Dornford Yates

“ Although what I saw suggested the proximity of a Punch and a Judy, to say nothing of the likelihood of a show, I did not, as a matter of fact, descry any one of the three. The object that presented itself to my view was the tall, rectangular booth, gaudy and wide-mouthed, with which, until a few years ago, the streets of London were so familiar. Were! Dear old Punch and Judy, how quickly you are becoming a thing of the past! How soon you will have gone the way of Jack-i'-the Green, Pepper's Ghost, the Maypole, and many another old friend! Out of the light into the darkness. ”

“ With mistaken gallantry, Berry left the bees on his gauntlet and turned to the one on his wife's veil. The next moment she was reeling against the wall in a paroxysm of choking coughs. Some more of the twenty-five thousand began to emerge from the skep, and a moment later I was stung in the lobe of the right ear.
The pain, I may say, was acute, but it certainly broke the spell, and I turned and ran as I have never run before.
Across the garden, down the drive, out of the lodge gates, over a hedge, with eighteen inches to spare, and across country like a thoroughbred. ”

“ As we reached the door:
"I'm glad I had four cups of tea," said Berry. "How many did you have?"
"Two," said Jill tearfully.
"Ah, I shall survive you, then. Very likely I shall be alive, if insane, when found. At any rate, with the aid of artificial respiration—"
"Rubbish!" said Daphne. "Some one must hear us soon."
"My dear, the noise we can make wouldn't flush a titlark at twenty paces. No, no!" he went on airily, "a lingering death awaits us. I only wish my caddie was here, too. Is anyone's tongue swelling? That's a sure sign. Directly you feel that, you know you're thirsty." ”

“ Listen to me. True, that is your chemise. True, that out there is my hat—there it is. But here is Berry's shirt, and miles out there is Daphne's straw hat. If I'd stayed long enough, I've no doubt I should have seen Jonah's trousers and Jill's chemisette, which means or mean—whichever you like—that...."
Hurriedly I explained, and then fell again into uproarious laughter. This time she joined me in my mirth. At length:
"But, after all," she said, "it doesn't make it any better for me, because I'm all alone, while you're a party." ”

“ Daphne, Berry and I were playing a three-ball match, while Jill and Jonah—who had sprained his wrist—were walking round with us. Berry is rather good really, but just now he was wearing a patch over one eye, which made him hopeless.
It was glorious spring weather on the coast of Devon. A little village is Feth. Over and round about it the wind blows always, but the cluster of white cottages and the old brown inn themselves lie close in a hollow of the moorland, flanked by the great cliffs. Only the grey church, set up on the heights, half a mile distant, endures the tempests. ”

“ In the morning, maybe, it will sleep placidly enough in the sunshine, but at eventide the wind has ruffled its temper, so that it mutters and heaves with anger, breathing forth threatenings. Yet the next dawn finds it alive with mischievous merriment and splitting its sides with laughter, to think how it has duped you the night before. The great grave cliffs and the shifting sea, and, beyond, woodland and pastures and deep meadows, where the cows low in the evenings, while the elms tower above them, their leaves unshaken by the wind—it is not difficult to grow fond of Stern. ”

“ She turned, one small foot on the steps.
"I love your feet," I said.
"Anything else?"
"Yes. Do you always unfasten that chain and take off the bag when you go to the theatre?"
She looked down at the little foot in its shining shoe. Then:
"Only on third Tuesdays," she said.
When I reached my hotel, I passed quickly upstairs to the sitting-room.
"Here he is," said Daphne "Come along, darling, and have some supper, and tell us all about it."
"Supper!" said Berry. "Woman, you forget yourself. You are no longer on the joy-wheel. My lord has dined." ”

“ The table, at which I was writing, shook with Jill's suppressed merriment.
"The stake's upstairs," said Berry bitterly. "Or would you rather gouge out my eyes? Will you flay me alive? Because if so, I'll go and get the knives and things. What about after tea? Or would you rather get it over?"
"You shouldn't be so tiresome," said Daphne. Berry shook his head sorrowfully.
"Listen," he said. "The noise you hear is not the bath running away. No, no. My heart is bleeding, sister."
"Better sear that, too," said his wife, reaching for Jonah's cigarette. ”

“ After a roaring season in town, we had, all five—Berry, Daphne, Jonah, Jill, and myself—girded our jaded loins, packed, crawled into the car, and rolled down to Cornwall, there to build up the wasted tissues, go to bed at ten, and forget that there were such things as theatres and ballrooms.
We took a couple of days coming down by road, and our run was not without incident.
I wish cyclists would not hang on behind. ”

“ We were going now, but the trees by the wayside seemed to be closing in on me. The road was really ridiculously narrow. I could see a corner coming. The pain was awful. My head began to swim, and I felt the near wheel rise on the bank. I wrenched the car round, took out the clutch and dragged the lever into neutral. As I jammed on the hand-brake, I seemed to see many lights. Then came the noise of a horn, cries, and the sound of tires tearing at the road. I fell forward and fainted.
I could smell Daphne. Somewhere at hand was my sister's faint perfume: I opened my eyes. ”

“ She stretched out a warm hand, and I lifted her to her feet. For a second I held the slight fingers.
"Tell me one thing," said I. "Is there anyone who doesn't love you?"
The fingers slipped away. "Yes, stacks of people. You wouldn't like me a bit, only I'm not myself to-night. I'm just—just Eve. See? New Year's Eve."
"Thomas thinks you're Jill—Miss Mansel."
"To him I am. To the temporary maid in the morning, too. As for breakfast—oh, you and my high collar must get me through breakfast and out of here and over to Steeple Abbas somehow. ”

