Sexual desire

“ A desire for the satisfaction of the senses, a longing for amusements, has become predominant in thousandfold shades from the refined to the vulgar. In such self-seeking periods the sexual desire in its masked and its unmasked forms gains steadily in importance and fascination. ”

“ The sin of sexual lust 1. A human has a primal instinct for reproduction: sexual drive; and a human in the animal state, by yielding to it, by copulating, fulfills his purpose in that, and in this fulfillment of his purpose he finds his well-being.
2. But upon the awakening of consciousness, it seems to the human that the satisfaction of this desire may increase the welfare of his separate being, and he enters into sexual relationship not with the purpose of procreation but for personal satisfaction. ”

“ The component impulses of sexuality as well as the total sexual desire, which represents their aggregate, show a marked ability to change their object, to exchange it, for instance, for one more easily attainable. ”

“ Thus it can be readily seen that the sexual impulse can never spontaneously intrude itself into the consciousness of a man, and that the sexual desire grows in intensity and becomes overwhelming only with the active participation of the man’s mind and the connivance of his will power. ”

“ In a boy of fifteen the libido sexualis may be fully developed, he may have powerful erections and a strong desire for normal sexual relations; in a girl [320] of fifteen there may not be a trace of any purely sexual desire; and this lack of desire for physical sex relations may manifest itself in women up to the age of twenty or twenty-five (something that we never see in normal men) ”

“ We do not long only for the rude sexual act. We spiritualise it—at least some of us do so; at any rate we individualize it. It is one particular man whom we desire, he alone can still our longing, our bodily and mental hunger for love. He satisfies us with all his love-affinities.” Naturally, also, the consequence is deduced, “a free course must be given to sexual sensation in women, and to the satisfaction of sexual desire, within physiological limits, within the bounds of physiological necessity.” ”

“ A quarrelsome temper, coldness and repulsion on the part of a woman cool the desires of the man, while an ardent sexual desire on the part of the woman, her love and tenderness, tend to increase and maintain them. We are dealing here with purely animal sexual instinct, and we may state that the sexual appetite of woman generally excites strongly that of man, and considerably increases his pleasure during coitus. ”

“ The wife who wishes to preserve her psychical purity and moral chastity, which is not only possible in marriage but also greatly to be desired, must not concern herself much with the technique of the sexual life, but must give herself up to sexual enjoyment only as the result of a delicate and immediate bodily and mental desire. ”

“ Girls who would shrink from use of mechanical means to arouse sexual desire will permit themselves to revel in imaginary scenes of love-making with real or unreal individuals, or in mental pictures which arouse the spasmodic feelings of sexual pleasure, and yet be unaware that they are guilty of self-abuse. ”

“ Above all it is necessary that each woman understands her own sexual nature, and also that of her lover, that she may realise in full knowledge the tremendous force of sexual-hunger which drives him to her, equalled, as I believe, by the desire within herself, which claims him to fulfil through her Nature's great central purpose of continuing the race. ”

“ Those living in large cities, who are constantly reminded of sexual things and incited to sexual enjoyment, certainly have more sexual desire than those living in the country. A dissipated, luxurious, sedentary manner of life, preponderance of animal food, and the consumption of spirits, spices, etc., have a stimulating influence on the sexual life. ”

“ What was a moment before the object of the most violent desire becomes indifferent, and sometimes even excites a slight feeling of disgust, at least as regards certain odors, sometimes even regarding touch and sight. The name sexual appetite (libido sexualis) is given to the passionate and purely sexual desire of the two sexes for each other. It varies greatly in different individuals. ”

“ From what has preceded, it must be evident that from the early months of the period of puberty, through the adolescent and adult period, even until some progress is made in the senile period, every normal male will experience sexual desires. It has been shown that these particular experiences are linked, more or less intimately, with the condition of the sexual apparatus; but whatever the cause, we are confronted with the question, What shall be done about it?
When a man experiences a sexual desire does it necessarily follow that the desire must be satisfied? ”

“ What injuries may follow artificial development of the breasts?—Flabbiness, inability to nurse a child, tumors and cancers.
What effect upon the morals of men has the wearing of low-necked dresses by girls and married women?—All normal adolescent youths and{272} adults possess sexuality. Occasional consciousness of sexual desire is natural. These experiences simply indicate that we are in possession of creative energy. If we keep control of our thoughts about the opposite sex, this energy will be converted into physical strength, mental brilliancy and soul beauty. ”

“ These comparatively simple curves represent what I would postulate as the normal spontaneous up-welling of natural desire in woman. These are the foundations on which the edifice of the physical expression of love may be built. It must not be forgotten, however, that, particularly in modern luxurious life, there are innumerable excitements which may stimulate sexual feeling, just as there are many factors in our life which tend to inhibit or retard it. ”

“ In addition to what we have said in Chapter III. of this volume, in reference to the physical, intellectual, moral and sexual differences between men and women, it is necessary now to call the attention of young husbands to the fact that in woman there exists less sexual desire and satisfaction than in man. ”

“ But there is a condition in which all the powers of mind and body, exercised to control, will not impart either the power of erection or the erotic desire—only a longing for that once felt erotic desire exists. ”

“ It is a question of general sentiments of indefinite nature, of a powerful desire to become a mother and enjoy domestic comfort, to realize a poetic and chivalrous ideal in man, to gratify a general sensual need distributed over the whole body and in no way concentrated in the sexual organs or in the desire for coitus. ”

“ In a state of pure nature, where man would have his sexual instincts under full and natural restraint, there would be little, if any, licentiousness, and children would be the result of natural desire, and not the accidents of lust. ”

