Third mate

“ A strange glow had come into his large black eyes, something glistening and half-sweet, fixing itself on you. You felt drawn towards a strange sweetness—perhaps poisonous. Yet it touched Richard on one of his quivering strings—the latent power that is in man to-day, to love his near mate with a passionate, absolutely trusting love. Whitman says the love of comrades. We say, the mate love. “He is my mate.” A depth of unfathomed, unrealised love can go into that phrase! “My mate is waiting for me,” a man says, and turns away from wife, children, mother and all. The love of a man for his mate. ”

“ Although they cannot be fathers, they can be mates otherwise. As it is, how much true companionship do you secure from me—any of you? Less than once a month do you see me more than from a distance."
"Mate with sterilies?" ”

“ Then I tried to think of life alone, of going solitary through the rest of my days—and I knew that my Maker had left me too warm-blooded and too dependent on the companionship of a mate ever to turn back to single harness. I couldn’t live without a man. He might be a sorry mix-up of good and bad, but I, the Eternal Female, would crave him as a mate. ”

“ Ye all who deem yourselves oppressed,
Come near, come nearer to me:
Lay off your sorrows’ burdens here
And light up your minds gloomy.
I’ve reared here a vast realm of love
Where mate seeks his mate pretty,
And what one harbors in his heart
Resounds in love's sweet ditty. ”

“ Of the fitful wren, incessantly singing of love to his mate, yet who fails to assist her in nest-building, and who proves but an indifferent provider for his young family? Of the lonely phoebe, calling in plaintive, mysterious tones to a mate unresponsive to his sorrowful beseechings? ”

“ She teaches them to fly, to find their food, and to detect their enemies. She is true to her mate, and her mate is true and kind to her. As the days of summer shorten, and the cool, long nights warn of approaching autumn, she leads her children away from the old place, she and her faithful mate, out into the wide old world. ”

“ For very few indeed of these attributes have any connexion whatsoever with true, desirable manliness in a mate, and the young man who [Pg 83] has been tamed into making a trustworthy companion to a single positive girl in her games and her walks, is more often a torture machine than a delight as her husband in later years. ”

“ To be his mate, to be capable of loving him, she must descend to his level, and that she neither could nor would do. His prey, his fuel, his wreck—that she must become, but she could be nothing else—nothing else. ”

“ This is thus the psychological moment for man to interest his mate in the affairs he has most at heart and to make her a partner, perhaps even of some of the details, of his own vocation. This golden opportunity, however, is brief, and if it passes unimproved it will soon be forever too late and each mate will, ere long, find him- or herself starting on devious ways that will lead them ever further apart. ”

“ I have chosen my mate, and I may never marry him. I do not know whether he would marry me. He has my soul. I have no shame in saying I love him. It is to love goodness, greatness of heart. He is a respecter of women—of all women; not only the fortunate. He is the friend of the weaker everywhere. ”

“ But in the very songs, sanctioned by the goddess, the cry is always for the chosen mate, the giver of love and happiness. Little wonder if at times the grown girl, now become conscious, learns to know the difference between the husband selected under social conventions by her parents for his worldly circumstance and the man who, unsuitable perhaps in wealth or temperament, is yet nature-chosen to be the mate of her desires and the beloved of her heart. ”

“ If the second mate is a youngster, as is sometimes the case, being put forward early for the sake of “promotion,” or if he is not active and ambitious, he will refrain from attempting to take the bunt or weather earring. ”

“ Even the first mate, inspired by his example and encouragement, made a brave attempt to follow in his wake. As the second mate put it, "Sweat the flesh off their bones, and they'll be too tired to use their dirty brains." ”

“ In the particular society of his mate he attains a clearer sight of any spot, any taint which her beauty has contracted from this world, and is able to point it out, and this with mutual joy that they are now able, without offence, to indicate blemishes and hindrances in each other, and give to each all help and comfort in curing the same. ”

“ Make your own little world and your own house first of all, keep that right side up whatever you do, and marry your mate.... That, I suppose, is what I should do—if I had a mate.... But people of my sort, luckily for the world, don't get made in pairs. ”

“ Many a time when beholding some miserable female from the slums wrecked by repeated childbearing, dwarfed in mind, deformed in body, I have felt that sexual relations between her and her mate had probably reached the level at which they could only by an unusual stretch of one's imagination, be even distantly connected with love. ”

“ What We See in Our Mate. The many handsome men whom we have met, and who are mated to homely wives, the many wives we have observed, mated to impossible husbands, and whose affection for their unprepossessing life partner is genuine and in no way dictated by sordid considerations, the many triangles we know of, in which a very inferior lover or mistress is preferred to an admittedly superior husband or wife, are evidence of the involuntary, nay compulsory, character of the love choice. ”

“ The four seasons were symbolized by the hunt of the man for his mate: he is afield in Autumn, on horseback; in Winter, he first finds his new mate; in the Spring, the maid watches her sheep feeding on the hills; and in Summertime, the man is seen leading his mate to a couch, his arms already around her waist. ”

“ We know of young men today who would seem to be excellent prospects for mates—and they actually favor the idea of marrying—but we would be willing to predict that they will be bachelors. They are too fussy. They find something in every girl they go with that does not conform to their idea of an ideal mate.
How do we come by our ideals for mates? During adolescence and childhood both boys and girls form in their mind some kind of a “dream hero or heroine,” a sort of “phantom lover.” He or she is a composite of all the qualifications they want their future mate to have. ”

