“ We laugh at a bottle-nose in a caricature; at a stuffed figure of an alderman in a pantomime, and at the tale of Slaukenbergius. A dwarf standing by a giant makes a contemptible figure enough. Rosinante and Dapple are laughable from contrast, as their masters from the same principle make two for a pair. We laugh at the dress of foreigners, and they at ours. Three chimney-sweepers meeting three Chinese in Lincoln’s Inn Fields, they laughed at one another till they were ready to drop down. Country people laugh at a person because they never saw him before. ”

“ There is a class of men who strive to be the first in everything, but are not; to these I pay my court. I do not offer myself to them to be laughed at, but I am the first to laugh with them, and at the same time to admire their parts. Whatever they say, I commend; if they contradict that selfsame thing, I commend again. Does any one deny? I deny; does he affirm? I affirm. In fine, I have so trained myself as to humor them in everything. ”

“ Who money has, to honor all accord:
He is my lord.
Who money has, the ladies ne’er disdain;
Who money has, loud praises will attain;
Who money has, in the world’s heart is stored,
The flower adored.
O’er all mankind he holds his conquering track—
They only are condemned who money lack.
Who money has, will wisdom’s credit gain;
Who money has, all earth is his domain;
Who money has, praise is his sure reward,
Which all afford.
Who money has, from nothing need refrain;
Who money has, on him is favor poured ”

“ For humor, like beauty is in the eye of the beholder. One with an acute sense of humor will see comic in stones, wit in the running brooks,—while a dull or absent sense of humor can see no fun save in the obvious jest. ”

“ Fables
THE GREEDY AND AMBITIOUS CAT There was formerly an old Woman in a village, extremely thin, half-starved, and meager. She lived in a little cottage as dark and gloomy as a fool’s heart, and withal as close shut up as a miser’s hand. This miserable creature had for the companion of her wretched retirements a Cat meager and lean as herself; the poor creature never saw bread, nor beheld the face of a stranger, and was forced to be contented with only smelling the mice in their holes, or seeing the prints of their feet in the dust. ”

“ Moses, the greatest of philosophers, who drew the knowledge of nature from the fountain-head, Nature herself, hinted this truth to us when he spoke of the Tree of Knowledge; and without doubt he intended to intimate to us under that figure that plants, in exclusion of mankind, possess perfect philosophy. Remember, then, oh, thou proudest of animals, that though a cabbage which thou cuttest sayeth not a word, yet it pays in thinking. But the poor vegetable has no fit organs to howl as you do, nor yet to frisk about and weep. ”

“ IN THE PUMPKIN
Leave go my hands. Let me catch breath and see,
What is this confine either side of me?
Green pumpkin vines about me coil and crawl,
Seen sidelong, like a ’possum in a tree,—
Ah me, ah me, that pumpkins are so small!
Oh, my fair love, I charge thee, let me out;
From this gold lush encircling me about;
I turn and only meet a pumpkin wall.
The crescent moon shines slim,—but I am stout,—
Ah me, ah me, that pumpkins are so small! [758]
Pumpkin seeds like cold sea blooms bring me dreams ”

“ In glee each wet and dripping frog jumps upward;
The green one and the speckled join their voices.
“They shout aloud like Brahmans drunk with soma,
When they perform their annual devotions:
Like priests at service sweating o’er the kettle,
They issue forth; not one remains in hiding.
“The frogs that bleat like goats, that low like cattle,
The green one and the speckled give us riches;
Whole herds of cows may they bestow upon us,
And grant us length of days through sacrificing.”
The Jatakas of Buddha, though religious writings, and teachings by parables, are not without humor. ”

“ THE MUSICIANS The tricksy monkey, the goat, the ass, and bandy-legged Mishka, the bear, determined to play a quartet. They provided themselves with the necessary instruments—two fiddles, an alto, and a bass. Then they all settled down under a large tree, with the object of dazzling the world by their artistic performance. They fiddled away lustily for some time, but only succeeded in making a noise, and no music.
“Stop, my friends!” said the monkey, “this will not do; our music does not sound as it ought. It is plain that we are in the wrong positions. ”

“ Coleridge says definitely, “Amongst the classic ancients there was little or no humor.” But, on the other hand, that eminent antiquarian, William Hayes Ward says, “The Greeks were the maddest, jolliest race of men that ever inhabited our planet. As they loved games and play, they loved the joke.”
So, as more than any other human emotion, humor is a matter of opinion, we must dig up whatever nuggets we can and not assay them too meticulously.
Like Homer, Æsop, is wrapped in mystery. Like Homer, too, various cities claimed the honor of being his birthplace. The truth is not known. ”

