Respectability

“ My dear child, you will come across cynics who will sneer at respectability: don’t you listen to them. Respectability is its own reward—and a very real and practical reward. It may not bring you dainty dishes and soft beds, but it brings you something better and more lasting. It brings you the consciousness that you are living the right life, that you are doing the right thing, that, so far as earthly ingenuity can fix it, you are going to the right place, and that other folks ain’t. ”

“ Proud to be useful—scorning to be more—must be the motto of him whose integrity should be on a level with his skill, who should win a double confidence, and who, if he do his duty well, is as sure of his proper influence in society, and on society—and that influence a noble one—as if he were the member of a profession ensured to respectability by all the favours that influence can extort, and all the prerogatives that time can accumulate. ”

“ Respectability, regarded in its true sense, is a desirable thing. To be respected, on right grounds, is an object which every man and woman is justified in obtaining. But modern respectability consists of external appearances. ”

“ No, Frederic, it cannot be. I don't think much of our profession, but, contrasted with respectability, it is comparatively honest. ”

“ The pretensions of any individual to enter the best society of the republic depend upon his respectability; and the measure of this is determined by the character of his profession, if he have one—if not, by that of his father. ”

“ Now, if you have any title which is characteristic of you, I shall be glad to hear it, as well as that of your companion. We consider ourselves capable of forming unbiased opinions in regard to what is generally known as respectability. ”

“ And from scores of small remarks and minutiae of behaviour, which, in all circles, hourly imply how completely the idea of respectability involves that of costly externals, there is drawn fresh pabulum.
We are all implicated. We all, whether with self-approbation or not, give expression to the established feeling. Even he who disapproves this feeling, finds himself unable to treat virtue in threadbare apparel with a cordiality as great as that which he would show to the same virtue endowed with prosperity. ”

“ First, so far as men can command confidence and respect, for the sake of birth, calling, or office, so far they are relieved from the necessity of seeking the same by personal qualifications; and accordingly a body of men so protected, will perceptibly fall short of the average, in the staple elements of respectability. ”

“ Few persons now exist who have more than a vague recollection of the circumstances which can be so easily explained to my complete vindication when the vindication comes from a man of your solid respectability and social influence. ”

“ Well, dearie, men have to do some awfully mean things to keep up their respectability. ”

“ If he meets a business acquaintance of an higher rank than his own, his respectful yet unembarrassed salutation at once sufficiently expresses the disparity of their two conditions, and his consciousness of the respectability of his own, while the respectfully condescending notice of the Peer exhibits the reversed flow of the same feelings. ”

“ The very human respect and worldly considerations that succeeded in keeping him from vice, acquire a respectability and a status in the catalogue of preservatives from the fact of their being successful in his case. ”

“ Some degree of respectability ought certainly to attach to those from whom important information is sought respecting the morals and manners of a 40 country, when it is the intention of the inquirer that his observations and statements upon it should become authority to the whole civilized world. ”

“ I.—INTRODUCTIONS. To introduce persons who are mutually unknown is to undertake a serious responsibility, and to certify to each the respectability of the other. Never undertake this responsibility without in the first place asking yourself whether the persons are likely to be agreeable to each other ”

“ Respected, in this case, describes the man in such a relation to those who have become acquainted with his good qualities, that he now receives their respect. He is respectable, (able to command, or worthy of respect,) and of course, respected for his respectability. To avoid repetition, we select different words to assist in the expression of a complex idea. But I indulge in phrases like the above, to show the nice shades of meaning in the common use of words, endeavoring to analyze, as far as possible, our words and thoughts, and show their mutual connexion and dependencies. ”

“ She wanted, passionately and persistently, two things which she believed should subsist together in any well-ordered life: amusement and respectability; ”

“ We don't want genius in this country, unless it is accompanied by respectability—and then we are very glad to have it, very glad indeed. ”

“ Conservatism and respectability have their values, certainly; but has not the unconventional its values also? ”

“ Well, the Respectables are a large body, very much in the majority so far as my researches have informed me; and, if the right and the truth are on their side, they will not be worsted in a fair encounter. ”

“ I do not consider the world's favor worth very much, but the world's respect is, for it usually respects only what is respectable. As you form a character that you can honestly respect yourself, you will find society gradually learning to share in that esteem. ”

“ Is there any among you who can find, throughout the universe, a more upright, more enlightened and more honourable body than your magistracy? Do not all its members set you an example of moderation, of simplicity of manners, of respect for the laws, and of the most sincere harmony? Place, therefore, without reserve, in such wise superiors, that salutary confidence which reason ever owes to virtue. ”

“ But the obligation to respect, is felt with a double force by those whose pursuits are of a character congenial with that of the individual, who has thus made himself a pioneer in a laudable undertaking. And if to this common bond be added that of personal intercourse and intimacy, and a reception of great and lasting benefits from his labours and his liberality, it must be obvious that reason, feeling, and duty, alike demand the grateful remembrance of one who has so judiciously directed the current of his kindness and bestowed the fruits of his industry. ”

“ But if you acquire the habit of speaking the truth, obeying a legitimate order without arguing, and accepting responsibility as a matter of course, you’ll have graduated with honours. And if ever you find yourself at any time confronted with the question, What would a gentleman do? ”

