Mr. Punch

“ Mr. Punch had expected to be carried into one of the courts of the Alhambra, but, in lieu of this, he found himself gazing at a lady, beautiful beyond compare. For a moment he was so lost in admiration, that he almost forgot himself, and was about to kiss her. ”

“ Punch's gracious assent was known at Holyhead, before he had finished congratulating his companion, in the most truly charming style, on a promised knighthood, of which the Viceroy of Ireland had whispered something to Mr. Punch.
"No man ever earned his spurs better than the man who has been spurring railways into increased activity for so many years," said Mr. Punch, with a beautiful bow.
"I have not called you from the House at an unfortunate time, I trust, Sir," said the other. "Not that you can ever be spared, but—"
"William Gladstone is quite up to his work," replied the great patriot. ”

“ They were ever ready to go out of their way for the sake of a joke, and a pun, good or bad, was pleasant to them. In this congenial atmosphere Punch germinated, and in July, 1841, that shrewd observer and good-humoured satirist appeared. Mr. Punch, like some other great men, had a hard struggle in his early days; but prosperous times came, and he now combines in his own person the dignity of age with the vivacity of youth. Puck, Diogenes, and numerous other imitators of Punch, attempted to obtain a share of public favour, but most of them died after a brief existence. ”

“ I trust you will not consider me indiscreet if I ask for—"
"My name and address," returned the fair maiden, smilingly, completing the sentence; "Learn, then, that I live at the bottom of a well, to which rather damp resting-place I am about to return; and that in England I am called Truth."
And as the lady disappeared, Mr. Punch fell from his chair, and awoke!
"Dear me, I have been dreaming!" exclaimed the Sage, as he left the meeting. "Well, as everyone knows, dreams are not in the least like reality! But the strangest thing of all was to find Truth in a Congress!" ”

“ With 'Uncle MARK' in the chair, I knew there would be neither austere autocracy, nor fainéant laxity, neither weakness of stroke nor foulness of blow, neither Rosa-Matilda-ish, mawkishness, nor Rabelaisian coarseness.
"How well I remember my first group of 'Young Men,'" pursued Mr. Punch, musingly. "There was swift and scathing DOUGLAS JERROLD, with his tossed and tangled mane of grey hair. GILBERT ABBOTT À BECKETT, too, the whimsically witty, the drolly satirical, the comically caustic. ”

“ MR. GLADSTONE IN "PUNCH."
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(By J. Leech, J. Tenniel, L. Sambourne, and H. Furniss. Re-drawn by Harry Furniss.)
It is true that Punch has imposed upon a nation a character which, as depicted, is unknown in the land, and placed him in a line of business notoriously dissimilar from that in which he really engages; and the sum-total of it all is greatly to the credit of Mr. Punch's influence. He has, in fact, "educated" a nation. ”

“ But we must pass them by, to emphasize a quality that out-tops and outshines them all,—his humanity.
This is Mr. Punch's specialty, generating his purest fun and consecrating his versatile talents to highest ends. Wherever [Pg 847] he catches meanness, avarice, selfishness, force, preying upon the humble and the weak, he is sure to give them hard knocks with his baton, or home-thrusts with his pen and pencil. ”

“ Punch's hundredth volume. The "Ship" at Greenwich was the place of venue. With Mr. Burnand in the chair, the members of the Staff seated as represented in Mr. Sambourne's well-known drawing of "The Mahogany Tree," with Mr. W. H. Bradbury and Sir William Agnew at one end of the table, with toasts to Mr. Punch himself, to Sir John Tenniel, to Mr. Burnand, and to the proprietors, the enthusiasm "first grew warm and then grew hot;" and when a presentation of a silver cigar-box had been made to the Editor, it was duly resolved to meet again, the same company in the same place, fifty years hence! ”

“ If Punch was to hold securely the position he had achieved, it should and must be "to provide relaxation for all, fun for all, without a spice of malice or a suspicion of vulgarity, humour without a flavour of bitterness, satire without reckless severity, and nonsense so laughter-compelling as to be absolutely irresistible from its very absurdity." ”

