Gift (ceremony)

“ If we must make any presents from a sense of duty, let it be on birthdays, on wedding-days, on other anniversaries,—never on the anniversary of the Great Gift to the World. If the spirit of good will to man does not prompt the giving, that giving is in vain. ”

“ Under the general head of presents is classed anything given to another at one’s own expense. Give presents to your own family, relatives, fiancée, or very old friends, but not to mere acquaintances.
Section 1. Flowers, though short-lived, are nevertheless the most beautiful gift one person can make to another. It shows taste and a love of nature, and nothing finds more appreciation in the hearts of womankind than flowers. Be careful in [166] your selection; suit the color and quality to the taste and dress of the lady. ”

“ In the meantime I should like to see something smaller and not quite so valuable."
"Is it a wedding present, Sir?"
"Don't," I said, "let us call it a wedding present just yet." If we do it's sure to turn out a sugar-sifter. Let's think of it as a mere gift."
"Yes, Sir."
"Of course we may find that the man to whom we're going to give it is about to be married, but that will be only the long arm, won't it?"
"The—I beg your pardon, Sir;"
"A coincidence, you know; and we're not the men to be put off by coincidences, are we?" ”

“ The wedding gift should be a real gift in spirit, something expressive of the giver's good wishes, and something which the bride and bridegroom can enjoy and appreciate for its worth to them. Foolish things, whether expensive or not, have no real utility or beauty, and have always the atmosphere of insult about them, or else always reflect upon the intelligence of the giver. ”

“ The [168] pendulum has swung as far in the opposite direction, and fewer wedding gifts than of old are sent from politeness alone.
Suitable gifts for a bride are silver, cut-glass, table linen, pictures, books, handsome chairs or tables, rugs, bric-à-brac and jewelry. In fact, anything for the new home is proper. It is not customary to send wearing apparel, except when this is given by some member of the bride’s family. A check made out to the bride is always a handsome gift. The parents of the wife-to-be frequently give the small silver. ”

“ I did not know that I should ever ask you to redeem the note. I want my gift, and I will give you your paper with the Queen's head on it. Those little lives, those pretty little dears, you will not see them die. If there is a way, any way, you will save them. ”

“ The groom's presents to his ushers are always put at their places at the bachelor dinner. Cuff links are the most popular gift; scarf-pins in localities where they are still fashionable. Silver or gold pencils, belt buckles, key-rings in gold, key-chains in silver, cigarette cases, bill-folders, card-cases, or other small and personal articles are suitable.
The present to the best man is approximately the same, or slightly handsomer than the gift to the ushers.
The Rehearsal
The bride always directs her wedding rehearsal, but never herself takes part in it, as it is supposed to be bad luck. ”

“ LAUNDRESS—TIPS. Guests at the end of a house party do not tip the laundress unless she has done special work for them.
LEATHER WEDDING. This is the twelfth anniversary of the wedding-day, and is not usually observed. If, however, it is observed, the invitations may bear the words: No presents received, and congratulations may be extended in its acceptance or declination. Any article of leather would be an appropriate gift. An entertainment usually follows. ”

“ If you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. ”

“ In refusing, one also refuses to be present at the wedding. Moreover, a solemn obligation is involved in the acceptance. Those who partake of the sweet almonds are expected not only to join in the festivities, but to furnish a wedding-gift. Eggs, game, fruit, vegetables, and articles of food are usually the principal presents received by the happy couple. ”

“ Q. Are wedding presents ever sent to the groom instead of the bride?
A. All wedding presents are addressed to the bride, even though they are sent by friends of the groom. It is not customary to give a bridegroom a personal wedding present.
Q. Should one send a gift upon receipt of an invitation to a wedding?
A. While anyone who receives an invitation to a wedding may send a present, it is not necessary to do so. This is also true of a wedding announcement. ”

“ So extreme has become the custom of sending wedding presents that it is perhaps necessary to remind those who really desire to do the correct thing, that a perfunctory service, or gift, or courtesy has no intrinsic value, and the omission of it would often be far more satisfactory than its bestowal. ”

“ As every gift my brothers give is mine, so every gift I give belongs to me. Each one allows a past mistake to go, and leave no shadow on the holy mind my Father loves. His grace is given me in every gift a brother has received throughout all time, and past all time as well. My treasure house is full, and angels watch its open doors that not one gift is lost, and only more are added. ”

“ Nothing is to me more barbarous than this system of carrying off a young female as soon as the wedding ceremony is over,—a ceremony which ought to consecrate the right and duty to employ still more every tenderness of love and effort to render mutual affection still stronger and more endearing. ”

“ The parents of the groom-elect are sure to give a dance, or a "party" of one kind or another "to meet" their daughter-to-be. If the engagement is a short one, their life becomes a veritable dashing from this house to that, and every meal they eat seems to be one given for them by some one. It is not uncommon for a bride-elect to receive a few engagement presents. (These are entirely apart from wedding presents which come later.) A small afternoon teacup and saucer used to be the typical engagement gift, but it has gone rather out of vogue, along with harlequin china in general. ”

“ The wedding decorations are family property, and descend from mother to daughter, and both bride and bridegroom are covered with flowers, jewels, and gay embroidery. The bride sits in state and receives the congratulatory visits of her relatives and friends, and after the actual ceremony is over, the newly-married couple sit on a seat raised above the guests, and the sirih and betel-nut are largely chewed. There are "floral decorations," music, and feasting; all strangers are made welcome ”

