Punchinello

“ The oaths are of course omitted, out of deference to the tender susceptibilities of the editor of PUNCHINELLO. So are the indecencies, which are the spice of the old comedy, but which cannot be written in a respectable journal, and are almost too gross and brutal for the Sun. Take from an old comedy its oaths and its grossness, and nothing is left but a residuum of boisterous inanity. The condensed old comedy which has just been laid before the readers of PUNCHINELLO, is as inane and vapid as anything that WALLACK'S theatre has shown us in the past month. Do you find it dull? ”

“ Press has honored PUNCHINELLO with a brief as well as premature obituary paragraph. Flattered as he is by being thus noticed in the columns of a journal of the long standing and well sustained popularity of the Free (and Easy) Press, it pains PUNCHINELLO to be obliged to state that he still lives, and that he is not only alive, but kicking. ”

“ So though he grew to fame, this Punchinello grew not rich.
"It is enough that I can make sad faces glad," said Punchinello, and wrapping his great cloak about him, he would steal away, leaving happiness behind him.
"My store of wealth lies in the golden smiles my antics bring," he often said, "and when my merry songs and dances please the world no more, I shall be poor indeed." But with his light, fantastic dancing, and his songs and jests, with his twirlings and his leapings,—was it [Pg 111] likely that the world would ever cease to smile on Punchinello? ”

“ I was acquainted with an Italian, a philosopher and a man of fortune, residing in England, who found so lively a pleasure in performing Punchinello's little comedy, that, for this purpose, with considerable expense and curiosity, he had his wooden company, in all their costume, sent over from his native place. The shrill squeak of the tin whistle had the same comic effect on him as the notes of the ranz-des-vaches have in awakening the tenderness of domestic emotion in the wandering Swiss. The national genius is dramatic. ”

“ Each of these good people carries four dollars ($4) in his right hand, which he waves at PUNCHINELLO, who affably accepts the greenbacks from him when within proper distance, and then, dipping his pen in ink without a drop of gall in it, books the donor for a year's subscription in advance.
As for party, PUNCHINELLO knows but one party—and that is the Right Party. Stirring times are before us. The Right Party is not going to lie down and sleep while the times are stirring. Nor is PUNCHINELLO. When anything that interests the Right Party has got to be stirred, PUNCHINELLO will be on hand. ”

“ The Star.
"PUNCHINELLO has joined the Right Party, by which he obviously means the Star, whose circulation last Sunday exceeded 375,005 copies.
"But this has nothing to do with the domestic policy of the Peruvians, as expounded by the first CAESAR.
"PUNCHINELLO will prove a pillar of strength to Tammany Hall, unless the siege of Paris should prove disastrous to the consumption of lager-bier, as set forth in 'Boiled for her Bones' and other tales by the best authors."
But Personals, my dear Star, Personals are the things that pay. If thus, why not? ”

“ I sternly remark that "nice girls never pun."
"Yes," she replies; "punning, like beer and other vices, is the peculiar prerogative of men, I suppose. But you need not be afraid. I read PUNCHINELLO sometimes, and it is a terrible warning to people who are tempted to pun. I could give you frightful instances of the appalling depth to which the men who make puns in PUNCHINELLO occasionally sink."
I hastily close the discussion by inviting her to come to WALLACK'S and see an old comedy. ”

“ VERSAILLES, EIGHTH WEEK OF THE REPUBLIC, 1870.
"I don't believe a word of it," said the King, with an impatient stamp of the foot and a deprecatory wave of the hand—"not a word of it."
You see, dear PUNCHINELLO, the situation was thus: I had undertaken, not indeed without grave misgivings, to propitiate his Majesty, after the failure of the THIERS-BISMARCK negotiations, and, if possible, procure such terms as would save Parisians from the galling necessity of immolating the monkeys of the Jardin des Plantes to the popular demand for something to eat. ”

