Le Figaro

“ Figaro. “And as you have been kindly pleased to abolish that abominable right, which, as Lord of the Manor, you might have claimed, permit us, your Vassals, to celebrate your praise, in a rustic Chorus I have prepared for this occasion. The Virtues of so good a master should not remain unsung.
Count. “A Lover, a Poet, and a Musician!—These titles, Figaro, might perhaps merit our indulgence, if”—
Countess. ”

“ Figaro. “I even saw her laugh with Delight, while he read her Billet!——They think themselves secure, but perhaps they yet may be deceived.”——No, my very worthy Lord and Master, you have not got her yet.—What! Because you are a great Man, you fancy yourself a great Genius.—“Which way?—How came you to be the rich and mighty Count Almaviva? Why truly, you gave yourself the Trouble to be born! While the obscurity in which I have been cast demanded more Abilities to gain a mere Subsistence than are requisite to govern Empires. ”

“ Count. (Angrily) It’s a little Serpent that glides [19] into every crevice—And he has been listening too to our discourse!
Page. Indeed, my Lord, I did all I could not to hear a word.
Count. (To Susan) There is no Figaro, no Husband for you, however.
Basil. Somebody is coming; get down.
Enter the COUNTESS, FIGARO, AGNES, and VASSALS, in their holiday cloaths. Figaro carrying the nuptial cap—The Count runs and plucks the Page from the great chair, just as they enter. ”

“ What the family would have come to without him, is too painful a speculation to be entered upon unnecessarily. Figaro-ci, Figaro-là, and Figaro liking nothing better than his occupation. He bent his whole mind to it; I never could discover that, he had any other interest or employment in life; lounging around to Gramercy Square after breakfast, embellishing the library sofa with his listless length till lunch, while Josephine practised, or my aunt talked business with him. ”

“ As for the limitations on the liberty of the press: "They tell me," says Figaro, "that if in my writing I will mention neither the government, nor public worship, nor politics, nor morals, nor people in office, nor influential corporations, nor the Opera, nor the other theatres, nor anybody that belongs to anything, I may print everything freely, subject to the approval of two or three censors." "How I should like to get hold of one of those people that are powerful for a few days, and that give evil orders so lightly, after a good reverse of favor had sobered him of his pride! ”

“ Countess. You hear, my Lord!—Has not the simplicity of this Child’s confession, as artless as the one I have this moment made, sufficiently justified my Conduct? And do not circumstances prove, how injurious your Suspicions have been, and how well founded mine? (Count bows to the Countess.)
Antonio. You see, my Lord, what a giddy young thing it is.
Count. And very loving too.
Antonio. Her mother, as every body knows, was just such another.
Enter FIGARO.
Figaro. ”

“ Our best bags are made by the stalking or still-hunting method. Our city-raised sportsman slips up on his guide and pots him from a rest.
But consider the rest of the description so graphically set forth by Le Figaro—the intriguing of the mayor; the opposing groups rampaging round, some on horseback and some in automobile runabouts; the intense disappointment of the highborn Prince Murat and his uncle, the Prince d'Essling, and his friend, the Comte de Valon; the implied grief of the stag at being stricken down by other than noble hands ”

“ Count. “But thou hast Abilities, and might rise to Preferment.
Figaro. “Preferred by my Abilities my Lord!——Your Lordship is pleased to laugh at me.”
Count. Yes, yes; Susan has betrayed me, and my Gentleman marries Marcelina. (Aside.)
Figaro. He has been angling for Gudgeons, and what has he caught? (Aside.)
Enter a SERVANT.
Servant. ”

“ It is impossible to be more humble, more audacious, more eager in view of obtaining a favour from the Court than were all our young lords to ensure themselves a place at the first representation of Figaro. More than one duchess considered herself too happy that day to find in the balconies, where ladies are seldom seen, a wretched stool side by side with Madame Duthé, Carline, and company. ”

“ Like Figaro, who displayed more science and calculation in merely getting a living than statesmen had shown in governing Spain for a hundred years, he, la Peyrade, in order to install and maintain himself in the Thuillier household and marry the daughter of a clarionet and a smirched coquette, had spent more mind, more art, and—it should also be said, because in a corrupt society it is an element that must be reckoned—more dishonesty than was needed to advance him in some fine career. ”

