Self-esteem

“ If such thoughts do not assail the brave—if restless nights, wakeful dawns, dull days are not their portion—I must own that all these were mine, not often, perhaps, but too frequent to flatter self-esteem. ”

“ From the point of view in which I have placed myself, having but little self-esteem, being prejudiced against myself, deficient in pride and self-conceit, I exaggerate still more my defects, and the absence of vanity in my character often prevents my esteeming at their full value some truly generous actions of which I might be justly proud. ”

“ We like what awakens a new sensation in us, what withdraws us even in imagination from the routine of our daily lives. There is a great self-esteem gratified when we say how simple we can be, how happy in humility, how easily satisfied, and how little dependent on mere luxury or wealth. ”

“ Most of the people of this world are coated round and round with self-esteem, and they're afraid to admit any understanding of the things which aren't good. ”

“ As the organ of self-esteem is the region of our chief consolations and irritations (and its condition regulates temper) , this undivulged mortification, you may be sure, did not make Lord Verney, into whose ruminations was ever trickling, through a secret duct, this fine stream of distilled gall, brighter in spirits, or happier in temper. ”

“ I am referring here to the facts of self-esteem and self-disapprobation, or the satisfaction or dissatisfaction of a creature with itself. This feeling must begin when that creature is able to form an idea of itself, as doing or enjoying something desired, and can bring that idea into relation with its own actual success or failure. The dissatisfied brooding of an animal that has, for example, missed its prey, is, we may be sure, not yet moral. But it will none the less contain in rudiment that judgment of one’s self which is a most important factor of morality. ”

“ Ideality fills him with the foolishest of dreams. The organ of self-esteem swells to a monstrous size—like a huge wen on the top of the head, "a sight to behold." He talks about himself excessively, ad nauseam ”

“ The Self saith unto the ego: “Feel pleasure!” Thereupon it rejoiceth, and thinketh how it may ofttimes rejoice—and for that very purpose it IS MEANT to think.
To the despisers of the body will I speak a word. That they despise is caused by their esteem. What is it that created esteeming and despising and worth and will?
The creating Self created for itself esteeming and despising, it created for itself joy and woe. The creating body created for itself spirit, as a hand to its will.
Even in your folly and despising ye each serve your Self, ye despisers of the body. ”

“ Self-esteem made inactive, and Ambition made discontented, usually engender haughtiness. In Maltravers this quality, which, properly controlled and duly softened, is the essence and life of honour, was carried to a vice. ”

“ It is a form of pride different from that of Self-Esteem, for it is a vanity arising from personal things and outward appearances, whereas Self-Esteem gives a pride to the inner self or ego. Those in whom it is well-developed pay great attention to outward form, ceremony, etiquette, fashion, and social recognition, and are always to be found on the popular side and "with the [Pg 79] crowd." ”

“ SELF-ESTEEM.
This organ produces the feeling of individual personality, or of personal identity. It causes the feelings of self-love, self-respect, self-complacency. It imparts to the individual a high opinion of himself, and of every thing pertaining or belonging to himself. The most insignificant object, when in the possession of an individual with this feeling strong, assumes a value and an importance, in his own estimation, which nothing could have given it before. To such a person, the idea of self is perpetually before him. ”

“ And this feeling is the result, in a great measure, of his small self-esteem. Your truly diffident person is of extremely sensitive, retiring disposition, and while he is apt to accord to others superiorities they do not possess, he entertains for his own abilities, personal and mental qualities, the most humble opinion. ”

“ It was when I charged her with pride as the reason of refusal. Then suddenly her eyes filled up, and her lip trembled, and such a change came over her features that I grew shocked at my own words.
“'Pride!' cried she. 'If you mean that inordinate self-esteem that prefers isolation to sympathy, that rejects an obligation from mere haughtiness, I know not the feeling. ”

“ The individual now consciously desires his own happiness as contrasted with that of others, knowingly aims at enlarging his own sphere of action to the diminution of others' spheres. Here we have the nascent sentiment of self-esteem, on which all later judgments respecting individual importance are, in part at least, founded. ”

