Visit (social)

“ That which a young girl who is a visitor in any family should first of all observe, is the wishes and convenience of the older people of the household. If the friend she is visiting should show too much disposition to make everything about the house bend to the occasion of the visit, the visitor should deprecate this, both by word and example. ”

“ It was therefore a very natural point of old feudal etiquette, that a gentleman who received a visit, though it were of his sovereign, should not leave his roof, but should wait his arrival at the door of his house. No house, though it were the Thuilleries, or the Escurial, is good for anything without a master. And yet we are not often gratified by this hospitality. Every body we know surrounds himself with a fine house, fine books, conservatory, gardens, equipage, and all manner of toys, as screens to interpose between himself and his guest. ”

“ Visiting is the same as in all well-regulated society, except that strangers must send their cards and make the first call. A short visit is not appreciated, as it would indicate coldness and formality. ”

“ If you wish to dismiss a visitor without incurring the painful necessity of hinting that the visit is unwelcome, let some one quietly slip a pinch of salt into his galoshes, left outside the door, and immediately the unconscious guest resolves to depart: you may then with safety entreat him to prolong the pleasure of his society; nothing can withstand the subtle power that compels him to leave. ”

“ Very often when a city man or woman is tired of the sham and narrow conventionalities of city life, he or she will plan to visit a country friend. If that country friend is wise, he or she will make no elaborate preparations, but just greet the friend with the simple country hospitality that is so alluring to city people. Where in the city can you find the good-fellowship, the spontaneity, the courteous kindliness that you find in the small town and village? ”

“ Your personal place may be at home. But the crowd, the need, is everywhere; at home, in the social circle, and among the men driven by the passion for business and for pleasure, in this dangerously prosperous land of ours. ”

“ The whole populace on these occasions seem determined to enjoy themselves; the air of good-natured contentment, which characterises them at all times, taking a more exuberant tone as they stroll about the streets, visit in family parties, or make excursions to the neighbouring tea-houses. Thoroughly domestic in their tastes and habits, it is a pleasing sight to watch the family groups. ”

“ A visitor will seek the acquaintance of the inhabitants of the town or village by calling on any gentlemen to whom he may have letters of introduction, while his wife or female relatives visit the ladies. ”

“ The same kind of dreary visiting is practised on Sunday afternoons, from about two until four or five, during which hours polite and proper young men are to be seen hastening from house to house, got up in most elaborate style, and evidently making [227] a most serious business of a social duty that, if taken more leisurely, would be a pleasure. ”

“ Limited means will be considered more of a recommendation than a drawback, and visits will be interchanged among the members on the lines of unaffected hospitality, offered with unassuming friendship and sincerity. ”

“ Besides being thus civil and hospitable to strangers, they are good humoured and sociable among themselves; for in every village they have a public-house, where the inhabitants meet together, each bringing their shares of provisions, and joining the whole in one social feast for the keeping up of good fellowship. ”

“ In the small town or in the country, if a young girl goes to a party or other social meeting with a young man, he is, of course, expected to escort her home again. If the hour is early and the family will probably still be up, she may invite him in if she wishes to do so. ”

“ The usages of all Europe, those of the English excepted, differ from our own on the subject of visits. There the stranger, or the latest arrival, is expected to make the first visit, and an inquiry for your address is always taken for an intimation that your acquaintance would be acceptable. Many, perhaps most Americans, lose a great deal through their provincial breeding, in this respect, in waiting for attentions that it is their duty to invite, by putting themselves in the way of receiving them. ”

“ A familiar visit will always begin more pleasantly, if the visiter enquires of the servant at the door if the lady she wishes to see is at home, and then goes into the parlour, and stays there till she has sent her name, and ascertained that she can be received up-stairs. ”

“ When your master and lady go abroad together, to dinner, or on a visit for the evening, you need leave only one servant in the house, unless you have a blackguard boy to answer at the door, and attend the children if there be any. Who is to stay at home is to be determined by short and long cuts, and the stayer at home may be comforted by a visit from a sweetheart, without danger of being caught together. ”

“ Work of such kind will be abundant, and, as it must result in the settlers forming many acquaintances, the large rooms of the house will be much used for receptions. Parties will be frequent, and whatever be the form of entertainment provided, be it books or pictures, lectures or reading, dancing or music, the guests will find that their pleasure 102lies in intercourse. Social pleasure is unknown to those who have no large rooms and no place for common meeting. ”

“ When other visitors, or some similar circumstance, interfere with the accomplishment of your purpose, you may write what you wish upon a card in the hall, as you go out, and intrust it to a servant, or leave a message with him, or in case of there being objections to either of those methods of communication, resort to an appointment requested through him, or subsequently write a note to that effect, or containing an explanation of the object of your visit. When you determine to outstay others at a morning reception, upon the rising of ladies to depart, you rise also, under all circumstances ”

“ I had some guests from those not reckoned commonly among the town's poor, but who should be; who are among the world's poor, at any rate; guests who appeal, not to your hospitality, but to your hospitalality; who earnestly wish to be helped, and preface their appeal with the information that they are resolved, for one thing, never to help themselves. I require of a visitor that he be not actually starving, though he may have the very best appetite in the world, however he got it. Objects of charity are not guests. ”

“ No lady or gentleman should travel without one. In going from home for one night only, a satchel is, frequently, all that is requisite.
On concluding your visit, tell your entertainers that it has been pleasant, and express your gratitude for the kindness you have received from them, and your hope that they will give you an opportunity of returning their civilities. Give a parting gratuity to each of the servants—the sum being according to your means, and to the length of your visit. ”