“ Enter FIGARO, disguised in a red Rocquelaure; Doctor Bartholo, Don Guzman, Basil, Antonio. Figaro imagines at first Agnes to be Susan; and, as it is too dark to see, endeavours to follow the sound of her voice, having entered while she was speaking. Agnes enters the Pavilion on the left.
Figaro. I was mistaken, ’tis Agnes! (They all grope down the stage till they get round Figaro) What a clock is it?
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Antonio. Almost near the moon’s rising.
Basil. What a gloomy night.
Doctor. We look like so many Conspirators. ”

“ Forgiveness is deserved only by those willing to forgive. All is well, and the Countess gives her hand to be kissed by her lord. Enters Figaro with joyous music to announce that all's ready for the wedding; trumpets sounding, pipes tootling, peasants singing and dancing. The Count throws a damper upon his exuberant spirits. How about that letter? In spite of the efforts of the Countess and Susanna to make him confess its authorship, Figaro stoutly insists that he knows nothing of it. ”

“ Figaro. Join with me, my friends.
Omnes. My Lord.
Susan. Why should your Lordship refuse Eulogiums which you merit so well?
Count. Oh the Traitress. (Aside) Well, well,—I consent.
Figaro. Look at her, my Lord; never could a more beauteous Bride better prove the greatness of the sacrifice you have made.
Susan. Oh do not speak of my Beauty, but of his Lordship’s Virtues.
Count. My Virtues!—Yes, yes,—I see they understand each other. (Aside) Who can tell me where is Marcelina?
Agnes. I met her, my Lord, just now, in the close walk by the park wall, along with Doctor Bartholo. ”

“ When Figaro came into the room.
“Good day, Senorita.”
“Good day, Senor Figaro; I am dying of weariness.”
“Then look in the glass, and you’ll be charmed.”
“Charmed in a tomb, Figaro? This house is a tomb.”
“Dear, dear—hist!—he’s coming.”
Figaro slid to the other end of the room—Rosina whisked from it, and the barber was a most unconscious person—when Dr. Bartolo and Don Basilio—humbug and music-master (vide Figaro) , made their appearance. ”

“ Count. Stand out of the way, Rascal——Hollo!—Where are my People? Lights! Lights!
Courier. What’s my Lord afraid of? Is there not Mr. Figaro and I?
Enter Flambeaux, Don GUZMAN, Dr. BARTHOLO, ANTONIO, BASIL, and Servants.
Count. (To the Servants) Guard that Door and some of you seize this Fellow.
Figaro. You command, with absolute Authority, over all present, my Lord, except yourself.
Count. “The Villain’s impenetrable, cool Impudence is intolerable.
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Figaro. “We are not Soldiers, that we should kill one another without Malice: for my part, I like to know why I am angry.” ”

“ Great lords and ladies sat elbow to elbow with bourgeois and fashionable women; and when Figaro came on and declaimed against social injustice, the opposite parties in {23} the house stormed approval or disfavour. Figaro is Beaumarchais, is the lower or middle class man, with nothing but his wits with which to force his way through the barriers which privilege has erected across every path along which he attempts to advance. ”

“ Manent FIGARO and MARCELINA.
Figaro. How attentive he is to his Wife.
Marcelina. “It is necessary”—My dear Figaro, “I should undeceive thee respecting my former false accusations of Susan—Basil has always told me she obstinately refused to listen to the Count’s Overtures, and” I am both sorry and ashamed to have excited thy Jealousy.
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Figaro. Oh, be under no apprehensions, my dear Mother; Jealousy is the foolish Child of Pride, the Disease of a Madman—My Philosophy is invulnerable to its poisonous Arrows. (Figaro turns and sees Agnes just behind him, coming down the Stage) .—So! ”

“ My lord is laughing at me. Be commonplace and obsequious, and you get every thing." Figaro gives the whole art of French politics in a few words: "To pretend you don't know what you do know, and to know what you don't; to hear what you understand, and not to hear what you don't understand; and especially to pretend you can do a great deal more than you can; often to have for a very great secret that there is no secret; to shut yourself up to mend pens and seem profound, when you are only empty and hollow; to play well or ill the part of a personage ”

“ Figaro. I will take my excuse in my hand— (Going to lead out Susan) —Few offenders can plead so charming a one.
Countess. No, no; stop Susan: I want you—She [78] shall come presently. (Exit Figaro) .—Well, Susan, the time approaches, we must prepare for the Rendezvous.
Susan. “I must not go, Madam, Figaro is unwilling.
Countess. (Angry) . “Figaro!—Figaro is not so scrupulous when a Marriage-portion is in question—That’s a poor Pretence; you are sorry you have told the truth, and discovered the Intentions of the Count.—Go, go—I am not to be so deceived. (Going) . ”

