Carolyn Wells

“ Though I could carve a Venus or a Belvedere with ease,
My wondrous skill is lacking when it comes to carving these.
“I cast and cut and chisel, I model and I mould,
I copy poses picturesque from studies new and old;
In marble, bronze, and potter’s clay, in wax and wood and stone
I carve the old-time statues with improvements of my own.
“I have Apollo on a horse, Minerva on a wheel,
Hercules going fishing with his basket and his creel.
A Mercury on roller-skates, Diana with a hat,
And Venus playing tennis with Achilles at the bat. ”

“ While I am neglected, you’re everywhere sought.”
Monsieur Elims replied: “My dear sir, that is true,
But you see, I am I, and you see, you are you.
If I receive praises and you receive blame,
’Tis doubtless because each lives up to his name.” ”

“ Ah! yes,” a heavy sigh escaped the Centipede;
“And I have other trials, too;—my life is hard indeed!
Why, sometimes when I’m very tired, a long, long time it takes
To ascertain with certainty which foot it is that aches.
“And when I go to dancing-class on Saturdays at three,
I find the First Position very difficult for me.
Though I put my best foot foremost, and good time I try to keep,
To my chagrin, I often find a foot or two asleep.
Athletics I attempted, but, alas! I must admit
That every exercise I tried I put my foot in it. ”

“ A great big gardener with a hoe came walking down his way;
“Ah, ha!” exclaimed the gardener, as he clutched him by the head,
“Here’s a fine specimen I’ve found; I’ll plant him in this bed!”
He held the boy in one big hand, unheeding how he cried,
And with the other dug a hole enormous, deep, and wide.
[Pg 67] He jammed the little fellow in, and said in gruffest tone,
“This is the bed for naughty boys who won’t go to their own.”
And then the dirt was shovelled in,—it covered up his toes,
His ankles, knees, and waist and arms, and higher yet it rose. ”

“ The Spider said good-morning, and pursued his way alone,
And as he went he murmured, in a thoughtful undertone:
“I’m a happy little Spider, and I’m very glad indeed,
That I was born an octoped and not a centipede!”
[Pg 102] The Smiling Shark There was an old Shark with a smile
So broad you could see it a mile.
He said to his friends,
As he sewed up the ends,
“It was really too wide for the style.”
[Pg 103]
The Mercury’s Plaint
I don’t know why I’m slandered so,
If I go high,—if I go low,—
There’s always some one who will say,
“Just see that mercury to-day!” ”

“ When the whole town comes together to-night, the great display to see!”
[Pg 61] “Let them come,” said a saucy pinwheel, “yes, let them come if they like,
As a delegate I’ll announce to them that the fireworks are going to strike!”
“My friends,” said a small cap-pistol, “this movement is all wrong,—
Gunpowder, noise, and fireworks to Fourth of July belong.
My great ancestral musket made Independence Day,
I frown on your whole conspiracy, and you are wrong, I say!” ”

“ Z was a jagged piece of Zinc, found in a plumber’s shop.
All these are Bob’s possessions; he loves every single thing;
And owning all these treasures he’s as happy as a King!
[Pg 112]
The Instructiphone
There was a youthful genius once, a boy of thirteen years,
Named Cyrus Franklin Edison Lavoisier De Squeers.
To study he was not inclined, for fun he had a bent;
But there was just one article he wanted to invent.
“It’s a sort of a contraption which will work itself,” he said,
“And, without studying, will put my lessons in my head.” ”

“ For still the gardener shovelled on, not noticing his cries;
It came up to his chin and mouth—it almost reached his eyes;
Just then he gathered all his strength and gave an awful scream,
And woke himself, and put an end to that terrific dream.
And he said, as Nursey tucked him up and bade him snugly rest,
“When I am planted in a bed, I like my own the best.”
[Pg 68]
The Rivals
Two well-built men, neither giant nor dwarf,
Were Monsieur Elims and Mynheer Nworf.
They lived in a town not far away,
And spent their time in work and play. ”