“ Ordinarily a visit from one’s town friends is no very great undertaking for a suburban host or hostess, but when the town friends have children from whom they are inseparable, and those children have nurses who, whithersoever the children go, go there also, such a visit takes on proportions the stupendousness of which I, being myself a suburban entertainer, would prefer not to discuss, fearing lest some of my friends with families, recalling these words, might consider my remarks of a personal nature. ”

“ Visiting appears to be the business of some people's lives, but the acquaintance does not seem to progress beyond incessant afternoon calls; we are never asked inside a house, nor, as far as I can make out, is there any private society whatever, and the public society consists, as I have said, of a ball every now and then. ”

“ In order to this, all Visitants who frequent Families wherein there are young Females, are forthwith required to declare themselves, or absent from Places where their Presence banishes such as would pass their Time more to the Advantage of those whom they visit. ”

“ When a young man is paying a visit, and the older members of the family are in the room, he should, in leaving, bid them good-night first, and afterward say his farewell to the young girl on whom he has called. ”

“ Kindness counsels that such calls should be brief; often duties press heavily upon the well, and the time spent in receiving visitors may be sadly needed for rest, or for other duties. To stay to a meal or to take children on such a visit is inconsiderate, to say the least. ”

“ Until the support by the state was withdrawn and the work of the home had grown into large proportions, the society attended systematically to its first work, ward visiting, thereby keeping in touch with the poor families of the city and ministering to their wants intelligently. ”

“ Offering the hand to all visiters, at one's own house, is a courteous and hospitable custom; and a cordial shake of the hand, when friends meet, would abate much of the coldness of manner ascribed to Americans. ”

“ Ware, held a new professorship, the endowment of which was yet mostly imaginary. The social demands took no account of the family income; the unexpected guest always dropping in; at certain times, it is said, "shoals of visitors;" and the larder always a little scantily furnished. If one wants to know how one ought to live under such circumstances, here is your shining example. ”

“ If your resources are ample, live in such a way that an unexpected visitor shall occasion no difference. The less alteration made in family arrangements on account of visitors, the happier for them as well as for you. ”

“ Unchaste conversation is carried on in saloons and hotels, in streets and parks, in field and forest, at social gatherings and in workshops, on steamers and in railway coaches, on the way to church, and at the very church door. ”

“ At various places on the route, thoughtful Society had taken care to be ready for me with all kinds of refreshment (her sandwiches might be a little fresher, but maybe she thinks new bread injurious for me) . When I am tired of travelling and want to rest, I find Society waiting for me with dinner and a comfortable bed, with hot and cold water to wash in and towels to wipe upon. Wherever I go, whatever I need, Society, like the enslaved genii of some Eastern tale, is ready and anxious to help me, to serve me, to do my bidding, to give me enjoyment and pleasure. ”

“ In such visiting, the ordinary amenities of social intercourse are to be observed. The men, for example, must stand when a lady enters the box in which they are seated, and they should remain standing until her departure, or until she has taken a chair. ”

“ Then, when a stranger goeth to a citizen's house on business, or is invited as a guest, he is received by the master of the house and the ladies and by them welcomed: he has even a right to take them by the arm and to kiss them, which is the custom of the country ”

“ I have still the greatest respect for our noble volunteers, but I sincerely hope that I shall never sleep again in a town, where they are in the habit of taking midnight-marches, or in an hotel where they come home to supper, and chivy one another up and down stairs. ”

“ Then there is the occasion of the young daughter's introduction to society—an event which is important, indeed, and requires the utmost hospitality on the part of host and hostess alike. When one's son graduates from college, a little dinner party and perhaps some musical entertainment afterward is an appropriate time to show by one's hospitality, sincere gratitude for the splendid educational opportunities afforded the youth of America. ”

“ Strangers and guests coming to the town are received in them; the men sit in them mornings and evenings, chatting and smoking; justice is administered and public business transacted in them; they are occupied during the day by women weaving; and at night strangers, widowers, and unmarried young men sleep in them. ”

“ Require all house servants to be quiet in their movements, not to slam doors or rattle china. Impress upon them the importance of dressing neatly. Teach them to treat all comers with politeness; to answer the door-bell promptly and to thoroughly understand whatever rules you may have about being "engaged" or "not at home." ”

“ The family meet at the table,—when convenient,—and there is plenty of delightful chat. One or another is often at leisure for a walk or a row or some other pastime, but no one appears to feel it necessary to give up any of her ordinary occupations for the sake of the visitor. ”

“ If you are from the city, forget the restricting formalities you have been accustomed to. You may speak to everyone in the hostess' drawing-room—or parlor—even though there have been no introductions. And if you see an elderly man or woman standing all alone in one corner of the room, you can go over to him or her, start a conversation, and offer to get a chair or an ice for the stranger. ”

“ Social visits among friends and neighbors, for the mere sake of the passive enjoyment they afford in the earliest years of infancy, may do exceedingly well as a preparation for the more active and more truly Christian visits of maturer years and later life. They are useful in elevating ourselves and others to a state where such visiting is not so needful to our happiness. ”

“ Visits are a very important part of the social relations; they are not merely the simple means of communication established by necessity, since they have at once for their object, duty and pleasure, and they enter into almost all the acts of life. ”

“ I wish everybody to go that can go without interfering with their business at home. I invite everybody. I am soon going north to explore in the mountains, and I invite you to go. Take your wives, but not your babies, unless you take a cradle along to keep them quiet. ”