Grand Duke

“ Although a relation of the grand duke, and always kindly welcomed by him, it was impossible for me to conceive of the least hope of marriage with the princess, even if she had accepted my love, which was still more improbable. Our family holds an honorable rank, but it is poor, if we compare our fortune with the immense domains of the grand duke, the richest prince of the Germanic Confederation; and then, I was hardly twenty-one years old; I was a mere captain in the Guards, without renown, without personal reputation; never, in short, would the grand duke dream of me for his daughter. ”

“ Lady Morgan is merry at the expense of the Grand Duke's taste for brick and mortar: but monarchs, like other men, must have their amusements; some invent uniforms, some stitch embroidery;—and why should not this good-natured Grand Duke amuse himself with his trowel if he likes it? ”

“ Oh, my internal
economy!
LUD. That's absurd, you know. I fought the Grand Duke.
He
drew a King, and I drew an Ace. He perished in inconceivable
agonies on the spot. Now, as that's settled, we'll go on with
the wedding.
RUD. It—it isn't settled. You—you can't. I—I— (to
NOTARY) . Oh, tell him—tell him! I can't! ”

“ Why, instead of playing Troilus of Troy for a month, I shall play
Grand Duke of Pfennig Halbpfennig for a lifetime! Yet, am I
happy? No—far from happy! The lovely English comdienne—the
beautiful Julia, whose dramatic ability is so overwhelming that
our audiences forgive even her strong English accent—that rare
and radiant being treats my respectful advances with disdain
unutterable! And yet, who knows? She is haughty and ambitious,
and it may be that the splendid change in my fortunes may work a
corresponding change in her feelings towards me! ”

“ It is generally believed that the next step of the Diet will be to transmute the father’s Grand Ducal coronet into a Regal crown; and perhaps, my good sir, before you reach Vienna, you may have the supreme honour of being presented to his Majesty the King of Reisenburg.”
“But when you talk only of the pupil’s pliancy of temper, am I to suppose that in mentioning his talents you were speaking ironically?”
“By no means! The Grand Duke is a scholar; a man of refined taste, a patron of the fine arts, a lover of literature, a promoter of science, and what the world would call a philosopher. ”

“ The Duke, you must know, sir, was not so very young when I served under him, but he was still the handsomest man in the British army. They say, when he was a lieutenant, that all the great ladies fell in love with him, and the one he married, I have read in a book, he was much in love with, but a deal more afraid of her than ever he was of the Grand Monarque and all his armies. They say it was a joke in England that the great Duke obeyed his Duchess and trembled at her word. But I dare say he is not the only man who ever ruled men and then let his wife rule him. ”

“ Aide-de-Camp to Grand Duke Nicholas—“We have just captured a motor-car containing a German of very high rank. We think it is the Kaiser.”
Grand Duke—“For heaven’s sake release him at once. He is our best asset in the field. He always gives the wrong instructions and interferes at the wrong moment.” ”

“ The Duke is here, and very unaffected and pleasant, really a very nice prince, and quite good-looking. He never fails to be punctual to the moment—a grand quality for a prince, and due, probably, to naval discipline. He talks a great deal, and talks well, but in reality princes have no chance—no chance at all—conversationally, as no one ever contradicts them, however much they disagree; no subjects are aired but those which they choose for themselves, and the merest commonplaces from royal lips are listened to as if they were oracles. ”

“ ERNEST, JULIA, and NOTARY.
JULIA. Well, a nice mess you've got us into! There's an
end of our precious plot! All up—pop—fizzle—bang—done for!
LUD. Yes, but—ha! ha!—fancy my choosing the Grand Duke's
private detective, of all men, to make a confidant of! When you
come to think of it, it's really devilish funny!
ERN. (angrily) . When you come to think of it, it's
extremely injudicious to admit into a conspiracy every
pudding-headed baboon who presents himself! ”

“ The hearts of the people dissolve through the presence in the Palace of a crowd of base fellows. So the National Grand Duke is returned to power to inaugurate changes, expel the base fellows, restore former laws, and vindicate the dignity of His Majesty. ”

“ His ambition is great, and he regards his parents as if they were not so. What will he do to others? If the Grand Duke could see us, it would give great pleasure to us, and also to his friend, the Prince de la Paz, who suffers for having been always attached to the French and the Emperor. All our hope is in the Grand Duke, to [p. 34] whom we also commend our poor daughter Maria Luisa, who is not loved by her brother. With this hope we are about to take our journey. ”

