Bride price

“ With other peoples a part or the whole of the purchase price comes to the bride herself. Either the father turns it over as a marriage portion, or it is paid to her directly by the bridegroom. In the latter case, as Westermarck observes, it is often difficult "to make out whether the presents obtained from the bridegroom formed originally a part of the bride-price or were only a means of gaining her own consent." ”

“ The Kafir maiden who brings a good price from her suitor is not therefore necessarily a "chattel" any more than is the daughter whose labor the civilized parent lets out for hire. [705] A high price may be looked upon also as a proper recognition of the rank or of the mental and physical attractions of the bride. [706] Furthermore, it is significant that actual bride-purchase may [217] coexist with advanced ethical and religious conceptions of the marriage state. ”

“ In some communities this custom of exchange is definitely connected with the bride-price, which may be so large as almost to compel a man to give his sister in exchange for the wife he takes from another clan. ”

“ The bride-price goes to the parents, and the girl has no share in it. She becomes the property of her purchaser, who may beat her " with his fist, with a stick, with a stone, or even with a poignard." ”

“ Marriage.Polygamy is permitted; but even the most courageous and skilful seldom or never have more than one wife. A young man wishing to marry commissions his father to treat with the father of the bride as to the price; which latterly has greatly increased; but the average is ten bolos, costing from four to six reals each, and about $12 in cash; and the acquisition of so large a sum by the sale of wax, resin, and abacá, often takes the bridegroom two years. ”

“ To give away a wife without a price is in the highest degree disgraceful to her family." [600] Among the Indians of northern California likewise "marriage is sometimes essentially a matter of business. The young brave must not hope to win his bride by feats of arms or softer wooing, but must buy her of her father, like any other chattel, and pay the price at once, or resign in favor of a richer man. The inclinations of the girl are in nowise consulted; no matter where her affections are placed, she goes to the highest bidder." The social position of the bride depends upon the price she brings ”

“ In hard times, or where there is an excess of women, wives are cheap; when times are good or women scarce, the price rises in proportion. Among peoples somewhat advanced in culture sentiment must, of course, be taken into account. Where it is regarded as a disgrace to accept a small compensation for a daughter, high prices may lead to celibacy. Such, at the beginning of the past century, was the case in Servia, where the bridegroom, in addition to the purchase price, was expected to bestow liberal presents, not only upon the bride and her mother, but also upon all her near relatives. ”

“ In our own civil-marriage ceremonies, where the dualism does not usually appear, the responses of the parties, the "Yes," "I do," or "I will," are nothing more than the survival of the ancient private betrothal, now recognized by law as the only essential parts of the nuptial ceremony; while the wedding ring is merely a duplicate of the betrothal or engagement ring, both being the survival of the arrha and, therefore, of the ancient purchase price of the bride. ”

“ Hence it seems "almost probable that marriage by services is a more archaic form than marriage by purchase; but generally they occur simultaneously." [591]
By far the most common way of purchasing a wife is by giving property in exchange. [592] Usually the amount of the price is arranged, like any other bargain, by agreement between the interested parties; but sometimes it is established by custom. [593] Always where the contract is merely a commercial transaction the price is in theory an equivalent for the economic loss sustained by the family or gens of the bride. ”

“ The bridegroom pays the bride’s parents the stipulated “wife-price.” He retires to his own house and there awaits his unseen bride. She is placed in a closed palanquin, a fantastic sedan chair, which is carried at the end or in the centre of the bridal procession. This procession is as elaborate as the means of the contracting families will permit, and as grotesque as Chinese fancy can invent. In it are lanterns, musical instruments, fans, umbrellas, insignia of rank, and covered tables on which are roast pigs and a hundred and one Chinese dainties. ”

“ The above is a description of the upper class marriage feast, but that of the poorer class is carried on in much the same style, except that the proceedings are much briefer. The bride's father and people on the one hand strive by might and main to get the highest payment obtainable, while the bridegroom's folk exert themselves to hold the price down. Whatever is given in payment is overvalued--it is a keepsake, an heirloom, would never be given away under any other circumstances--in fact, may result in evil to the giver. ”

“ At the end of six months, the lover himself comes to repeat the same ceremony; the price is stipulated, and the wedding appointed. Sometimes several months elapse, before a day deemed sufficiently lucky arrives; but however long the probation may be, the young people must not indulge in any thing like courtship. A girl would be disgraced, if she were to give her intended husband the slightest reason to suppose she preferred him to any other man.
When a young man is too poor to purchase a bride, he often agrees to serve her father four or five [Pg 172] years. ”

“ The standard price for a wife is ten to twenty dollars, and where a trade cannot be made with a pony or blanket, the money itself is offered. The bargaining completed, there are no further preliminaries or ceremony, except that, three weeks or so before the wedding, the bridegroom takes up his residence in the hawa of the bride's parents. ”

“ Going to the house of the girl they casually broach the subject and if her parents are favorable, a day is set to discuss the details. This meeting is attended by the friends and relatives of both families, and two head-men or datu must also be present to represent the contracting parties. The price the girl should bring varies according to the wealth of the interested parties and the accomplishments of the bride. Whatever the sum paid, the father of the girl must make a return present equal to one-half the value of the marriage gift "so that he does not sell his daughter like a slave." ”

“ For this reason, the purchase price of a wife was regarded as a forfeit or deposit which the husband was doomed to lose in case of divorce or desertion. Once the purchase price of a bride had been paid, many tribes permitted the husband's brand to be burned upon her. Africans still buy their wives. A love wife, or a white man's wife, they compare to a cat because she costs nothing. ”