“ Moderate.—With Self-esteem moderate, and with a favourable developement of other organs, one will have sufficient self-respect for the ordinary occupations of life, but he will never be able to put himself forward in any great undertaking, or to command that general influence and esteem as he would do with a larger developement of this organ. ”

“ In general we may observe, that whatever we call heroic virtue, and admire under the character of greatness and elevation of mind, is either nothing but a steady and well-established pride and self-esteem, or partakes largely of that passion. Courage, intrepidity, ambition, love of glory, magnanimity, and all the other shining virtues of that kind, have plainly a strong mixture of self-esteem in them, and derive a great part of their merit from that origin. ”

“ With Self-esteem large, and Conscientiousness and Benevolence small, he will be extremely quarrelsome and overbearing.
Large.—With Self-esteem large, the individual will be pre-eminently bold and enterprising. If Firmness is small, he will be wavering in his views; but if Firmness is large, he will add perseverance to courage, and never give up a point while a reasonable hope of success remains. If with this combination, and Moral Sentiments small, he will be litigious and quarrelsome. If Destructiveness is small, he will be fond of disputing, but will avoid giving pain. ”

“ If, then, at any time it was fatal and blâmable to manifest despair like yours, and to teach men such doctrines as the absolute necessity of their wretchedness, the vanity of life, the insignificance of their race, and the evil of their nature, much more is it so in the present day. Such conduct can only result in depriving us of courage, and that feeling of self-esteem which is the foundation of an honest, useful, and glorious life ”

“ Only individuals with an aberrant temperament can in the long run retain their self-esteem in the face of the disesteem of their fellows. ”

“ In proportion as we gratify our own self-esteem by a love of display we commonly forfeit to the same degree the respect of those whose good opinion is worth possessing. A dignified manner is not necessarily an imposing manner; for true dignity is but the outward expression of inherent worth of character, but an imposing manner is generally ostentatious in degree, and as such may be taken as an evidence of imposition. That dignity which seeks to make an ostentatious display is often only a veil between us and the real truth of things. ”

“ But in toils so great, and so great a magnitude of deeds, and multitude of miracles, his self-esteem is as moderate as if he were in dignity the least of all men. Beside his modesty, he is easy of access of speech, and gracious, and answers every man who speaks to him, whether he be handicraftsman, beggar, or rustic. ”

“ His intellectual developments are unusually full, and we see in his head great benevolence and firmness, united with a lack of self-esteem. He is wanting in marvelousness, and is naturally skeptical. His countenance is full and round, while there is a peculiar expression in his blue eye, of shrewdness and love. ”

“ Yonder puny fellow, however, whom every one can beat, suffers no chagrin about it, for he has long ago abandoned the attempt to 'carry that line,' as the merchants say, of self at all. With no attempt there can be no failure; with no failure no humiliation. So our self-feeling in this world depends entirely on what we back ourselves to be and do. It is determined by the ratio of our actualities to our supposed potentialities; a fraction of which our pretensions are the denominator and the numerator our success: thus, Self-esteem = Success/ Pretensions. ”

“ If we pass from common life and conversation to history, this reasoning acquires new force, when we observe, that all those great actions and sentiments, which have become the admiration of mankind, are founded on nothing but pride and self-esteem. ”

“ We ourselves know how the barometer of our self-esteem and confidence rises and falls from one day to another through causes that seem to be visceral and organic rather than rational, and which certainly answer to no corresponding variations in the esteem in which we are held by our friends. ”

“ Self-esteem, which may develop for either good or ill, has perhaps always existed in the human breast, but certainly since the time of the Renaissance, when it seemed to have its own special revival, it has grown apace, and is to-day like unto the Mustard Tree of Holy Writ. But it is not proposed to contrast this our modern attitude with the impersonal one, if so it may be called, of the Middle Ages, because, whilst there were many humble, zealous workers then, just as there are now, it is possible there were other and perhaps more potent factors to account for this apparently humble attitude. ”