“ ALL. The winner steps into the dead man's shoeses!
RUD. and Lud. Agreed! Agreed!
RUD. Come, come—the pack!
LUD. (producing one) . Behold it here!
RUD. I'm on the rack!
LUD. I quake with fear!
(NOTARY offers card to LUDWIG.)
LUD. First draw to you!
RUD. If that's the case,
Behold the King! (Drawing card from his sleeve.)
LUD. (same business) . Behold the Ace!
CHORUS. Hurrah, hurrah! Our Ludwig's won
And wicked Rudolph's course is run—
So Ludwig will as Grand Duke reign
Till Rudolph comes to life again—
RUD. Which will occur to-morrow!
I come to life to-morrow! ”

“ The Grand Duke, moreover, uses the title of king to the Roman Emperor and Pontiff, the King of Sweden and Denmark, the Prince of Prussia and Livonia, and also, as I have heard, to the Sovereign of the Turks; but he is not called king by any of these, unless perhaps by the Prince of Livonia. In former times the Grand Dukes used to bear their titles on three circles included in a triangle, the first of which, on the topmost circle, was expressed in these words: Our God the Trinity, which was before all ages, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost,—not however three Gods in substance, but one God. ”

“ Everybody listened, for it proceeded from the Grand Duke A., who was (I forget whether I mentioned it before) one of my guests.
"‘I can understand the Princess's indignation and the emotion she shows,' said the Grand Duke. 'What I do not understand (and I desire to speak with all respect of Prince X.) is the remarkable scene to which we have been treated. ”

“ Only the Keudells of the German Embassy and the Minghettis dined besides the family, but an immense party came in the evening. The Hereditary Grand Duke is a weak-looking little man with a very receding forehead. The Grand Duchess (who was his cousin) is a fine big woman—“bel pezzo di carne”—with intense enjoyment and good-humour in everything. “How can anybody be ill, how is it possible that anybody can be unhappy in Rome!” Both talked English perfectly. They arranged then that I should show them the Palatine. ”

“ And when everyone knows that the Grand Duke has loved and ridden away from Antoinette of the Folies Bergère, yet Antoinette turns up smiling and places extravagant orders, one must not be too hasty. A grand duke may be succeeded by a rich banker. Even [Pg 49] if there is no visible guarantee of the bills, the little woman should not be angered. The future may hold other grand dukes. ”

“ For any disappointment we are sorry unaffectedly,
But yesterday that nobleman expired quite unexpectedly—
Tol the riddle lol!
BAR. Is this Court Mourning or a Fancy Ball?
LUD. Well, it's a delicate combination of both effects.
It
is intended to express inconsolable grief for the decease of the
late Duke and ebullient joy at the accession of his successor. I
am his successor. Permit me to present you to my Grand Duchess.
(Indicating JULIA.)
BAR. Your Grand Duchess? Oh, your Highness! (Curtseying
profoundly.)
JULIA (sneering at her) . Old frump! ”

“ At the conclusion of his harangue the Grand Duke distributed two silver roubles to each private.
A reconnaissance of our lines was made on the 30th of November by Grand Duke Michael and a very large staff, among whom our knowing people said they could see Prince Menschikoff and General Liprandi. The Grand Duke was recognisable by the profound respect paid to him—wherever he went hats were taken off and heads uncovered—and by the presence of a white dog which always accompanies him. ”

“ When the Grand Duke shall have placed the poor Prince of the Peace in safety, let rather strong measures234 be taken, for otherwise intrigues will go on increasing, above all, against the poor friend of the Grand Duke and me ”

“ LISA. And as we produce our magnificent classical revival
of Troilus and Cressida to-night at seven, we have no alternative
but to eat our wedding breakfast before we've earned it. So sit
down, and make the best of it.
GRET. Oh, I should like to pull his Grand Ducal ears for
him, that I should! He's the meanest, the cruellest, the most
spiteful little ape in Christendom!
OLGA. Well, we shall soon be freed from his tyranny.
To-morrow the Despot is to be dethroned!
LUD. Hush, rash girl! You know not what you say.
OLGA. Don't be absurd! We're all in it—we're all tiled,
here. ”

