George Bernard Shaw

“ The occupants of the more expensive places made their way slowly through the crush-room, one step at a time: the men sliding their feet forward at every advance: the women holding warm head wrappings with one hand, and hanging awkwardly on to the arms of gentlemen with the other. Lady Geraldine got a glimpse of Mr Brailsford as she descended; but he hurried away, as if desirous to avoid further conversation. Jack who had amused her by showing some emotion at the pathetic passages in the play, and who had since been silent, walked gloomily beside Mary. ”

“ But he lifted the baby very expertly, and even gave it a kiss before he handed it to the old lady, who watched him as if he were handling a valuable piece of china.
"There. Take it away," said Aurélie. "You would make a good nurse, monsieur."
"What a mother!" whispered Madame Szczympliça. "Poor infant!" and she indignantly carried it away.
"I wish he would grow up all at once," said Aurélie. "By the time he is a man, I shall be an old woman, half deaf, with gout in my fingers. He will go to hear the new players, and wonder how I got my reputation. Ah, it is a stupid world! ”

“ If only you are not hurt, nothing else matters.
JUDITH. No, no, no: I'm not hurt.
ANDERSON. Thank Heaven for that! Come now: (leading her to the railed seat and making her sit down beside him) sit down and rest: you can tell me about it to-morrow. Or, (misunderstanding her distress) you shall not tell me at all if it worries you. There, there! (Cheerfully.) I'll make you some fresh tea: that will set you up again. (He goes to the table, and empties the teapot into the slop bowl.)
JUDITH (in a strained tone) . Tony.
ANDERSON. Yes, dear?
JUDITH. Do you think we are only in a dream now? ”

“ There is singularly little reason for being impressed by this hasty, romantic, and loud-sounding crusade against Christian morality and its Ideal.
In Mr. George Bernard Shaw we have a very different man. Nobody denies Mr. Shaw's cleverness, least of all Mr. Shaw himself. He is depressingly clever. He exhibits the spectacle of a man trying to address his audience while standing on his head—and succeeding.
He has been singularly fortunate in his biographer, Mr. Chesterton, and one of the things that make this biography such pleasing reading is the personal element that runs through it all. ”

“ Marian hesitated painfully.
"Do not mind giving me plenty of bother," he said. "I am so accustomed to superintend the transit of machines as cumbersome as trunks and as fragile as bonnet boxes, that the care of a houseful of ordinary luggage would be a mere amusement for me."
"Thank you; but it is not that. I was only thinking—Are you likely to see my cousin, Mr. Marmaduke Lind, whilst you are in London?"
"N—no. Unless I call upon him, which I have no excuse for doing." ”

“ There's nothing the matter with me."
"Silence, great sot," chattered the old woman."I have other things to do than to listen to thy gibberish. Lay thyself down this instant."
"Will I, by Jove!" he said, kicking off the rug and sitting up. "Can you buy soda water anywhere at this hour?"
"Ah, ingrate! Is it thus that thou obeyest the noble lady who succored thee. Fie!"
"What is the matter, madame," said Aurélie, entering.
"I was only asking her not to send for a doctor. I have no bones broken; and a doctor is no use. Please don't fetch one. ”

“ PHYLLIS. [hesitating] It do seem a pity, dont it, my lady, to spoil your lovely bust?
ADOLPHUS. Tush! This craze for fine art is beyond alt bounds. Off with you [he pushes her out] . Drink, drink, drink! My entrails are parched. Drink! [he rushes deliriously to the gazogene.]
FITZ. [rushing after him] Madman, you forget! It is poisoned!
ADOLPHUS. I dont care. Drink, drink! [They wrestle madly for the gazogene. In the struggle they squirt all its contents away, mostly into one another's face. Adolphus at last flings Fitztollemache to the floor, and puts the spout into his mouth.] Empty! empty! ”

“ No, not a word to him, I beg: it does not matter at all. What a charming little trap! What air! Happy man, Jasper! These fields are better than the close alleys and garrets to which my profession leads me."
"Jump in."
"Thank you. And how is Marian?"
"Quite well, thank you. Everybody is quite well. The girls are at a tennis party, or they would have come to meet you. Constance desired me particularly to apologize."
"Oh, needless, most needless. Why should they not enjoy themselves? What a landscape! The smiling beauty of nature in the country is like a—like a message to us. ”

