couldn't be done. Hour after hour Debate went forward, Ministers refusing to budge; JOSEPH chanced to look in after dinner; thinks it would be well to accept Amendment; says so in brief incisive speech, a very model of debate; and OLD MORALITY straightway capitulates. Remarkable state of things; as a study more interesting even than mathematics. ”

“ Getting coached up in Parliamentary practice. Back to-night and made maiden speech. Quite delightful; button-holed House as it were; informed Members he was sent there with a mandate; incidentally mentioned that he was a Magistrate in several counties; waved his arm in defiance of School Board and sat down, after declaiming, with much animation, a new and original peroration. "Gentlemen," he said,—"I mean Mr. SPEAKER, I'm for the Bill, the whole Bill, and nothing but the Bill." ”

“ A spade is a spade I know, but what is a spade and one against twenty with pistols and daggers, headed by the redoubtable Filliblusterer THOMAS TIDDLER himself? "Strip him!" said T.T., shortly.
Will you believe that the only way in which in this country they arrive at implicitly believing every word you utter, is by denuding you of all your clothes, so as to get at the naked truth, holding you up by the heels for the purpose of shaking the diamonds out of you, in case any are concealed in your hair, mouth, ears, eyes and so forth.
"He has diamonds on the brain!" ”

“ But "A good wit will make use of anything. I will turn diseases to commodity." Two diseases of the time are, faction and fussiness—the one a fever, the other a prurigo. The one makes little of greatness, the other makes much of littleness. ”

“ You have impelled grocers to ludicrous pitches of absurdity; you have driven the wife of a working-man to distraction because her neighbour's front room possesses a more expensive carpet, of a sprucer pattern than her own. ”

“ A set debate, with a time-limit, and a purely ornamental Chairman, is in progress between a Parnellite and an Anti-Parnellite. The reader will kindly imagine himself to be passing slowly along the line.
A Youthful Socialist (haranguing the usual crowd of well-to-do loungers, and working himself up to the requisite white-heat of factitious fury) . And what are these Capitalists? I'll tell yer. Jest a lot o' greedy gobblers and profit-mongering sharks, as eat up the smaller fry. ”

“ The Young Socialist. Don't tork to me of Patriotism! What have the likes of you and me got to be patriotic about? I'm a Universalist, I am, and so long as a man rallies round our glorious Red Flag (here he waves a dingy scarlet rag on a stick) , it's all one to me whether his own colour is black, yeller, green, brown, or white! ”

“ AWAY!
"Action is the word!" said I, suddenly jumping up; and, having seized a spade, and provided myself with a large sack, which I carried across my shoulders, I set off for the diamond-fields. Unrecognised by a soul, I went to work on my own account ”

“ The "base newsmongers" of the day are to be shunned as carefully as the "smiling pick-thanks." They would set strife between the two sides of a sixpence or a sovereign. In vain, let us hope! Than that Uncle should admire Nephew, and Nephew respect Uncle, who could wish more or better—for both? ”

“ I fancy the ship's crew were round about me, with the Engineer and the Chaplain. I feel inclined to say, "HARDY, HARDY, kiss me, HARDY!" and then something about "Tell them at home"—but the words stick in my throat, as they did in Macbeth's throat (only they were other words) when he was on his throat-sticking expedition. (Little Shakspearian reference thrown in here, and no extra charge.)
"How many of these has he had?" I hear the Doctor say, and I perceived that he was holding up an empty tumbler. ”

“ Sometimes you fix your place of business in a breast adequately covered by a stiff and shining shirt-front and a well-cut waistcoat. Sometimes you inhabit the expansive bosom of a matron. Nor do you confine yourself to one class alone out of the many that go to the composition of our social life. ”

“ For if a man is not at liberty to abstain from combination, it is obvious that he is compelled to combine; and compulsion is hardly liberty. Freedom lies in choice, and Mr. QUELCH would leave the workman none. ”

“ I'm told as one werry respectable but ancient Deputy acshally surgested, that after the Hemperer and Hempress and their sweet had all gone home, all the whole thousand starving wisitors should be turned into Gildhall and allowed to eat and drink all the fragments as was left. Yes, Mr. Deputy, all wery kind and thortful of you as regards the harf-starved wisitors, but how about us Waiters? You, with all your experience, ewidentally don't know the wally of what such eminent Swells as Hemperers and Hempresses leaves on their plates, and the skrambel for 'em drectly as they leaves. ”

