Various

“ It is this: as evidently London will not, or cannot, support two Pantomimes, several Circuses, and a Show like Barnum's, all through one winter, why try the experiment? especially when the luxe of Pantomime, fostered by Druriolanus, is so enormous, that any competitor must be forced into ruinous and even reckless extravagance, in order to enter into anything like rivalry with The Imperator who "holds the field" for Pantomime, just as he holds "The Garden" for Opera, against all comers. ”

“ Your host, chopping grimly at the furniture as he passes along—here dexterously severing the leg of a Chippendale chair, and there hacking a piece off a Louis Quatorze couch—leads the way to an annexe he has just built for the reception of his treasured books. From the outside this excrescence on the Castle has but a poverty-stricken look. It is, to tell the truth, made of corrugated iron. But that is a cloak that cunningly covers an interior of rare beauty and rich design. ”

“ Whilst you stand musing on these things you are conscious of a whishing sound, and a breath of swiftly moving cool air wantonly strikes your cheek. You look up and behold! there is your host, axe in hand, playfully performing a number of passes over your unconscious head. His dress is designed admirably to suit the exercise. Coat and waistcoat are doffed; the immortal collars are turned down, displaying the columnar throat and the brawny chest ”

“ Now she kneels on the rough gravel; she is making Timburina kneel too! How calm and resolute they both appear! (Shuddering.) I dare not look further—but, ah, I must—I must!... Horror! I saw her boots flash for an instant in the bright sunlight; and now the ripples have closed, smiling over her little black stockings!... Help!—save her, somebody!—help!... Joy! a gentleman has appeared on the scene—how handsome, how brave he looks! He has taken in the situation at a glance! ”

“ So when we applaud the new Opera, we have the satisfaction of knowing that our cheers are given in the cause of native talent triumphant. This is appropriate to the "time" of the play (the commencement of the thirteenth century) , which is the very epoch when the Saxons were beginning to hold their own in the teeth of their Norman conquerors. But leaving patriotism out of the question (a matter which, it is to be feared, is not likely to influence Stalls, Pit, and Gallery materially for a very lengthened period) , the Opera quâ Opera is a very good one. ”

“ Once more ... yes—no, yes, it is Timburina! Thank Heaven, she yet breathes! But Brunette? Can she have stuck in the mud at the bottom? Ha, she, too, is rescued—saved—ha-ha-ha!—saved, saved, saved!
[Swoons hysterically, amid deafening applause.
Enter Frank Manly, supporting Brunette, who carries Timburina.
Bl. (wildly) . What, do I see you safe, beloved Brunette? [Pg 65]
Br. Yes, thanks to his courage, I'm not even wet!
Frank (modestly) . Nay, spare your compliments. To rescue Beauty, When in distress, is every hero's duty!
Bl. Brunette, forgive—I'm cured of all my folly! ”

“ It may of course be possible, in a remote way, to introduce them, as you suggest, into Old Mortality, but we should think you would be nearer the mark with that other item of your programme, that associates Jem Baggs with The Lay of the Last Minstrel. Your idea of accepting and utilising the offer of the Giralfi family to introduce their Drawing-room Entertainment into your programme seems excellent, and has certainly as much in common with the Birthday of Sir Walter Scott as the "Death of Nelson," on the trombone, has with that of the distinguished Novelist's great brother Poet. ”

“ Gives Blan. the wax doll.
She's the best wax, and has three changes of clothing—
For those cheap wooden dolls I've quite a loathing.
Bl. (hastily) . Oh, so have I—they're not to be endured!
Re-enter Brunette with the wooden doll, which she tries to press upon Blanchidine, much to the latter's confusion.
Br. I've brought poor Timburina back, completely cured!
Why, aren't you pleased? Your face is looking so cloudy!
F. (haughtily) . Is she a friend of yours—this little dowdy? ”

“ Ah, it was the right one this time!
"'Memorandum of Aunt Jane's Will.' 'All property to go to Alice Smith, unless Aunt Jane's poodle, Tommy Atkins, dies before Alice Smith comes of age. In which case, it all goes to me.' I remember making that note when the will was read. And now"—he glanced at the covered basket—"Tommy's kicked the bucket. Well, he stood in my way. Who's to know? But there must be no post-mortem, no 'vet' fetched in. Happy thought—I'll have the brute stuffed." He knelt down by the side of the basket, and slowly drew back the covering. "Ah!" he said—"it's cruel work." ”

“ The lack of poets of the softer sex has been recently a subject of remark. Lady-novelists we have in super-abundance, of lady-dramatists we have more than enough, of lady-journalists we have legions—but lady-poets we have but few. ”