“ But, be that as it may, I can assert with perfect confidence that you are no respecter of persons, though it must, in fairness, be added, that one of your chief functions seems to be to implant an exaggerated respect and admiration of others in the minds of your victims. ”

“ Is it anything but kindly and thoughtful respect for others, helping the helpless, succoring the needy, befriending the friendless and forlorn, doing justice, requiring fair-play, and withstanding with every honorable means the bully of the church and caucus, of the drawing-room, the street, the college? Respect, young gentlemen, like charity, begins at home. Only the man who respects himself can be a gentleman, and no gentleman will willingly annoy, torment, or injure another. ”

“ And while you are strengthening yourselves in the resolve to be honorable, let me warn you against taking that utilitarian maxim that "Honesty is the best policy," as an accurate compendium of ethics. It is a very true maxim, if you do not confound the result of honesty with the reason for honesty. ”

“ So much reason have we to esteem and to endeavour to secure the practice of this best of virtues, if we respect only the thing itself and the benefits thence resulting to ourselves, either singly considered or in society. ”

“ If you choose to remain, well and good. I cannot help it. If, on the other hand, you decide to trust yourself to me, I swear, on the honour of a gentleman, to be worthy of the trust--to serve you truly and protect you to the last! ”

“ Morals and manners, which give colour to life, are of much greater importance than laws, which are but their manifestations. The law touches us here and there, but manners are about us everywhere, pervading society like the air we breathe. Good manners, as we call them, are neither more nor less than good behaviour; consisting of courtesy and kindness; benevolence being the preponderating element in all kinds of mutually beneficial and pleasant intercourse amongst human beings. ”

“ To form that character advantageously, you have three objects particularly to attend to: your character as a man of morality, truth, and honor; your knowledge in the objects of your destination, as a man of business; and your engaging and insinuating address, air and manners, as a courtier; the sure and only steps to favor.
Merit at courts, without favor, will do little or nothing; favor, without merit, will do a good deal; but favor and merit together will do everything. ”

“ Without one particle of principle of any kind, he had uniformly maintained in the world the character of an honourable man. The ordinary rules of honesty and morality he regarded as so many conventional sentiments, to which every gentleman subscribed, as a matter of course, in public, but which in private he had an unquestionable right to dispense with at his own convenience. ”

“ No; but I'm somebody; and if God makes a mouse, He ought to respect it; and since He's made me, He ought to respect me, so long as I'm respectable. I've got my rights, same as everything that comes in the world. ”

“ It is much easier to say in what respect does not consist than to define the term itself. If it really exists in the heart—and there it must exist, to be at all—it will find expression in a thousand different ways, and will never be at a loss to express itself. Books will give you the laws of etiquette and will tell you how to be polite; but the laws that govern respect are graven on the heart, and he whose heart is in the right place never fails to read and interpret them correctly. ”

“ I would merely have each one educated according to his probable situation in life; and be taught that whatever is his duty, is honorable; and that no merely external circumstance can in reality injure true dignity of character. ”

“ Respect for right conduct is felt by every body. ”

“ We dispute of virtue, and put in question, whether prudence, justice, loyalty and honesty may be taught or no? And do we admire then the works of orators, sailors and shipmasters, architects, husbandmen, and an infinite number of other such which be extant? ”

“ But to be respectable, to be virtuous, to receive the warm grasp of a good man's hand, to be surrounded by a tenantry who say, 'my lord is an example to every body'—when you speak in the House, to know no man says, 'he talks better than he acts⁠'—'I wish I could take his hand freely⁠'—these are the things one wants to receive or to avoid. ”

“ These foundations are equally firm and right, because they are both laid by nature, and that same virtue which makes you scorn what men say about yourself, binds you to respect what they say of her you love. Your honour is in your own keeping, her honour depends on others. ”

“ There is one clear rule of conduct: to act with sincerity; and to conform with all one's soul, and with all one's strength, to this universal rule—do not any thing to another, that you would not wish another should do to you. ”

“ For who can justly call him a human being, who admits not between himself and his fellow-countrymen, between himself and the whole human race, any communication of justice, any association of kindness? ”

“ A series of lessons on good manners may be introduced at this point. The ceremonies of social intercourse, the various forms in which refined people show their deference for each other, the rule not to obtrude self in conversation, and the like, are so many illustrations of the respect which we owe to the personality of our fellow-men. Good manners are the æsthetic counterpart of good morals, and the connection between the two can easily be made plain.
6. Speak the truth. Inward truthfulness is a self-regarding duty; social truthfulness is a form of justice. Words represent facts. ”

“ Respect, an unutterable respect, penetrated you by degrees and mounted to your heart, and one felt that one had before him one of those strong, thoroughly tried, and indulgent souls where thought is so grand that it can no longer be anything but gentle. ”

“ Let all those who have business with you, whether they be Governors, place-men, newspaper writers, or private individuals know, that the measure of their respect for you must be the measure of your respect for them. ”

“ Let us live in accordance with the laws of life, avoiding excess, all vulgarity and unnecessary levity, and endeavor to conduct ourselves wisely, properly, and genteely, and use our influence to promote that class of manners that will command respect everywhere. ”

“ We would preach by our example the respect of superiors and equals, the respect of all men; affectionate simplicity in our relations with inferiors and insignificant persons; indulgence where our own claims only are concerned, but firmness in our demands where they relate to duties towards others or towards the public. ”