Table manners

“ No whipping or scolding would so impress upon the growing boy the importance of the fact that the dinner table is not the place for pets.
Another effective way of teaching table manners to children consists in making up attractive games about the various lessons to be learned. Thus, whenever you have guests for dinner, the children can play “Boner” which consists in watching the visitor closely all during the meal in order to catch him in any irregularity in table etiquette. ”

“ The washed faces, and the cloth on the table, and the hot dinner should all be in readiness when the father appears. Not a minute of his precious hour should be lost or spoiled by any one's unpunctuality, or any body's ill-manners. All should go smoothly at his table by every one's gentleness and cheerfulness and good-breeding. ”

“ Coffee may be served at the table or in the drawing-room as is best liked. People are not asked if they will have it; it is served to them. Only sugar is offered with black coffee.
HABITS AT TABLE.
Nothing indicates the good breeding of a man so much as his manners at table. There are a thousand little points to be observed, which, although not absolutely necessary, distinctly stamp the refined and well-bred man. A man may pass muster by dressing well, and may sustain himself tolerably in conversation; but, if he is not nearly perfect in table etiquette, dining will betray him. ”

“ LESSON 32.
Purpose.—To specify some polite usages at table.
Method.—A conversation.
The Lesson.
I would like you to tell me some things about table manners. You may think of polite ways of asking for things at table, and I will write them on the blackboard as you give them. But first you may tell me whom you should ask.
“A servant, if there is one.”
And if not?
“Any one who can easily reach what is wanted.” ”

“ What can induce so many intellectual citizens to prefer these long, silent tables, scantily covered with morsels of fried ham, salt fish and liver, to a comfortable loaf of bread with their wives and children at home? How greatly should I prefer eating my daily meals with my family, in an Indian wig-wam, to boarding at a table d’hôte in these capacious hotels; the custom, however, seems universal through the country, at least we have met it, without a shadow of variation as to its general features, from New Orleans to Buffalo. ”

“ An attractive, well-ordered table is an incentive to good manners, and being a place where one is incited to linger, it tends to control the bad habits of fast eating; while, on the contrary, an uninviting, disorderly table gives license to bad manners, and encourages the haste which is proverbial among Americans. ”

“ Among other directions for table, you are told not to leave your spoon in your platter; not to return back to your plate the food you have put in your mouth; not to dip your meat in the salt-cellar to salt it, but to take a little salt on your knife and put it on the meat; not to drink from a cup with a dirty mouth; not to offer to another person the remains of your pottage; not to eat much cheese; to take only two or three nuts, when they are placed before you; not to play with your knife; not to roll your napkin into a cord, or tie it in knots; and not to get intoxicated during dinner-time! ”

“ Guests should be prompt in arriving at the hour named.
At the table it is in good taste to accept whatever is offered, eating it or not, as one desires. Wines should be accepted, even if one does not partake of them. ”

“ Never turn the spoon over in the mouth in the effort to free it entirely from its contents. Do not let the most adhesive of food betray you into this most disagreeable of habits. Take small mouthfuls and there will be less danger of this occurring. Handle knife and fork carefully, so as not to cause any unnecessary clatter at table.
Waiters pass all food to the left, and all dishes are removed at the left. Wine is passed at the right. All dishes that are being passed must be held low enough so that the guests can help themselves without difficulty. ”

“ The guests being brought in by the host, wash their hands, out of a laver or ewer, over a hand-basin, or bowl, and wipe them with a hand-towel; then they sit at the table on chairs. The carver breaketh up the good cheer, and divideth it. Sauces are set amongst roste-meat in sawsers. The butler filleth strong wine out of a cruse, or wine-pot, or flagon, into cups, or glasses, which stand on a cup-board, and he reacheth them to the master of the feast, who drinketh to his guests.” It will be observed that one salt-cellar is here placed in the middle of the table. ”

“ Mixed dinner parties of ladies and gentlemen are very rare, and unless several foreigners are present, but little conversation passes at table. It certainly does not, in my opinion, add to the well ordering a dinner table, to set the gentlemen at one end of it, and the ladies at the other ”