“ Picks up doll, and exit in passion.
Grand Sensation Descriptive Soliloquy, by Blanchidine, to Melodramatic Music.
Bl. Gone! Ah, I am rightly punished! What would I not give now to have homely little Brunette, and dear old wooden-headed Timburina back again! She wouldn't melt in the sun.... Where are they now? Great Heavens! that threat—that rash resolve ... I remember all! 'Twas in the direction of the Pond they vanished. (Peeping anxiously between trees.) Are they still in sight?... Yes, I see them! Brunette has reached the water's edge.... What is she purposing! ”

“ We should question whether the Olympian Barnum has done much good for himself, seeing how gigantic the expenses must be; and certainly he can't have done good to the theatres. As to Shows, "The more the merrier" does not hold good. ”

“ There is no reason, as you further point out, why you should not organise a whole Series of Commemorative Birthday Entertainments, as you think of doing, on the same plan, and with Beethoven, Macaulay, Dr. Johnson, and Warren Hastings, the celebrities you mention, to begin upon, you ought to have no difficulty in working in the solo on the big drum, the performance of the Learned Hyæna, the Japanese Twenty-feet Bayonet-jump, and the other equally appropriate attractions with which you are already in communication. Anyhow, begin with Sir Walter Scott, following the St. ”

“ To your passengers, whom Punch must on their luck congratulate.
On Board the Channel Steamer "Paris"
(Night of Saturday, January 25, 1890) .—"Sharp's the word!"
NOTHING LIKE A CHANGE!
Dr. Cockshure. "My good Sir, what you want is thorough alteration of Climate. The only thing to Cure you is a long Sea Voyage!"
Patient. "That's rather inconvenient. You see I'm only just Home from a Sea Voyage round the World!" ”

“ Enter Blanchidine and Brunette, with their arms thrown affectionately around one another. Blanchidine is carrying a large and expressionless wooden doll.
Duet and Step-dance.
Bl. Oh, I do adore Brunette! (Dances.) Tippity-tappity, tappity-tippity, tippity-tappity, tip-tap!
Br. Blanchidine's the sweetest pet! (Dances.) Tippity-tappity, &c. ”

“ Sir Bernard Burke's Genealogical and Heraldic Dictionary of the Peerage and Baronetage is, in every sense, a noble volume, and seems to have been compiled with the greatest care and accuracy. Kelly's Post Office Directory, of course, is a necessity to every man of letters. ”

“ Webster's Royal Red Book, and Gardiner's Royal Blue Book, it goes without saying, are both written by men of address. The Century Atlas and Gazetteer is a book amongst a hundred. Finally, the Era Almanack for 1890, conducted by Edward Ledger, is, as usual, full of information concerning things theatrical—some of it gay, some of it sad. "Replies to Questions by Actors and Actresses" is the liveliest contribution in the little volume. The Obituary contains the name of "Edward Litt Leman Blanchard," dramatist, novellist, and journalist, who died on the 4th of September, 1889. ”

“ Mention of the three courses naturally suggests dinner, and as you evidently enjoy the monopoly of the mental association, you take your leave, perhaps regretting that among his wild woodsman accessories your host does not seem to include the midday chop.
Gold-tipped cigarettes seem just now to be "the swagger thing." "Ah!" ”

“ However, it is discursively amusing and interesting. There is much truth in the paper on Modern Mannish Maidens. I hold that no number of a Magazine is perfect without a tale of mystery and wonder, or a ghost-story of some sort. ”

“ Grand Trio and Step-dance, with "tippity-tappity," and "clickity-clack" refrain as finale.
"THE NEW GERMAN RIFLE." (A Fancy Sketch of its Startling Appearance.)
"The Regulations for the employment of the new German Infantry Rifle have just been published. With regard to the capabilities of the new rifle, the Regulations assert, that in this arm the German Infantry possesses a weapon standing fully abreast of the time with a range such as was heretofore held to be impossible of attainment."—Standard, Jan. 25. ”

“ They work well together, and consequently the ensemble is in the highest degree pleasing.
Assistance of rather a graver character than usually associated with comic opera is naturally afforded by Mr. Haydyn Coffin. Miss Phyllis Broughton is introduced not only to sing but to dance, and performs the latter accomplishment with a grace not to be surpassed, and only to be equalled by Miss Kate Vaughan. Mr. ”

“ Blan. resigns the wooden doll to Brun., who skips off with it, L., as Fanny Furbelow enters, R., carrying a magnificent wax doll.
Fanny (languidly) . Ah, howdy do—isn't this heat too frightful?
And so you're quite alone?
Bl. (nervously) . Oh, quite—oh yes, I always am alone, when there's nobody with me. ”

“ The company is strong—so strong, that it hears the loss of an accomplished songstress like Miss Huntington without severely suffering. It is true that an excellent substitute for the lady has been found in that tenor with the cheerful name, Mr. ”