Marriageable age

“ If a man were only a generating animal, the problem of age in marriage would be very simple, and reducible to this formula: That as long as men or women can relight the flame of life they are marriageable. ”

“ That girls can reach a marriageable age without some knowledge of the realities of marriage would seem incredible were it not a fact. One highly-educated lady intimately known to me told me that when she was about eighteen she suffered many months of agonising apprehension that she was about to have a baby because a man had snatched a kiss from her lips at a dance. ”

“ I said, as I tucked, “I’d rather be a newspaper reporter than anything else in the world. As a profession ’tis so broadenin’, an’ at the same time, so chancey.”
CHAPTER XIII.
THE TEST
Some day the marriageable age for women will be advanced from twenty to thirty, and the old maid line will be changed from thirty to forty. When that time comes there will be surprisingly few divorces. The husband of whom we dream at twenty is not at all the type of man who attracts us at thirty. ”

“ More commonly the man is much the older, and there are at the present time many cases in which elderly men are married to young girls. This is partly due to the practice of infant marriage. Unless a widower can take advantage of the terersthi custom, which is always expensive, he may have to marry a child and wait till she has reached a marriageable age. Thus, Kòdrner, my guide, lost his wife some years ago, and then married a girl whose present7 age is only thirteen, Kòdrner being forty-two. ”

“ In the year 1865, there were 33,452 more females than males between the age of twenty and thirty. We might go on from State to State and then to the census taken by the United States, and a vast surplus would be shown of females over males of a marriageable age. ”

“ The limit of marriageable ages for a woman shall be from sixteen to twenty years at the longest,—for a man, from thirty to thirty-five years; and let a woman hold office at forty, and a man at thirty years. ”

“ The happiest marriages are those in which youth and beauty and confidence on one side, rely on the sagacity, moderation, and prudence of years -- middle age, I mean, madam, for I'll no' deny that there is such a thing as a husband's being too old for a wife. ”

“ They become old, and frequently—owing to the expectation of their settling—without the provision necessary for a comfortable old age. This is the parent of those despicable tricks and arts which women resort to to get married, as they have no acknowledged position independent of matrimony. ”

“ The age properly considered "marriageable" is a ques- tion of which there can be no absolute solution, dependent, as it is, on so great a variety of conditions, as climate, constitution, temperament, the actual state of health of the individual, etc. ”

“ There can be no doubt that in these less spacious days the idea of a bride of thirteen would not commend itself to parents or guardians, but in the sixteenth century, twelve or thirteen was regarded as the right age for the marriage of a girl. ”

“ And as, for reasons given in the last chapter, the lawful age of marriage for both sexes must be put at twenty-one, a difference in age of twenty-five years should be the highest the law ought to allow in one or the other case. ”

“ How can the child-wife of seventeen fulfil all the duties of her position, and endow her child with the needful strength for the journey of life? How can the boy of twenty be expected to work for three without getting weary before his day has well begun? And how can either of them really know wherein true happiness lies? Most probably such a pair will learn to curse their folly before they reach maturity.
But marriage should not be shelved, and driven off to the vague period called middle-age, without excellent reason. ”

“ Further, if marriage is a desirable state, and on the whole it must be preferred to a single existence, surely so long as our code of morals remains unchanged, and so long as we believe the race must be perpetuated, then the too late marriage should be discouraged. The ideal age for women to enter matrimony is from twenty-two to twenty-five; the ideal age for men is from twenty-five to twenty-eight. ”

“ One more point may be conveniently considered here, though it is not strictly a matter of the marriage age for girls. The point is as to the most generally desirable age relation between husband and wife. Here, again, we must remind ourselves that it is impossible to lay down the law for any case, and that that is not what we are now attempting to do. ”

“ From careful study he had learned that the age at which a man should marry was twenty-five. A healthy and well-endowed offspring should be one of the main objects in view in entering the marriage state, and this required a mentally gifted wife. ”

“ That may produce serious tension and create a lasting in-law problem.
Is There a Wide Difference in Age? One study has shown that the least happy marriages are those in which the husband is six to eight years older than the wife. Perhaps it is not the difference in age itself so much as the fact that people that far apart in age will be unlike in other respects which creates the strain on marriage.
The happiest marriages for wives seem to range from one extreme where the wife is four years older than the husband to the other extreme where the wife is four years younger than the husband. ”

“ He paused, as though he expected her to offer some comment upon his platitude.
“Man alone,” he went on, when she did not speak, “has established an artificial and unnatural convention that, at a certain age, a man should marry a woman of that same age. Yet it has been proved by history that happy marriages are often between a man who is in the eyes of the world old, and a lady who is youthful.” ”

“ Up to twenty-two those who propose marriage should be about the same age; however, other things being equal, a difference of fifteen years after the younger is twenty-five, need not prevent a marriage. ”

“ How strange it is that some unmarried women are old at that age, even while living in luxury and surrounded by every care and all affection, while many a married woman, though beset with trials and weaknesses and perhaps a brood of restless little ones to pull her gown and get in the way of her busy feet, retains her figure and her step, her smile and her complexion, her temper and her nerves! ”

“ In part, also, there is an objection to the assumption of responsibilities so serious as those of motherhood by a young girl, and there is the very reasonable feeling that the obligations of a permanent marriage tie ought not to be undertaken at an early age. ”

“ I do not recollect any case where an old man had a wife very much younger than himself, but we knew of several men who had married widows or divorced women old enough to be their mothers,524 and in one remarkable case the bride was a girl of sixteen or seventeen, and the husband a lad apparently not over thirteen, who could barely have reached the age of puberty. ”