“ Artificial light is out of place, and sunshine should flood the apartment, while a certain airiness and daintiness should pervade the table appointments, quite the opposite of the elaborate display that characterizes the dinner party. Flowers should form the decorations of the table. ”

“ The rule at all dinner-parties is for the servant to commence serving by handing the dishes to the lady seated at the host's right hand, then to the lady seated at the host's left hand, and from thence the length of the table to each guest in the order seated, irrespective of sex. ”

“ In seating one's self at table, assume a comfortable position, neither so close as to be awkward, nor so far away as to endanger the clothing by dropping food in its passage from table to lips. Sit upright, and do not bend over to take each mouthful of food.
If a gentleman is accompanied by a lady, he should draw her chair out from the table, and, when she is seated, assist her in putting it back in position, unless in some public dining place, where this office will be assumed by a waiter. ”

“ A presentation card, to be shown at the door, is sent with the invitation.
MEN. Men wear evening dress.
The men wait upon their partners and themselves at the table, the waiters assisting, unless small tables are used, when the patronesses sit by themselves, and others form groups as they like. The guests are served by the waiters, as at a dinner. ”

“ One well-trained maid should be able to render all the assistance required at the table. Given the before-mentioned maid, a lady can, with previous management, give a dinner as elegantly, and perhaps with more perfect hospitality, than where the whole affair is relegated to the hands of an experienced caterer.
In laying the table the same manner of arrangement is to be observed as for dinner à la Russe, save that there are more dishes on the board and the decorations are placed with a view to leaving all the space possible. ”

“ The repast may be elaborately made up of salads, oysters, small game, chocolate, ices and a variety of dishes which will destroy the appetite for dinner, or it may simply consist of a cup of tea or chocolate, thin sliced bread and butter, chip beef or cold tongue, but there is the same opportunity to display good taste and a well-appointed table as at a grander entertainment.
Ladies attend formal luncheons in very elegant street or carriage costumes. They wear rich and becoming bonnets, which they do not take off. They appear with gloves, removing them when seated at the table. ”

“ At table the guests should remain standing until all have found their places, when the host and hostess seat themselves, after which the others follow. The men should assist the women they escort before taking their own seats.
At an informal dinner a hostess should introduce a man to the woman he is to escort to dinner, informing him whether he is to sit on the right or left hand of the host. ”

“ It does not matter upon which side of her escort a lady sits at table. The gentleman will draw out a chair for the lady, if a waiter is not in attendance to do it, and take the next seat himself.
When passing your plate to be helped a second time, lay the knife and fork at the left-hand side.
Do not, if talking to a friend, drop all conversation so soon as a child requires attention, or has some childish remark to make.
When in parlor, or drawing-room, if a woman, standing, hands a cup, a book, a flower, or any article to a man who is seated, he should rise to receive it. ”

“ Music, both vocal and instrumental, is a great addition to an evening reception.
Refreshments are generally served informally. The table should be set tastily in the dining-room, and supplied with coffee or chocolate at one end and a tea service at the other. Besides these, daintily prepared sandwiches, buns, cakes, ices and fruits are served. If the reception is very select, and the number of guests small, a servant presents a tray with tea, sugar and cream, while another follows with the simple refreshments that should accompany it. ”

“ Asking for invitations for one's visiting friends, while permissible on some occasions, such as requesting the favor of bringing a gentleman to a ball where dancing men are always at a premium, or an unexpected guest of your family to a reception or evening party, should never be resorted to when a dinner party is in question, for, to gratify the request would, in all probability, throw the whole of a carefully arranged table into disorder. ”

“ DOMESTIC AMUSEMENTS AFTER DINNER.—THE CHAMBER AND ITS FURNITURE.—PET ANIMALS.—OCCUPATIONS AND MANNERS OF THE LADIES.—SUPPER.—CANDLES, LAMPS, AND LANTERNS. When the dinner was over, and hands washed, a drink was served round, and then the ladies left the table, and went to their chambers or to the garden or fields, to seek their own amusements, which consisted frequently of dancing, in which they were often joined by the younger of the male portion of the household, while the others remained drinking. ”