“ In considering whether any particular person would be a good mate for you, ask yourself these seven questions, based on the psychological needs you will want to satisfy:
Will This Mate Bring You Social Approval? You will want a mate that other people will like, that other people will admire and respect. You thus need a mate who is adept at getting along with other people. Will your friends like him and will the mate’s friends like you? Will your parents think approvingly of the marriage? ”

“ They will become more independent of each other unless [202] during the first few months of marriage they have explored each other’s interests and found things they can do together.
If he is to become anything more than the provider and she anything more than the housekeeper, they must establish a sound basis for companionship. How can this be done? The essentials of human companionship are pretty universal for any two people whether they are mates or just close friends. ”

“ Any person contemplating marriage shows lack of foresight if he fails to consider the attachments his prospective mate may have to close relatives, or if he fails to weigh the chances that these relatives will ever live with the couple, and the outcome if they do. ”

“ And then what a charming subject for conversation would be the gallant and generous last partings between man and wife! Each, perhaps, a new mate in eye, and rejoicing secretly in the manumission, could afford to be complaisantly sorrowful in appearance. ”

“ I would be your wife most gladly!"
(Here she twirled her fingers madly,)
"But in England I've a mate! Yes! you've asked me far too late, For in England I've a mate, Mr. ”

“ He seated himself and looked into the skies beyond the peaks across the valley.
“Ten years ago I met my first mate. The meeting was fortunate for both. She was a woman of gentle birth, of beautiful spirit. Our courtship was ideal. We thought alike, we felt alike, she loved my profession even—an unusual trait in a woman. ”

“ Courtship activities begin rather early with the male’s tattooing commencing in the warm days of March. I believe the most active mating display is given by a new male that desires a mate, not by a male mated the previous year whose mate is still living. The latter male seems to give a protective display to its rival, seemingly just enough to hold his mate’s trust. ”

“ It is in this decisive moment that all our marriages are made. So exquisite is the adaptation of Bass to Treble, of Tenor to Contralto, that oftentimes the Loved Ones, though twenty thousand leagues away, recognise at once the responsive note of their destined Lover; and, penetrating the paltry obstacles of distance, Love unites the three. The marriage in that instant consummated results in a threefold Male and Female offspring which takes its place in Lineland. ”

“ Our young married couples may feel that two is company and three is none, but there comes a little noisy intruder to break into their sweet intimacy. The coming of the third is the beginning of a new life for them as well as for it - a life which is more useful and more permanent, but never so concentrated as before. ”

“ This unconscious tendency to test the husband, based on the biological necessity of choosing a mate at least slightly stronger spiritually, psychically, mentally than herself, determines much of the actions of a maid with a man. ”

“ The mate was a fine, hearty, noisy fellow, with a voice like a lion, and always wide awake. He was “a man, every inch of him,” as the sailors said; and though “a bit of a horse,” and “a hard customer,” yet he was generally liked by the crew. ”

“ The night birds chanted their congratulations from the tree tops, and reading his own thoughts into their songs he imagined he heard them saying, "Let each one find his mate; let each one find his mate." ”

“ Not infrequently he bestows his affection upon a girl several years older than himself, to which he is actuated by two impulses—the half-formed sex-impulse of the man to seek a mate, and his adolescent need of “mothering,” both of which are measurably gratified by the reciprocal love of an older girl. ”

“ The person who wants to win a mate must put three thoughts in the prospective mate’s head. You must make that person feel the need of a mate ... that you are the person who can best fit that need ... and that the time is ripe for marriage.
First, let’s consider some of the things a girl can do to get a man thinking along those lines:
—She should talk about the man’s basic needs in a subtle, impersonal way by discussing such things as good food, comfortable furniture, fireplaces, a place where one can bring friends. ”

“ You might walk along a country road 'ere, alone in the world, and in the first house you'd stop at to ask for a drink, you'd meet someone who'd want you as a partner for life. You can pick up a mate in no time. ”

“ While all this association with the opposite sex is going on, the girl or young man is learning what kind of a mate he wants in marriage. It is only through these experiences (starting with puppy love) that they begin to set standards and qualifications of the persons they would like to marry. The typical boy or girl needs to date a good many persons before they know the kind they would like to have as a mate, to decide upon the minimum standards they wish. ”

“ Let us consider now, for a moment, Baronne Dudevant's impressions after such a marriage. We will not speak of her sadness nor of her disgust. In a union of this kind, how could the sacred and beneficial character of marriage have appeared to her? A husband should be a companion. She never knew the charm of true intimacy, nor the delight of thoughts shared with another. A husband is the counsellor, the friend. ”

“ But even if you do marry, what are the chances you will get a mate you like?
The answer depends a great deal on who you are. We can assure you that such mates will not come automatically. Right now there are at least a million married couples who are waiting to get a divorce. Millions of other couples tolerate each other but are not happy by any standards we could apply to them. ”

“ If we select our nuptial mate with care and sound judgment, paying more attention to the internal rather than the external qualities, treating her with the utmost consideration of character, first studying and then adapting ourselves to them, we shall not find sharp edges but smooth sides, and we shall never come into collision with them. ”

“ A neurotic or psychoneurotic needs skillful treatment from a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist. A girl should hesitate to marry such a person at least until a medical authority has pronounced [161] that he is competent to make the adjustments that a marriage entails and to fill the role of a mate successfully.
Is Your Mate a Person Who Has Not Been Divorced from Two Previous Marriages? Even a person with one divorce to his credit is a hazard when he remarries. A person with two divorces should definitely be shunned, if you hope to achieve a lasting and happy marriage. ”

“ One of America's foremost writers declares repeatedly throughout his excellent novels that judgment has never yet entered into the selection of a mate,—that sentiment and emotion alone decide the after life of every couple who are wed. ”