“ Punch says better than the audience. This person must repeat after Punch whatever he may say, only not to wound his feelings; he must do so in the [Pg 47] form of questions—for example, suppose Mr. Punch says, "Oh! I've got such a pretty baby!" the showman outside must repeat: "Oh! you've got a pretty baby, Mr. Punch, have you? Where is she?" The outside showman ought to have some instrument to play on—a tin tea-tray or tin pan will do—and if there is any one to accompany him on the piano when Mr. Punch sings a song or dances, so much the better. ”

“ Punch's man. It occurred in this way: One of the puppet-shows known as "Punch and Judy," arrived at Newmarket, to the great gratification of the neighborhood. Young Curran was an attentive listener at every exhibition of the show. At length, Mr. Punch's man fell ill, and immediately ruin threatened the establishment. Curran, who had devoured all the man's eloquence, offered himself to the manager as Mr. Punch's man. His services were gladly accepted, and his success so complete, that crowds attended every performance, and Mr. Punch's new man became the theme of universal panegyric. ”

“ In his hand he held a curious black disc, with which he beat time to a ditty, of which Mr. Punch only succeeded in catching the following refrain:—
"Oh, I 'ave sech a w'y with the loydies! All the dorlins upon me are gorn!
For they soy—'Yn't he noice! you can tell by his vice,
He's a toff and a gentleman born!'"
And here the singer suddenly caused the black disc to expand with a faint report to a cylindrical form of head-dress, which he placed upon one side of his head, amidst thunders of approval. ”

“ Punch was a great lover of the "noble animal," but it was precisely for that reason that he welcomed its release from the drudgery and suffering, the maltreatment and overloading inseparable from the old order. The speeding-up of street traffic brought with it new perils and noises, but it freed us from many discomforts and nuisances—for example, the "cab-runner," rampant in the middle 'nineties, who plagued unprotected females by his extortions and insolence until the coming of the taxi ran him off his legs. ”

“ But Punch was often intolerant of competitors, and he was never an extravagant Turcophil as Urquhart was.
MR. PUNCH'S DESIGN FOR A STATUE TO MISS NIGHTINGALE
"Punch" Designs a Statue
If a paper, like a man, is to be fairly judged by its heroes and favourites, Punch emerges from the test with considerable credit. Most of them have been mentioned incidentally elsewhere, [Pg 314] and the list [33] might easily be added to. Let it suffice, however, to give the names of Jenner, Stephenson, Rowland Hill, Paxton, Faraday, and Livingstone ”

“ Enter Punch, with a large sheep-bell, which he rings violently, and dances about the stage, shaking the bell and his head at the same time, and accompanying the music with his voice;—tune, “Morgiana in Ireland.”
Mr. Punch is a very gay man,
He is the fellow the ladies for winning, oh ”

“ So is a character played by Miss CLARA JECKS as only Miss CLARA JECKS can and does play it. And there are many more equally bright and fresh, and, in a word, original.
So, my dear Mr. Punch, hasten to the Royal Adelphi Theatre, if you wish to see something that will either wake you up or send you to sleep. Go, my dear Mr. Punch, and sit out The Trumpet Call, and when you have seen it, you will understand why I sign myself,
Yours faithfully,
ONE WHO HAS SEEN NOTHING LIKE IT BEFORE.
"FRENCH AS SHE IS SPOKE."
From Admiral Gervais to My Lor' Maire. ”

“ This advice is of special importance, and should be observed by the players. On no account should Mr. Punch be allowed to remain motionless, dull or stupid, with nothing to say or do. He is ever to be the gayest of the gay, king and conqueror of all before him. Once in view above the stage before the company, whilst waiting for an act to commence or for a figure to come up, he thumps his club down on the stage, throws it at the showman outside, dances, or sings a verse of a song. ”

“ Punch certainly exercised the national privilege of grumbling to the full, though the shafts of his satire were sometimes of the nature of boomerangs. We can sympathize with him when, in his list of "things and persons that should emigrate," [Pg 225] he includes "all persons who give imitations of actors; all quack doctors and advertising professors; all young men who smoke before the age of fifteen, and young ladies who wear ringlets after the age of thirty," as fit for "dumping." ”

“ Punch; "he is just the person that a Music Hall audience idolises as their highest ideal of a man and gentleman—in Seriocomix."
"At least," said TIME, "you wouldn't stand such an outrageous cad as that in any of your Music Halls, I hope?"
A deeper tinge stole into Mr. Punch's already highly-coloured countenance. "Certainly not," he replied, with perhaps the slightest suspicion of a gulp. "Our 'Lion Comiques' are without exception, persons of culture and education, and, if they sing of love at all, it is only to treat the subject in a chaste and chivalrous spirit. ”