“ She wore a very pleased expression of feature for two minutes after Figaro had departed. But then she justifiably pouted, for Dr. Bartolo came into the room, feeble in all his parts but his eyes, which were glancing about like sharp knives. Figaro. He was doubtful of Figaro. And he was sure of Rosina’s simplicity.
“What man knows woman’s art?
Faith—what man knows a part?”
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So he thought he would question her.
“Pray what brought the barber here so early—he spoke to you?”
“He always does! And chatted of a thousand things—the latest fashions from Paris—and—and other things.” ”

“ Heavens! It is the Count!—I am ruined!—If he finds the Page here after receiving Figaro’s anonymous Letter I shall be for ever lost!—What imprudence!
Count. (Without) Why don’t you open the door?
Countess. Because——I’m alone.
Count. Alone! Who are you talking to then!
Countess. To you, to be sure—How could I be so thoughtless—This villainous Figaro.
Page. After the scene of the great chair this morning he will certainly murder me if he finds me here.
Countess. Run into my dressing-room and lock the door on the inside. (the Countess opens the door to the Count.)
Enter the COUNT.
Count. ”

“ Figaro. (To his Mother) Every thing is precious that appertains to a beloved object.—He picks up the very Pin, you see.
(All this while Susan and the Countess remark what is passing with laughter, and private looks and gestures.) ”

“ Don Guzman and the Counsellors are without.
Count. Let them wait.
Figaro. (Ironically) Aye, let them wait. (Exit Serv.)
Count. And dost thou expect to gain thy Cause?
Figaro. With the assistance of Justice and my Lord’s good wishes, who respects Youth too much himself to force others to wed with Age.
Count. A Judge knows no distinction of persons.
Figaro. “Well—Time, say the Italians, is a valiant Fellow, and tells Truth”—But what was it your Lordship was pleased to send for me for? ”

“ The ‘Morning Journal,’ in New York, and the ‘Evening News,’ in Chicago, are examples in point. Akin to the first idea of the ‘Figaro,’ in London, they are a little in the style of the ‘Cuckoo,’ which croaked in the London streets for a short time. They may be considered as outside the competition of the regular high-class daily journals. They occupy ground of their own. ”

“ FIGARO, a famous dramatic character first introduced on the stage by Beaumarchais in the Barbier de Séville, the Mariage de Figaro, and the Folle Journée. The name is said to be an old Spanish and Italian word for a wigmaker, connected with the verb cigarrar, to roll in paper. Many of the traits of the character are to be found in earlier comic types of the Roman and Italian stage, but as a whole the conception was marked by great originality; and Figaro soon, seized the popular imagination, and became the recognized representative of daring, clever and nonchalant roguery and intrigue. ”

“ In white stockings!
(Countess and Susan discover their fears, and make signs to Figaro to assist them if possible.)
Count. Where is the Man? (Eagerly.)
Antonio. That’s what I want to know, my Lord!—I wish I could find him,—I am your Lordship’s Gardener; and, tho’ I say it, a better Gardener is not to be found in all Spain;—but if Chambermaids are permitted to toss men out of the window to save their own Reputation, what is to become of mine?—“It will wither with my flowers to be sure.”
Figaro. Oh fie! What sotting so soon in a morning?
Antonio. Why, can one begin one’s day’s work too early? ”

“ The manufacture at the Gobelins seems exceedingly improved; the colouring less inharmonious, the drawing more correct; but our Parisians are not just now thinking about such matters; they are all wild for love of a new comedy, written by Mons. de Beaumarchais, and called, "Le Mariage de Figaro," full of such wit as we were fond of in the reign of Charles the Second, indecent merriment, and gross immorality; mixed, however, with much acrimonious satire, as if Sir George Etherege and Johnny Gay had clubbed their powers of ingenuity at once to divert and to corrupt their auditors ”

“ That gentleman, Figaro, sitting over there, is my father.... But he shaves himself, so don't reckon on him as a customer.... I say, Figaro, you might give me a clean suit of pyjamas: there, the second drawer from the top.... Yes, one of the silk ones, with the blue stripes.... I believe in silk pyjamas, when you're ill.... Yes, just valet me, now that you're here, Figaro.... Help me on ... that's right ... ”