Auto-da-fé

“ "I want to know which is worse, to be ravished a hundred times by negro pirates, to have a buttock cut off, to run the gauntlet among the Bulgarians, to be whipped and hanged at an auto-da-fé, to be dissected, to row in the galleys—in short, to go through all the miseries we have undergone, or to stay here and have nothing to do?" ”

“ But to radiate the heat of the affections into a clod which absorbs all that is poured into it, but never warms beneath the sunshine of smiles or the pressure of hand or lip,—this is the great martyrdom of sensitive beings,—most of all in that perpetual auto da fé where young womanhood is the sacrifice. ”

“ The sin of bribery is damnable. It is the one sin for which, in the House of Commons, there can be no forgiveness. When discovered, it should render the culprit liable to political death, without hope of pardon. It is treason against a higher throne than that on which the Queen sits. It is a heresy which requires an auto-da-fé. It is a pollution to the whole House, which can only be cleansed by a great sacrifice. ”

“ Suppose another should affirm that there can be no such thing as a church of Christ, without the Inquisition and auto da fe? Men of intelligence, reflection and Christianized moral feeling, know the contrary. ”

“ Thence we went on to the Moorish mosque, which the Visigoths began, and so to San Juan de los Reyes, which, Pilar said, I must like better than anything else in Toledo, because she did. With an air of possession she explained the votive chains of captive Christians darkly festooning the outer walls, and I did not tell her I had heard the story long ago. She shuddered as she pointed to the crucifix which used to go with the procession of the auto-da-fé. “Only think how different times are now!” said she. ”

“ In one cab I rode in I was cautioned not to expectorate, not to put my feet on the cushions, not to tap on the glass with stick or umbrella, not to open the windows, but to ask the driver to do it, and not to open the door till the auto-taxi stopped; one hardly has time to learn the rules before the journey is over. ”

“ It is possible to fool the Unseen Powers, to pull wool over their eyes. To dream of an auto-bus has become a token of death, attested by the experience of at least four front-line regiments. And yet a sergeant succeeded in saving the life of a man who had dreamed of an auto-bus by the use of a clever ruse—or lie, if you prefer. ”

“ The automobile had a good start, and it was several minutes before they came in sight of it. Then they slackened their pace, keeping a couple of hundred yards in the rear.
“How on earth did those fellows ever get an auto?” asked Teddy wonderingly.
“Stole it, probably,” answered Fred. “But that isn’t what is bothering me. What I want to know is, how we’re going to get them nabbed. We don’t know where they’re going to stop, and when they do land somewhere they’ll probably have others of their gang around.” ”

“ Damon. "Will the electric trolley pull us to a charging station?"
"No, we'll not need to go to a station," answered the youth. "If we can get my car to the trolley tracks I can charge my battery from there. And I think we can push the auto near enough. ”

“ These tickets—some railroad and the others for theatres and opera houses—they’re counterfeit—bogus—no good! They’re just like those that girl in the Spinning Wheel tea room bought. Don’t you remember, she purchased two of a couple of young fellows. It was thought at the time they might have been the ones who went off with Cora’s auto. Now we reverse the process. We find the bundle of tickets that dropped out of Cora’s car, and we see two men running away in it. They’re the same ones, or in the same gang, I haven’t a doubt. It’s up to us to get after them. ”

“ I early recognized the fact that if I expected to succeed in the Pullman service I must make all the friends I could on my runs, and the cases are very rare where I have failed to receive a tip of some kind from my passengers, although as it happens sometimes I have people in my car who are not very well blessed with this world's goods, and who can ill afford to spend money in tips. To such people I always give the same attention and care, as if I was sure to receive a $10 tip, and they rarely failed to give me a kind thank you, on leaving my car. ”

“ On its way from the finishing point the conductor, lamp in hand, has searched the seats and floor of his omnibus, and found, perhaps, a stray penny. If he discovers a parcel, a purse, or anything of any value, he trudges off with it to the nearest police-station, bearing no grudge against the careless passenger who has made his walk necessary, for he knows that he will be rewarded, no matter whether the article is claimed or not. When the article is not claimed, he receives, eventually, a proportion of its value. ”