“ It is on such festive occasions that marriage contracts are generally made. The price of a bride, jujur, is fixed by the Dutch Government at twenty guilders, eight Mexican dollars, that is, the parents cannot now recover more than that sum for their daughter in case their son-in-law [497] is unwilling to pay a larger sum. ”

“ You should also consider the question of expense, since it is now the custom for the bride to make a gift to each of her attendants. If the ceremony takes place at church, her family also pay for the carriages for the bridesmaids. A large church wedding is a very costly affair, and a young girl should be considerate in the demands upon her father’s purse. The expenditure for a wedding should be in proportion to the means of the bride’s family, since etiquette demands that they and not the groom should meet it. ”

“ The Bridal Bouquet and the Bridesmaids' Bouquets come next on the list of expenses a bridegroom defrays. Rich men spend liberally in this direction, but average sums to give to meet ordinary incomes are two guineas to one guinea for a bride's bouquet, and five and twenty to fifteen shillings each for the bridesmaids' bouquets.
The Fees connected with the Ceremony are strictly the province of the bridegroom to defray. If a marriage is by licence, he pays the cost, which in town amounts to £2 2s. ”

“ Not only are the wedding ceremonies expensive, but a poor father, or a father with several daughters to find husbands for, must often strain his credit to the utmost in providing dowries. It is said that among the humbler classes a father will sometimes mortgage his wages for life to secure money for this purpose. Then, too, the marriage-broker or middleman who has gone to the groom's father with the story that the bride is "as beautiful as the full moon, as graceful as a young elephant, and with a voice as sweet as a cuckoo's"--he must also be paid for his indispensable services. ”

“ The bridegroom pays the other costs. He buys not only the household furniture and his clothing, but the wedding ring, earrings, a gift for the bride, and some of her clothing. If the girl is poor he may even buy her underwear and the linens. It is said that these things often cost all the bridegroom's savings, and that the couple start married life with nothing saved for emergencies. The expense of the bridegroom in a recent Italian wedding in Chicago was $2,000. ”

“ As a general rule, parents bequeath a larger proportion to sons than daughters; but where there is no will, property is equally divided. Among the rich, who settle marriage contracts with all possible formality, the bridegroom often binds himself to pay a certain annual sum to his wife, for her own peculiar use, which is called pin-money. This phrase probably originated in ancient times, when ornamental pins constituted an important and expensive part of a lady’s dress. It is deemed the husband’s business to purchase furniture, and put the house in readiness for his bride. ”

“ Just as it is contrary to all laws of etiquette for the bride to accept any part of her trousseau or wedding reception from the groom, so it is unthinkable for the bride to defray the least fraction of the cost of the wedding journey, no matter though she have millions in her own right, and he be earning ten dollars a week. ”

“ In France the latter is supposed to give a dot; in America it is not thought of. In time the wedding occurs, amid much ceremony, the bride's parents bearing all the expense; the groom is relieving them of a future expense, and is naturally not burdened. ”

“ CHAPTER XVIII WEDDING EXPENSES
The Responsibilities of a Bridegroom from a pecuniary point of view commence from the moment of his engagement. He must at once present the bride-elect with an engagement ring. A man of even moderate wealth finds no difficulty in choosing and purchasing a handsome ring costing from £50 to £100; but a poor man, possessing but a small income, is often put to more expense than he can conveniently afford in the matter of an engagement ring. ”

“ Among respectable tradesmen and people of the middle classes, fifty or seventy-five dollars will suffice, and there is almost always a great deal of haggling before the amount of the dowry is fixed. From the necessity of paying something to the bride’s family, the youths not unnaturally speak of marriage as “buying a wife.” A donkey-driver whom I employed occasionally in Cairo, used to discourse upon the matter as follows:
“I save money for buy wife. When I save three pounds I buy wife, one wife. ”

“ Fashionable weddings are very costly affairs. The outfits of the bride and groom cost thousands of dollars, the extravagance of the man being fully equal to that of his bride. A wedding is attended with numerous entertainments, all of which p. 169are costly, and the expenses attendant upon the affair itself are enormous. The outlay is not confined to the parties immediately concerned, the friends of the happy pair must go to great expense to give to the bride elegant and appropriate presents. ”

“ So it is that the true gentleman is as willing to give a handsome fee to him, if his means permit it, as he is to give to his bride something which shall delight and please her, and which shall symbolize his appreciation of the gift of herself. The bridegroom's offering to the clergyman is indeed the touchstone of his refinement. Wedding fees vary from five to a thousand dollars, the usual amount being twenty-five dollars for the fairly affluent. ”

“ He dismounted and walked over the carpet into the house, and when he entered the room there stood the girl blushing like any rose. ‘You are the poorest and yet the richest,’ said he: ‘come with me, you shall be my bride.’
She said nothing, but she held out her hand. Then he kissed her, and led her out, lifted her on his horse and took her to his royal palace, where the wedding was celebrated with great rejoicings.
The spindle, the shuttle, and the needle were carefully placed in the treasury, and were always held in the very highest honour. ”

“ The first thing is to fix the amount of the dowry of the bride, and they spend a good deal of time haggling over it, just as they do in every transaction where money is concerned. The wekeel demands more than he expects to receive, and the bridegroom offers less than he expects to give. ”

“ All the expenses of a wedding belong to the bride's parents; the invitations are issued by them, the reception is at their house, and the groom's family are little more than ordinary guests. The cost of a wedding varies as much as the cost of anything else that one has or does. A big fashionable wedding can total far up in the thousands and even the simplest entails considerable outlay, which can, however, be modified by those who are capable of doing things themselves instead of employing professional service at every point. ”