“ Self Esteem, or Self Reliance, is a very different quality from that just described, although many people seem unable to make the distinction. Self Esteem when highly developed causes one to appreciate one's powers and qualities, while not blinding oneself to one's faults. ”

“ When individuals shall have reconquered their self-esteem, when they shall be convinced of their own force, when, tired of bending the back, they shall have found once more their dignity, and shall know how to make it respected, then they will have learned that the will can accomplish everything when it is at the service of a trained intellect. ”

“ Self-Esteem throws the head upward and backward toward the seat of its organ; Approbativeness, back and toward the side; Philoprogenitiveness, directly back, but not upward; [Pg 33] Firmness draws the head up, in a stiff, perpendicular position; Individuality thrusts the head forward toward its organ, and gives the man a staring, gazing aspect; small Self-Esteem lets the head droop forward. Man was made both to disclose his own character, and to read that of others. Than this form of knowledge, none is more inviting or useful. ”

“ Perhaps these factors account for the astonishing egotism which developed shortly after we activated self-awareness among them. Not that egotism, itself, is unique in the various elemental life-forms. You will recall, this inflated self-esteem has long proved to be a factor consistent with self-awareness in all matter. ”

“ When largely developed it rises like two mounts on either side of Self-Esteem, but when Self-Esteem is large and Approbativeness is small, the latter appears as two sunken places on either side of Self-Esteem.
Self-Esteem values the real self while Approbativeness values the appearances of personality. The one pursues the substance, the other the shadows. Self-Esteem and Approbativeness are often confused in the minds of the public. The true keynote of the first is Pride; of the second, Vanity. The student should learn to carefully distinguish between [Pg 80] these two Qualities. ”

“ Most of us seek explanations for our unwelcome conduct on a plane most favorable to our self-esteem, and there arises an elaborate system of self-disguise, expiation, repentance and confession that is in a large part the real inner life of most of us. To explain failure especially are the avenues of escape utilized. Wounded in his self-esteem, rare is the one who frankly acknowledges inferiority. ”

“ And this is what we actually find. A man's self-esteem, in a large preponderance of cases, is plainly in excess of others' esteem of him. What the man conceives himself to be differs widely from what others conceive him to be. ”

“ Self-Esteem. This Quality manifests in a strong sense of individual power, self-respect, self-help, self-reliance, dignity, complacency, pride of individuality, and independence. In excess it tends to produce egotism, abnormal conceit, imperiousness, etc. Deficiency of it is apt to produce lack of confidence in self, humility, self-depreciation, etc. It gives to one the ambitious spirit, and the desire for executive positions and places of authority. ”

“ Thus, we see that long before man had arrived at an idea of self there had been growing up an emotional predisposition to think well of self. And in this way we may understand how it is that this sentiment of self-esteem shows itself immediately and instinctively in the child's mind as soon as its unfolding consciousness is strong enough to grasp the first rough idea of personal existence. ”

“ Now intellectual self-esteem requires us to believe that our thinking is purely disinterested and that our public spirit and philanthropy are untainted by any self-seeking. The terminology of psychology in its elevated character promotes this self-deception, and is in part designed to do so. ”

“ Acquisitiveness, Self-Esteem, and Love of Approbation, are also in ample endowment, although the first is less than the other two; these feelings give the love of property, a high consideration of self, and desire of the esteem of others. ”

“ It affords you then an inordinate amount of self-esteem. You have the self-satisfaction of courage without the inconvenience of danger. But the desire for approbation is perhaps the most deeply seated instinct of civilised man. ”

“ With small Cautiousness, Firmness, Combativeness and Destructiveness, he will be enterprising and persevering, yet will lack that force of character requisite for important undertakings. With large Veneration, Conscientiousness and Intellect, he will be respectful towards others, and will not be deficient in respect for himself.
Small.—With Self-esteem small, one will be humble and submissive. No matter how exalted may be the character of his intellect, a feeling of unworthiness will accompany all his actions. He will ever associate with inferiors. ”