Early marriage

“ A young lady will hear some one strongly advocate early marriages to-day, and to-morrow hear an opposite opinion advanced and vigorously maintained. It is but rarely the case that those who enter into these discussions really understand the subject of marriage, and therefore cannot declare what is absolutely true on this disputed question. And, besides, what one means by early marriage is a different thing from what another means. ”

“ This alone is an inducement to early marriage. In obedience to this primary inducement the weaver almost invariably marries soon after he is out of his apprenticeship. But the improvement of comfort which marriage brings is of short duration;.... ”

“ PERCY BYSSHE SHELLEY AND MARY GODWIN
A great deal has been said and written in favor of early marriage; and, in a general way, early marriage may be an admirable thing. Young men and young women who have no special gift of imagination, and who have practically reached their full mental development at twenty-one or twenty-two—or earlier, even in their teens—may marry safely; because they are already what they will be. They are not going to experience any growth upward and outward. ”

“ For one or two years after marriage, the girl generally remains under the paternal roof, occasionally paying a visit to her father-in-law's as need be. As she advances in years, her repugnance—the effect of early marriage—to live with her husband is gradually overcome, till time and circumstances completely reconcile her to her future home. Her affection grows, and she learns to appreciate the grave meaning of a married life. ”

“ Profoundly convinced of this, we deliberately declare that early marriages should be, as a general rule, recommended and promoted by those who have influence or authority over young people. By early marriage, we do not mean the marriage of boys and girls, but of men and women. ”

“ In the early evolution of the marital mores, marriage was a loose union which could be terminated at will, and the children always followed the mother; the mother-child bond is instinctive and has functioned regardless of the developmental stage of the mores. ”

“ In part, also, there is an objection to the assumption of responsibilities so serious as those of motherhood by a young girl, and there is the very reasonable feeling that the obligations of a permanent marriage tie ought not to be undertaken at an early age. ”

“ EARLY MARRIAGES.—Statistics prove that twenty per cent—20 in every 100—of females who marry are under age, and that such early marriages are often followed by serious, and sometimes even by fatal consequences to mother, to progeny, or to both. ”

“ Fifty years ago the large majority of the girls of her class married early, and the years of home life after school were arranged on the supposition that they were a short period of preparation for marriage. ”

“ The real beginning is in early life, when young people are taught, directly or by implication, that reproduction is a matter concerning which speech is indelicate, of which it is proper, even, to feel ashamed; as they grow older, and the period of marriage draws near, they learn to look upon parenthood as a responsibility and a burden which they may properly avoid if possible. ”

“ In this way, the early months of marriage often are times of critical tumult—whether that of a shrimp-pool or of deeper waters—which afterwards subsides into cheerful peace. ”

“ From careful study he had learned that the age at which a man should marry was twenty-five. A healthy and well-endowed offspring should be one of the main objects in view in entering the marriage state, and this required a mentally gifted wife. ”

“ Time to Marry.—Parents who have the real interest and happiness of their daughters at heart, ought, in consonance with the laws of physiology, to discountenance marriage before twenty; and the nearer the girls arrive at the age of twenty-five before the consummation of this important rite, the greater the probability that, physically and morally, they will be protected against those risks which precocious marriages bring in their train. ”

“ Has that man a call to be a husband, who, when the rosy maiden he married is transformed by too early an introduction to the cares and trials of maternity, into a feeble, confirmed invalid, turns impatiently from the restless wife’s sick-room, to sun himself in the perfidious smile of one whom he would blush to name in that wife’s pure ears? ”

“ In the first place it seems eminently desirable to emphasize more than we have emphasized in the past the ideal of matrimony for every woman up to a certain age, and to bring home to parents that marriage is what they must seek for their daughters and what they must train them for. ”

“ I have seen boys of ten or twelve years of age who had already discarded the bachelor's long tress hanging down the back, and were wearing the top-knot of the married man. It must not be supposed, however, that these youthful married men are really wedded in the strict sense of the word, for, as a matter of fact, though husband and wife in the eyes of the world, the two do not live together till the age of puberty is reached. In other words, the marriage is for several years only a nominal one, and corresponds rather to our "engagement." ”

“ Although the habit may seem hard and barbarous, certainly almost all the great peoples of the past, and the majority of those contemporary who live outside our civilization, have conceived and practised matrimony not as a right of sentiment, but as a duty of reason. To fulfil it, the young have turned to the sagacity of the aged, and these have endeavored to promote the success of marriage not merely to the satisfaction of a single passion, usually as brief as it is ardent, but according to a calculated equilibrium of qualities, tendencies, and material means. ”

“ There can be no doubt that in these less spacious days the idea of a bride of thirteen would not commend itself to parents or guardians, but in the sixteenth century, twelve or thirteen was regarded as the right age for the marriage of a girl. ”

“ When these girl-children are twelve years old, they will, according to custom, be strictly secluded, and will not be seen by any man but their father till the bridegroom lifts the veil at the marriage ceremony. ”

“ There's no talking to a young woman now about marriage, but she is all in a blaze about hearts, and darts, and—and—But hark ye, child, I'll suffer no daughter of mine to play the fool with her heart, indeed! She shall marry for the purpose for which matrimony was ordained amongst people of birth—that is, for the aggrandisement of her family, the extending of their political influence—for becoming, in short, the depository of their mutual interest. ”