“ But, be that as it may, I can assert with perfect confidence that you are no respecter of persons, though it must, in fairness, be added, that one of your chief functions seems to be to implant an exaggerated respect and admiration of others in the minds of your victims. ”

“ Why, you're the small fish as eat mud—and let yourselves be gobbled! (The crowd accept this definition of themselves with perfect gaiety and good-humour.) Some will tell yer that these lazy, idle loafers, work as hard as what we do ourselves. ”

“ ROBERT ON THE HEMPERER'S WISIT TO THE CITY.
The pore owerworked Committee has gone and got thereselves into a nice mess, and all by their kindness in wanting to let as many people as possibel see the grate show on Friday. They has acshally bin and ordered a grate bilding with rows of seats, out in Gildhall Yard, enuff to hold about a thousand Ladies and Gentlemen, all in their best close, with capital views of ewerybody and ewerythink, and now they are told that it won't be posserbel not to give em nothing to heat or to drink, tho' they must set there quite quiet for at least three hours! ”

“ Members seated all about had their hats on; he had cautiously mounted his without reproof, and now, when he moved three steps with his hat on, Members howled, "Order! order!" and SPEAKER joined in the cry. Six or seven Members having explained to him that though a Member may wear his hat when seated, the stability of the Constitution is imperilled if he does not uncover when he moves, albeit a step, to the right or left, the new Member passed remainder of sitting in safety. ”

“ A good many maniacs disport themselves every day in rickety things which look something like gigantic needles, and other people have been riding along the bank, and, very naturally, abusing them loudly for their foolhardy recklessness. ”

“ What had he done now? hat in his hand; could someone else's by any chance have got on his head? Passed his left hand over massive brow. No, all right. Best thing to do would be to get off premises as quickly as possible. So BAIN bolted.
"My dear fellow," said BARRAN, running after him, "you know you mustn't do that any more. You're a young man, and I'm an old one. I know all the ropes in this machine. When you want anything ask me." ”

“ Pity Mr. G. wasn't present to witness the triumph of the most promising of his recruits of the '80 Parliament.
Business done.—HENRY FOWLER's Instruction to Education Bill negatived by 267 against 166.
Tuesday.—"My studies as you know, dear TOBY, have not specially lain in the domain of history," said Professor STOKES, in the course of a brief address delivered to me in a corner of the Library. "The pure dry light of mathematics has had an irresistible attraction for me. ”

“ If you were not so evidently in a hurry, I should like to dilate upon it."
"The pure dry light of Mathematics."
A good deal in what the Professor says; CHAMBERLAIN, as a rule, most considerate in his attitude. At much pains to preserve an appearance suitable to a Gentleman who sits on the Opposition Benches, and is supposed to know no more of the secret councils and intentions of the Ministry than anyone else in same quarter of House. Made a slip in earlier stages of Education Bill ”

“ Honly, the 'arder they work, the worse it is for us; because the more they work the more they rob! That's what they send their sons to Oxford and to Cambridge—as was built and endowed for the benefit of us, the labourin' classes—for. ”

“ Never will travel without one again. Mem.—Gong and piano. I don't pretend to be a thorough musician, but as a one-fingered player I'd give Sir CHARLES HALLÉ odds and beat him. Now then—let's see where were we. Another tumbler iced. ”

“ Nobody showed inclination to debate it, but it had served its turn. Having delivered his speech, The MCCULLUM MORE stalked off home, leaving to others the drudgery of Committee work.
Business done.—Land Bill through Committee in Lords.
Friday Night.—Education Bill through Committee. Last scene of all a little lively owing to revolt on Conservative side. RICHARD TEMPLE led it in speech of unwonted eloquence. Quite overflowing wealth of imagery: described School Board as the ogre that eats up everything ”

“ He sold tea somewhere in Mincing Lane, and on the proceeds of his sales he managed to support a wife and two pleasant children in reasonable comfort at Balham. Mrs. DABCHICK could not be accused by her best friends of over-refinement, but everybody agreed that she was just the homely, comfortable, housewifely person who would always make DABCHICK happy, and be a good and careful mother to his children. Often in the old days when I came down to Balham and took pot-luck with DABCHICK, while Mrs. ”