“ Those friends invited to pour tea or chocolate also come at the hour named, and after removing their wraps seat themselves at their-292- particular tables, or at their end of the one long table. It is their duty to dispense, besides the cups that cheer, words and smiles that cheer also to every one who comes, no matter whether they know them or not. ”

“ At dinner I made a comparison of the manners of the table with those of steamboat tables in America, and the comparison was not favorable to my own country. There you generally see men eating in silence and rapidity, and with very little regard for the comfort of their neighbors. ”

“ A dinner given to a person of known temperance principles is often marked, in compliment, by an entire absence of wine.
If there is but one wine served with a simple dinner, it should be Sherry or Claret, and should be in glass decanters on the table. The guests can help themselves; the hostess can offer it immediately after soup.
The announcement of dinner is given as quietly as possible. The butler, or head waiter, who should be in full evening dress, minus gloves, quietly says, "Dinner is served," or, as in France, "Madame-202- is served." ”

“ Ice cream can be served as above, and ices in glass cups; after this the maids can gather up the dishes in baskets. A caterer may be called upon to furnish the feast, in which event all trouble will be spared the hostess. Do not use the best glass and china at these entertainments; the danger of breakage is too great.
At many gatherings a special table is supplied for the gentlemen, where soda-water, claret cup, and sometimes wines are served. The men help themselves, but a manservant is present to supply fresh glasses, etc. This table depends entirely upon the principles of the hostess. ”

“ At a standing-up luncheon the gentlemen should help the ladies and themselves to the various dishes on the table, as dishes are not handed at this description of luncheon; hot entrées and soup are not given. ”

“ The table is laid much in the same manner in our third example, cut No. 112. We have again the cups and the bread, the latter in round cakes; in our second example they are marked with crosses, as in the Anglo-Saxon illuminations; but there are no forks, or even spoons, which, of course, were used for pottage and soups, and were perhaps brought on and taken off with them. All the guests seem to be ready to use their fingers. ”

“ The hostess dispenses the coffee, tea and chocolate from the head of the table; the substantials are set in front of the host, who may help the plates and hand them to the waiter to serve; the vegetables and other dishes may be handed from the side table.
Concerning the Viands.
It is well-bred to serve the breakfast with as little formality as possible, and with as few attendants; one servant, a maid, or man servant is sufficient unless the party is unusually large. ”

“ WOMEN. The women wear evening dress, and follow the same etiquette as at all dinners, except that no calls are made by them afterward upon the host.
BACHELOR'S FAREWELL DINNER. If the groom wishes, he may give a farewell dinner a few evenings before the wedding to his best man, ushers, and a few intimate friends. He sits at the head of the table and the best man opposite, and on this occasion he may give scarf-pins, link cuff-buttons—or neckties and gloves, if he wishes—to the best man and ushers. ”

“ When the supper is served in relays the hostess had better wait until the last table, and circulate about among those guests who have not yet been served. Some appointed lady can serve as hostess at each table. The elder guests should be seated at the first. Sometimes small tables are scattered about the rooms to accommodate those who cannot find place at the large table, thus all are served at once.
Where neither card-playing nor dancing are indulged in, it becomes necessary to find some other amusement. Impromptu charades are sure to break the ice. ”

“ There are people at table, besides those enumerated in the morality, who are here indicated by their names: Passe-Temps at one end of the table, a lady to his left, and after her Je-Boy-à-Vous, who has Bonne-Compagnie by his side, and to her left Dinner, the host. To the right of Passe-Temps sits the lady Gourmandize, and to her right Je-Vous-Pleige (I pledge you) , and next to him Friandize. The cups in which they are drinking are flat-shaped, and appear, by the colours in the original, to be of glass, with the brims, and other parts in some, gilt. ”