Sir

“ No, sir, no; to meet you again—some day—somewhere—alone—quite alone, sir, is a pleasure I have frequently dwelt upon, but never hoped to realize. As it is, sir, having, in my present condition, no chance of procuring better weapons than my fists, allow me to suggest that they are, none the less, entirely at your service; do me the infinite kindness to stand up. ”

“ But, Sir, at this eventful period, we deem it our duty, and feel it a pleasure, respectfully to approach our Commander-in-Chief, and to make him a solemn proffer of our lives and fortunes in the service of our country. It is not, Sir, for soldiers to boast; but we know the troops whom we have the honor to command; we have been eye witnesses to their zeal in the cause of freedom; we have been their companions in many toils and many sufferings, and if our beloved country calls, we shall again cast the eye of confidence along their embattled ranks. ”

“ We are a new country, sir; man is in a more primeval state here, sir; we have not the excuse of having lapsed in the slow course of time into degenerate practices; we have no false gods; man, sir, here, is man in all his dignity. We fought for that or nothing. Here am I, sir,’ said the General, setting up his umbrella to represent himself, and a villanous-looking umbrella it was; a very bad counter to stand for the sterling coin of his benevolence, ‘here am I with grey hairs sir, and a moral sense. ”

“ I was, Sir, in my youth a soldier, and served under the father of the gentleman you this evening beheld: as brave a man as ever fought beneath the British standard, and as well beloved by his whole regiment. During our campaign, I had the good fortune several times to gain his notice, and in the last engagement where I fought, had the happiness to save his life! ”

“ At last, turning to me, he said, "Now, sir, I ask you, on your honour, as an officer and a gentleman, where were you when I first hailed?"
"At the mast-head, sir," said I.
"Be it so," he replied; "as you are an officer and a gentleman, I am bound to believe you." ”

“ I press in here, sir, amongst the rest of the
country copulatives, to swear, and to forswear,
according as marriage binds and blood breaks. 59
A poor virgin, sir, an ill-favoured thing, sir, but
mine own: a poor humour of mine, sir, to take
that that no man else will. Rich honesty dwells
like a miser, sir, in a poor house, as your pearl
in your foul oyster. ”

“ And I beseech you, sir, as a personal kindness to myself, that, as the morning is like to be frosty, and myself am in some sort rheumatic—as war will leave its scars behind, sir,—I say, I will entreat of you to bring with you some gentleman of honour, who will not disdain to take part in what is going forward—a sort of pot-luck, sir—with a poor old soldier like myself— that we may take no harm by standing unoccupied during such cold weather. ”

“ Serjeant.—That is very true, sir; and I am very thankful that I am blessed with that same. And although I got but little in the army but hard knocks, yet I would take them all over again, rather than that I should not have seen the many things I did see, as well as the heaps of queer human beings I met with during the few years I served. What is man, gentlemen, [70] unless he gets the rust of home, and the reek of his own fire-side rubbed off him by travel? He can never be expected to speculate on any thing but the ducks in the dubbs, or the hens on the midden-head. ”

“ Serg. Beg pardon, Sir, but the men haven't taken open order yet. They say that they are responsible for their rifles when they have to use them before the enemy, and you may rely upon it that they will be all right then.
Capt. Very well—then we will dispense with inspection of arms. Buttons bright, and straps in their proper places?
Serg. (doubtfully) . So they say, Sir.
Capt. Well, then, read the orders.
Serg. Beg pardon, Sir, but the men say they know their duty, and don't want to listen to no orders. ”

“ Beg your pardon, sir, but he is not a civilian; but an officer like yourself.
Officer. And yet he is admitted in mufti! Why, here have I had to come up from the country in full rig, being chaffed at the railway station, grinned at by the cabman, and cheered by the crowd!
Messenger. Yes, sir. Very sorry you should have been inconvenienced, sir, especially as it was unnecessary, sir!
Officer. Unnecessary! Why, doesn't the order come into force to-day that all officers who appear in the War Office for any purpose whatsoever must be attired in the proper uniform of their rank and regiment? ”

“ Colonel. "I've never met with a smarter drill than yourself, sergeant, or one more thoroughly up to all his duties; but you've one most objectionable habit, and that is your constant use of bad language, and swearing at the men."
Sergeant. "Sir, perhaps I am a little sarcashtic!" ”