“ Doubtless, too, a sense of sorrow came before the sense of humor dawned. Death came, and early man wept long before it occurred to him to laugh and have the world laugh with him. Gregariousness and leisure were necessary before mirth could ensue. All life was subjective; dawning intelligence learned first to look out for Number One. ”

“ Women have tempers bold and dread;
When for a dish of eggs you’re fain,
Broth, cheese, you’ll have before you spread:
Now free, you’ll be a slave instead—
When married, you yourself have slain.
Think well. My first resolve is said;
You’re crazy—batter out your brain!
No wife will be like her you feign;
On angry words you shall be fed, [316]
So shall you bitterly complain,
With woes too hard to bear, bested:
Better a life in forest led
Than of such beast to bear the strain. ”

“ Falstaff himself is so great a joke, rather from his being so huge a mass of enjoyment than of absurdity.”
While with equal perceptive judgment “Falstaff,” says Dr. Johnson, “unimitated, unimitable Falstaff, how shall I describe thee? Thou compound of sense and vice; of sense which may be admired but not esteemed; of vice which may be despised, but hardly detested! Falstaff ... is a thief and a glutton, a coward and a boaster, always ready to cheat the weak and prey upon the poor; to terrify the timorous and insult the defenceless. ”

“ When the woman returned home she joyfully related to her husband the details of her interview with the king. “What have you done, you silly fool?” shouted the man with mingled astonishment and alarm. “The other day when I spoke to you about my powers I was merely imposing upon you. I am neither an astrologer nor a diviner. It will be impossible for me to find the lost property. By your silly act you have not only brought disgrace upon us but you have also imperilled our lives. I don’t care what happens to you; I only know that I am going to commit suicide this very day.” ”

“ Suspicions that the mind of itself gathers are but buzzes; but suspicions that are artificially nourished and put into men’s heads by the tales and whisperings of others, have stings.
Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man, and writing an exact man. And therefore, if man write little, he had need have a great memory; if he confer little, he had need have a present wit; and if he read little, he had need have much cunning to seem to know that which he doth not.
Sir John Harington, chiefly remembered for his translation of Orlando Furioso, wrote clever humorous verse. ”

“ One day, however, ready to die for hunger, she got upon the ridge of her enchanted castle, which had long been the mansion of famine for cats, and spied from thence another Cat, that was stalking upon a neighbour’s wall like a Lion, walking along as if she had been counting her steps, and so fat that she could hardly go. The old Woman’s Cat, astonished to see a creature of her own species so plump and so large, with a loud voice, cries out to her pursy neighbour, “In the name of pity, speak to me, thou happiest of the Cat kind! ”

“ Lofty fortune was your friend, and the eye of your prosperity broad awake, when you fell into the society of such an old gentleman as I am, being of mature judgment, well-bred, worldly experienced, inured to the vicissitudes of heat and cold, and practised in the goods and evils of life, who can appreciate the rights of good-fellowship, and fulfil the duties of loving attachment and is kind and affable, sweet-spoken, and cheerful. ”

“ Since we have reason to believe that man mimicked before he could talk,—and, observing a baby, we have no difficulty in believing this,—we readily believe that his earliest mimicries aroused a feeling of amusement in his auditors, and as their applause stimulated him to fresh effort, the ball was set rolling and the fun began.
From mimicry was born exaggeration and the horns and painted masks were grotesque and mirth-provoking. ”

“ As we still call a man an ass or a puppy; or a woman, a cat.
An argument for evolution can perhaps be seen in the inevitable turning back to the animals for a description or representation of human types.
At any rate, early man used this sort of humor almost exclusively, and so combined it with his serious thought, even his religions, that it was a permanently interwoven thread.
And the exaggeration of this mimicry of animals resulted in the grotesque and from that to the monstrous, as the mind grew with what it fed on, and caricature developed and progressed. ”

“ This humor of eating separately gave me the curiosity of asking the cause of it. “He’ll not relish,” said he, “the steam of meat, nor yet of herbs, unless they die of themselves, because he thinks they are sensible of pain.” “I wonder not so much,” replied I, “that he abstains from flesh, and all things that have had a sensitive life. For in our world the Pythagoreans, and even some holy Anchorites, have followed that rule; but not to dare, for instance, cut a cabbage, for fear of hurting it—that seems to me altogether ridiculous.” ”