“ The desire of the woman, the taste of the man, the discovery of a superb jewel in a shop, or a talk with a designer, may any of them shape the decision and the gift. A flower design, as I have said, is always attractive. And if one comes upon a fine one, why wait for an anniversary? Alice looked up in Wonderland to remark that she preferred unbirthday presents to birthday presents, because there could be so many more of them. An unexpected gift can be a bright surprise, and make any day a rich occasion. ”

“ When, as very often happens, a guest staying for any length of time in a family, or a frequent visitor, gives a servant a present of money or any trifle, the servant, after thanking the donor, takes the white paper bundle to the mistress of the house, and shows it to her, expressing his gratitude [316] to her for the gift, and also asking her to thank the giver. This, of course, is always done, for a gift to a servant is as much of a favor to the mistress as a present to a child is to its mother. ”

“ God send us a happy New Year!
New Christmas Carols, A.D. 1642.
[Pg 236]
NEW-YEAR'S GIFTS.
The young men and maids on New-Year's day,
Their loves they will present
With many a gift both fine and gay,
Which gives them true content:
And though the gift be great or small,
Yet this is the custom still,
Expressing their loves in ribbons and gloves,
It being their kind good-will.
Young bachelors will not spare their coin,
But thus their love is shown ”

“ Any friend who has sent a present before the invitations are out must be invited. The general feeling seems to be that {76} an invitation to a wedding involves a present, and that is rather a tax. It also takes away from that purely voluntary spirit which is the beauty of a gift. In some cases friends are only asked to the church, the reception at home being confined to members of the two families. ”

“ Elaborate and gay as are the festivities of betrothal, the celebrations of marriage are so much more so that one is inclined to look upon the essential religious ceremony as a pretext for the merry-making.9 The interval of a month which ordinarily intervenes between engagement and marriage is devoted to making the necessary preparations for the wedding. The bridegroom must get ready the promised ornaments, a white wedding-dress for his bride, a fine veil to cover her face, and a pair of shoes, a rather strange combination of gifts. ”

“ For they that give gifts do not of their own head give them to the widows, but barely bring them in, calling them free-will offerings, that so thou that knowest those that are in affliction mayest as a good steward give them their portion of the gift. ”

“ The Golden Wedding, from the advanced age at which it occurs, has an element of sadness in its celebration. The aged couple who stand so near the brink of separation can have little of bridal joy as they look back to the day when they stood before the altar in the first164 flush of youth, with life before them, or as they look forward to the shortened span of years that links them to their loved ones here. The gifts that are laid before them should be fitly wrought of gold, since their love has been as gold tried in the furnace of life. ”

“ The ceremony itself is simple and impressive. Friends and relatives generally are not present. The bride and groom are there, of course; besides these are the go-betweens of the couple, and a young girl, whose duty it is to take the cup of saké, or native wine of Japan, and press it successively to the lips of the contracting parties, emblematic of the coming joys and sorrows of their common married life. The wedding guests, who have been waiting in the next room, now appear with their congratulations, and merriment and feasting follow. ”

“ Beautiful indeed is the celebration of the golden wedding. With her children and grandchildren and friends grouped around her, with her husband at her side, doing her every honor he might pay a newly-won bride, the bride of fifty years can be naught but inexpressibly happy—though memories of lost youth rise constantly to haunt her. It is glorious—this reaching fifty years of married life—and any couple may well be proud to commemorate its occasion. ”

“ Flowers are often sent, and dinners, theater parties, and other entertainments given for the young couple. Engagement gifts are often given; china being a favorite choice, though any gift is in order. ”

“ At length the party of the bride declared they would yield, provided the others offered her a present worthy of her. Thereupon began the song of the Wedding-gifts, to an air as solemn as a church psalm, the men outside singing bass in unison, and the women answering from within in falsetto. In twenty couplets at least the men enumerate all the wedding-presents, and the matrons at length consent that the door should be opened. ”

“ Jewels as Gifts
It is indeed a gift, not shared by all, to be able to select a truly appropriate present, one that fits the occasion, the recipient and the donor. Without this threefold accord, something will seem lacking in even the most expensive bestowal.
Give Yourself
Americans have long recognized the complex ties of sentiment that should come together in the neat bowknot of a gift. Emerson devoted an essay to the subject, making the point that the best gift is one that includes a part of oneself. ”

“ They have almost ceased to be friendly offerings, and are oftener a proof of the giver's wealth than of his love.
No wonder that some delicate-minded people, wishing to celebrate their silver wedding, cause a line to be printed on their invitations, "No presents received."
Foreigners have a beautiful custom, which we have not, of remembering every fte day, every birthday, every saint's day, in a friend's calendar. A bouquet, a present of fruit, a kind note, a little celebration which costs nothing, occurs in every family on papa's birthday or mamma's fte day. ”

“ Obviously, a gift quickly consumed and soon forgotten is less prized than one that provides a lengthy or a permanent memento of the occasion. A good wrist watch, appropriately engraved, may cost no more than a case of whisky; instead of the bottle of perfume there might be a memorable charm. Such gifts are evidence of thoughtfulness and warm affection; they are not transitory; they abide.
Most occasions for bestowing presents are heart-entangled; a gift is a sign of a sentimental attachment. ”

“ For this purpose it is well to consult some member of the family, or an intimate friend, about the bride’s tastes and wishes. A present that is carefully chosen to meet the needs of the recipient often gives more pleasure than a very expensive article selected at random. Business associates or those who are under obligations to either of the two families send gifts if they receive invitations. ”