“ My captain, sir, commends him to you, my captain, Sir John Falstaff, a tall gentleman, by heaven, and a most gallant leader.
SHALLOW.
He greets me well, sir. I knew him a good backsword man. How doth the good knight? May I ask how my lady his wife doth?
BARDOLPH.
Sir, pardon. A soldier is better accommodated than with a wife.
SHALLOW.
It is well said, in faith, sir, and it is well said indeed too. “Better accommodated!” It is good, yea indeed, is it. Good phrases are surely, and ever were, very commendable. “Accommodated.” It comes of accommodo. Very good, a good phrase. ”

“ It is strange how frequently the company [127] staff, from the Sergeant-Major down to the most recently procured batman, find it necessary to enter the inner sanctum of H.Q. after the rum has come. The Sergeant-Major arrives with a large, sweet smile, acting as guard of honour. “Rum up, sir.” “Thank you, Sergeant-Major.” “I’ve detailed that working-party, sir.” “Thank you, Sergeant-Major.” “Is that all, sir?” “Yes, thank you, Sergeant-Major.” He vanishes, to reappear a minute later. “Did you CALL me, sir?” “No” ... long pause ... “Oh! Still there? Er, have a drink, Sergeant-Major?” ”

“ The sergeant-major had trouble in finding an accountant for his captain, but at last brought in a private for trial.
“Are you a clerk?” demanded the captain.
“No, sir,” replied the man.
“Do you know anything about figures?” asked the captain.
“I can do a bit,” replied the man, modestly.
“Is this the best man you can find?” asked the officer.
“Yes, sir.”
“Well,” growled the captain, “I suppose I’ll have to put up with him!” Turning to the private, he snapped, “What were you in civilian life?” ”

“ I give you my brightest honour, sir, that I 've been looking through that keyhole, with short intervals of rest, ever since nine o'clock this morning, in expectation of receiving an answer to one of the most moderate and gentlemanly applications for a little temporary assistance—only fifteen pound, and my security—that the mind of man can conceive. In the mean time, sir, he is perpetually closeted with, and pouring his whole confidence into the bosom of, a stranger. ”

“ Tears glisten’d, Sir, in every eye, from the parson to the barber,
When, swoln to thrice his natural size, they drag’d him from the harbour.
Now having roll’d and rubb’d him well an hour upon the beach, Sir,
He got upon his legs again, and made a serious speech, Sir;
Quoth he, “An ancient proverb says, and true it will be found, Sirs,
Those born to prove an airy doom, will surely never be drown’d, Sirs.
For fate, Sirs, has us all in tow, from the monarch to the barber;
Or surely I had breathed my last this morning in the harbour. ”

“ There’s surprisin’ number of men sir, who as long as they’ve only got their own shoes and stockings to depend upon, will walk down hill, along the gutters quiet enough and by themselves, and not do much harm. But set any on ‘em up with a coach and horses, sir; and it’s wonderful what a knowledge of drivin’ he’ll show, and how he’ll fill his wehicle with passengers, and start off in the middle of the road, neck or nothing, to the Devil! ”

“ DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.
No? Why, ’tis a plain case: he that went like a bass-viol in a case of leather; the man, sir, that, when gentlemen are tired, gives them a sob, and ’rests them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed men and gives them suits of durance; he that sets up his rest to do more exploits with his mace than a morris-pike.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE.
What! thou mean’st an officer?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.
Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band; he that brings any man to answer it that breaks his band; one that thinks a man always going to bed, and says, “God give you good rest.” ”

“ As the regiment was leaving, and a crowd cheering, a recruit asked: “Who are all those people who are cheering?”
“They,” replied the veteran, “are the people who are not going.”—Life.
BUT NOT THIS TIME
Officer (to boy of thirteen who, in his effort to get taken on as a bugler, has given his age as sixteen) —“Do you know where boys go who tell lies?”
Applicant—“To the front, sir.” ”

“ But I would have you remember, sir, that there are bounds beyond which human patience may be urged, sir—and jests which no man of honour will endure, sir—and therefore I expect an apology for your present language, Colonel Everard, and this unmannerly jesting, sir—or you may chance to hear from me in a way that will not please you. ”

“ Now, sir, Sergeant, or Captain, or Colonel, whatever you may call yourself, for I despise military titles, and don't pretend to know them, I again demand the release of those men. You'll be foolish to attempt to resist, for we've men enough to tear you limb from limb, and jerk down the jail over your heads. ”

“ My master (said I) , honest Thomas (you know, sir, one says honest to one's inferiors,) is come to Bath to recruit—Yes, sir, I said to recruit—and whether for men, money, or constitution, you know, sir, is nothing to him, nor any one else. ”