“ We’re all of us auto fiends, and I want you to feel that the car is as much yours as mine, all through the trip. That is,” he added, mischievously, “if you fellows don’t feel too haughty to ride in a car that you’ve already beaten.”
With jest and laughter, the time passed rapidly. The evening deepened, and a hush fell over the waters of the bay. Lanterns twinkled here and there like fireflies among the shipping, while from [25] an occasional boat rose the tinkling of a banjo or guitar. ”

“ Should she be delayed, she should telephone or telegraph saying when she will arrive. A host living in the country usually sends a conveyance to the station for his guests or comes to meet them himself. If the carriage or car is a hired one, the visitor offers to pay for it, but does not insist upon doing so. Where the trip to the friend’s house is made in a trolley-car, the guest is seldom allowed to pay his own fare. Sometimes the latter arrives and there is no one to meet him. For a man it is usually easy to hire a cab or take a trolley-car. ”

“ I am not a travelling salesman (except in so far as all men are) so I do not often travel in the Club Car. But when I do, irresistibly the thought comes that I have strayed into the American House of Lords. Unworthily I sit among our sovereign legislators, a trifle ill at ease mayhap. In the day coach I am at home with my peers—those who smoke cheap tobacco; who nurse fretful babies; who strew the hot plush with sandwich crumbs and lean throbbing foreheads against the window pane.
But the Club Car which swings so smoothly at the end of a limited train is a different place, pardee. ”

“ But the appearance of the conductor at the forward end of the car, taking up the tickets, changed the current of her thoughts, and she commenced a violent demonstration upon her bag, her pocket, and her bundles, in search of her ticket.
Most of the passengers produced their tickets, conscious, perhaps, how nervous it makes the "gentlemanly conductor" when compelled to wait for excited men or women to search through all their pockets, and all their portable effects, for the evidence that they had paid their fare. ”

“ Billy Worth asked Chief Fobes. The boys and the officer were again in the latter’s office.
“I suppose I can if you leave it to me, but I can’t if you don’t,” Mr. Fobes answered. “Look ’e here now. That fellow’s in here for ten days. Plenty of time yet to make him loosen up, but it ain’t goin’ to do no good. What could he have had to do with swipin’ your car? Nothin’, that’s all. Might as well think he picked it up and shoved it in his pocket! There’s nothin’ to it. He’s a bum, that’s all, an’ is havin’ some fun tryin’ to make us believe he does know something about your automobile.” ”

“ My hope is that quiet perusal may demonstrate that the fare has, at any rate, a grain of logic on his side if he looks upon himself as defrauded. We don't, you know, take your cabs for the joy of sitting in them, or for the pleasure of watching you struggling with a crank, but to be conveyed quickly from place to place. It is wrong to ask us to pay for the time spent by you in persuading your engine to behave, and it is indecent to become abusive when we act on that assumption. ”

“ Willing was a man of many businesses. Among other things he was the [Pg 89] owner of several toll-gates, the proprietor of many omnibuses, and an advertising contractor. One day he would be found standing at a toll-gate, collecting money from passing vehicles, and the following one he would be seen driving an omnibus. While acting as a ’bus driver he was able to keep a sharp eye on his advertising business, and was frequently annoyed to see that his bills, which were being posted as he drove Citywards, were covered by other people’s bills when he returned an hour or two later. ”

“ When every person has succeeded in liberating himself or herself from the train, it is amusing to observe how cleverly, from long practice, the Company’s porters understood the apparent confusion which exists. To people wishing to embrace their friends—to gentlemen and servants darting in various directions straight across the platform to secure a cab or in search of private carriages—they offer no assistance whatever, well knowing that none is required. ”