“ That ambitious prince, supported by his four brothers, the cardinal of Lorraine, the duke of Aumale, the marquis of Elbeuf, and the grand prior, men no less ambitious than himself, had engrossed all the authority of the crown; and as he was possessed of every quality which could command the esteem or seduce the affections of men, there appeared no end of his acquisitions and pretensions. ”

“ He can put all his friends in conspicuous places,
With plenty to eat and with nothing to pay!
You'll tell me, no doubt, with unpleasant grimaces,
To-morrow, deprived of your ribbons and laces,
You'll get your dismissal—with very long faces—
But wait! on that topic I've something to say!
(Dancing.) I've something to say—I've something to
say—I've something to say!
Oh, our rule shall be merry—I'm not an ascetic—
And while the sun shines we will get up our hay—
By a pushing young Monarch, of turn energetic,
A very great deal may be done in a day! ”

“ Would it not be delightful to build a beautiful retreat in this sweet and retired land, and be able in an instant to fly from the formal magnificence of a London mansion? Lady Aphrodite was charmed with the idea; for the enamoured are always delighted with what is fanciful. The Duke determined immediately to convert the idea into an object. To lose no time was his grand motto. As he thought that Sir Carte had enough upon his hands, he determined to apply to an artist whose achievements had been greatly vaunted to him by a distinguished and noble judge. ”

“ The Duke.
[Still paler and growing rigid.]
Read on, sir. Mother—mother—lift me up.
[Maria Louisa, assisted by the Prelate and
Doctor Malfatti, raises him on his pillows.]
Hartmann.
"Then the Grand Duke, who took on this occasion
The Austrian Emperor's place as Sponsor: then
Queen Hortense, and the Imperial Godmother;
Lastly, the King of Rome, borne by Her Grace,
The Duchess of Montesquieu. His Majesty,
Whose healthy mien the crowd observed with joy,
Wore a great silver mantle, lined with ermine,
Whose train His Grace the Duke of Valmy bore.
Princes—"
The Duke. ”

“ Here is the Royal Duke, who is treading in his father’s steps, and will be wept by a future generation as the good duke and hero of a thousand City feeds. Let us look about us while the bell is ringing and the police are clearing the course. The Grand Stand alone holds some thousands. ”

“ As a soldier the duke never had an opportunity of gaining high distinction, and his pedantic, almost superstitious, insistence upon minutiæ of military etiquette, discipline, dress, and equipments, made him unpopular in the army. He was, however, the first to abandon flogging and to establish a regimental school. He was extremely regular in his habits, a model of punctuality and despatch in the discharge of duty, and sincerely pious. He was a knight of the orders of the Garter, Bath, and St. Patrick, and a knight grand cross of the Bath and of the order of the Guelphs. ”

“ My first act was to pay my bootmaker—my second, to
engage a good useful working set of second-hand nobles—and my
third, to hurry you off to Pfennig Halbpfennig as fast as a train
de luxe could carry us!
PRINCESS. Yes, and a pretty job-lot of second-hand nobles
you've scraped together!
PRINCE (doubtfully) . Pretty, you think? Humph! I don't
know. I should say tol-lol, my love—only tol-lol. They are not
wholly satisfactory. There is a certain air of unreality about
them—they are not convincing. ”

“ JULIA. Ma'am, I don't know who you are, but I flatter
myself I can do justice to any part on the very shortest notice.
BAR. My dear, under the circumstances you are doing
admirably—and you'll improve with practice. It's so difficult
to be a lady when one isn't born to it.
JULIA (in a rage, to LUDWIG) . Am I to stand this? Am I
not
to be allowed to pull her to pieces?
LUD. (aside to JULIA) . No, no—it isn't Greek. Be a
violet, I beg.
BAR. And now tell me all about this distressing
circumstance. How did the Grand Duke die? ”

“ It is a condition that only raises fresh perplexities."
"Yes, the Duke of Chateauvieux—a duke only by brevet, and, be it said among us, of poor material, considering his origin, seeing that his great-grandfather was only a domestic servant—the Duke of Chateauvieux, despite his influence with his Majesty, and his brevet title of duke, feels that he limps on the leg of birth. In order to dip his descendants in the antique luster of our house, he stipulates as an express condition of Raoul's marriage with Mademoiselle Chateauvieux, Bertha's consent to marry the Marquis. ”