“ When she has thus obtained a wife for her husband, she carries her home, puts her to bed with her husband, where, having left her, she feasts with the bride's relations. There the children of the first marriage are produced, and the men of the bride's family put each their hands upon these children's heads, and afterwards take the oath in the usual manner, to live and die with them as their own offspring. ”

“ That may produce serious tension and create a lasting in-law problem.
Is There a Wide Difference in Age? One study has shown that the least happy marriages are those in which the husband is six to eight years older than the wife. Perhaps it is not the difference in age itself so much as the fact that people that far apart in age will be unlike in other respects which creates the strain on marriage.
The happiest marriages for wives seem to range from one extreme where the wife is four years older than the husband to the other extreme where the wife is four years younger than the husband. ”

“ If the faint prophecies, of the approaching advent of their first-born, thrill their lives with hopeful and joyful anticipations, marriage will now have a deeper significance, the bonds of love and dependence become stronger and the pleasures of life more real. The supremest moment of marriage comes when the young husband, who for the first time, in the birth chamber, stands by his wife’s side, holding her hands in his ”

“ The Banian marriages are made at the age of three years or even under; and two pregnant women sometimes enter into mutual promises, if one of their children should prove male and the other female, to unite them in marriage. ”

“ In telling a young husband what he ought to know concerning his bride, it is especially important that he should first understand the nature and purpose of the reproductive organs, the right relation of man to woman, and the correct teachings concerning marriage ”

“ Matrimony is to be the test of how we have built our castle. The success of the matrimonial venture—for every marriage is an experiment—depends absolutely upon the result of the first year. We would, therefore, seriously, and earnestly, request the young wife to think deeply upon this problem and not to ignore the fact that the success of the venture is absolutely dependent upon her efforts to a very large degree. ”

“ In the interval between infancy and the marriageable age familiar intercourse between the sexes is suspended. At the marriageable age it is renewed, never with worse consequences than those which attend upon marriage. ”

“ But, should he prove faithless, he is a marked man. It appears that "breach of promise of marriage" is very rare. The betrothal may take place at the tenderest age, but the marriage is usually delayed till the bride is twelve years old, or even older, and the bridegroom is from fifteen to eighteen. ”

“ Indeed her immunity from the crushes which occupied so much of the time and attention of her schoolmates occasioned her some concern. She feared her nature was a cold one. She disclaimed the idea of marriage, except as she had observed it in common.
"People do, you know," she said.
"A good many would be wiser if they didn't," said her father. "I am particularly opposed to young marriages."
He and her mother had married when they were young. ”

“ A young man should understand that his bride is not in a condition of body and mind to meet the sudden change which the marital relation brings.
The considerate young husband.—If a young{336} husband is considerate, awaits his wife’s invitation, practices self-control and moderation for the first few weeks of marriage, his wife will be spared much anxiety, nervousness, and possibly diseases of the genital organs and an invalid condition for life. ”

“ The practice of marrying women in childhood is still generally—all but universally—prevalent; and when, owing to the zeal of reformers, a case of widow-marriage occurs, its rarity makes it be hailed as a signal triumph. ”

“ It will be well for the young wife if she can feel the matrimonial ground firmly beneath her feet before she is called upon to bear the additional anxieties and physical trials of approaching motherhood. ”

“ When, however, a young lady has reached the age we have named, and a man, known to be virtuous and honorable, has formally offered her his hand, and been accepted, the marriage ought not long to be delayed, if no impediment exist, such as inability on the part of the young man to support a wife. ”

“ Imagine a young married couple in love with each other—the parents, say, of one child, who feel they cannot afford another child for, say, three years—being expected to occupy the same room and to abstain for two years. ”

“ A happy wife, happy during and after half a lifetime spent in wedlock which did not escape the usual number of family troubles and sorrows, said once to me that the trouble with marriage was that conjugal impulse and conjugal sense were the scarcest faculties of the feminine nature. ”

“ On the morning of the day that accomplishes the full term of school graduation, the man is introduced to his future wife, who has been returned to her parent’s charge for the three month’s probationary test of full compatibility, during which her intended enjoys their hospitality. The adjudged unity of these marriage selections has been so perfect in conception, that there has not been a single instance of misapprehension, or one that failed in fulfilling the complete assimilation of affection for sole representation, independent of attaint from the lustful vagrancy of desire. ”

“ How far it may be proper to exercise the secondary object of marriage it is impossible to state in any general rule, because individual cases vary so greatly; but it is safe to say that the phase of marriage which is so closely allied to its primary object has an important bearing on the health, happiness and harmony of husband and wife, and so may properly be exercised by those who have a proper regard for the primary end of marriage, even when its relation to this end be but indirect, provided such exercise of it be kept within bounds of mental and physical health. ”

“ When she is twenty-seven or twenty-eight perhaps her internal development will be complete, and she will then be ripe for the full enjoyment of marriage: but if instead of a considerate husband she marries one who merely uses her, she stands little chance ever of knowing the proper relation of wifehood and motherhood. ”

“ Suppose both our wives should conceive the first night of our marriage, and should happen to be brought to bed on one day, yours of a son, and mine of a daughter, we will give them to each other in marriage. ”

“ But we must at this point speak of the kindred subject of the apprehensions which expectant young husbands often feel with reference to the qualification of the intended bride. As we have already said, deformities and actual incapacity are less frequent among women than among men. Women who know themselves to be suffering from falling of the womb, or other serious womb trouble, should not contemplate marriage. ”