“ It is healthy sometimes to have the gaze fixed; and often, like sauce-pans and sermons, it has to be fixed. When Mr. DROWSE calls at 83, please show him in Parlor 6 with the Brussels, fresco-work, and lace curtains.
April is a model month. So serene, steady, clear, and balmy. Nothing but blue sky, gentle zephyrs, kissing breezes, genial suns by day and sparkling stars by night. PUNCHINELLO no doubt likes sparkling stars—stars of magnitude—stars that show what they are. PUNCHINELLO perhaps goes to NIBLO'S, and not only sees plenty stars, but plenty of them. ”

“ The Eye-witness, meantime, had become distracted with harassing doubts. Subscribing fully to the politics of PUNCHINELLO, which is the only paper he reads, he had hitherto announced himself as a member of the Right Party. Being, however, open to conviction, he had unfortunately permitted both parties to convict him. In this awful crisis Reason appeared about to totter from her throne. The Eye-witness thrust his head wildly from the window, and shrieked to the crowd below: "Where's the Right Man? I belong to the Right Party. I want to hear the Right Man!!" ”

“ It was very noble in TIMOTHY LEE so promptly to come to the rescue. But,—hold! PUNCHINELLO will not be imposed upon: at this moment are there not grounds for suspecting this "paper boy" to have been merely a "man of straw"?
APPROPRIATE.
Pompey, (sawing.) "HOW YOU GWINE TO VOTE, SAM?—I'SE BIN saw BY DE 'PUBLICAN PARTY."
Sambo. "BOFE PARTIES SEE'D ME, AND SO I'M GWINE TO SPLIT."
A Sporting Con. ”

“ MR. PUNCHINELLO has prepared forty-nine other papers on different scientific subjects, including Pugilism, Base Ball, the Velocipede, Female Suffrage, and Lake Navigation; and he now awaits on invitation from Chicago to come on with his largest drum and his most melodious trumpet. He is aware of the general impression among the Children of the West that they already know every thing. He hastens to assure them that they labor under the most hideous of delusions. ”

“ PUNCHINELLO, I was interrupted by a peculiar sound, which I at first took for subdued applause, but which, on investigation, I found proceeded from the noses of the audience. In short, Mr. P., both audience and Convention were in a profound slumber. Considerably mortified, I withdrew in silence. I am determined, however, that my theses shall not be lost to posterity. I intend to have them published, and to send you a copy of each.
Profoundly yours,
CHINCAPIN.
Pearing Time. ”

“ PUNCHINELLO watches you with interest, (25 per cent.,) as you are weighed down to the very dirt of The Street by the night-fog of Despair, flapping your wings on a very small "margin," as if attempting vainly to "operate for a rise." ”

“ Supposing that a painter should not condemn a paper for publishing a musical article beyond his comprehension, and that an architect ought not to get in a rage because he finds in his favorite journal a paper on beavers which makes him feel insignificant, PUNCHINELLO has generally looked around upon his fellow-journalists, and thought them very good fellows, who generally published very good papers. He did not find superlative excellence in any of their issues, but then he did not look for it. He might as well pretend to look for that in the journalists themselves, or in society at large. ”

“ He has many artless, touching things to say concerning his happiness with his sister in his own country, there far away on the lonely Adriatic shore.
I was doing my best with the part; Il Nanno, as Punchinello, was at my side watching and moving every turn of the dialogue; in the back of the scene were Truffaldino and the Furlana at their kissing. The audience, quick to feel the pathos, was very quiet, and gave me courage.
"Go to your mistress, Brighella," says Punchinello; "reproach her, pull her away." ”

“ Then, glancing over towards Long Island, he observed that Nature was already assuming her russet robes, which circumstance, combined with that of the target company, reminded him that the shooting season had just commenced. A few hints to young sportsmen, then, from so old a one as PUNCHINELLO, will not, be hopes, be taken amiss—not even though, in shooting phrase, a miss is generally as good as a mile. ”

“ The drama was in much the same state of progress throughout the civilized portions of Europe; and to the Italians and Spaniards the ingenuity of “Punchinello” has been attributed. In England these wooden performers were called motions; and Mr. Punch took among them the rank of mirth-maker. If there yet lives a being who has not at some moment of his life felt a thrill of delight at the prospect of a half-hour’s exhibition of this gentleman’s performance in his miniature theatre, we pity him most heartily. ”