“ You're off duty, I think, sergeant—can you come with me?"
"I am, sir. Always happens so when there's anything doing," muttered the sergeant, discontentedly. "Here's another of our people that ain't, though," as a second sergeant forced his way through the group, followed by a constable. ”

“ It is almost unnecessary to say that the addition 'Sir' is always to be used in speaking to the master or to either of the mates. The mates in their turn use it to the master. 'Mr.' is always to be prefixed to the name of an officer, whether chief or second mate. ”

“ Puts. Good Colonel.
Theod. My heart will break else: Royal Sir, I know not
What you esteem mens lives, whose hourly labours,
And loss of Blood, consumptions in your service,
Whose Bodies are acquainted with more miseries,
And all to keep you safe, than Dogs or Slaves are.
His Sword the least share gain'd?
Du. You will not fight with me?
Theod. No Sir, I dare not,
You are my Prince, but I dare speak to ye,
And dare speak truth, which none of their ambitions
That be informers to you, dare once think of;
Yet truth will now but anger ye; I am sorry for't,
And so I take my leave. ”

“ FIRST SOLDIER. There is no remedy, sir, but you must die.
The General says you that have so traitorously discover'd the
secrets of your army, and made such pestiferous reports of
men
very nobly held, can serve the world for no honest use;
therefore
you must die. Come, headsman, off with his head.
PAROLLES. O Lord, sir, let me live, or let me see my death! ”

“ WHITMORE Speak, captain, shall I stab the forlorn swain?
Captain First let my words stab him, as he hath me.
SUFFOLK Base slave, thy words are blunt and so art thou.
Captain Convey him hence and on our longboat's side
Strike off his head.
SUFFOLK Thou darest not, for thy own.
Captain Yes, Pole.
SUFFOLK Pole!
Captain Pool! Sir Pool! lord!
Ay, kennel, puddle, sink; whose filth and dirt
Troubles the silver spring where England drinks. ”

“ He with glance paternal, which unused to gibe or scoff is, Sir,
Will humbug as sublimely as a trained recruiting officer.
Trust, trust to him (hang your sinecure or chancery,)
He'll dispose to best advantage of a younger son. ”

“ Private Smith—“But, Sergeant-Major, I’ve Captain Graham’s verbal orders to—”
Sergeant-Major—“None o’ that, sir. Show me the captain’s verbal orders. Show ’em to me, sir.”
PAYING HIS RESPECTS
A soldier had died, and a very unpopular sergeant was making a “voluntary” levy of a shilling per man to be sent to the dead soldier’s widow. He came to Mick, an Irishman, who was always in trouble, and who hated the sergeant. ”

“ FIRST OFFICER. The man grows mad; away with him. Come, come, sir.
ANTONIO. Lead me on.
[Exeunt Officers with ANTONIO.]
VIOLA. Methinks his words do from such passion fly That he believes himself; so do not I. Prove true, imagination; O prove true, That I, dear brother, be now ta'en for you!
SIR TOBY. Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian; we'll whisper o'er a couplet or two of most sage saws.
VIOLA. He named Sebastian; I my brother know Yet living in my glass; even such and so In favour was my brother; and he went Still in this fashion, colour, ornament, For him I imitate. ”

“ Officer. "Trying to rejoin, sir."
Chief. "Where have you come from?"
Officer. "Deelfontein—convalescent, sir."
Chief. "You'll do. You are intelligence officer to the New Cavalry Brigade. Here's your brigadier; you will take orders from him. (Turning again to the colonel and holding out his hand.) There you are; you are fitted out. Mind you move out of Richmond Road to-morrow morning without fail. Good-bye!"
[15] ”

“ Not more than I am believe me—to pity without the Power to relieve is still more painful than to ask and be denied—— SIR OLIVER.
Kind Sir—your most obedient humble servant. ”

“ An officer who is so careless of his dress, as not even to put on a decent coat when he appears at his examination, generally turns out an idle fellow, and no seaman. One would think you had served all your time in a cutter, or a ten-gun brig, instead of dashing frigates. Come, sir, I’ll give you one more chance. ”

“ You officers are generally favourites among the ladies. My friends, madam, have been upon very disagreeable duty, I assure you. The fair should, in some measure, recompense the toils of the brave.
Miss Rich. Our officers do indeed deserve every favour. The gentlemen are in the marine service, I presume, sir? ”