“ On another occasion a sane-looking man, sitting on top of an omnibus, suddenly started throwing pennies at the silk hats of passers-by and spitting contemptuously at female pedestrians. Before his fellow-passengers had made up their minds whether to pitch him off the omnibus or give him into custody, he walked quietly down the steps and alighted.
Many passengers leave strange things in omnibuses, but I have heard of only one man who went away without his clothes. A conductor looking round his omnibus at the end of his day's work, kicked against a heap of clothes lying on the roof. ”

“ However, there are numerous cases on record where it has necessitated an operation to remove the ego and quite a few instances where it has left the victim in such shape that they had to seek out-door employment like ringing up fares on the back platform of a street car, or riding on top of a hansom cab. ”

“ Your compartment is a half or a quarter or an eighth of the oldest car in service on the road. Unless it happens to be a through express, the plush is caked with dirt, the floor is grimy, and the windows dirty. An impertinent white newsboy occupies two seats at the end of the car and importunes you to the point of rage to buy cheap candy, Coco-Cola, and worthless, if not vulgar, books. ”

“ He watched the cab drive away and then suddenly it stopped and a figure lent out from the window beckoning him frantically. He ran up to her.
"Suppose I want you," she asked.
"Advertise," he said promptly, "beginning your advertisement 'Dear Tommy.'"
"I shall put 'T. X.,'" she said indignantly.
"Then I shall take no notice of your advertisement," he replied and stood in the middle of the street, his hat in his hand, to the intense annoyance of a taxi-cab driver who literally all but ran him down and in a figurative sense did so until T. X. was out of earshot. ”

“ The idea didn't appeal to him.
"The best thing you can do," he said, "is to take a ticket to the next station and talk to them there. This is only a branch line, and I have no power to give you a pass."
So that was what I had to do. I began to see myself taking a ticket at every stop and appealing to the station-master at the next. Well, the money would last longer that way, but unless I could overcome quickly the distrust which I seemed to inspire in station-masters there would not be much left for lunch. ”

“ They seemed to be all right.”
“Maybe they were,” agreed Jack. “Of course it’s perfectly proper for persons who can’t use railroad or theatre tickets they have purchased, to sell them again. And these tickets seem to be the same as those you would get at the box office. And there’s no crime in being without cash. But it is a crime to take an automobile.”
“The only question is whether the same two fellows are involved,” suggested Walter. 24
“That’s it,” agreed Jack. “I wish you girls had had a better look at those who went off in the machine.” ”

“ The passenger never uses it, because when he is a thousand miles from shore there is no one to be called up, and if he needs the steward he pushes a button. But it is there—a real German telephone, shaped like a broken pretzel, and anyone who has a telephone in his room feels that he is getting something for his money. ”

“ A wild, infuriated yell from the motorman of a cable car, which the routed taxi had missed by a scant inch, drew E. Van Tenner’s eyes to the legend on the car, which, he perceived, ran within one block of his hotel. To save time he jumped aboard, and reached his destination as quickly as he would have done in the taxicab. On the way he corrected his entry by deducting five cents for fare; then on reflection added fifteen cents as the probable tip to the chauffeur, this representing the sheer blackmail of the dread of being considered a short sport. ”

“ There are dozens of cases where people foolishly tip. If your hostess’s groom drove you in the dog-cart to the station to catch a train you might think a two-shilling tip all-sufficient. Yet when her chauffeur takes you to the same place in a motor-car you wonder{83} whether he will think five shillings is enough. It is really very absurd. If we have to tip, why not treat the motor-car as we would any vehicle and the chauffeur as we would any groom or coachman? ”

“ Shall I call her a taxi?"
She nodded. "I don't think we ought to stand here any longer: the atmospheric pressure of the Labour party is already affecting my breathing. Besides, any moment I might be mistaken for a Cabinet Minister. I know a salesman's pretty bad, but I must draw the line somewhere."
With that I hailed a taxi. As it was coming to the kerb:
"You're a dear C.B.," I said. "But I would have loved to have given you lunch."
She smiled gently.
"Would you?"
"You know I would, lass. Well, I shall look forward to you and the spring."
The cab drew up, and I opened the door. ”