“ BUMSTEAD breathes hard, and leans heavily on his nephew as they go out together.
(To be Continued.)
~JUMBLES~
PUNCHINELLO has heard, of course, of the good time coming. It has not come yet. It won't come till the stars sing together in the morning, after going home, like festive young men, early. It won't come till Chicago has got its growth in population, morals and ministers. It won't come till the women are all angels, and men are all honest and wise; not until politicians and retailers learn to tell the truth. You may think the Millennium a long way off. ”

“ If I haint GREEN, who in SAM HILL am I?"
"Old man," said the porliceman, tryin to quiet me, "you mite have been green before you struck Pittsburg, but if I haint mistaken, yoo've been out and got smoked up, and are now as black as the ase of spades."
"Oh! hor-ri-ble, hor-ri-ble!" I hissed, and rushed into the washroom.
After soakin my head in a wash-basin for a few minnits, reezin agin returned, and I diskivered, to my disgust, that I had been sold by the consarned smoke a settin down onto me. Well, Mister PUNCHINELLO, it was a narrer escape for the old man, you bet. ”

“ There is a drunken leer in this beast's eye, an inebriate roll in all his movements, that lead one mechanically to peer into the darkness of his den with the view of seeing what the Bar fixings are like. It would be a rare freak to treat the huge fellow to a cask of rum and sugar, and then stand by with a comic artist, and take down for PUNCHINELLO the traits of BRUIN the Grizzly on a "bender," and with all his repressed nature brought out by the strong drink.
"Carnivorium" is the word now properly applied by the Park authorities to the establishment in which the wild beasts are kept. ”

“ They are often in dialogue with the proprietor and are generally of vile indecency. The lowest of the strollers, he was abused by them. The Italian Pagliaccio is a species of clown, and Punchinello was never a mere buffoon. The Punch of the puppet-show is a bastard descendant of the latter, but the original type is still seen in Naples, where he wears a white costume and a black mask. ”

“ One red-headed old Muskeeter, who was so full of somebody's blood he couldn't hardly waddle, was seated in the rockin'-chair, and with my specturcols on his nose, was readin' a copy of PUNCHINELLO, and laffin' as if heed bust. ”

“ Now, as the nearest point of the park is two miles and a half from Sixth street, the vigor of the scheme and the foreseeing character of the projectors are worthy of a metropolis.
PUNCHINELLO is furthermore delighted to see that a son of PENN has decided the great question of the Pope's infallibility, which so vexes our OEcumenical fellow-creatures. POPE has been beheaded at Harrisburg, and of course there is no further need to discuss his infallibility. When a man loses his head, he is fallible. ”

“ The licence of a Terræ-Filius440 is refined to the well-bred satire of Punchinello. Now, Cousin Bickerstaff, though Punch has neither a French nightcap, nor long pockets, yet you must own him to be a pretty fellow, a 'very' pretty fellow: nay, since he seldom leaves the company, without calling, 'Son of a whore,' demanding satisfaction, and duelling, he must be owned a smart fellow too. ”

“ If your highly-gifted corps of artists should wish to depict me in a connection which would satisfy my sense of honor, let them make a sketch entitled: "The Two Exiles,"—one of whom may be,my Uncle at St. Helena; the other, me, at Weehawken, with my family near, a glass of wine at my side, a cigarette in one hand, and a copy of PUNCHINELLO in the other!
But let me not anticipate. Sufficient unto the day is the (d) evil thereof.
Royally yours,
L. N.
Maxim for the next new President.
"A place for everybody, and everybody in his place." ”

“ In the course of time Punchinello made the acquaintance of Judy, and married her. She has been a great help to him in his performances, as you will all allow. If you are puzzled as to how he manages to be in so many countries and at so many different places at the same time, it is because he still retains the rope made of the cat's tail, which carries him anywhere at a moment's notice. ”

“ Suffice it to say that those sentiments of loyalty and affection which have ever been my glory, and a keen appreciation of the difficulty of obtaining employment on the Press, have kept me attached to the staff of PUNCHINELLO. The anguish which Finance has cost an artistic soul no one may ever know. ”