“ The Two Friends A Spider and a Centipede went out to take a walk;
The Centipede said frankly, “I will listen while you talk,
But I may appear distracted, or assume a vacant stare,
Because to keep my feet in step requires my constant care.”
Said the Spider: “I appreciate your most peculiar case,
And your feet must be quite handy when you want to run a race;
[Pg 100] But though you gain in some ways, in some other ways you lose ”

“ His coat-sleeves and his trouser-legs, his head and eke his waist
Are made of superfine imported macaroni paste.
And if you care to listen, you may hear the thrilling tale
Of the merry Macaroni Man’s extraordinary sail.
One sunny day he started for a voyage in his yacht,
His anxious mother called to him, and said, “You’d better not!
Although the sun is shining bright, I fear that it may rain;
And don’t you think, my darling boy, you’d better take the train?”
[Pg 25] “Oh, no,” said he, “no clouds I see,—the sky is blue and clear,
I will return in time for tea—good-by, my mother dear.” ”

“ To strike for our rights and our liberty. Hurrah! we shall succeed!”
The dissenters cried with one accord, “Our objections we withdraw.
Hurrah, hurrah for the fireworks’ strike!” and they cried again, “Hurrah!” ”

“ We play till time for tea;
And, oh, we have the bestest times!
Just Dot and Bub and me.
[Pg 9] Puzzled There lived in ancient Scribbletown a wise old writer-man,
Whose name was Homer Cicero Demosthenes McCann.
He’d written treatises and themes till, “For a change,” he said,
“I think I’ll write a children’s book before I go to bed.”
[Pg 10] He pulled down all his musty tomes in Latin and in Greek;
Consulted cyclopædias and manuscripts antique,
Essays in Anthropology, studies in counterpoise—
“For these,” he said, “are useful lore for little girls and boys.” ”

“ To utilize the wondrous schemes within his fertile brain:
Until at last the thing was done, and to his friends said he:
“It is the wonder of the age! Success I can foresee!
My great invention is complete, and—’tis no idle vaunt—
I’m sure that my Instructiphone will fill a long-felt want.
[Pg 113] “The action is quite simple—I will try to make it clear:
This funnel-shaped receiver I apply to my left ear;
Then in this hopper I will put whate’er I wish to learn—
A page of history or of Greek,—and then this crank I’ll turn. ”

“ It’s wrong, beyond a doubt,
And I shall take my holiday. Good-by, I’m going out!”
Up spoke a Roman candle then, “The principle is right!
Suppose we strike, and all agree we will not work to-night!” ”

“ I’ll always love you best.
[Pg 109] Bobby’s Pocket Our Bobby is a little boy, of six years old, or so;
And every kind of rubbish in his pocket he will stow.
One day he thought he’d empty it (so he again could stock it) ;
And here’s an alphabet of what was found in Bobby’s pocket.
A was a rosy Apple, with some bites out, here and there;
B was a bouncing rubber Ball that bounded in the air.
C was a crispy crusty Cake with citron on the top;
D was a dancing Donkey that could jump around and hop.
E was a little robin’s Egg, all speckled blue and brown ”

“ She went and hunted the posy-bed,
And returned in triumphant glee.
And ever since then, that little red hen,
She writes with a jonquil pen, quil pen,
She writes with a jonquil pen.
[Pg 17]
The Happy Hyena There once was a happy Hyena
Who played on an old concertina.
He dressed very well,
And in his lapel
He carelessly stuck a verbena.
[Pg 18]
A Great Lady This is the Queen of Nonsense Land,
She wears her bonnet on her hand;
She carpets her ceilings and frescos her floors,
She eats on her windows and sleeps on her doors.
Oh, ho! Oh, ho! ”

“ He had no way to steer,
And under the wheel he would flop.
His neighbor, observing the fun,
Said, “I think that the thing can be done,
If you’ll listen to me,
You’ll quickly agree
That two heads are better than one. ”

“ So in his laboratory, baffled Cyrus sitting lone,
Strives to correct the sad defect in his Instructiphone.
But it is my opinion, there’s no fault in the machine:
The trouble is that Cyrus is like other boys I’ve seen.
[Pg 115]
The Lay of the Lady Lorraine The Lady Lorraine was sweet and fair;
The Lady Lorraine was young ”