“ It is a crying scandal.
"Things are the same in medicine, art, divinity, law—in short, in every profession and in every trade.
"Young ladies cry out that this is not a marrying age. How can it be a marrying age, with grey-headed parents everywhere? Give young men their chance, and they will marry younger than ever, if only to see their children grown up before they die. ”

“ They feel that time is slipping past without bringing the necessary bridegroom. They should have been betrothed and married by now. Nineteen is a dreadful age for an unmarried girl—she feels herself already an old maid, and is disinclined to tell her age. ”

“ Of course these conditions affect directly the marriage age only of men, but indirectly they influence that of women also. Many fall in love with their future wives long before they are able to form a home, and those who marry late generally avoid very great disparity of age.870
In one respect the average age at which women marry may be said to depend directly upon the degree of civilization. ”

“ Such a man is the very man to be married: you are every way domestic, and it’s settled; you must get married.”—“Well, then, will you have me?” he inquired, with a cheerful laugh. “I have you? No! Why, you are too old; but not too old to find a wife: there are many ladies whom we know, of your age, wholly disengaged ”

“ EARLY MARRIAGES.—Statistics prove that twenty per cent—20 in every 100—of females who marry are under age, and that such early marriages are often followed by serious, and sometimes even by fatal consequences to mother, to progeny, or to both. ”

“ The relative ages of husband and wife also have their influence, but should, to some extent, depend more on their physiological age than on their actual years. They should, however, not be widely different. ”

“ We men no longer marry while young, but when middle-aged or with grey hairs beginning to show, a man desires a wife, he will most likely choose one five and twenty years his junior. The girl often marry thus because she cannot get a husband of her own age, and a very few years lost will doom her to perpetual spinsterhood. ”

“ The marriage payment had been made in the usual way and the bride delivered over to her father-in-law.
According to my observation, the young man is married somewhere between the ages of 17 and 20, and the woman from 13 to 16. The effect of these early marriages is very apparent in the physical appearance of the wife after a few years of married life. On account of the onerous duties that fall to the lot of the woman, only a staunch constitution can maintain unblemished the bloom of youthful beauty. I am of the opinion that the average woman reaches her prime at about 25 years of age. ”

“ The most suitable arrangement is that in which there is no marked difference in age. The husband may be, and indeed in existing social circumstances almost necessarily is, somewhat older than his wife, as much perhaps as eight or ten years. But a very great disparity of age (in either direction) is a serious error. If a very young girl marries an elderly man, or a developed matron marries a young man, the true purpose of marriage is unfulfilled, the eternal laws of nature and all ethical principles are infringed. ”

“ To this direct gain must also be added the indirect one: that all self-control for a greater and gladdening end—and what end can be greater than this one?—gives to the will that force and to the personality that joy in its strength which will later be all-important in every other department of life.
Such an advancement of the age of marriage will probably not be opposed by many women. Young girls have learned by the experience of others, and now there is scarcely to be found a woman married before the age of twenty who has not discovered that it was premature before she reaches twenty-five. ”

“ By these standards some people are not old enough to marry when they are thirty-five!
How Old Are You Physiologically? The adolescence of the early teens is characterized by rapid bodily growth—growth in height, weight and sexual development. By eighteen, however, you are nearly as tall as you will ever be. Sexual growth, while not complete (especially for a girl) , has reached a point where reproduction is possible. General growth slows down considerably and by twenty-four has just about stopped. For purposes of marriage the average person is “mature” physiologically by the age of twenty. ”

“ But, should he prove faithless, he is a marked man. It appears that "breach of promise of marriage" is very rare. The betrothal may take place at the tenderest age, but the marriage is usually delayed till the bride is twelve years old, or even older, and the bridegroom is from fifteen to eighteen. ”

“ On the other hand, it is evident that if she be highly worthy of motherhood we shall desire her to have a large family, and therefore must encourage her early marriage, as the late Sir Francis Galton so long maintained.
Physical Fitness for Marriage.—We must carefully distinguish between the question we have just been discussing and that of the marriage age from the mother's point of view. We shall find that the best age for marriage, so far as this question is concerned, is neither puberty, on the one hand, nor the average marriage age amongst civilized women, on the other hand. ”

“ We, therefore, see that, as might have been expected, this question of the age ratio in marriage, though first to be considered from the average point of view of the girl, has a far wider social significance. ”

“ Any Marriage is early that is consummated before adult womanhood is attained—womanhood of mind, heart, soul, and character. Any Marriage before eighteen years of age is a very early Marriage; before twenty it is early. As a general rule, between twenty and twenty-five it is timely, though with many it is early at twenty-two, and some never get old enough to marry. A mind untaught, a heart undisciplined, a spirit unsubdued, in a civilized community, is not fit to be married. ”

“ Time to Marry.—Parents who have the real interest and happiness of their daughters at heart, ought, in consonance with the laws of physiology, to discountenance marriage before twenty; and the nearer the girls arrive at the age of twenty-five before the consummation of this important rite, the greater the probability that, physically and morally, they will be protected against those risks which precocious marriages bring in their train. ”

“ One may go ahead or lag behind, and because of this the result of marriages is uncertain. We would certainly advise you to wait until you are older. No girl of fifteen is sufficiently well developed mentally or physically to marry, and, furthermore, your education cannot be completed at your age.
“I have been married a year, and, oh, how I regret it! Just think, Miss Shirley, I was an only daughter. ”

“ This is true enough, but Mr Meredith speaks as if it were still the rule, as in our grandmothers’ day, for a girl to marry in the teens, whereas it is now quite the exception. Every year the marrying age seems to advance, and blushing brides decked in orange blossoms are led to the altar at an age when, fifty years ago, they would be resigned old maids in cap and mittens. If a girl is foolish enough to marry immediately she is out of the schoolroom, she must be prepared to take the enormous risk which the choice of a husband at such an immature age must entail. ”