“ Instantaneous death is nothing to me. I am as cool and collected where leaden rain and iron hail are thickest as I would be in my own office writing the obituary of the man who steals my jokes. But I hate to be drowned slowly in my good [715] clothes and on dry land, and have my dying gaze rest on a woman whose ravishing beauty would drive a narrow-gage mule into convulsions and make him hate himself t’death. ”

“ Coleridge says that humor took its rise in the Middle Ages, while a present day writer contradictingly asserts that nobody smiled from the second century until the fifteenth.
It is true, that as the advent of Christianity put a full stop to all progress in the arts and sciences so it impeded the advance of learning and delayed the development of humor.
And yet, though men may not have smiled during the dark ages, they now and then laughed, at a humor that was far from subtle, but which was the foundation of the world’s merriment. ”

“ ANCIENT HUMOR
After careful consideration of all available facts and theories of the earliest mental processes of our race, we must come to the conclusion that mirth had its origin in sorrow; that laughter was the direct product of tears.
Nor are they even yet completely dissevered. Who has not laughed till he cried? Who has not cried herself into hysterical laughter? All theories of humor include an element of unhappiness; all joy has its hint of pain. ”

“ Yet the opinion that Nature is kinder to mankind than to cabbage-kind, tickles and makes us laugh. But, seeing she is incapable of passion, she can neither love nor hate anything; and were she susceptible of love, she would rather bestow her affection upon this cabbage, which you grant cannot offend her, than upon that man who would destroy her if it lay in his power. ”

“ But, oh, Jupiter, am I not utterly undone?
Megadorus. What’s the matter with you?
Euclio. What was it sounded just now as though it were iron?
Megadorus. I ordered them to dig up the garden at my place. (Euclio runs off into his house.) But where has this man gone? He’s off, and he hasn’t fully answered me; he treats me with contempt. Because he sees that I wish for his friendship, he acts after the usual manner of mankind. For if a wealthy person goes to ask a favor of a poorer one, the poor man is afraid to treat with him; through suspicion he hurts his own interest. ”

“ From that time the English became so famous for puddings, that they are called pudding-eaters all over the world to this day.
At her demise, the woman’s son was taken into favour, and made the King’s chief cook; and so great was his fame for puddings, that he was called Jack Pudding all over the kingdom, though, indeed, his real name was John Brand, as by the records of the kitchen you will find. This Jack Pudding became yet a greater favourite than his mother, insomuch that he had the King’s ear as well as his mouth at command, for the King, you must know, was a mighty lover of pudding. ”

“ Trissotin. By that we see the honorable rank I hold. He leaves you in the crowd, and esteems one blow enough to crush you. He has never done you the honor of repeating his attacks, whereas he assails me separately, as a noble adversary against whom all his efforts are necessary. His blows, repeated against me on all occasions, show that he never thinks himself victorious.
Vadius. My pen will teach you what soft of man I am!
Trissotin. And mine will make you know your master!
Vadius. I defy you in verse, prose, Greek, and Latin! ”

“ If a clergyman breaks his leg, remark that he is no longer a clergyman, but a lame man. If a poet is seized with apoplexy, affect to disbelieve it, though you know it to be true, in order to say, ‘Poeta nascitur non fit’; and then, to carry the joke one step farther, add that “it is not a fit subject for a jest.” A man falling into a tan-pit you may call ‘sinking in the sublime’; a climbing boy suffocated in a chimney meets with a sootable death; and a pretty girl having caught the small-pox is to be much pitted. ”

“ The true comic is the blossom of the nettle.”
Yet, notwithstanding Coleridge’s scientific views on the subject, Humor is not an exact science. It is, more truly, an art, whose principles are based on several accepted theories, and some other theories, not so readily accepted or admitted only in part by these who have thought and written on the subject.
A true solution of the mystery of why a joke makes us laugh, has yet to be found. To the mind of the average human being, anything that makes him laugh is a joke. ”

“ Sancho Panza hastened to his assistance as fast as the ass could carry him; and when he came up to his master he found him unable to stir, so violent was the blow which he and Rozinante had received in their fall.
“God save me!” quoth Sancho, “did not I warn you to have a care of what you did, for that they were nothing but windmills? And nobody could mistake them but one that had the like in his head.”
“Peace, friend Sancho,” answered Don Quixote; “for matters of war are, of all others, most subject to continual change. ”