“ What I could see of her was dressed as a Pierrot. Her hair was concealed under a black silk cap, and the familiar white felt conical hat sat jauntily over one ear. A straight, white nose, and a delicate chin, red lips parted and smiling a little, such a smile as goes always with eyebrows just raised, very alluring—so much only I saw. For the rest, a strip of black velvet made an irritating mask.
I made her a low bow.
"I can see this is going to be a big thing," I said. "Won't you come down?" ”

“ Mountains and valleys, swift rivers and curling roads, here and there a village shining in the hot sun, and once in a while a castle in the woods, white-walled, red-roofed, peaceful enough now in its old age, but hinting at wild oats sown and reaped when it was young. ”

“ For us the universe is standing still. And there's the tea. Come, madam wife, sit by my side, and let the world slip; we shall ne'er be younger."
She looked at me critically, bending her brows. Then:
"I should never have married you," she said, "if I had known there was insanity in your family."
Tea was set out under the trees on the lawn, between the house and the drive. On three sides roses and honey-suckle screened the table from view. The fourth lay open to the sinking sun and the park and the distant hills. The footman had been joined by a butler, who bowed at our approach. ”

“ So:
"I beg your pardon," said I. A little hand appeared and pulled the rug away from a small white nose and a mouth whose lips were paler than they should be. But it was a dear mouth.
"I said I didn't wink."
"So you did. I don't mean you did, you know. I mean, I know you said you didn't. I'm not sure I've got it right now."
"Never mind. I've only one brain, and at this hour of night—"
"The vitality of the human frame is at its lowest ebb. Exactly. That's why you must let me get you out of this as quick as possible." ”

“ The others fell upon Berry and rent him. As it died down, we heard him bitterly comparing them to wolves and curs about a lion at bay. Then a match was struck and there were groping sounds.
"When you've quite finished with my feet," said Daphne in a withering tone.
"Sorry, dearest. I thought it was a bag of meal," said her husband. "My thoughts run on food just now, you see." Here he gave a yell of agony. "Get off!" he screamed. "You're on my hand."
"That's more like it," said Jonah. "That ought to carry."
"Meal-bags don't hurt, do they?" said Daphne coolly. ”

“ That water is close at hand, we know from Scout Berry. Jonah can take the first watch, Berry the second, Jonah the third, and—and so on. My own energy I shall reserve for the dog-watch."
"Oh, stop him, somebody," wailed Daphne.
"I said dog-watch, dear, not stop-watch. Before we bivouac I will scale yon beetling mount if peradventure I may perceive one that will point us homeward. Scout Berry!"
"Sir," said Berry.
"You know your duties!"
"I do that, sir."
"Tis well. If the worst comes to the worst, kill the women out of hand, or with your own hand—I don't care which. ”

“ At any rate, in a burst of generosity, Daphne had undertaken that we would get up a show. When she told us of her involving promise, we were appalled.
"A show?" gasped Jonah.
"Yes," said Berry. "You know, a show—, display. We are to exhibit us to a horrified assembly."
"But, Daphne darling," said Jill. "What have you done?"
"It's all right," said my sister. "We can do a play. A little one, you know, and the Merrows will help."
"Of course," said Berry. "Some telling trifle or other. Can't we dramatize 'The Inchcape Rock'?" ”

“ Of course, Daphne took up the running.
"My dear boy, look at the seaweed on the rocks! Why, we should slip and break our legs before we'd taken two steps!"
"That's all right," said Berry. "We have between us three shirts. Torn into strips, they will make excellent bandages, while for a splint—"
"The cove," I said, "is ideal. Its sand is a field of lilies, its sea perfumed, its boulders sweet-smelling cushions."
"Of course," said Berry. "Why do you tarry? Forward, friends all! This way to the drug department. To the lions, O Christians! ”

“ I stopped, took out one of my side oil lamps, and, getting out of the car, advanced to the edge of the drift, holding the light above my head. The limousine was evidently a derelict.
"You look just like a picture I've seen somewhere," said a gentle voice.
"And you've got a voice just like a dream I've dreamed some time or other. Isn't that strange? And now, who, what, where, why, and how are you? Are you the goddess in the car, or the woman in the case? And may I wish you a very happy New Year? I said it first."
"Try the woman in the car." ”

“ A good fellow, Toby.
It was rather a nervous moment. But, in spite of an approaching wagonette, she walked bravely beside me with the puppet-box under her arm. The occupants of the vehicle began to evince great curiosity as we drew nearer, but their mare caught sight of my nose at the critical moment and provided an opportune diversion.
"So perish all our enemies!" she said with a sigh of relief.
"Stage-fright, Judy, dear. You'll be all right in a minute. We're bound to excite interest. It's what we're for and what we want. I'll keep it going. ”

“ I said; "the very thing. I've always been so good at tricks."
"I mean it," said Daphne.
"Of course you do. What about the confidence trick? Can any lady oblige me with a public-house?"
"She means trick-cycling, stupid," said Berry. "Riding backwards on one wheel while you count the ball-bearings."
"Look here," I said, "if Berry could have come and smoked a cigarette, I wouldn't have minded trying to flick the ash off it with a hunting-whip."
"Pity about that golf," mused Berry. "And you might have thrown knives round me afterwards. As it is, you'll have to recite." ”

“ I said absently.
"We shall dress when we want to," said Daphne sharply.
I turned to see the Mermaiden reach the path. A good start is everything.
"If you really mean that," I said slowly, "I'll send your other clothes back again." Then I raised my voice:
"Porter!" I cried.
"Sir!" came from above us.
"Behold, now—"
I let the rest of the quotation go, as I wanted to rejoin the mermaid, looking as she had last seen me. Berry said afterwards that Jonah gained on me while the sand lasted, but the loose stones at the foot of the path were my salvation. ”