“ Lind, human beings are so shallow! I assure you there is nothing at all inscrutable about them to a trained analyst of character. It may be a gift, perhaps; but people's minds are to me only little machines made up of superficial motives."
"I say," said the young gentleman with the banjo, interrupting them: "have you got a copy of 'Rose softly blooming' there?"
"I!" said Mrs. Fairfax. "No, certainly not."
"Then it's all up with the concert. We have forgotten Marian's music; and there is nothing for Nelly—I beg pardon, I mean Miss McQuinch—to play from. She is above playing by ear." ”

“ It may be contended that Shaw is much more the propagandist than the artist because he paints in loud colors. But that is rather because of the indolence of the human mind, especially of the Anglo-Saxon mind, which has settled down snugly to the self-satisfied notion of its purity, justice, and charity, so that naught but the strongest current of light will make it wince. In "Mrs. Warren's Profession" and "Major Barbara," George Bernard Shaw has accomplished even more. He has pulled off the mask of purity and Christian kindness that we may see their hidden viciousness at work. ”

“ LORD SUMMERHAYS. When my council in Jinghiskahn reached the point of coming to blows, I used to adjourn the sitting. Let us postpone the discussion. Wait until Monday: we shall have Sunday to quiet down in. Believe me, I'm not making fun of you; but I think theres something in this young gentleman's advice. Read something.
TARLETON. I'll read King Lear.
HYPATIA. Dont. I'm very sorry, dear.
TARLETON. Youre not. Youre laughing at me. Serve me right! Parents and children! No man should know his own child. No child should know its own father. Let the family be rooted out of civilization! ”

“ I propose here to dismiss this aspect of Shaw: only let it be remembered, once and for all, that I am here dismissing the most important aspect of Shaw. It is as if one dismissed the sculpture of Michael Angelo and went on to his sonnets. Perhaps the highest and purest thing in him is simply that he cares more for politics than for anything else; more than for art or for philosophy. Socialism is the noblest thing for Bernard Shaw; and it is the noblest thing in him. He really desires less to win fame than to bear fruit. ”

“ Lady Geraldine drew back a step. Then, losing patience, she said sharply, "What answer do you expect me to make to that, Mr. Jack?"
"None," said he with mock gravity. "It is unanswerable. From Capharsalama on eagle wings I fly." And after making her another bow, he left the house chuckling. As he disappeared, Mrs Herbert came downstairs and joined Lady Geraldine.
"Well," she said. "Is Mary to be made happy at our expense?"
"Yes," said Lady Geraldine. "I bearded the monster here, and got what I deserved for my pains. The man is a savage." ”

“ So I said, 'I will give Adrian a surprise.' And so I have."
"You came in at an interesting moment," said Mary, who had now partly regained some of her self-possession, and all her boldness. "Mr Herbert and I have had a serious quarrel; and we are just making it up. English fashion."
"Oh, it is not an English fashion. People quarrel like that everywhere. And you are now greater friends than ever. Is it not so?"
"I hope so," said Mary.
"I knew it," said Aurélie, with a wave of her fingers. "The human nature is the same things throughout the world. Ah yes. ”

“ Shaw does not wish to multiply problem plays or even problems. He has such scepticism as is the misfortune of his age; but he has this dignified and courageous quality, that he does not come to ask questions but to answer them. He is not a paradox-monger; he is a wild logician, far too simple even to be called a sophist. He understands everything in life except its paradoxes, especially that ultimate paradox that the very things that we cannot comprehend are the things that we have to take for granted. ”

“ LOUIS [quite unabashed] Oh! did she? Good Lord! how time does fly! I could have sworn I'd only just finished it. It's hard for her here, seeing me piling up drawings and nothing coming in for them. Of course I shall sell them next year fast enough, after my one-man-show; but while the grass grows the steed starves. I hate to have her coming to me for money, and having none to give her. But what can I do?
RIDGEON. I understood that Mrs Dubedat had some property of her own.
Louis. Oh yes, a little; but how could a man with any decency of feeling touch that? ”