“ Disharmonious because it cannot be too strongly insisted upon that the completely satisfactory realization of the sex act involves the participation of every side of human nature, spiritual and physical, and is the outcome of an intense desire for perfect unity with the beloved. Hence mere bodily satisfaction of sensuous desire must have a disharmonious and deteriorating effect, because it ignores a basal fact of man, namely spirit, and leaves that side of him starved and unsatisfied. And the same is true of all sexual aberrations and perversions. ”

“ This book is a plea for a simple and natural life, and for obedience to the laws of Nature rather than for neglect or abuse of them. Sexual desires are the outcome of the existence of the sexual glands, and they are enforced upon us in a way that is sometimes nearly irresistible after long-continued sexual abstinence. ”

“ With the increase in size and vigor of the generative organs, the bodings of sexual desires and the cravings of the natural instinct take possession of the individual’s thoughts and fancy and awaken in him erotic ideas and lustful feelings and the strong impulse for the organs to function. ”

“ In individuals affected with contrary sexual instinct, with endurance of pain and disgust, as a return to men for the bestowal of sexual favors.
2. In urnings who feel toward men like women, out of desire and lust. In such female-men there is horror feminæ and absolute incapability for sexual intercourse with women. Character and inclinations are feminine. ”

“ The novel which delights in the description of admirable or ignoble sentiments, and which shows a special preference for bizarre and sensational situations, often of a pathological nature, makes us forget that the majority of mediocre and normal men are little susceptible to the suggestions of amorous intoxication, and that they give vent to their sexual desires in a more or less reflective and calculating frame of mind, like a gourmand. ”

“ How intoxicating indeed, how penetrating—like a most precious wine—is that love which is the sexual transformed by the magic of the will into the emotional and spiritual! And what a loss on the merest grounds of prudence and the economy of pleasure is its unbridled waste along physical channels! So nothing is so much to be dreaded between lovers as just this—the vulgarisation of love—and this is the rock upon which marriage so often splits. ”

“ All that we can say in a general way concerning the complex entanglement of our sentiments and instincts is that, the most deeply rooted characters in human nature are at the same time, phylogenetically speaking, the most ancient.
Among the most profound instincts of sexual life, we find moral and intellectual incongruities. Along with excitement of the sexual appetite in the male by the odor of the female genital organs, or by the sight of erotic pictures, we find the most touching conjugal love, and life-long devotion of one conjoint for the other and for the children. ”

“ Thus we have two schools of thought, one attributing to woman an intense sexual impulse, even greater than in man, the other holding her sexually frigid by nature and erotic only by pretence or accident. ”

“ Whatever the real benefits, and there is no occasion for questioning them, of the sexual order thus established, it becomes clear that in certain important respects it had an unnatural and repressive influence on the erotic aspect of woman’s sexual life. ”

“ In all men who have reached a certain grade of evolution, and certainly in almost all women, the deep rousing of the sexual nature carries with it a romance and tender emotional yearning towards the object of affection, which lasts on and is not forgotten, even when the sexual attraction has ceased to be strongly felt. ”

“ But what is love, even in its most sublime form, but the supreme refinement of the sexual impulse? And how are we to understand love, and to develop and enrich the background from which it springs, unless we comprehend the vital force behind it? ”

“ The chapter on love is infinite, and its relations to the sexual appetite make it still more complex. We shall confine ourselves to indicating two more of its irradiations, peculiar to each sex, but having for each a physionomy corresponding to its own mentality. ”

“ And now, taking a still further step, we may say that it has a spiritual value in relation to our whole conception of the sexual impulse. Our attitude towards the naked human body is the test of our attitude towards the instinct of sex. If our own and our fellows' bodies seem to us intrinsically shameful or disgusting, nothing will ever really ennoble or purify our conceptions of sexual love. Love craves the flesh, and if the flesh is shameful the lover must be shameful. ”

“ Woman's sexual nature, because of her biological rôle, is normally less dominated by a powerful urge that seeks specific expression, less centered upon the immediate goal of concrete sexual experience. ”

“ And in the second place, you have spoken too exclusively of Lust, as if it were the normal condition of sexual feeling, and the only one properly to be called sexual. But the great relation of the sexes is Love, not Lust ”

“ Nevertheless the moment the other love and all that goes with it is realised the natural sexual love has to fall into a secondary place—the lover must stand on his feet and not on his head—or else the most dire confusions ensue, and torments æonian. ”

“ Gradually she finds herself allowing her new tenderness and concern for her husband to become a part of the meaning of her sexual embrace. She sees and feels the pleasure her sexual thawing brings him, and this process becomes circular, his increased pleasure giving her more pleasure. And with his pleasure in mind she now seeks out more and more those things that please him, and her exploration leads inevitably to the discovery that what pleases him most, outside of his own sensations, is her pleasure. ”

“ We may sometimes be in doubt whether we have to do with sexual love, or whether some other sentiment may not be in operation. For example, the devotion to some saint of either sex may overpower all other feelings. ”

“ It will appear, as this discussion proceeds, that the sexual problems of today are conditioned by the inhibitions placed by modern economic conditions upon the natural and instinctive expression of the erotic impulse. In brief, both men and women talk [18] sex and particularly women, in a certain extensive class of society, for the real though disguised purpose of exciting themselves sexually. ”

“ The absence of temptation will leave an instinct dormant which free opportunity to indulge will develop into a dominant appetite. And nothing more quickly drafts strength or ambition than absorption in sex pleasures; we need to put our energies into something that instead of being inimical is forwarding to the rest of our interests.
(6) Sexual intemperance coarsens, blunts delight in the less violent and more delicate emotions. The pleasures of sex, though of the keenest, are not lasting, like those of the intellect, of religion, art, and manly achievement. ”