“ Punch hopefully. "It's Mr. Punch," said a cheerful voice. "Come in."
The Cornet-Major of the B.S.R. glissaded into the trench and found himself shaking hands with a very young subaltern of the ———th ———s. [Censored.]
"Thought I recognised you," he said. "Glad to see you out here, Sir."
"That's really what I came about," said Mr. Punch. "I want your advice."
"My advice! Good Lord!... Sure you're comfortable there? Now what'll you have? Cigar or barley-sugar?" Mr. Punch accepted a cigar.
"We're all for barley-sugar ourselves just now," the subaltern went on. ”

“ I was much affected by the internal troubles of the Punch family; I thought that with a little more tact on the part of Mrs. Punch and some restraint held over a temper, naturally violent, by Mr. Punch, a great deal of this sad misunderstanding might have been prevented. ”

“ Bright, in the kindest manner, offered to fight anybody who was irrational. Their appeals were successful, and after three hours of peaceful talk, Messrs. C. & B. went off to the employers with proposals, enforcing them by sound argument. They were accepted, and the whole population have returned to work.
Mr. Punch has not often the happiness of agreeing with the Morning Herald, but is bound to express his gratitude to that journal for having called his attention to the above noble and courageous conduct of Messers. ”

“ The highest honour ever done to his friend, was the selection of him by the men of Barks to represent them in the Commons House of Parliament. (Renewed cheering.) His fullest pleasure was to retain their confidence and to serve them and posterity to the utmost extent of his power and opportunity. (Disturbance at the rear of the hall; cries of "Put him out!" "Sit on 'is 'ead!") Mr. Punch begged they would do no such thing. It would be sure to give way under pressure. (Laughter.) In conclusion, he begged to thank them for the honour they had done his friend, and he might add, themselves. ”

“ Yet an advertisement of a school in Essex on almost precisely similar lines survived for at least forty years after Punch's protest, as the present writer can testify. Nor were the claims of the underpaid official forgotten. In his "Penny Post Medal" Punch endeavoured to illustrate the triumph of Rowland Hill, and waxed lyrical over his achievement, indignant over his treatment:—
Beautiful, much more beautiful, to the eye of the philosopher Punch, is the red coat of the Postman with his bundle of penny missives than the scarlet coat of the Life Guardsman! ”

“ Her Ladyship is at Monty Carlo; the young gentlemen are in the Halps; and Sir John has taken the other members of the family to the Restorong!" Punch was not content with attacking the organized publicity of social life, with which may be connected his satire of the orgy of Pageants; he was equally vigorous in chastising its organized frivolity and horse-play; the extravagance of the week-end pleasure-hunt; the ostentatious folly of freak entertainments ”

“ Bridge—to which Punch had paid a negative homage on the ground that it kept the drawing-room ballad-monger and the parlour-tricksters at bay—had ousted whist, and in 1913 was threatened by "Coon-Can." On the cult of [Pg 248] the "Peky-Peky" Punch spoke with two voices, for while he deprecated the infatuation of their owners, he was fully alive to the charm, the intelligence, and the courage of these picturesque little Orientals.
Extravagance invariably leads to reaction ”

“ But the fashionable ladies soon succumbed to the craze, and became adepts in the lingo of intensity. Punch attacked the æsthetes alternately with the rapier and the bludgeon, using the former in the delicate raillery of Du Maurier's pictures, the latter in prose and verse comments on their eccentricities and extravagance. Here his attitude is invariably that of the healthy Philistine. ”

“ A heavy tread, and the Emperor of all the Russias sullenly stalked away, sooner than thus redeem his Honour.
The third forfeit. "The Owner will find a Lady, whose well-omened Christian name is Victoria, and to her he will recite some verses, of his own making, in praise of Chobham and Spithead." "I am not [Pg iii] much of a poet," said Mr. Cobden, "but if my Friend, Bright, will help me, I will gladly so redeem my Blunder."
The fourth. "A poor Foreigner," whispered the over-kindly Lady, but Mr. Punch sternly buttoned his pockets. ”