“ She then turned to the piano calmly, observing, "You have probably eaten something that disagrees with you."
"What a shame!" said Marian. "Come, Duke: I have plenty of good news for you. Nelly and I are invited to Carbury Park for the autumn; and there will be no visitors but us three. We shall have the whole place to ourselves."
"Time enough to think of the autumn yet awhile," said Marmaduke, gloomily.
"Well," said Miss McQuinch, "here is some better news for you. Constance—Lady Constance—will be in town next week."
Marmaduke muttered something.
"I beg your pardon?" said Elinor, quickly. ”

“ SIR PATRICK [with a grunt] And what did he say to that?
SCHUTZMACHER. Oh, he began trying to persuade me that he was one of the chosen people—that his artistic faculty shewed it, and that his name was as foreign as my own. He said he didnt really want 50 pounds; that he was only joking; that all he wanted was a couple of sovereigns.
B. B. No, no, Mr Schutzmacher. You invented that last touch. Seriously, now?
SCHUTZMACHER. No. You cant improve on Nature in telling stories about gentlemen like Mr Dubedat.
BLENKINSOP. You certainly do stand by one another, you chosen people, Mr Schutzmacher. ”

“ TANNER. She would put me in the housekeeper's room, too, if she dared, Ramsden. However, I withdraw cats. Cats would have more sense. Ann: as your guardian, I order you to go to Violet at once and be particularly kind to her.
ANN. I have seen her, Jack. And I am sorry to say I am afraid she is going to be rather obstinate about going abroad. I think Tavy ought to speak to her about it.
OCTAVIUS. How can I speak to her about such a thing [he breaks down] ?
ANN. Don't break down, Ricky. Try to bear it for all our sakes.
RAMSDEN. Life is not all plays and poems, Octavius. Come! ”

“ Listen to me. I am going to the country. My man Mason will come here to-day to pack up my traps, and bring them after me. You had better take a note of my address from the card in the strap of my valise."
"Yes, sir," said the maid. "Any message for missis?"
"No," said Marmaduke. He then changed his coat and hat, and went out again. As he approached the gate he met Susanna, who had risen and was walking toward the house.
"I am going to Carbury," he said. "I dont know when I shall be back." ”

“ However, if you would prefer to settle the question of ransom at once, I am at your service.
TANNER To-morrow will do for me. I am rich enough to pay anything in reason.
MENDOZA [respectfully, much struck by this admission] You are a remarkable man, sir. Our guests usually describe themselves as miserably poor.
TANNER Pooh! Miserably poor people don't own motor cars.
MENDOZA Precisely what we say to them.
TANNER Treat us well: we shall not prove ungrateful.
STRAKER No prickly pears and broiled rabbits, you know. Don't tell me you can't do us a bit better than that if you like. ”

“ Miss Wilson looked at the weather, at Josephs, who was conversing with Jane, and finally at Smilash, who knuckled his forehead without waiting to be addressed.
"Have you a boy whom you can send to Lyvern to get us a conveyance—a carriage? I will give him a shilling for his trouble."
"A shilling!" said Smilash joyfully. "Your ladyship is a noble lady. Two four-wheeled cabs. There's eight on you."
"There is only one cab in Lyvern," said Miss Wilson. "Take this card to Mr. Marsh, the jotmaster, and tell him the predicament we are in. He will send vehicles." ”

“ I'll give you to the nearest policeman."
"Sir," said Jack sternly: "if your daughter has run away from you. it is your own fault for not treating her kindly. The porter has told you what happened between us. I know no more of the matter than he does."
"I don't believe you. You followed her from Windsor. The porter saw you give her" (here the old gentleman choked) —"saw what passed here just now."
"Yes, sir. You leave your daughter penniless, and compel her to offer her ornaments for sale to a stranger at a railway station. By my soul, you are a nice man to have charge of a young girl." ”

“ Why?"
"I met Mary Sutherland with Miss Cairns in High Street as I was coming to the train; and she said that you had something to tell me about her."
"It is only that our engagement is broken off."
"Adrian!" she exclaimed, stopping so suddenly that a man walking behind them stumbled against her.
"Beg pwor'n, mum," said he, civilly, as he passed on.
"Pray take care, mother," remonstrated Herbert. "Come on."
"Do not be impatient, Adrian. My dress is torn. I believe English workmen are the rudest class in the world. Will you hold my umbrella for one moment, please? ”